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EMMASMART's Photo EMMASMART SparkPoints: (0)
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8/14/09 1:23 A

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I am so sorry for your loss. It's a bit hard to bear. I know a bit about grief, but I don't know this one. I've never lost a child. This was a potential child too. So in your mind you made plans. You planned the rest of your life based on this person who couldn't show up. So part of grief is literally rewriting your memories to include the bit that the baby didn't make it and that you lived on well anyway.

I think having the Sister-in-law giving birth will give you a marker for your grief. You will know about how long its been with the obvious marker of the child. Try not to blame the kid...

You need to give yourself permission to grieve this loss just like any other loss. Try to avoid any of the self-blame games you might be tempted into. That stuff doesn't end well.

I read a book and they said that babies who don't live through birth are angels who do the work of taking the place for a time. That they are a blessing for you to have been with them and that they watch over you forever. Isn't that sweet? I think that's true. It works with my faith very well. I hope it's helpful to read.

Emma




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RTLIFESTYLE's Photo RTLIFESTYLE Posts: 7,880
8/13/09 11:38 P

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I hope you get comfort from your loss. So sorry. I don't have children but can imagine how hard that would be.

rtlifestyle
Co-leader Emotional Eaters
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Don't get discouraged. Look at today only. We can't change yesterday.

Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success. SP quote


 current weight: 178.0 
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BECKY1960's Photo BECKY1960 Posts: 7,699
8/12/09 12:08 P

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I'm so sorry, please love yourself enough to lose weight, if you mess up at one meal don't give in and eat all you want the rest of the day. drink water, move your body a little more. never give up. we are here for you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

trust GOD, love yourself and think positive!
Becky


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56ROSE's Photo 56ROSE Posts: 15,425
8/12/09 11:46 A

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I agree with Susan. So important that you allow yourself to grieve. I lost my daughter (my first pregnancy) during my 8th month of pregnancy. We had waited 10 years for this and I was devastated. My dream was to have daughters and I ended up with sons; But I feel so blessed to have them in my life. emoticon emoticon

Also, there are support groups for parents who have lost children such as Compassionate Friends.

Marilyn
Boise, ID
Mountain Time Zone

Everything you've ever wanted is one step out of your comfort zone.

The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison. Ann Wigmore

Max Lifetime Weight: 215
SP Start Weight: 199
Maintaining since: April 2016
Initial Goal Weight: 178
Current Goal Weight: 170

Purpose is the place where your deep gladness meets the world's needs.
Frederick Bue


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SUSANHKS's Photo SUSANHKS Posts: 891
8/12/09 9:14 A

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What you are going through now is part of the grieving process. In the long run, it is healthier to feel your feelings instead of eat to soothe them or cram them down. So just try to consider yourself successful if you get through the day having felt your sad feelings instead of done something unhealthy to distract yourself.

Try to remind yourself that you are taking steps to have the kind of pregnancy you want in the future and that another miscarriage is not likely. Try to talk back to any negative, irrational voice in your head if you have worried thoughts like maybe you won't have another baby or irrational thoughts that somehow you failed. When you get through this you may have some anxiety during the next pregnancy but you will be a much more mature mother.

Right now, you have to grieve for the lost dream about this particular child you wanted at this particular time-- but know that you have many more dreams to be fulfilled in the future.

Susan

SW 8/1/08 229.




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MARTY19's Photo MARTY19 Posts: 53,177
8/12/09 8:53 A

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It is OK to feel like that. Instead of cramming those feelings out, try journeling. It might help to get them out on paper. This was supposed to be a happy time for you and it is natural to feel anger and resentment that it isn't. Another option might be a few counseling sessions. An impartial 3rd party would help you work through those issues.
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time.

Marty
Eastern Standard time
Massachusetts

Spark People Motivator

There are two options regarding committment - your either IN or your OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between.

A person who wants something will find a way..
A person who doesn't will find an excuse...



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FLYINGTOFREEDOM's Photo FLYINGTOFREEDOM SparkPoints: (0)
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8/12/09 8:01 A

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wow it must be really hard to go through what you are going through. I'm sorry. I'm glad that you are not using food as a tool, and great job on the weight loss to date. It seems your head is on straight. And I believe that your feelings towards your SIL are normal. Let yourself feel them and then try to move on. Do what is best for YOU right now in order to have a healthy pregnancy. Good luck.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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CD2313590 Posts: 6,599
8/12/09 7:21 A

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emoticon emoticon emoticon

PIGGYS1 Posts: 11,553
8/12/09 6:28 A

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emoticon we are here to help you. just take one day at a time.

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JULSISGOOD's Photo JULSISGOOD Posts: 4,366
8/11/09 11:31 P

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I'm so sorry, that has to be incredibly hard. I had a miscarriage many years ago, and sometimes I still see other people's babies and think of what could have been, I can't imagine what you must be going through. Congratulations on your loss, but I understand even that is probably all mixed up for you. I'm glad you have joined us, and that you posted. We can't take away your feelings, but we can be here to help you through them. The great thing about this website is that there are people here from all over the world, so someone is always up and available. So many of us understand about cramming down the feelings, and you will get a lot of suggestions and support. I just want to encourage you that you can get through this, and life gets easier, probably not right away, but it does get easier. If you need anything, please Sparkmail me - I really mean that!
emoticon emoticon

--Juls

Survivors of Abuse
Leader
teams.sparkpeople.com/SOA

I also co-lead a small private DID group.
RHOMANI's Photo RHOMANI Posts: 17
8/11/09 11:10 P

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well this is my first blog . im normally not the sharing type , but it's feeling like if i dont get this out im gonna explode
In February i miscarried. my doctor thought that one of the contributing factors was my weight (260) . I spent the next couple of months severly depressed and lost 22 pounds. Then the fog lifted and i decided i was going to change. I saw a dietician found a website to track calories which in turn had a link to another site ....spark people. So i have been trackin my food tryin to exercise, lol not doing quite as well on the latter part.But i have managed to get down to 226 which is my lowest weight in 5 years.
Things are getting harder though . My sister in law and i were pregnant together . i lost my baby - she didnt . Her due date was the 8th and she hasnt had the baby yet but it seems like every day that im waiting for the call that she is in labor is another day i think about where i should be in my pregnancy. I feel so conflicted ... of course im happy for her and my brother but these feelings of resentment , jealousy , and anger are not getting any better. Usually i deal with any emotions like these by burying them in food but thats not an option now. Unfortunately i dont know how to deal with them so i just keep cramming down but every day it seems to get harder and i don't know wat to do


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