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GINGERRA1980's Photo GINGERRA1980 Posts: 2,324
7/17/11 5:08 P

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it is super hard for me...i am getting better about it...but i still take for ever to really respond with a thank you ..only cause i think wth are they looking at!

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LADYNIGHTSTORM's Photo LADYNIGHTSTORM SparkPoints: (0)
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7/17/11 4:30 P

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SYZYGY922 - You are definitely NOT ugly, so don't feel like a fraud!


I've gotten a lot better about accepting compliments by forcing my attitude to turn around. Instead of thinking "Wow, if only they saw me without makeup" or "They're just saying that to be nice", I think "Wow, that makes me feel good about myself and it must be true!" The more I forced myself to have this thought, over time I actually began believing it :)

-- Mary --
Leicester, UK
goddess-within.me



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CD10343412 Posts: 223
7/16/11 9:09 P

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I've gotten better at accepting compliments graciously, but when people compliment me about my weight loss it makes me uncomfortable (and it shows!). I wish people could just say "wow you look nice," instead of "wow have you LOST WEIGHT?" It's so awkward.

emoticon

GSWINNIE's Photo GSWINNIE Posts: 1,119
7/15/11 11:49 P

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I'm terrible at accepting compliments! I usually just say thank you and probably end up blushing like a fool. They do make me feel better the rest of the day though. emoticon

I will do one thing today to make my life better.


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POOK_70's Photo POOK_70 Posts: 2,321
7/15/11 11:34 P

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Yes! I totally have a hard time taking a compliment. I can't just say "thank you" I always have to tarnish it with something like " isn't it early to be drinking" or I'm thinking they must be sucking up for something.
How did we get like this and how do we break this cycle?!?

If it's amazing, it won't be easy. If it's easy it won't be amazing. If it's worth it you won't give up. If you give up you're not worth it.

"Fear & doubt knocked on the door; Faith & Courage answered &
there was no one there" ~ Jordan Wirzs


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SYZYGY922's Photo SYZYGY922 SparkPoints: (61,793)
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7/14/11 6:47 P

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I absolutely have a difficult time with compliments. If anyone tells me that I'm pretty, I assume that aren't looking close enough. If someone tells me that my photographs are pretty (like on my profile here or on another social network), I feel guilty for posting pictures of myself at somewhat attractive angles.

I was called ugly my whole childhood and I've been ignored and treated like an unattractive person for all of my adult years, so compliments mostly make me feel bad, like a fraud.

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CYBERQT's Photo CYBERQT Posts: 441
7/14/11 6:19 P

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When anyone compliments me I say thanks but inside I'm thinking - I haven't lost weight in 2 months and I feel like a fraud. :( I'm working on it tho!

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FREECANDY's Photo FREECANDY SparkPoints: (0)
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7/14/11 2:25 P

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Yes. Even when I accept it graciously outwardly, on the inside I'm still questioning whether or not they really meant it or it were just being nice. This is something I'm really working on getting better at.


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FITKITTYMAMA's Photo FITKITTYMAMA Posts: 2,172
7/13/11 11:50 P

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Yes, I have a very difficult time accepting compliments, though I am getting better about it.

~**Michelle**~
Doin' the DONE Girl dance!
Visit my blog:
www.fitkittymama.com


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CATS_MEOW_0911's Photo CATS_MEOW_0911 Posts: 2,577
7/13/11 8:22 P

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It depends on who is doing the complimenting and the nature of the compliment. If a close friend tells me I look fit and they can tell I've lost weight, I am very happy. If it is a co-worker commenting/asking about my weight loss, I tend to be more shut off. It seems like your body becomes public property when you lose weight, and needless to say, I don't like comments/compliments from people who are not family members or close friends (or SparkFriends, of course!)

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WEIMMOMFL's Photo WEIMMOMFL SparkPoints: (0)
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7/13/11 5:45 P

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Not only do I have trouble accepting compliments, it saddens me to say to avoid getting them I tend not to give them also, but I'm working on that.

My name is Kim

"Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.
-unknown-

"A year from now, you may wish you had started today"
Robert Schuller-

"Never give up what you want the most for what you want at the moment"
-unknown-


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CD9892773 Posts: 785
7/13/11 5:34 P

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It depends on who they are from. Normally I do find it hard to accept compliments. I usually think the person is trying to flatter me instead of being genuine.

HNGTHATSME's Photo HNGTHATSME Posts: 38
7/13/11 5:23 P

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It is impossible for me to accept a compliment. I am forever nearly telling the person off for saying something kind to me. Until i met my friend Adam. He enjoys our chats, and when he compliments me and i get fired up he says "shut up i'm complimenting you" i still want to argue the point but he won't let me. i'm still working on it and I have a few friends that remind me every day that i'm not as bad as i think i am.

**It's not the pristine shape we're in that conveys who we are, but the scars that tell the story.**


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MISSB8604's Photo MISSB8604 Posts: 3,437
7/13/11 5:10 P

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YES. Always have.

