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ITSNOTBABYFAT's Photo ITSNOTBABYFAT Posts: 30
7/19/11 8:40 P

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wow, i'm so sorry you have to deal with this. especially from your family. i think eating habits are a touchy subject for most people, whether or not they have weight issues. i think the average person feels as if they should be eating better and some people can even feel guilty about it. i think that's why people can become saboteurs - because they don't want to have to think about the fact that they are eating at denny's for example. there is no one who walks into a denny's like "man, this is right on track with my nutritional goals!". i think a lot of times (unfortunately) when we choose to better ourselves in anyway, we unintentionally become a mirror to or friends and families. the best of them will see this as a chance to jump in line with you and improve themselves, but others who aren't as secure will see it as judgement.

and that just sucks.

but you are right for remembering that this is about you and FOR you and ultimately what they think or feel is not really a factor. i like WOLFKITTY's point a lot too - as you continue changing, they'll see it as less of a threat. it's unfortunate but sometimes we have to wait for others to catch up sis ;)

Edited by: ITSNOTBABYFAT at: 7/19/2011 (20:42)
"if you want something you've never had then you have to do something you've never done"

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MISSB8604's Photo MISSB8604 Posts: 3,437
7/18/11 2:45 P

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I agree with all of your DONE girls in saying, YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB.

You're not alone in this. I too, have moments when some of my "friends" and family members dig into me and my attempt at eating healthy. Okay, not my ATTEMPT. I AM eating healthily. You can either ignore it, try to do something else with your family or TALK WITH THEM ABOUT IT. I've learned that you won't get anything by keeping your mouth shut.

Many backs have broken from lesser weight I know
I was born to carry more than I can hold
Even though I’ll stumble
Even though I’ll fall
You’ll never see me crumble
You’ll never see me crawl. - Bright Star the Musical

www.etsy.com/depressiondiva


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STARDUST2K4's Photo STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,377
7/16/11 12:32 A

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Thanks everyone! I feel better about all of this. I know that I'm doing the right thing. I am the one that has to live with my decisions not them. If I choose to put off my health, the only one who suffers is me.


Don't ever let anyone else tell you who you can be



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ALLYSNEWLIFE's Photo ALLYSNEWLIFE Posts: 3,942
7/15/11 3:57 P

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I'm sorry you are having to deal with that from your family and congrats on staying firm on your decision on not eating anything you don't want to.

I honestly haven't had to deal with any of that from my family or friends....they have all been very supportive of me and proud of all that I have done in the last year.

Keep plugging away and maybe they will eventually see that you are serious about this and start being supportive.

Ally

SW: 242.4
CW: 185

~57.4 lbs gone and still going strong~

~55 lbs until Goal~

carolinagirl1978.blogspot.com/


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SKYRUNHER's Photo SKYRUNHER Posts: 2,610
7/15/11 5:31 A

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I don't really have that with my family but I do with my friends.. I have drifted away from a few of them because of my weight loss. It seems that since I've started losing weight and that it's obvious that I'm going to continue with this, they are jealous and try to get me to go back to how I was.. that's not going to happen!

Keep up the good work.. and don't let yourself be defined by that role.

Edited by: SKYRUNHER at: 7/15/2011 (05:32)
Joyce


** Change is like walking an uphill, rocky road: you will stumble, you will fall. You may even roll downhill a bit. You will be tempted to stay down. You'll ask yourself "why bother"? But, if you pick yourself up and just keep pushing forward, eventually you'll get to the top and have a beautiful view! **


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NEDYFAY's Photo NEDYFAY Posts: 1,161
7/15/11 2:54 A

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Luckily, I live far away from my family and thus do not have that "role pressure" to deal with. I completely get where you are coming from, though, because my former group of friends had me pegged as "the smart, boring one". I don't think I have ever been pegged as "the eater" or "the fat one", but you never known.

I think people feel threatened by your changes. As a general rule, people don't like change at all! It makes them feel insecure, and insecure people get jealous. I think that they approve of your journey towards a healthy life in theory, but they don't like - and this may even be subconscious - the little changes that affect them; like you deciding not to eat and sticking to it (way to go!).

Give them time to adapt. Tell them sharply if they are overstepping your boundaries. They will come around but it will take them longer to get used to the new you than it will take you to create the new you.

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*´¨)
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(¸.· Nedyfay.·*´¨)
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"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department generally uses water." - Unknown.


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WOLFKITTY's Photo WOLFKITTY SparkPoints: (76,498)
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7/15/11 1:53 A

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You're doing FANTASTIC!

