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HBPEACENHM Posts: 43
6/20/09 12:21 P

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trust and believe i have definitely told her that if she's so worried about how much i weigh, then she must have all her stuff together and is ready to leave our shelter, of course she looked at me crazy and made yet another fat joke...i am as forward as i can be, i don't let these ladies walk all over me or id get burned out, but she still has the fat jokes and tries to intimidate people...thanks everybody for your words of wisdom

A mistake is only made when you dont learn a lesson from your action.



Be careful! The toes you step on today may be connected to the butt you have to kiss tomorrow!


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FUNNYGRANNY71's Photo FUNNYGRANNY71 Posts: 3,716
6/19/09 5:39 P

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Great on your mile run. This is the type of person who wants to cut you down because you are doing something about your problem. If she were not a client, she also needs to be told to focus on her own problems. She will never change until she acknowledges that she has issues to deal with also. When she talks to you like that try to ignore what she says and just walk away. Believe me, she will soon get the message.


Formerly
FUNNYGRANNY70

Above all, donít live with regrets. Approach life with perseverance and dedication to the things that matter most to you. Success is never easy. It remains up to you whether you will give up, or fight through the tough battles to earn whatever it is you want.


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NOVELTYSTEPH's Photo NOVELTYSTEPH Posts: 19
6/18/09 10:05 A

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Hooray on your mile!!!

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SNAPDRAGON04's Photo SNAPDRAGON04 Posts: 3,779
6/18/09 9:02 A

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I'm a social worker, so I understand having to work with unpleasant people. I should probably say something therapuetic about how you should just ignore her, but forget that...when she's being a b**ch, just remember that she's in a HOMELESS shelter. Hello?! You may have a few extra pounds on you, but at least you can probably support yourself, pay your bills, and have a place to go home too.

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CELEST's Photo CELEST Posts: 7,219
6/17/09 4:18 P

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Pity you cant use Winston Churchills method on her.
This was his retort to a rude woman commenting on his drunk state.....'I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
You could say "I may be fat, in a year or so I will be thin, and you will still be rude!"

I will NOT run emotionally from compliments and hide in fat layers for protection.


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GAILYMVT's Photo GAILYMVT Posts: 842
6/17/09 2:43 P

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Ask this person in a gentle way of course " what right does she have to call you fat? " The fact that you are trying to help her does not mean that she can abuse you in this way. Obviously she has issues herself or she wouldn't be in this situation, but you have the obligation to yourself to NOT have to be belittled or abused in this manner.

You are amazing to keep helping this resentful and nasty person. You are also Amazing because you are so giving of yourself to others of less fortunate lifestyles. I am giving you my whole hearted appreciation for the day and am acknowledging that you are a far better person than I. Thank you for being so special.

Edited by: GAILYMVT at: 6/17/2009 (14:44)
It is harder to tear down a wall than it is to build one.

Greatness is not achieved by never failing but by how many times we get back up after falling.


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HBPEACENHM Posts: 43
6/15/09 11:30 P

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thanks so much for all the advise...you are all wonderful people and im blessed to have found this site...i still love my job!! emoticon

A mistake is only made when you dont learn a lesson from your action.



Be careful! The toes you step on today may be connected to the butt you have to kiss tomorrow!


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LISASNIDER's Photo LISASNIDER Posts: 543
6/15/09 11:08 P

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I know that this is hard. You have to remember that the client is a client. The situation she is in is probably not the best in the world, and the way she can gain some control is to belittle someone else. When you go to work, tell yourself again and again that she is going to do this to you. Role play in your mind how you are not going to let it bother you. If you strengthen your mind and keep thinking positive thoughts, any comment will roll off your back like water rolls off a duck's back. You can't take those comments personally.

Remember what you do and the people you serve. Social service work can be very draining, if you let it.

Good luck.

Lisa emoticon

JESJOCSILY's Photo JESJOCSILY Posts: 241
6/15/09 5:21 P

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When rude people talk to me...I just tell them that once they are done saying rude things, then I will listen.

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FLYINGTOFREEDOM's Photo FLYINGTOFREEDOM SparkPoints: (0)
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6/15/09 4:23 P

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I'm sorry that you have to hear it, but we cannot control what others say or do but we can control how we react to it. I wouldn't let it get to you. I know easier said than done, but you are trying to change and you are on the journey to health and wellness, so go in knowing that and feel good about it, embrace it, feel it and know that you will be okay no matter what anyone tells you. Who cares if she was skinny, I would say good for you.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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ANNAKOUKLA's Photo ANNAKOUKLA SparkPoints: (0)
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6/15/09 4:10 P

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Great advice here! All the best to you.

"Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet sheds, after a heel has crushed it." ~Mark Twain.



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SPIRAL242's Photo SPIRAL242 Posts: 398
6/15/09 12:46 A

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You are doing a very good thing where you work. Don't let others drag you down. You can lose it, you just need encouragement, someone to talk to, a healthy diet, exercise and a lot of love.

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DEE107's Photo DEE107 SparkPoints: (1,406,881)
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6/14/09 11:39 P

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Very nicely says Yes I know that, and thank you so much for your advice. and let her go and give it over to God

DEE Southern New Jersey

SP Class of Oct 12-18 2008.
Losing Weight & Disabled
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Faith makes all thing possible
Love makes all things happen
Hope makes all things work

God is Good all the time. All the time GOD is good.

Let your life be like Angel Food Cake...sweet and Light---




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STEVO5O's Photo STEVO5O Posts: 3,126
6/14/09 10:47 P

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I second what BLUEJEDI said. You're the winner here. She's jealous of you because you're positive and you're changing your life and circumstances. She can't or won't change hers and she's trying to bring you down to her level. Don't give her the satisfaction! Be happy...be positive. Every time you do that you annoy her even more. The more negative she becomes...you become that much more positive. You're secure in the fact that your husband loves you because you are "All that and a bag of chips!" LOL. You're the winner HBPEACENHM! stevo5o


MELOTT9 Posts: 137
6/14/09 10:46 P

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I would let her remarks pass. You should understand where they're coming from. You are in a much more secure position than she is. You should be able to understand her jealousy. Just let her remarks pass -- they don't mean anything, except she's just trying to hurt you. You're doing good on your journey. Keep up the good work.

Take care.

Kathy
emoticon

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RTLIFESTYLE's Photo RTLIFESTYLE Posts: 7,880
6/14/09 10:21 P

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I know this may be hard to do but just look at her and say I appreciate what you're telling me. I am trying. Kindness kills. She will stop it because you'll not be giving her anything to feed the fuel.
rolenia

rtlifestyle
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Don't get discouraged. Look at today only. We can't change yesterday.

Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success. SP quote


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CD3239596 Posts: 10,621
6/14/09 9:37 P

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Great advice here......not much you can do..as you can not change her...you have to find a way to block it out....try to not let it bug you.

CHARLIESANGEL10's Photo CHARLIESANGEL10 Posts: 4,029
6/14/09 9:01 P

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Remember when you are talking to her, that you are talking to a crazy person & disregard anything she says. Hold her opinions in the same regard as you would a client who told you that you should put aluminum foil on your head everyday so you can be told by martians what your husband finds attractive. There is a whole lotta crazy out in the world/ filter it out of your mind.

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SPARKLY5's Photo SPARKLY5 Posts: 225
6/14/09 8:32 P

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Ugh How rude. I tell you some people just have no social skills. I think the previous post was dead on. Look her in the eyes and tell her to keep her rude comments to herself emoticon .

Keep your head up it seems like there are people out there just trying to ruin someone Else's day. In the words of Dr. Phil we have no control over what other people say, but we do have control over how we react to it.

Let it roll of your back she is the crazy one.
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TROPICAL618's Photo TROPICAL618 Posts: 467
6/14/09 7:28 P

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tell her it is inappropriate for her to comment on your weight and ask her why she is so focused on you when she needs to be focusing on herself. transference perhaps? tell her you find it difficult to work with her when she makes these comments and ask her if she is trying to redirect focus away from herself. My point is, if she is a client, turn it right back around to her - you are the professional and she is violating your boundaries.




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IMAVISION's Photo IMAVISION Posts: 22,604
6/14/09 7:12 P

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Client or not - I believe that you have every right to tell her politely & very firmly that you don't wish to hear any more personal comments! Look her right in the eye, & without raising your voice, tell her that such comments are in very poor taste on her part.

You can tell her Ima said so! emoticon

Don't give her control over any part of your day! I would be willing to bet that she realizes fully the impact her unkind & unnecessary comments have had on you. Don't give her anymore satisfaction, my young friend!

Ima


Something to know about this gal "Ima" - I follow the Savior of the world!

I stand in awe of the salvation, through Christ Jesus, that Creator God has granted me. May you enjoy the same!

