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DREAMWARRIOR723's Photo DREAMWARRIOR723 SparkPoints: (1,737)
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2/16/18 10:32 P

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Iíve always been submissive, and now Iím involved in a polyamouros relationship.

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.
~T.S. Eliot


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FINDINGMYSELF81 Posts: 1
7/11/16 2:30 P

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We live our lives as Master and slave. BDSM is our kink. I need the control. I love the power exchange! And it is about the relationship more than the spankings, rope and pain.

TAIJIMAN's Photo TAIJIMAN SparkPoints: (0)
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11/2/15 10:42 A

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We have gone to a kink club in a town about 90 minutes away, the problem seems to be time, we both work and are trying to balance work, home, lifestyle etc.

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HARTNESS's Photo HARTNESS SparkPoints: (1,452)
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10/30/15 3:19 P

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Yes, BDSM is part of our relationships. There is a local sex club that has three flights of stairs and the dungeon is at the top. I have to be in good enough shape to get up all those stairs in high heels. So, whenever I walk up stairs for exercise call it The Sex Club workout.

emoticon

~Felicity
EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
9/29/15 9:58 P

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TAIJIMAN - best bet is to go to local munches and meet folks. There may be people who give classes and workshops in your area, or there may be kink conventions nearby where they'll have classes or workshops on things you're interested in. :)

Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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TAIJIMAN's Photo TAIJIMAN SparkPoints: (0)
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9/24/15 9:11 A

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Wife and I started out swinging a couple of years ago. We discovered a nearby kink club and have gone a couple of times. We are really intrigued, there are some aspects we find really erotic. I would like to meet some folks who can teach us some of the more basic aspects....knots, flogging techniques etc. and some of the more esoteric psychological aspects of the D/s lifestyle. I think wife would make an excellent Dom, but feels "silly" trying on that persona.

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TAMMYD45's Photo TAMMYD45 Posts: 244
9/9/13 1:20 A

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Yes, there is BDSM in my poly life, too. Discovered that I was submissive in my early 30s and then poly came shortly after that.

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MISSG180's Photo MISSG180 SparkPoints: (172,808)
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10/26/11 7:16 A

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I can see the need for separation of SM from sexuality if you are playing really hard, but I am not at the level of pain-desire that there is a rish of me being injured before I "tap out." If one is playing at a level that is closer to the edge of injury, then yes, I can see that arousal might be a distraction. I think there are many varieties in this area.

Gini


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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
10/26/11 12:34 A

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What works for each person is a very individual thing. Which goes for both BDSM and poly, actually.

I think the important thing is to learn where you fall in the spectrum, and then being honest with yourself and partners about it. Like I said previously - our ex-girlfriend came from a much more structured "leather" type environment in California, and needed a lot more protocol and formality than we were able to work with. Of course, we were just starting out on our BDSM journey (after living for 13 years with someone who tried to set himself up as an "expert" on all things BDSM, while never having set foot in any kind of actual leather event or knowing anyone in the scene nor allowing anyone else to because he was/is the type that feels if he's not running it, it's not worth going and if *I* wanted to check it out I was "consorting with the enemy", our first year together was an amazing adventure of trying new things and meeting people), it took us a while to figure out where we fit. And of course by then the damage had been done. *sighs*

I'm glad you've found what works for you in your situation, SARGEANTMAJOR. :) And I'm glad we've found what works for us, too.

Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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SERGEANTMAJOR's Photo SERGEANTMAJOR Posts: 6,616
10/25/11 11:20 P

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If you will pardon the ruminations of an old leather man only using d/s or kink for sexual gratification misses the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of SM. SM is according the the way I was taught is about achieving a spiritual bond with the one who is the receiver and the one who is the giver. Since when I top I am responsible for the well being of the one who has honoured me enough to trust me with their physical body I can not allow myself to become sexually arpoused since that will distract me from needed concentration to ensure that the one whom I am topping is not injured. Many aspects of SM are physically damaging if done improperly and I have an obligation to ensure that anyone who honours me by petitioning to bottom to me has a positive experience.

I do not expect everyone to either follow my pattern or even embrace my understanding of the purpose of SM. This is only my opinion based on over thirty years in this journey.


It is called WORK-ing out for a reason.

I said getting fit was simple, I did not say it was easy.

Cardio burns calories, strength work burns fat.

Eat well to lose weight, exercise to get fit

You can not build a six pack using twelve packs


Often when we seek a magic bullet for fitness we end up shooting ourselves in the foot.

"I think calories are little germs in food that all moms are afraid of" Dennis the Menace

MISSG180's Photo MISSG180 SparkPoints: (172,808)
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10/25/11 10:06 P

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I love the voyeur aspect of things as well.

