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MICHELEKNY's Photo MICHELEKNY SparkPoints: (0)
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12/29/11 2:24 P

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Amen, sister! Never settle!

Michele

"One day at a time - this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone: and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."


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LOSINGITNOW11's Photo LOSINGITNOW11 Posts: 1,054
12/29/11 2:13 P

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The last time I was in a relationship was 2003, and the last time I went on a date was 2006. Boy, it's been a long time. I would love to date/be in a relationship, but, like most people on here, that has been easier said than done. I have put myself out there (on online dating sites) but haven't had any success. There have been times when eHarmony was doing the free communication weekends where I would do all the introduction questions with someone and we'd get to e-mail. (For those that don't know, if you aren't a paying member, you can't see the other person's picture.) There were a few times where I'd have someone seem really interested - e-mail on a daily basis, say "looking forward to getting to know you", writing long e-mails, and actually asking questions to get to know me. Then came the dreaded part ... exchanging pictures. EVERY single time I have sent a picture I've either never heard from the guy or got an excuse as to why he didn't want to communicate anymore. (I'm overweight, but not as much as my ticker says. I can't seem to figure out why it's saying I want to lose 311 pounds when it's really about 150). If I could find someone who likes me for who I am I would be more than ready to see where it goes, even at this weight. The way I see it, is if they only like me for how I look, then they aren't the right person for me. I know I'm a good person, who is open-minded, and has a wide range of interests. Girl friends tell me all the time that I am the perfect guys girl (I love camping, the outdoors, sports, etc.). Now, I just have to find a guy that realizes it. Although, I will never settle, even if that means I'll be single for quite a while longer.

Tiffany

"The road to success is always under construction." Anonymous

"Don't give up what you really want for what you want right now." Anonymous

"Living a healthy lifestyle will only deprive you of poor health, lethargy, & fat." Jill Johnson

"The difference between try & triumph is just a little umph!" Anonymous



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MICHELEKNY's Photo MICHELEKNY SparkPoints: (0)
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12/28/11 12:07 P

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I've been single for the past 12 years, and haven't had much luck in the dating department. I'm with a few other posters on this thread -- guys just don't seem to be interested in dating someone my size. Part of it may be the circles I've run in -- I worked in college athletics for 8 years before moving on to public school PR. It doesn't surprise me that guys who are into sports have no interest in dating a fat girl. In my current job, most of my co-workers are either women, married, or both, so my options are limited. My social life isn't exactly flourishing -- I bought a house in a new town in order to be closer to work, but my only real friend in this area is my boss (who is -- surprise surprise! -- both a woman and married... and old enough to be my mother!). I've tried the online dating sites -- both eHarmony and Match -- but have found that any guy who is matched with me runs away as soon as he learns that I'm overweight. At this point, I've pretty much given up on dating until I drop some pounds and gain some confidence -- however, it would be fabulous to find a guy who will like me for who I am, extra pounds and all! Anyone know where I can find one of those?!?
emoticon

Edited by: MICHELEKNY at: 12/29/2011 (09:20)
Michele

"One day at a time - this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone: and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."


 current weight: 232.3 
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FLAMINGAPE75's Photo FLAMINGAPE75 SparkPoints: (746)
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12/6/11 7:55 A

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I have been single for 12+ yrs. Last "dated" my daughter's dad. The kid is 15yr now. That relationship went bust after getting a call from the mother of the girl he'd been cheating on me with. Her mother called to tell me she was pregnant. Was suspicious of him cheating but could never catch him. He was truly caught then. That was when my daughter was almost 3yr. Of course, the "new" girl was skinny as a rail and I was looking at 250lbs then. What a smack in the face. So put dating away, especially the guys out there version of "dating". Not easy or desperate. Wasn't looking and had no need for any of it. I kind of figure if God wants me to have someone in my life, he'll have to throw him at me. I've gotten so used to being in my own little world when I'm out that I wouldn't notice anyone otherwise. emoticon

Edited by: FLAMINGAPE75 at: 12/6/2011 (07:56)
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MORETHENAMOM39's Photo MORETHENAMOM39 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/16/11 10:22 A

