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9/23/18 9:23 A

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Day # 98 Instant Self-Esteem

OMG! I love all of the posts!

Cat is that really you? I love the pic. You are so beautiful!

Gloria I really liked that movie too and I remember the saying she always told to the little girl.

Gil you are so right about the change that smiling can make. Some time ago I noticed the very thing you are talking about - how grumpy people look when they are not smiling! Now I will catch myself at times and purposefully put a smile on my face because I don't want others to think I'm a grump!

I've had days like Linda describes. When my confidence hits rock bottom, my eating is totally out of control, my self-esteem is shot, and I feel like a failure in everything or that no one truly loves me or cares about me. What a pity party! Linda tells us that even a simple comment can devastate our inner spirit and sending us running to the frig.

My DH can do this to me. When I am trying to talk with him about something he will frequently walk away when I am not finished yet. He always says "Oh, I thought you were done". Hmmmm! Or instead of giving me his full attention he will start doing another activity while I'm talking. I don't think I need to tell any of you how this makes me feel inside!


"I HAVE SPARKLING EYES, I HAVE A WARM SMILE, AND I'M GOING TO MAKE IT!"
"I HAVE SPARKLING EYES, I HAVE A WARM SMILE, AND I'M GOING TO MAKE IT!"
"I HAVE SPARKLING EYES, I HAVE A WARM SMILE, AND I'M GOING TO MAKE IT!"


Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/23/18 9:00 A

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Day #97 Music Therapy

Music can actually alter your body's physical and emotional state in response to the beat of a song!

I enjoy music, but do I love it? Sometimes I think not because I rarely listen to it. Although I know of the benefits of music I seem to prefer silence more as it helps minimize the clutter in my head.

Instead of eliminating the clutter in my head maybe I should think about replacing it with music instead. I grew up in the 60s. My first song was from the Beatles. As a teen I had music blaring all of the time in my car. And who doesn't like the dance music of the 70s & 80s. I started taking piano lessons at the age of 6 and continued until I was 13 and my mother got tired of fighting with me to practice. As an adult I have refreshed my skill with lessons, but after a time gave up because it takes a lot of dedication to practice that I apparently didn't want to give. This year I talked my DH into trying a few nights at the Symphony. I am very excited about this. DH likes music, but has absolutely no concept of rhythm.

I used iTunes to store my music for years, but I no longer have an iPhone (I know you don't need one; it just works easier if you do) and the way we listen to music is changing in today's world. I have tried Pandora and Spotify, but they suck up my phone battery and data usage.

I have a music library of over 3000 songs and In recent months I have uploaded them to a storage app on my phone. However, I have not sat down and separated them into genre playlists yet and so it is strange to listen to Christmas music in the middle of July! I also have a Jawbone speaker that I need to learn how to use because it will have better sound quality than my phone does.

This will go on my "To Do" List for this winter.


Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/23/18 8:34 A

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Day #96 Pull Yourself Back Up

The 5 Step Plan for when your feeling down:

1. Do Tasks - Something simple and mundane that doesn't take a lot of thought.
My daily "To Do" List is always readily available and will give me task ideas. I also subscribe to Fly Lady and her Cozi site for cleaning. I have found that a lot of clutter can really drag me down.

2. Make Music - Something inspiring or entertaining. Crank it up and let it flow throw you.
I have over 3000 songs downloaded into my phone, but I don't listen to them much. This music is from the collection of CDs I have collected over the years.

3. Get Active - Find a way to move your body for at least 10 minutes.
This 10 minute rule isn't new to any of us. When I'm feeling down one of the best remedies for me is to get outside into the fresh air. I can either go for a walk or work in my perineal gardens.

4. Read A Book - Choose a novel, biography, the Bible, a book of poems.
The selection is endless and I have a good supply piled up! The idea is to do an activity that is nurturing, something that is "feel good". So I like Linda's idea of skipping the self-help books at a time when my thoughts are a bit darker.