Gini


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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
10/25/11 7:16 P

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Yeah, my mate regularly topped my by having he help him top our girlfriend, which I loved - I'm enough of a voyeur it TOTALLY got me all hot and bothered (though in my case it as primarily helping restrain her rather than actually doing any flogging etc). *sighs* I miss that. :(

Sounds like you've got a great dynamic going!! :)

Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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MISSG180's Photo MISSG180 SparkPoints: (172,808)
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10/25/11 7:49 A

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We are definitely of the "in the bedroom" sort of D/s relationship, and I am very subby. Our local girlfriend is enjoying helping DH top me.

We had our long distance girlfriend here this weekend, and I helped DH top her, but it worked because he topped me topping her - he handed me the flogger and pointed to where he wanted me to use it, so I was in a good headspace for doing so. It worked really well.

I'm also topped by my long distance boyfriend, when I get a chance to go see him, and because those are rare weekend events it tends to be a little more extensive than just the bedroom, but that's definitely a mental vacation kind of topping for both of us (his wife is thrilled that I fulfill his D/s desires because she has NO interest in that aspect of sexuality!)

Gini


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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES Posts: 4,729
10/25/11 4:47 A

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We definitely have kink aspects of things. For instance, I am collared to my mate and have been since Kinko de Mayo in May of 2008, but for us it's always been more of a "commitment" thing than a D/s thing - I'm far too much the organized one and he's far too much of a Libra poet for us to function as anything other than partners when it comes to "day to day" stuff. Though we do have some rituals and routines we like to keep that solidify those roles for us (like me keeping his coffee filled - serving him makes me happy). But mostly for us it's a bedroom thing, and even there we've put in place a system where we have designated Friday nights as "Special Date Night" set aside for kink, and even with that he considers himself a "service top" - I'll tell him what I'm interested in experiencing or what I need (generally early that morning) and then he runs with that. It keeps him from getting overwhelmed with being in control, AND still takes enough of the planning out of my hands that I don't feel like it's all my idea. I was dubious when he first suggested it, but so far it's been working out beautifully.

When we were in our triad, our girlfriend was also his sub, but she really wanted something a lot more formal (and a lot more intensive) than what he was able to provide her (something we've realized in hindsight). She also tried topping me, and having me be sub to both of them, but it never really went very far (the fact she was able to switch with her new girlfriend after the breakup was pretty hurtful, but considering that girlfriend was a trans woman and the initial break up was with me because she'd realized she "wasn't as bi as she thought she was" it's not all that surprising). *sighs*

Call me Euphrates (I prefer it to my given name of Lisa, and use it everywhere outside of work)
Cincinnati, OH

Feel free to find me elsewhere on the web, I love making new friends! https://www.facebook.com/MsEuphrates


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MISSG180's Photo MISSG180 SparkPoints: (172,808)
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10/24/11 6:01 P

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Kink is a growing part of our lives, and I'm enjoying it.

Gini


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WEDNESDEY's Photo WEDNESDEY SparkPoints: (0)
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10/24/11 1:58 P

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I think I've been kinky for as long as I've been poly, which is before I even knew what those words meant.

For me kink is an important part of my bedroom (and sometimes recreational) life but, it doesn't influence the overall day-to-day dynamic of my relationship. It's really important to me to be able to negotiate real-world situations/needs/wants as equals.

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
~ Mohandas [Mahatma] Gandhi


"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars!"


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SERGEANTMAJOR's Photo SERGEANTMAJOR Posts: 6,616
10/24/11 1:54 P

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My poly house is not based on BDSM however since it has it foundations in the leather tradition SM is an integral part of dynamics of the household. I dislike the term kinky since kink has so many pejorative meanings such as having a kink in ones back so prefer the term alternative sexuality. and SM is now sensual magic.

Alternative sexuality is not the foundation of our poly it is simply a part of what we do.


It is called WORK-ing out for a reason.

I said getting fit was simple, I did not say it was easy.

Cardio burns calories, strength work burns fat.

Eat well to lose weight, exercise to get fit

You can not build a six pack using twelve packs


Often when we seek a magic bullet for fitness we end up shooting ourselves in the foot.

"I think calories are little germs in food that all moms are afraid of" Dennis the Menace

MISSG180's Photo MISSG180 SparkPoints: (172,808)
Fitness Minutes: (102,802)
Posts: 10,288
10/24/11 7:39 A

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I am getting much more heavily involved in BDSM as a sub, and I was wondering if that's part of other people's lives as well. Are you kinky?

Gini


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