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JIACOLO's Photo JIACOLO Posts: 44,857
1/28/12 7:37 A

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It took me a long time to stop asking this question. My brother was diagnosed and given 2 1/2 years to live. He lived 17! I remember asking over and over why...what was the point of keeping him alive all that time just to take him in the end. I still can't answer that question almost 5 years later, but now I look at those extra 15 years as a gift. That's my why.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,397
1/27/12 10:49 P

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I hold all who suffer in the light and hope that by honoring our emotions we can walk through them into what life has to offer now.








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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 9,243
1/27/12 5:27 A

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I remember wondering when the crying would stop. But , like you, it was one foot in front of the other, one hour (sometimes one minute) at a time, and eventually it stopped.
You are in my thoughts!

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DEETHEDIETITIAN's Photo DEETHEDIETITIAN Posts: 356
1/26/12 8:54 P

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Thanks ZuchinniQueen :) Day by day... one foot in front of the other.. amazing friends, coworkers and students and an super amazing husband... all gets me through. And this support group has been great as well ~ I am blessed and as long as I remember that.... I grow stronger. Thank you for your prayers ~ ~ ~

It is not enough to simply show up. You need to step up for results.... keep on stepping! Dee


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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 9,243
1/23/12 3:22 P

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I'm still here, thinking of you several times a day, and hoping each hour things get a little more bearable.

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OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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1/23/12 11:40 A

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Dee, I think of you often and say a short prayer that each day gets a little better. I know there are no perfect days anymore, at least that is the way I feel. It has been over 10 months since my husband passed and I still have those moments when something happens and my first thought is I can not wait to tell Dave, then I remember I can not. Those moments used to send me into a bad mood, now I just am wishful and the stab of pain grows less. I still am not looking forward to the day when the nest empties and I am alone at a time when it was supposed to be US time again with no kids needs pressing. I know deep in my heart that things will get better and I will find a way to fill the future days. I also know I needed to cry when I needed to cry and after a good cry, I might have felt drained, but I know those tears helped the next day be a bit easier.


I no longer cry each day as I am driving to and from work, I can listen to songs on the radio that remind me of special moments and I do not automatically start to cry, but remember the good times associated with that song. I do not think my crying is over, but I do think my heart is on the mend. A part of my heart will always be broken for those I have lost, but it does get better with time.

Each of us takes a different route to dealing with our grief, what is right for me might not be right for you. I am amazed at how much I have accomplished since my husband passed. The life insurance enabled me to buy a house, I am shocked that I looked for a house, secured financing and actually moved, all without the man in my life that I depended on in the past. Was it hard, oh yes! But I did it. I proved that when I told my husband while he was in his coma that my life with him had made me a stronger person and if he needed to go, I would survive because of him, I made those words come true. I feel I put his heart to an easy rest. Do I think he is still with me, watching, protecting? You bet, and that is what keeps me going day after day.

I hope you can find the something in you that keeps you going and keeps you strong. I know how hard that is, but there are those around us who count on us, for me it was showing my kids that while life is hard it is not impossible.

As always I keep you and the rest of this group in my thoughts and prayers. Sending out huggs for all, one big group hugg so to speak. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,397
1/22/12 5:01 P

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Dee--

Breathe in...breathe out...write letter to your brother and mom. Light a candle, say a prayer in their honor. Watch a funny movie, or give in and watch a sad one and just let the emotions flow.








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KATEJ17's Photo KATEJ17 Posts: 136
1/22/12 4:20 P

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Dear Dee....
Oh you have been through SO much loss, then add your health issues and the holidays to the mix and the newest tragedy of your dear brother..I am so so sorry for all that you have been through. It is so ok to ask WHY, though you may not ever see the answer to that question this side of heaven, and yes, your heart is broken. How could it be otherwise? I pray that you have the comfort and support of family and friends as you walk this path. It is not an easy one. How nice that you are a dietician so that at least you probably know more about good food for health and broken hearts than most of us do. thank you for reaching out to this wonderful group of knowing friends. Do you subscribe to the GriefShare daily emails? I find them so helpful and validating when my emotions are so unpredictable. We are here for you dear friend.
Kate



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DEETHEDIETITIAN's Photo DEETHEDIETITIAN Posts: 356
1/21/12 1:37 P

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Thanks to all of you for your support and prayers.