5. Reflect - Fill your mind with positive images or thoughts. Meditate. Pray. Visualize.
I have an abundant number of resources for this here on SP. Writing in my journal is very healing. I also have my Rejuvenation Yoga that I can attend.

I found it very interesting that Linda tells up we need to do all 5 of these steps, don't skip any of them, and preferably in the order given for optimal effectiveness.

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/21/18 10:18 A

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Day #95 No Birthday Cake

I think it is very important to celebrate birthdays. It is Your Day. A chance to celebrate just YOU! A chance to show others how important they are to you.

• Locate your next birthday on a calendar and write, “Ultimate self-care day."

My birthday is towards the end of November and competes with Thanksgiving.

• Create a list of things you will do that day for nurturing and self-care.

Birthday cake is the least of my problems on my birthday. Over the years it seems to have become a weeklong celebration between dinner with DH on my actual birth date, celebrating with family on another day, and then more celebrating with friends on yet another day!

Nurturing myself and self-care activities are difficult during the end of November. As I mentioned, I am competing with Thanksgiving followed by Black Friday shopping. It is also cold with the start of winter and so being in a beautiful garden which I find extremely nurturing is out of the question. I will have to give this some thought. I still have 2 months to come up with some ideas.

Our DD's birthday is also in November and so In recent years she and I plan a Girl's W/E for ourselves. This year we are going to Chicago. However, this is not a calorie-free w/e. We are celebrating! She is young, healthy, and fit so cutting calories is not a priority for her and I know from past experience that she would find it a drag if I even brought it up.

• Decide which people in your life you will eat cake for. If someone is not on your list, skip the birthday cake.

I have a group of 7 girlfriends that I arrange birthday celebrations for throughout the year. We have a girl's night out every 1-2 months and I will designate it as Birthday Night so small gifts and cards are included. Cake is not included, but that doesn't mean food & drinks don't flow freely. I can control my own intake during these celebrations.

Our GKs, ages 6 and soon to be 8, have birthday parties which involve cake from a bakery. I don't like all of that frosting so I think I am o.k. having a small piece of cake while scraping it off. I usually also have a scoop of ice cream to counteract the dryness of the cake. Maybe our DD will be o.k. with me skipping this all together.

My DH and SIL both have birthdays in March and we have a combined "Man's Dinner" which means meat and potatoes! DH loves Apple Pie and SIL likes Lemon Meringue so I usually have each. That doesn't mean I have to eat any I suppose.

My dad, who I mentioned is now 92 yrs. old, loves his desert! Although he knows I don't eat desert on a regular daily basis, I can't imagine not having a piece of cake n honor of him to celebrate.



Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/21/18 9:15 A

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Day #94 Don't Say These Things

I Cheated On My Diet
I Blew It
I Was Good
I Was Bad
I Can't . . .

I have used all of these phrases in the past. I have been at this journey for so long and tried so many phrases, in fact, that when I find myself doing self-talk I don't bother listening! I sound like a broken record when I say these things!

I really believe that :

WHAT YOU THINK determines
HOW YOU FEEL and how you feel determines
WHAT YOU DO

I loved Gill's idea about saying "Yes" instead of "No" It is a more positive approach and acknowledges the temptation so there is no rebellion.

I loved Gloria's quote and saved to my computer.

I loved Susan's reminder about the Wide and Narrow Paths and not to let ourselves fall into the ditch and roll around in the muck!

So what did I tell myself last night at dinner?

I resisted the Salad Bar. DH did bring a plate of Buffalo Wings to the table saying "Here I brought you these". I replied "Oh how kind!" but in my head I was thinking "Darn, I always want to encourage thoughtfulness and kindness so now I better eat a couple".

I ordered a Taco Salad instead of a Burger because, although I know it is high calories, I thought it was a healthier option since I kept thinking about needing French Fries along with the burger. Also, I just used Salsa as my dressing w/o Sour Cream.