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I am a single mother of 3 amazing kids. They range in age from 18-21/2. I was married for 12yrs and unhappy for 10 of them. During this time is when I put on my weight. After my divorce I went on an extremely low carb diet and lost almost 100lbs. I did some dating and met my youngest sons father... I thought he was great.. he told me all the things I had been longing to hear. Then after 2yrs and supporting him throw a rough time I found out I was going to have his baby and he took a walk and hasn't looked back.. Since I had my son I have gained back all the weight I lost plus some. I am at my heaviest ever. I am on a free internet dating site because it would be nice to have someone to do things with. Not necessarily looking for romance but If it happened I would be happy. Trouble is that I want to move very slow, my weight, and I think having 2 teenagers and a toddler. But I think mostly its my weight. Most guys are looking for a "barbie" and at 5'2" and 343lbs I don't fit the bill. But I am in agreement with how ever it was that said if they cant look past my weight and love me for me then they don't deserve me once I am a more healthier weight. And I am happy where I am at relationship wise any way.. I worry about if I will know if I'm being lied to again. But I would say that if you find someone that loves you for who you are and where you want to be, then go for it.


Never, Never, Never Quit!

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GETTINFITINMN SparkPoints: (0)
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9/15/11 10:47 P

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I'm not single, but I'm going to jump in here. Someone who really loves you will love you regardless of weight. Is that person often very hard to find? Heck yes! But in my experience, even people of a normal weight often have trouble finding love. I don't think you should deny yourself the chance to date based on your weight.

Also, the concept that you will meet someone "better" when you are single is a little ridiculous. Better how? I have dated several lawyers, financial planners, successful business owners, etc. Most of them were nice guys... just not the right fit at the right time for me.

Just losing weight is not going to change who you are on the inside, nor is it going to suddenly give you 1500% more self-esteem. I guess what I'm getting at with this rambling, dis-jointed post is that you can date at whatever weight you are. And it's important to love yourself!

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DISUHAN's Photo DISUHAN Posts: 48
9/15/11 2:57 P

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I've always thought that I wanted to lose weight before finding "Mr. Right", mostly because I thought I could find someone better once I was thinner, and I'd feel better about myself and be happier and more successful in a relationship.
But that all went out the window once I met my current boyfriend (whom I'm planning to marry). We both need lose weight (I was at my heaviest when I met him), and we each have a long way to go with our self esteem and confidence. But the best part is that we have each other. I am so lucky to have found him - he's super supportive and helps me every day with this struggle. And he already thinks I'm gorgeous, so I'll never have to worry if my weight starts to go downhill after I have kids or when I get older.
The only other time I was at all successful losing weight (45lbs) was with my last boyfriend; we did it together. After breaking up though, I gained it all back and more. Maybe I'm weird, but being in a relatioship makes it easier for me to lose weight. They key is finding someone you deserve!

- Lauren

Cow Harbor 2K - PR 15:42 on 9/17/11


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MIZOODLE's Photo MIZOODLE SparkPoints: (0)
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9/15/11 1:29 A

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I'm actually single and celibate by choice at the moment. While I've had several successful relationships in the past and while I haven't ruled out a committed, intimate relationship in the future, I honestly enjoy the freedom and serenity of my single life. I also feel I need to learn to love me before I can try to love someone else. The journey of self-love has been a long and difficult one, and I'm hoping that my nutritional and fitness goals will help me continue on that journey so that i can love my physical self as much as I've come to love my mental and spiritual self.

"This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man."

from "Hamlet" by William Shakespeare


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JRCOLLAR's Photo JRCOLLAR Posts: 39
8/8/11 3:19 A

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I will be man enough to jump in here. I have not dated in a decade. Yep that's right no sex, kissing, emotional connection with a female in over 10 years... I will admit i did not originally start this journey for myself. An old high school sweetheart got me thinking about who i was and who i am NOW. In the course of our conversations feeling started to come back. It was a little miss leading on her part but i forgive her. Anyways now i plan to finish this journey and if i find someone in the middle of it GREAT. If not then I am sure that if i can get back to the OLD ME i will have no problem finding someone to love ME... Because i will love ME again... emoticon

Let's just start with.