Today I can't seem to stop crying. The pain is so intense ... it takes my breath away. I was like this when my mom first passed and I was still having my "mom moments" but not every day. I am hoping this eases soon. I know I will mourn the loss of my mom and my little brother -- for the rest of my life but I can't take the intensity.

I pray for the strength and courage to move forward ~

Dee

It is not enough to simply show up. You need to step up for results.... keep on stepping! Dee


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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 9,243
1/21/12 6:11 A

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A hug is coming your way. Reach up and catch it.

My heart hurts for you. One loss of a loved one is enough to handle. You have been served a triple whammy.

I wish I could absorb some of the grief for you. Unfortunately this is a "lonesome valley you have to walk by yourself". However, when it gets completely overwhelming there will be a friend to reach down and take your hand for a while. Accept the love and support of your family and friends.

Have you considered a Hospice grief group? I found those invaluable. Nobody understands like those who are going through the same grieving process at the same time you are. And the social contact is helpful at a time when you'd rather go to bed and cover your head.

You're in my prayers.



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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,397
1/21/12 12:33 A

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I agree...I don't think there is an answer to the WHY, except that we learn we are stronger than we ever could imagine, we can be more empathetic to others in a similar postion. My heart goes out to you. emoticon








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OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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1/20/12 10:33 P

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My heart goes out to you and I pray that God helps you heal.

There is not answer to the WHY, my son asked me the same thing last March,as we drove to the hospital expecting to find his father/my husband already passed from a major stroke (age 58). All I could tell him was God would reveal his plan to us in due time, until then all we could do was hold together as a family and support each other.

We now are nearing the 1 yr mark of the most devastating day in my life. We have each other to get us thru, so all I can tell you is not an answer to the Why, but hold on dearly and cherish each moment you have with those you hold dearest. Comfort one another as best as you can and cherish the memories to get you thru the tough times.

Hugs and prayers.

Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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JIACOLO's Photo JIACOLO Posts: 44,857
1/20/12 10:28 P

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Dee....I truly am sorry for all your loss. Losing one loved one is difficult enough, but multiple deaths can really take a toll on you. From August 2006 to August 2007 (368 days) I lost a total of 7 in my family, including my 39 year old brother and my mother. It also included both of my mother's parents, a great aunt, and my beloved cat and dog. It was an extremely difficult time for all of us. My health suffered greatly. I barely functioned for the first year or two. It took a good friend insisting that I get out and exercise to help me move forward with life. And a grief therapist to help me work out all the feelings that overwhelmed me. Many times I asked why. Still now I wonder why we had to go through all that.

It took a long time to allow the healing process to start. Take all the time you need. Just remember your health. If you don't take care of yourself, no one else will. Find support and outlets for your emotions, whatever they are for you. Best wishes!

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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DEETHEDIETITIAN's Photo DEETHEDIETITIAN Posts: 356
1/20/12 10:03 P

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Hi ~

I joined this team to help me handle losing my mom this past May just a little more than 7 months ago. It has been very very difficult - the holidays were so blah. I am grieving amidst trying to heal from breast cancer and a recent hysterectomy.

Then on Christmas Eve I lost my cousin (57 years old) to a heart attack. How very sad.

NOW..... my LITTLE brother (just 42 years YOUNG) died of a heart attack this past weekend!!! I just got home from laying him to rest. He leaves a beautiful young wife and an adorable little boy that is not quite 3 years old.

WHY WHY WHY so much loss in so little time. My heart continues to break.

Thanks for listening.
Dee

It is not enough to simply show up. You need to step up for results.... keep on stepping! Dee


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