While I was eating my Taco Salad I recognized that I was getting full. I also noticed that everyone around me was done eating and wondered "Am I eating that slowly or was my serving that much bigger?". I decided it may have been a little of both. However, I did finish my salad despite feeling fullness. What did I tell myself? "I am really enjoying this. It is so good. I can't remember the last time I had a Taco Salad. Who knows when I will have one again."

Even though I recognized all of these thoughts they did not lead me to beat myself up about my mistakes or how I could have been better. If it wasn't for this lesson, I wouldn't have given last night another thought. And there, perhaps, lies the problem. I have stopped thinking!

I am going to try Gill's "YES" approach and I am going to try visualizing Rolling Around In The Muck the next time I am faced with a temptation.


Edited by: FUNLOVEN at: 9/21/2018 (10:19)
Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/21/18 8:23 A

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Day #93 How To Eat Right

1. Create your own list of ways to eat right.

I know how to do this. We all know how to do this. We just need to do it! It is 11 a.m. and I am just getting around to eating my breakfast. This is an unusually late morning for me, but I have been soooo busy since getting back from vacation that I needed some mental health time to get caught up on some "brain stuff". Since it is so late I will not be having lunch. Maybe this afternoon I will have a little cheese to hold me over until dinner.

I have poured a bowl of Shredded Wheat. I did not measure it. I added just enough milk. That covers my starch and protein. Now I need a fruit. I have some grapes in the frig I think I will use. Veggies are the only thing missing; they are just too hard in the morning unless I am having a omelete or smoothie. I believe in eating a balanced meal. I do not believe in eliminating any food groups. My motto is "All Things In Moderation".

2. Check your supplies of fruits, vegetables and healthy meal options.

I never made it to the grocery store yesterday and so it is top priority for me today. I have our dinner menu made out for this week, but needed to tweak it on Tuesday because I was too tired to cook after being gone on an outing all day. The fish is waiting for me in the frig. That means I will move Friday's dinner to Sunday. For our schedule it has to be all about flexibility because something is always coming up in our schedules!

• Put your eating right plan in place today. Write down what you did.

I ran out of time so I never did get around to eating the grapes in the morning or the afternoon cheese snack. For dinner I had been thinking about a burger all day. I knew I wanted to skip the salad bar b/c there are a ton of calories that hide there. When the time came for dinner I changed my mind about the burger and went with a Taco Salad w/o dressing. I could have done better with portion control.

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/17/18 8:52 A

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Day #92 How Not To Maintain

I have to confess - I know how to maintain perfectly! We are 92 days into this round and I have not lost 1#. As a matter of fact, I gained 4# while on vacation (which is not as bad as I feared it would be).

So what do I do to maintain? I do the following -

1. No portion control. I eat as much as I feel like eating. I use no constraint. I don't stop when my stomach first tells me it is full. No telling myself "You on are a diet so you can't eat this!".

2. No meal planning. Grabbing whatever I can find in the frig and cupboards to eat when I get hungry, but I'm too tired or busy to take the time to have healthy groceries in the house or prepare a healthy meal.

3. Let go of control over my alcohol intake. Although I am not always successful at this, I do have a goal of 0-2 drinks a day which mostly consists of wine with dinner. I let DH influence me with Happy Hour beers. We had good friends to our home for dinner and one drink led to another throughout the night. Vacation always seems to include more drinking.

4. Not making my Fitness Schedule a priority in my day. So easy to let everything else on my "To Do" list get in the way until there is no time left in the day or I run out of energy. I am an afternoon exerciser. The fitness rooms at the Y are not very busy around 1 p.m. and there seems to be an older crowd at that time. When I miss this window of opportunity I have a tendency to forego my workouts because I hate fight for the equipment!

5. Increased dipping into dips or other snacks/appetizers. I have broken the night time snacking for the most part, but put me at a party with lots of yummy appetizers and I seem to not be able to resist the temptation despite desperately trying to do so.

How do I flip this? Well, that seems obvious to me emoticon


DON'T LET THESE THINGS HAPPEN!


Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/16/18 2:50 P

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Day #91 It's Up To Me

Ultimately the secret to success comes down to one word - OWNERSHIP!

• Create a list of what works for you with your eating and exercise plans.

I am much more successful when I plan my dinners.
I am much more successful when I don't let myself get over tired.
I am much more successful when I don't let my schedule get too full.
I am much more successful when I stay within my SP calorie range.
Which means I am much more successful when I track the foods I eat.
I am much more successful when I follow my fitness plan.
I am much more successful when I limit my alcohol intake.

• Now make a list of what doesn’t work and how you can avoid doing those things.

What doesn't work is not doing the things I listed under what does work!
What doesn't work is when I deprive myself of an occasional treat.
What doesn't work is when I cut out certain foods instead of following a balanced diet with all things in moderation.
What doesn't work is over exercising.
What doesn't work is beating myself up when I slip up.
What doesn't work is letting my portion sizes get out of control.

• Consider how to own your plan and make it personal for your own needs.

Now that I am back from vacation I am working on getting back on track.
I write down dinners for a week on a calendar and make note of which nights involve eating out. I am also tracking my meals on paper for a period of time to see if it helps me focus better on the times when I fall off plan. I do ST for 60 minutes twice a week, but they exhaust me. I am considering changing my schedule to three times a week for 30 minutes.


Like we have all said - I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS! Evaluating what works and what doesn't and then tweaking our plans.



Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/15/18 9:18 A

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Day # 90 Bitterness And Resentment

I really liked what Linda said in today's lesson:

When you ignore feelings of hurt or push them away, they tend to become deeper, eventually growing into bitterness and resentment. The longer you hold these feelings, the harder it becomes to heal a wound. After a while, hurt builds into a chasm of resentment you can't escape from.

I can only hold things in for so long. If I'm mad at DH about something he said, did, didn't say, or didn't do, the injury seems to build over time and add to other injuries until I just can't hold it in anymore. I find myself emotional and on the verge of tears. Then I let it all out and an argument starts. That is not a healthy way to do things. So I try to watch myself closely and not let my emotions get to that point. After 45 years of marriage there has been a lot of forgiving - on both of our sides!

I have a very good friend who is like my soul sister. Even though we are similar in so many ways and always have a good time when we are together, out relationship has not been a smooth one and for a time I even thought of it as being toxic for me. Our issues all revolved around jalousies and ownership and insecurities in ourselves. I have persisted in approaching her with painful conversations over the years. The healing really came with me changing, not her. I learned to love myself, to trust myself, and to let go. I accepted that if our friendship was meant to be, than it would happen as it should and there was nothing I could do to force it. She was not mine to own. I was not alone. I always have God as my friend. I even shared all of this with her. Funny thing is that once I let go of her and accepted what she had to offer to our friendship, I felt a real sense of peace which has made of friendship better.

My examples are by no means as traumatic as the ones you all have shared that's for sure - divorce, disowned, rejected, stabbed in the back. Geez, my heart aches just to think about it!

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/14/18 7:35 P

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Day #89 I'm So Angry

This is a good lesson for me. I used to be angry all of the time, but that was years ago and I have learned a lot since that time although I have more to learn.

Some thoughts came to my mind when I read this lesson. I understand that anger is only a symptom of other underlying emotions. The list that Linda gave us is a great reference tool to figure out what we really are feeling. I try to remember that we are all more alike than we are different.

However, I am not very patient with rude, thoughtless people and there seems to be a lot of them in this world. I can be, as a friend of mine points out, snarky with people at times. Like the guy in the hotel lobby-side bar at one of the hotels we were at a few days ago. I just was not in the mood for his fowl language and I let him know it.

I recognize that I need to work on ways to handle my anger "on the spot". Some possible solutions for me is to remember:

1. Not my problem
2. Get out of my head
3. Say a prayer for the person
4. Keep my mouth shut
5. Mind your own business

I am a work in progress!



Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/13/18 8:01 A

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Day #88 Junk In The Back Yard

I loved Linda's image of a house with a fenced in back yard to hold all of our junk; closing that door behind us; walking out the front door to a beautiful garden of flowers.

Yes, I have had junk in my life just like everyone else. Journaling helped me work through a lot of it. I now longer feel angry at my mother for so many things in my childhood and early adult life. It took me years to get over that junk! I no longer feel hurt about a friend who I hold responsible for breaking up our group of 4 couples. As a matter of fact, I saw her recently at the grocery store and it felt wonderful to not have overwhelming negative feelings boil up all over again! I had a big pile of junk from an incident last summer that I am still working on, but it is improving bit by bit as I build my feelings of self-worth.

Gill - I loved the Charlie Brown quote and my DH reminded me of the very same thing just the other night - hanging on to the junk only prevents you from enjoying the moment. This is an area that I still need to work on. A few nights ago we were enjoying an evening drink at the hotel bar when a guy came in being loud and obnoxious and using foul language. It was so offensive that I spoke up about it which only turned into an ugly scene. DH reminded me that I need to not let these things bother me because they only ruin my good times. I also overheard a hotel employee at this same lounge make a comment to herself after a customer was rude to her - "Get out of my head!". I loved it and will try to remember it.

Gloria - I am not a worrier, but I loved your friend's remark about "And how's that working for you?!" It is a keeper for my memory bank.



Edited by: FUNLOVEN at: 9/13/2018 (08:02)
Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/12/18 7:45 A

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Day #87 Allow A Grace Period

We have talked about Grace Periods before. I am having a huge one right now while I'm on vacation.

A key point that Linda mentions and which I have not done is that you don't throw in the towel completely. That you still need to pay attention to healthy eating and exercise. I have not been paying attention. Even last night I indulged at dinner with larger portion sizes. Then I followed that with a rich chocolate desert. I actually told myself "Go ahead. Vacation will be over in just 2 days."!

I am not going to beat myself up over this. We will be home by tomorrow night and the first thing on my list for Friday is an exercise class at the Y. After that it will be menu planning and grocery shopping.

Even though I have been terribly non-compliant I can honestly say I am soooo ready to get back to my usual eating pattern and fitness schedule! My Grace Period is coming to an end!



Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/11/18 5:34 P

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Day #86 Talk To The Bear

I do have a collection of Teddy Bears, but I can't say talking to them would be my thing. Journaling about my feelings has really been a big help when I need to unload or if I need to problem solve.

We do have a cat, Niesha, but she is not very friendly and she hates our dog so she keeps to the second level of our house except to eat and use her litter box. She seems to favor me with her attentions when we are in the same part of the house. She even follows me into the bathroom!

Our dog, Ollie, is our joy (and our pain at times). He is soft and cuddly and we are missing him very much while we are on vacation.

Our fur babies love us unconditionally!

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/10/18 7:01 A

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Day #85 Dealing With Grief

The year 2002 started out with my uncle, whom I was very close to, passing away suddenly as he signed himself out A.M.A. from the hospital, but never even made it onto the elevator. He died in the hallway.

Three months later our son took his life and I cannot begin to tell you the depth of that pain I felt.

Two months later my aunt (the wife of my uncle who passed away in January), who was like a second mother to me, died unexpectedly in her sleep.

Yep. The year 2002 was the worst year of my life! And within 11 months (April 2003) my sister-in-law would die also from sudden cardiac complications. She was my DH's only living relative as his parents had both been killed in a car accident when he was 9 yrs. old.

Yes, I know all about grief and that 20%. And I'm glad for once that Linda doesn't suggest we try a nurturing activity instead of eating on those days when that 20% hits the hardest.

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/9/18 8:36 A

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Day #84 Body Memories

I agree that our bodies can tell us many things. Like right now. My stomach is growling and so I know my body needs fuel!