Jr


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PHOTOKISSA78's Photo PHOTOKISSA78 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/4/11 1:47 P

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Girls...there are some dating websites that are for larger women. And yes, some of the dudes are CREEEPPPY, but I think that's common on many sites. LOL. But there are some nice guys on there too. I met my husband at my heaviest weight, and he made me feel beautiful...so please don't let that make you think that you don't deserve a man to love you. YOU DO. The world makes us larger girls feels bad enough...please don't help them by doing it to yourself:)

Edited by: PHOTOKISSA78 at: 8/4/2011 (13:49)
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CHEYEVE SparkPoints: (0)
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7/24/11 2:22 P

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I sometimes wish that I was "dating" dating. Not to sure what I'd call what I'm doing right now. I've been talking to an old flame a lot lately. He lives in a different province then I do so it's been a lot of talking on the phone. He's said that he still loves me and wants to be with me. I've known him for 10 yrs. It's been 4.5 yrs since we saw each other, and he says he doesn't care what I look like never has never will. But there's that part of me that says what man wants someone my size. (oh the monsters in out heads) I tried dating and was giving the it's not you it's me, not sure if I want kids, your nice but not what I'm looking for. Oh yeah and the emails-you looking for a good time, what's your addy I'll rock your world... yes I actually got an email like that. A lot of men assume that because we're big that we put out a lot more. EEHH wrong answer. I'm not easy or slutty I've never managed to get the whole 1 night stand thing. I value myself to much. I also value what my boys think of me. Not to mention what I want them to think of other women.
So I will trust in myself and know that I can CHOOSE what is best for me. Either being single or talking to an old flame. We can only do what we think is best for us (and our kids if you have them)

EARDOLF's Photo EARDOLF SparkPoints: (0)
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7/24/11 12:06 A

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Thanks! match.com really WORKS!

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7/23/11 11:03 P

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That is a blessing EARDOLF. Congrats! ;)

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EARDOLF's Photo EARDOLF SparkPoints: (0)
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7/23/11 12:48 A

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I was single until last September. I think for me, I needed to work through the issues for why my weight is there while I was single, so that I could be God's best for someone.

Now, I'm dating a man and we're talking getting married next year. :D I'm so in love and he loves me and thinks I'm gorgeous, even at this weight. He supports my desire to lose the weight I would like to and wants me to learn to love myself, as much as he loves me. He's my biggest supporter and cheerleader. And he's even entertaining my wisdom in improving his health and started his own weightloss journey too. I can't imagine where I'd be right now without him.

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YCHERRY's Photo YCHERRY Posts: 219
7/22/11 8:52 P

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I agree. Men don't generally go for women my size. I too am single.

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7/18/11 10:45 P

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I am not currently dating - the option is just not there for me at this point.

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JEANBAPTC's Photo JEANBAPTC SparkPoints: (0)
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7/18/11 7:56 P

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I am dating but there is still that thought of "Does he really like me for me?" Trying to change this lifestyle and dating doesn't bother me because I'm the opinion that if you really can't see beyond my larger size to like me and think I'm beautiful then you don't deserve me when I'll be smaller....

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CD10391033 Posts: 119
7/18/11 5:33 P

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I'd LOVE to date! But men don't generally go for someone my size. Not to mention my ex used my recent weight gain as his "reason" for cheating on me with an unspeakable amount of women. Don't think i'll be dating any time soon, not till i lose that 100lbs, and that isn't going so hot right now either. Oh well, i'll just be the old lady with the dogs I guess

MS_SWEETHEART's Photo MS_SWEETHEART SparkPoints: (0)
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7/18/11 4:42 P

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I'm currently in a relationship, but on my way out. Since I've started losing weight, and decided to go back to school, he's been nothing but negative. Deciding to lose weight, get healthy, and go back to school, were personal decisions I made to better myself. So if being single is what it takes for me to succeed, so be it. But for those who want to start dating, if it doesn't interfere with your goals, and the person is supportive, I say go for it.

Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not fearing being wrong. ~Peter T. Mcintyre

KNITWIDGET_'s Photo KNITWIDGET_ Posts: 24
7/18/11 3:16 P

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I have a question for my fellow single folks in this group. While you are on this journey of weight loss and healthy living, are you dating?

I've been Sparking for about 4 months now and for 2 months or so, I've tried dating with some fairly miserable results. I know that while people are going through a 12 step program, they are advised to stay away from establishing relationships so they can focus on themselves. Do you think that's the same situation with a major weight loss journey?

I'd like to hear what you think either way- dating or no dating? Have you tried one or the other? Has either option backfired for you? What do you recommend?

-Erica in Seattle

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