I am however, getting better about it. But I do have a moment of, "Are they REALLY talking about me? Are they crazy?" Eventually, I smile and say, "Hell yes, I DO look good."

Just self-esteem issues.

Many backs have broken from lesser weight I know
I was born to carry more than I can hold
Even though Iíll stumble
Even though Iíll fall
Youíll never see me crumble
Youíll never see me crawl. - Bright Star the Musical

www.etsy.com/depressiondiva


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NANADA1947's Photo NANADA1947 Posts: 25,853
7/13/11 4:53 P

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most of my life i've received only negative comments from people/family..so it's conditioning with me..
i went to a gathering at a relatives home a few weeks ago & someone said to me "gee, you've lost so much weight", instead of saying thanx, i've almost reached my goal, i said..yeah, too bad my butt's still as big as a house..i felt badly at my re[ply to them almost immediately & i'm pretty sure i'll never get another compliment from them again..maybe some day i'll learn to accept compliments graciously..

"You can't roller-skate in a buffalo herd,
But, you can be happy if you've a mind to"
Roger Miller

"It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice"
Unknown Author

"When I do good, I feel good, when I do bad, I feel bad...That is my Religion"
Abraham Lincoln



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ALLYSNEWLIFE's Photo ALLYSNEWLIFE Posts: 3,942
7/13/11 3:41 P

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I'm a lot better at it now than I used to be, but I think that is coming from finally accepting the way that I look. I'm getting to the point where I really like myself, especially when I go through the effort of doing my hair and putting on makeup. Yes, I still have about 30-35 lbs to go until goal but I need to LIKE myself now. I really attribute my weight loss, not just to eating better and exercising, but getting my brain "screwed" on straight through therapy.

Ally

SW: 242.4
CW: 185

~57.4 lbs gone and still going strong~

~55 lbs until Goal~

carolinagirl1978.blogspot.com/


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KRILLFURY's Photo KRILLFURY Posts: 1,107
7/13/11 3:30 P

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I love compliments! They make me happy and it's always nice to know that someone thinks something yummy enough to say so that I can eat it right up!

I especially love to give compliments. Now, I'm not saying I go out and compliment everyone up the ying-yang, but if I notice something nice about someone, I enjoy saying so.

I don't know what happened; I used to be a little shy about receiving compliments, although they make me feel great. But now, I am not shy at all to receive them and be gracious about what is being said.

I may still have some time to go regarding my weight, but I take care of my skin, my hair and within a budget, I dress reasonably well, and overall, I'm pretty happy. I think when you're happy, that it just shines through no matter what.

It wasn't easy, but like anything, if you practice enough -- whether it's accepting compliments, or saying 3 nice things to yourself everyday, or whispering a good mantra to yourself every morning, you start to become it.

Our negativity and self-doubt took years to culminate. And while I don't think it will take years to undo, it takes practice! Practice the good things now! When someone says you looks great -- which we do -- say thanks! It's not easy but with practice, it gets easier and we ARE TOTALLY WORTH NOTICING!
emoticon

When you really live, there's just no time to be bored.


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CECE0330's Photo CECE0330 Posts: 3,465
7/13/11 3:08 P

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Reading through these answers, I realized that I am GUILTY of saying this almost every single time someone compliments me on my weight: "I'm working on it." Like I feel the NEED to let them know I don't think I'm all that just yet. emoticon I'm going to focus from now on to just simply say: thank you!

I wasn't even a big kid growing up, but I never got compliments at home, so when a random stranger would comment on something (i have good hair. THAT is the one thing I can accept a compliment on, even though it's usually followed by the thought: It used to be longer/bouncier, etc) I automatically assumed they were just being polite.



"Strong is the new Skinny"

SW: 212
GW: 145
CW: 186.8 on 9/29/16, after having reached goal (under, in fact!) and then relapsing. :( BOOO!!!


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MS_SWEETHEART's Photo MS_SWEETHEART SparkPoints: (61,740)
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7/13/11 2:58 P

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Sometimes.

Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not fearing being wrong. ~Peter T. Mcintyre

CDGOFF's Photo CDGOFF Posts: 3,025
7/13/11 2:44 P

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I've been getting more compliments lately - esp from those who know I am trying hard to lose this weight and get healthy. I am getting better at just saying "thank you" but I still find myself saying something like "I've still got a long way to go" or I downplay their comment by saying "Your just being nice"

My DH gets annoyed when I brush off one of his complements. He doesn't understand how easy it is for me to see everything that is wrong without seeing how far I have come.

It is sad to say that I don't know how to deal with compliments because I never got them growing up.. but for anyone who was larger size in high school you know that it wasn't complements you heard from the other kids.

-Christine in CA

Member of the 100+ First Step Club
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=9964




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CD5638752 Posts: 678
7/13/11 2:43 P

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I have this issue 2.

BLUEROSE73's Photo BLUEROSE73 SparkPoints: (149,624)
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7/13/11 2:41 P

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The only compliment I take well is when it's about my height. I tend to grin, say thank you, and point out it's because of these legs I've got that just go on forever!