Again this lesson feels like a topic we have already discussed. I have mentioned the death of our son several years ago and how not only the month of his death, but also the month of his birth, finds me in a sort of funk. Knowing this I make sure I keep my stress levels low and keep my nurturing activities high to ward off possible depression. That is the emotional memory I feel. Can't say I recognize any body memories associated with it. At the time of his death I was grieving so deeply that eating was the last thing on my mind!

His birthday is coming up September 28. I will have to remember to keep an eye out for possible Body Memories.


Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/9/18 8:25 A

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Day #83 No One Takes Care Of Me

Many years ago I was going through perhaps what is a mid-life crisis. I was bored with my marriage and life and asked myself "Is this all there is to life?" Well, that is no way to live. Those negative thoughts just kept dragging me down. So then I said to myself "If you don't like you life, Sue, you had better figure out what you do like!" and that is exactly what I did.

My husband once told me that one of the reasons he was attracted to me in the beginning was because I wasn't one of those mousy, quiet, "yes" girls he was familiar with; when he asked for my opinion or wanted a suggestion or a discussion I was ready. I have a best friend who also said that one of the reasons she liked me was because I was not afraid to speak up; she always knew where I stood on an issue.

I am a firm believer in taking action to solve a problem instead of just whining about it. What this all leads to is that I know I can't only really count on myself and God. No one else can take care for me, but me. I have a tendency towards depression at times and get into a "whoas me; no one cares about me; no one loves me" kind of mood, but I quickly snap myself out of this by taking some nurturing action.

IF IT IS TO BE IT IS UP TO ME!

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/7/18 7:25 A

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Day #82 Whose Problem Is It?

This lesson seems very similar to Day #75 The People Hook.

I no longer get involved in other peoples problems. I have learned to listen, make a couple of problem solving suggestions, and then let it go.

I can only control my world and work on fixing my problems.


Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/6/18 7:50 A

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Day #81 Problem Or Predicament

Stress related issues are divided into two major types: predicaments and problems. A predicament us a stressful situation that won't change for a long time or maybe even never. All you can do is wait for time to pass and hope the predicament will improve or end. Instead of getting overwhelmed by it, break it down into smaller components (or problems) so you can take action steps to help improve the predicament. Don't waste energy, take action! Hmmmm, this all sounds rather familiar doesn't it?!

Predicament - Restaurant food daily on vacation makes healthy food choices difficult.
Action Plan - Better portion control at meals.

I'll gave to think on this some more.

Sue

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9/6/18 7:35 A

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Day #80 Too Comfortable

"Some days I just don't care about working on it. It's so much easier to just let it go." I'm like Linda's example, Darcy,I am comfortable with my daily life. I have not been feeling very desperate. I "only" have 20# I want to lose. Staying the same, at the weight I am at, isn't so awfully bad and I frequently don't feel like pushing myself. I do whine occasionally about my weight, but the actions required to lose it are short-lived.

So am I afraid of something as Linda suggests? I am afraid of failing. Failing does not feel good. I am afraid I am not strong enough to stick with it so that I don't re-gain. I have seen it happen more times than I can count to others I know and I am no different than them.

I also don't like the thought of what will happen if I don't change. The disappointment I will have with myself. I'm having trouble envisioning "hitting bottom" mentally as Linda recommends. Vacation time is a difficult time to make changes.

Sue

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9/5/18 8:03 A

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Day #79 Rebellion

I first recognized my bratty inner child when a Spark friend mentioned Steve Siebold's lessons on weight loss at fatloser.com My inner child wants to do whatever she feels like doing! She is still in there. I have a difficult time shutting her up. Although less so, she is still angry and resentful about dieting and that she can't have the foods she wants and eat whatever she feels like.

It takes a lot of energy to keep the lid on my inner child. I get so tired of having to watch everything I eat and pay attention to ever stinking detail. It not only takes a lot of energy, it takes the fun out of eating. Eventually I rebel and decide to eat as much as I want of whatever food I'm thinking about.

This approach and attitude are OBVIOUSLY NOT WORKING for me!

