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GRALAN's Photo GRALAN SparkPoints: (134,753)
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8/15/19 7:31 P

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A young cannibal was walking down the shoreline gathering mollusks with his father when he spotted a UFO. Quavering he pled with his Dad to tell him what that was. His father told him "Those things are airplanes and are kind of like lobsters; the outside is difficult to open and must be discarded, but the little bit that is left inside is quite soft and delicious."

Que?
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Edited by: GRALAN at: 8/15/2019 (19:36)
I'm not even near perfect, but I know someone who is.


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8/9/19 8:40 P

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A joke familiar with many pastors and preachers:

Do you know the difference between a Song Leader and a Terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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I'm not even near perfect, but I know someone who is.


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7/18/19 6:58 A

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27APR19 BBC interview with renowned sleep study scientist who authored a book on Brain Rules:"dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives". His name is William Dement.

Get it? His real name is Will Dement, and he thinks we are demented when we sleep.

Okay, maybe I'm the only one who thinks this is funny.

Edited by: GRALAN at: 7/20/2019 (05:10)
I'm not even near perfect, but I know someone who is.


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7/14/19 2:25 A

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It was a touch chili today, but its supposed to be hot tamale.

hahaha

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6/29/19 4:33 A

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I was listening to a BBC interview with a Marine Biologist on the 26th of April this year. As she talked about her deep-sea adventures and discoveries I suddenly had to chuckle, for her name is Helen Scales.

I'm glad I took note of that on my mini-tablet aka LG phone that is not hooked up to service but does do internet for reading books in my browser, taking notes and pictures. And of course, the phone will work if I dial 911. Not bad for about $10 at Family Dollar store. I keep track of humor from real life like this.
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I'm not even near perfect, but I know someone who is.


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6/26/19 6:52 P

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What is the difference between an Elephant and a Zippo?

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One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.



Edited by: GRALAN at: 7/18/2019 (06:53)
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6/22/19 2:49 A

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Do you know why I like eating the hollow chocolate Easter Bunnies?

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Because they are missing so many calories!

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6/19/19 2:51 A

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Q: What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

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A: He decomposes.

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6/18/19 2:02 A

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What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?

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It gets toad away.

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6/12/19 9:29 P

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Clean jokes?

A clean house is a sign of no Internet connection.

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6/12/19 9:25 P

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Why do the French like to eat snails?

emoticon Because they eschew fast food.

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FLOPEA68's Photo FLOPEA68 Posts: 2,810
2/8/13 8:30 P

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thanks

Florence, Hamilton, ON


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OKANOG66's Photo OKANOG66 Posts: 5,804
2/8/13 3:46 A

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Florence -
The explanation looks more complicated than it really is. It's like bing, bing, bing and then it's done it's thing!

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FLOPEA68's Photo FLOPEA68 Posts: 2,810
2/4/13 2:46 P

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Thanks Ann, I will do my best to conquer the link thingy.
Florence

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OKANOG66's Photo OKANOG66 Posts: 5,804
2/2/13 2:12 A

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MADAM_ITIS - How to add a link in spark people message box
If you want to share a link to a specific page:

1.
First you have to copy the url address from where you want to share a link plus copy the topic an paste.
2.
I have sticky notes on my computer, I paste the url address into my sticky notes.
You could also paste to what ever free area on your computer that has blank page such as word pad. I do this if I want add a link with a song, a name or other information.
3.
When you arrive at the spark message forum, you copy from you saved page with the saved url address, you wish to share,. Click above in the discussion box that reads ADD A LINK on the top right side of the message box.
Paste the url. In the little box that opens when you click "ADD A LINK. When you finish, and post you message the url address becomes highlight for others to view the link.

Also any link that starts with https: it will link to anything, some people or sites may not wish share amoungst strangers and that is why the s is added. To have any link wotk it has to start with http://

If you do not knew how to copy and paste, let me know and I will share those instructions by sending you the instructions via your spark mail.

Edited by: OKANOG66 at: 2/2/2013 (02:32)
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FLOPEA68's Photo FLOPEA68 Posts: 2,810
2/1/13 7:18 P

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Ann, glad u enjoyed it. By the way how do you get the links into a message, can't figure it out.


Florence, Hamilton, ON


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OKANOG66's Photo OKANOG66 Posts: 5,804
1/31/13 12:52 A

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MADAM_ITIS ~ Sooo True eh!
I downloaded the link, from youtube.
So click on highlighted link below and enjoy again!
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Green Side of the Grass by libbyallensongs

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dbBfXCMbH4


Edited by: OKANOG66 at: 1/31/2013 (01:12)
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FLOPEA68's Photo FLOPEA68 Posts: 2,810
1/30/13 7:11 P

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That's a good one Ann. Let's see if this one can make it through.
I can't copy and paste but if you go to the search engine and google Green Side of the Grass...Aging Song
It is funny. Let me know if you download it and see and hear it. A friend sent it to me.





Edited by: FLOPEA68 at: 1/30/2013 (19:17)
Florence, Hamilton, ON


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OKANOG66's Photo OKANOG66 Posts: 5,804
1/30/13 4:04 P

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THE HOTEL BILL

A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 85th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel.

When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $450.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high.
"It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $450.00 for just an overnight stay!
I didn't even have breakfast."

The clerk told her that $450.00 is the 'standard rate,' so she insisted on speaking to the manager.

The manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, informed the woman, "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them," she said.
''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous . "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," the manager said.

"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the manager replied.

No matter what amenity the manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion with the manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check, and gave it to him.

The manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam, this check is for only $50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you $400.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaimed the very surprised manager.
"Well, too bad. I was here, and you could have."

Don't mess with Senior Citizens!

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OKANOG66's Photo OKANOG66 Posts: 5,804
1/30/13 4:03 P

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I am sure most get a good joke or two in your emails from time to time.

Share them here!

Putting a smile on some one's face can lighten a persons day!

Edited by: OKANOG66 at: 1/30/2013 (16:07)
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