Katrina
Saskatchewan Time Zone

You can not change yesterday - it's done.
You can only dream of tomorrow.
The only day you can change is today.
What are you going to do today to reach your goals of tomorrow?

It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it GREAT

Go little Turtle Go!


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VOLUPTURAPTOR's Photo VOLUPTURAPTOR Posts: 348
7/13/11 2:21 P

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I took this terrible Psychology of Shyness class a few years ago (I thought it was supposed to be about why people are shy and how to work with shy clients, but instead it was a self-help class) where the only good thing was that the teacher had us commit to a practice of giving and receiving compliments where, when we received a compliment, we were only allowed to say "Thank you, I know." It was ridiculously hard at first, but after time became easier, and is now something I can say (though usually without the "I know" addendum) out in the real world.

Sometimes it is scary to think of ourselves as deserving.

xx May

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SHRINKINGLULU's Photo SHRINKINGLULU Posts: 847
7/13/11 2:16 P

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I have the worst time accepting compliments!!

If it's from someone I don't know well I've gotten much better about saying 'thank you,' but it's usually followed with something like "you really think so?" or "you're too nice!" and then I immediately compliment them about something. If possible about how they're better at whatever it is they're complimenting me for.

With close friends and dear bf I typically blow it off and disagree, but I'm getting better...

"... failing to look inscruitible to any but the habitually dismissive."

-Thomas Pynchon


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WORKPEACEFULLY's Photo WORKPEACEFULLY Posts: 410
7/13/11 2:01 P

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Yes, I always have. In public, if someone gives me a compliment, I saw thank you and give them one right back, but my mind always breaks apart what they said. I am trying to rewrite my negative self talk, though. If I start trying to come up with something negative, I make myself think something positive along the same lines of the compliment. If someone says "You look great today, I am loving your hair!" and I start to think "It's so wavy and curly and frizzy!" I change that to "I can just add some mouse to my hair and it's got texture and character that most women have to use curling irons for!"

At home, if my fiance (of 6 years!) says something about how I look, I usually roll my eyes and say "Yea, sure". We have made a deal, almost a year ago, that if I roll my eyes, he gets 10 seconds of booby-grope time (after nursing my 2 kids for a combined, consecutive 2 years, I had some issues with them going from baby-feeders back to sexual objects). He loves it, and it is actually making me stop rolling my eyes. I still sigh some, but I am taking his compliments a bit better... Might not work for everyone, but it's a thought!

Peace, Rachel

Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results."- James Allen (the quote I get my screen name from!)


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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 9,242
7/13/11 1:29 P

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Yes, I always have had trouble. However, since I llost my weight (80 lb.) and kept it off, I find it easier. I begin to think I deserve it, maybe.

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CD10412771 SparkPoints: (0)
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7/13/11 12:50 P

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I've ALWAYS had a hard time accepting compliments of ANY KIND! Even when my husband compliments me, it's hard to accept (he's called me out on it a couple of times).

He just says, "Accept it, say thank you and move on." Words to live by I think!

Edited by: CD10412771 at: 7/13/2011 (12:52)
MATTSMONICA's Photo MATTSMONICA SparkPoints: (0)
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7/13/11 12:49 P

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I have the same issue no matter what my weight too. I think it stems from a deep root of never feeling good enough, and the search for acceptance. That's what I have found in myself. I really want to change this about me, I have a 12 year old daughter, and I don't want her to be the same way. I feel like I am already making another link in a chain that needs to end. I'm working on it. But it's hard.

BLUEROSE73's Photo BLUEROSE73 SparkPoints: (149,624)
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7/13/11 12:29 P

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I know. I am the same way. I figure they are just lying to me. Someone finally called me on it. Told me to just accept the compliment for what it was - something that person admired about me. Something I should feel proud of. I still get a little red once in a while though...

Katrina
Saskatchewan Time Zone

You can not change yesterday - it's done.
You can only dream of tomorrow.
The only day you can change is today.
What are you going to do today to reach your goals of tomorrow?

It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it GREAT

Go little Turtle Go!


 current weight: 262.8 
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CECE0330's Photo CECE0330 Posts: 3,465
7/13/11 12:12 P

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I always have, regardless of my weight. I was talking to my sister about this quick-loss gimmick a friend is doing, and how it was tempting (don't worry, I'm not going there) because I'm SUCH a slow loser, and I still have 18-20 lbs to go to reach goal (weighed in at 164 this morning). She of course said to steer clear, but also said I look "fabulous" and INSTANTLY my brain went down the whole path of: No, I don't, I'm not at goal. I still have 20lbs to lose. I have "batwings." I'm still "overweight" by most medical guidelines.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO ACCEPT A COMPLIMENT??? Especially when I've worked soooooo hard to get where I am? How do you make that negative-nelly SHUT UP already????


"Strong is the new Skinny"

SW: 212
GW: 145
CW: 186.8 on 9/29/16, after having reached goal (under, in fact!) and then relapsing. :( BOOO!!!


 current weight: 168.4 
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