I am so very thankful that the door of access is permanently open to The Creator & His beloved Son, Christ Jesus!

"Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord." ~ Psalm 33:12 --- IN GOD WE TRUST

BLUEJEDI's Photo BLUEJEDI SparkPoints: (0)
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6/14/09 7:01 P

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Your the one who's winning-your the one who's trying to change your life.

Keep up the good work

To a dog your the king of the universe. To a cat your nothing more than the hired help.

If God had wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them up higher on my body.

Be careful going in search of adventure -- it's ridiculously easy to find.


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NANCYPAT1's Photo NANCYPAT1 Posts: 75,346
6/14/09 6:27 P

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I guess I am mean too....I would start finding real or imaginary stories about skinny minis who lost their husbands, died from wasting illnesses, etc. I would not confront her because that would not be professional, but would tell these stories to others where she could hear them. People who hurt others deliberately - especially after being told they are hurtful - are those who put people down to make themselves feel better. Maybe you could ask her if she was such a skinny-mini, why she ended up is such an uncomfortable position and needs to avail herself of the services you provide. Sorry, I really hurt that you must put up with that and that you really have no recourse but to put up with it. (*HUGS*)

Nancy from West Virginia - EST
With love and caring from Nancy ... wishing all of you a wonderful, blessed, and precious day.



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HBPEACENHM Posts: 43
6/14/09 6:27 P

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i have talked with my boss about it and she just says that its her (the client) way of interacting with others. kinda like in kindergarten when the little boy picked on you it meant he likes you. she also tried to intimidate people b/c and thats her defense mechanism. she is definatly a difficult client and i have to interact with every client b/c its just one person working at a time. ive ignored her for a long time now...i guess its just getting old. thats all, "this too shall pass"...by the way, on a good note, I RAN A MILE YESTURDAY!!!! thats my HUGE accomplishment for the week!

A mistake is only made when you dont learn a lesson from your action.



Be careful! The toes you step on today may be connected to the butt you have to kiss tomorrow!


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FLASUN's Photo FLASUN SparkPoints: (320,326)
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6/14/09 6:26 P

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Let her know that not everyone is going to be a skinny minny....maybe a skinny meanie....no only kidding....I see you have lost 11 lbs already and should be proud of yourself, mention SparkPeople how well they are helping, supporting and not speaking negative to you. Keep up the GREAT work you are doing!

"Janice - Florida"

Co-Cappy: Azure's BLC34-36 40-43


"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart" Kahlil Gibran

"When things go wrong, don't go with them" Elvis Presley
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DEBANNE1124's Photo DEBANNE1124 SparkPoints: (158,258)
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6/14/09 6:25 P

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Great suggestions!!!



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BENTONHEALTHY's Photo BENTONHEALTHY Posts: 2,248
6/14/09 6:11 P

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I would divert the subject away. Tell her what you need to and end it. If telling her it is hurting your feelings, then ignore and divert. What a shame that she is so out of touch with what is going on.

I am not losing this fat - I am removing it for good.

"Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us."

"Change your thoughts and change your world"


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DONNAEDA's Photo DONNAEDA Posts: 30,939
6/14/09 6:11 P

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ask your boss if you can exchange this client for another since she is verbally abusing you. Can you tell this women since she insists on verbally abusing you she must leave the shelter. Tell you boss and maybe she will back you in this regard.

Donna
Brown Deer, WI
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MARTY19's Photo MARTY19 Posts: 53,177
6/14/09 6:10 P

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There are always going to be situations which are stressful but you cannot control. If you have to interact with her, you need to ignore her. Maybe you can ask your supervisor to assign her to someone else.

Marty
Eastern Standard time
Massachusetts

Spark People Motivator

There are two options regarding committment - your either IN or your OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between.

A person who wants something will find a way..
A person who doesn't will find an excuse...



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HBPEACENHM Posts: 43
6/14/09 6:02 P

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ok, maybe i just need to vent b/c there really isnt a solution to this, not that i can find. i work in a shelter for homeless women and children, theres a lady here who keeps telling me how fat i am and how when she was my age she was skinny minny and i better do something about it before i lose my husband over it. this lady is just outright mean. BUT, shes a client. and a very difficult one at that! I dont have a choice but to interact with her and ive told her that it really can hurt someone to say those things but that just seems to make her do it even more. oh what do i do, im so sick of it!

A mistake is only made when you dont learn a lesson from your action.



Be careful! The toes you step on today may be connected to the butt you have to kiss tomorrow!


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