New to group and battling depression

EMERGENEW and to SparkPeople and the team...Nice to have you with us on the journey to a healthier lifestyle.

to the team and spark people

I'm glad that you have had that talk with your husband. Unfortunately a lot of people think it is easier to not say anything, but the reality is that when that happens, we often start to imagine why's etc. which can add to the hurt/anger etc. More often than not, what we imagine is way off base. By having that open dialog a lot of tension is removed. A lot of men feel 'failures' when their wife earns more money than they do. Remind him it is "OUR" money .... not yours .... not mine. I don't know what he is like re helping with housework, but if he doesn't do much, this would be a good time for him to pick up the slack, and of course, regardless of what age your children are, they can help too.

I'm glad that he has agreed to go back to marriage counseling.

When you have your discussion with your sister, make sure it is NOT in the "you hurt my fellings' etc. Instead turn it around to "I feel hurt/upset when people ...."

You know what? You WILL come out the other end, and you will be smiling!!!

xxx

Hi Kris,

Thank you so much for your kind words 🙏🏾😊

I had a long talk with my husband and he shared he thought he could regain work fast and didn’t want me to worry. He already has something else lined up but I stressed the importance of having open dialogue. He said with my work stress and not feeling well he didn’t want to add to my levels.

He doesn’t have a history of lying and he is prideful so he likes to work. I know the fact I make more money bothers him so losing work/income was another blow to his ego.

We have gone to marriage counseling in the past but not consistently. He has agreed to go back.

I didn’t have the heart to tell my sister her comments hurt me. I know she too struggles with weight issues and had a recent set back. I decided to wait to casual mention how her comments really hurt. A know sometimes hurt ppl can hurt ppl. I also know it’s best to keep my conversations to a minimum with her.

Thanks so much for being so thoughtful to be there for me. It really has helped me not feel so alone.

Sincerely,
EmergeNew 😊🙏🏾

to the Team!

Hi - I am really pleased that you reached out, and did NOT delete your post. I am also glad that you have a Therapist, because you sure need someone in your corner in your physical life!!!

Have you spoken with your husband about how you feel? How would he feel about couples therapy? (in addition to your own personal therapy)

You mentioned having been a solo Mum and you also mention that your husband would like a child with you. My suggest is, PLEASE DO NOT while you are feeling like you are. An extra child to feed plus all the existing stresses you have already will only add to that.

Sometimes when a person looses a job, for whatever reason, they are too embarrassed to tell their partner. I know of people, men particularly, who have 'gone to work' like normal for quite some time, but they have spent time in a park or wherever as a cover-up. This may not be the case with yours. He needs to communicate with you. Does he have a history of not working or relying on others?

As Deb asked, do you have a Psychiatrist or need a medication review? Also, keeping your Dr totally in the loop about what is happening in your life would be a well-advised suggestion. I know that when my hubby was alive, my GP was always in the loop. It was excellent support for me, and it enabled him to better treat me as a patient. Bloods and a physical evaluation to see if there is something medical going on to compound how you are feeling is also a good idea.

As far as your sister and her comments, don't be afraid to tell her that she is out of bounds re her comments about your weight. This applies to anyone who seems to think that you need telling this.

Keep in touch. Let us know how you are, and don't be afraid to vent when you want/need. We have broad shoulders and very good listening "EYES" xxx

Hugs,
Kris

Hi Welcome to the team. Deb gave you some good ideas. Stay in touch.

Thank you so much 🙏🏾

I logged back in to delete my thread but am happy to see your response instead. I’ll reach back out to my therapist. I don’t think she understands just how bad things have gotten for me since we last spoke.

I truly appreciate your kindness and will visit the other threads you mentioned.

Hi EMERGENEW !!

Hi and to the Sparkpeople and the Dealing With Depression Team !! Most of us suffer from depression and some with other diagnosis, as well. I am so sorry that your life feels chaotic and out of control. It is really hard when you are the primary bread winner and you have all the other struggles you face on a daily basis. Do you have a psychiatrist or therapist that you might turn to, just in case you need meds or a medication review? Have you been to your doctor lately to check to help determine what physical might be helping to cause your depression, if anything? We listen and we care. The Having A Bad Day - Get Help Here is an especially good thread for you to visit. Caring team members are there who will offer you moral support and encouragement. It provides you with a forum in which to express your need. If you just want a general forum to Chat in, we have the Daily Chat thread. You can stop by and air your feelings too. Acceptance and friendship are found there. We are happy to meet you and hope that you will be in the forums and on the threads often !! Other people are such huge influences on us. Just know that you will find no judgments here. WELCOME again and it is exciting to have you with us. Take care and God bless, Deb

Hi All,

I’m new to SparkPeople. Yesterday I emailed a team holiday pic from work to my older sister and her response was hurtful— it was all about my weight gain. She even asked if I was pregnant.

Anyway I’ve been stressed about work, my family constant fighting and negativity and feeling the need to play peacemaker (sisters and mom), my own family (pre teen and teenager attitudes etc), my husband being dishonest about losing his job so all the weight is on my shoulders and my weight gain.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night (again) and just woke up and am dreading seeing my husband and kids. (I can hear them bickering about the new puppy in the next room)

I’m so sad I gotta make it through this day just to go back to work tomorrow to my cubicle and computer. Then I gotta put on a face at work all day pretending I’m okay.

I’m grateful to have a job bc if I didn’t there would be no income coming in. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone my husband isn’t working bc most ppl feel he married me to take advantage of the little money that I do have and now I question if they are right. I don’t want to divorce him bc I’m scared he might ask for alimony. I went from being a single mom receiving no child support to know caring for two kids and my husband. Go me 😔

I’m not happy at home, I’m not happy at work. My husband and I can go days without speaking and we sleep on separate sides of the bed. Usually I’m the happy go lucky person at week but for weeks I’ve been to myself. I should also mention I was sick for 3 weeks but still had to finish a major work project and manage home life. That was the catalyst to my depression, realizing I couldn’t depend on anyone for help while I was sick and he lying about losing his job.

I have moments of happiness but then my family or a client will say or do something negative/rude and I’ll just retreat back into myself again. Now I’m scared to eat bc I don’t like ppl making comments about my weight gain or asking me if I’m pregnant. I’m 40 and my husband wants a baby of his own (he’s my children’s stepfather) so when ppl ask their is a sting on multiple levels.

Please help, I feel I live solely to work, to do housework, pay bills and take care of others. There has to be more to life than this.

I apologize for the long post, I know everyone is battling something and some things are much worst than what I’m going through. I know I’m blessed and I wanted to get married so I shouldn’t complain. Plus my kids love having a stepfather and we are physically very very far from other family so we only see them once every two or three years.

I have to figure out how to get through this. The good news— I’m at the point where I’m
no longer craving chocolate.

Thanks,
EmergeNew