You have the right attitude, and what it takes, for major weight loss and maintenance (you obviously know this from your results). Don't fret it. They will have to adjust.

I noticed that as I lost weight people had varied reactions. There were plenty that had bad habits of their own, and felt like I was judging them, or that they had to explain what they were eating to me because I wasn't eating it. Eventually, as they have forgotten how big I once was because it's been a couple of years, they stop with that stuff, too.

My in-laws are still kind of perplexed. They're stuck in the old way of eating, so what I choose to do seems strange to them. If they ask, I try to patiently (and without superiority) explain my method, and emphasize that it's right FOR ME. Me.

Hang in there! I know how tough it can be, but they will either come around or won't. As my friend says, "What other people think of me is none of my business." ;)

HUGS!
Jocelyn

Get to it! "The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience..."-Eleanor Roosevelt
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ELEVENTEEN1's Photo ELEVENTEEN1 SparkPoints: (0)
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7/14/11 9:22 P

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I completely understand where you're coming from. My family and a couple of my close friends are saboteurs. Some I don't think realise they're doing it but I know at least one person does it intentionally. You are doing amazingly well (we were the same starting weight, I know how hard that is!)

Maybe you could try to change the activities you do as a family? Instead of dining at Denny's suggest you go for a hike with a healthy picnic at the end? Otherwise I personally (because I can be quite anti social if I choose to be) would put up barriers and stay away so that I could reach my goal...but I don't really think that's the best way to do things. We need loved ones in our life.

Whatever you choose to do know that you're not doing anything wrong. You're putting yourself first. Seeing the changes in your life is making some people who want to make those exact same changes uncomfortable within themselves. It's not you, it's them. Stay strong and keep up the great work!

Slow progress is still progress.


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7/14/11 2:48 P

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Wow. That must be very tough but I think you are awesome for holding your ground! I think ignoring it and being strong is a good start. Have you tried talking to your family? I know its tough with families, but if they love you, you should be able to tell them what you are truly feeling.

I don't have anyone in my life like that, least that I know of. To me, if you are not going to support me then you don't really deserve to be around the great person I am. I try to surround myself with people who love and support me, if they don't then they are pushed away. That might sound harsh but I won't put up with it.

Good luck!
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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 9,214
7/14/11 2:47 P

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First of all...you are doing SO great! Congratulations!

Sometimes I just don't want to eat, too, in a group setting. It's ok to do what is right for you! My hubby always tempted me, too, until he decided I was really going to stick with it and "do it for myself"...then he became much more supportive. Hope this is true of your family, too, although it would seem as if they would have gotten the message by now!

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FLYSQUIRREL's Photo FLYSQUIRREL SparkPoints: (0)
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7/14/11 2:33 P

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I understand what you're talking about. To put it simply, there are always going to be haters that try to get you to break up what your doing. I don't know why. I think they get some weird satisfaction from it. Like, "here, have some of my chili fries...ya, I know you're watching what you eat but, c'mon....just have a couple". There are some people who are just trying to be polite by offering, but then there's the majority who just want to see you cave in. And I've noticed that the people closest can be the worst lol. Uggh.

STARDUST2K4's Photo STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,377
7/14/11 2:23 P

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I don't think THEY'RE done with me being the fat girl...

We all have a role in our family. Some are the "brats" some are "the peace makers", some are "the bullies" and some are "the eaters". My role in my family was always the "eater", or the "fat girl". This was the case in my family and my circle of friends. I was always the one that others could look to and say 'Well, at least I'm not as fat as Liz". In a way, I justified the unhealthy habits of others, because they could eat what they wanted and as long as I ate what they were eating too, I'd always be 100+ pounds ahead of them.

It may not be a conscious label (my family certainly never TOLD me I was the fat girl, or the eater), but there's something telling about the reactions I received the other day when I chose NOT to eat-at all. We all went out to Denny's. It was too expensive for me (check out my blog) so I sipped water while the rest of them ate. I actually got snapped at because I chose not to order anything (the "I don't want to be the only one eating" argument).

Methinks someone is getting a little worried that I'm breaking my role and finding a new one.
They all say they're supporting me, but I really believe that the simple reaction I received spoke of true feelings.

Does anyone else have this problem? My personal coping method is to just ignore. I'm satisfied knowing that I can turn down not only a greasy meal, but even a single fry! They offered me some fries, but oh yes, I turned it all down. I can't tell you all how SATISFYING it was. It's like I say: "If you can't see and appreciate how far I've come then you're either dumb as #uck, or blinded by jealousy. I'll give you a hint, it's probably the second one ;)"


Don't ever let anyone else tell you who you can be



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