I know I am a strong and vibrant woman. My inner child proves how strong I am! However, I must still have some weakness remaining in my self-esteem and lack of believing in myself, because I still fine myself struggling to manage stress, challenges, and social events.

FOOD IS NOT THE ANSWER.

I AM A STRONG, VIBRANT, POSITIVE, SUCCESSFUL, HEALTHY WOMAN!

It is time to channel that bratty inner child and her anger towards achieving my weight loss goal.

Sue

Michigan - EST

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9/4/18 8:15 A

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Day #78 Self-Sabotage

I think Linda wrote another lesson just for me! Suzanne (that is actually my official name) can't figure out why I keep sabotaging my success. It's almost like I don't want to reach my goal. After basically staying the same weight (yo-yo up & down 8#) for the past 5 years you would think I would get the picture that something is going on with me!

Linda says that sometimes people who sabotage themselves have an unconscious need to stay overweight. I do not think that is my issue. However, I am afraid of the hard work I know it takes to lose weight. I have been putting the "task" off. And then there is the question of re-gain! I'm familiar with this too and the diligence it is going to take to keep the lost weight off.

I have a real tendency to easily get depressed and have low self-esteem issues. I have worked hard on my life so that I feel in balance emotionally. I have gotten rid of almost all of the garbage that effects me negatively. I still have some work to do, but I can honestly say that I can't remember the last time I felt overwhelmed with depressed feelings.

My motto still remains: BALANCE - EMOTION - SPIRIT - MIND - BODY!

Linda gives us a final reminder that overcoming self-sabotage requires building a trust that I will be strong and that I need to do the work required on self-talk and inner power that will help me trust myself to reach my goal!

Sue

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9/4/18 7:53 A

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Day #77 My Sabotage Toolbox

Linda tells us that sabotage can happen anywhere and IT IS MY JOB to manage these situations instead of feeling angry or frustrated with the situation.

Tools in my toolbox:
1. Magic Phrase - No Thanks. I'm going to wait a bit.
2. Don't include talk about dieting in your conversations.
3. Blame your doctor? I do have a dx of high triglycerides and SP just had a nice article about it.

Linda reminds us that sabotage happens only if I allow it. I need to remember that my goals are more important than pleasing other people.

We have discussed sabotagers a lot lately and I am ready to get off the subject. The point has been made. On a positive note, I blamed DH as my biggest saboteur , but the other day I was grateful that he choose a restaurant for lunch that did not serve alcohol. And yesterday we had lunch at a Sub-Way (no alcohol there!). If I can avoid places for lunch that serve alcohol it helps me achieve my goal by at least 50% because then all I have to deal with is dinner. Goal is 0-1 drinks per day. Hasn't happened yet. I'm still at 2 glasses of something with my dinner.


Sue

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9/2/18 9:59 P

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Day #76 Stop Sabotaging Me

I could blame my DH for this. He is the biggest culprit. Actually, though, he never comments on what I eat or drink or how much. He had never said anything negative about me being too heavy or not thin enough either until recently and that was a rebuttal to a comment I made about his pot-belly.

He know I usually don't have a snack at night so he rarely asks "Do you want anything?" as he prepares his own snack. His beer drinking is another story. There are many times when I tell him "not now", but there are other times when I can't seem to refuse his offer. It isn't that I think it will hurt his feelings. it has more to do with us being together; doing something that we share. Sad to say that beer drinking is a common ground!

The next time I anticipate we are going to have an experience where he encourages me to eat or drink more than I want/need I think I will try to tell him in advance what I really need; what my intentions/goals are. If he know in advance that I only want to go out for 1 drink or that I want to go to a restaurant that has healthier food offerings, maybe he will be more supportive.

Sue

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9/2/18 8:43 A

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Day #75 The People Hook

I have given this up. Somewhere along the way I realized that there are some people you just can't change and, similarly, there are some people who don't want to change! Of course, just because I know this doesn't mean I don't frequently need to remind myself of it. I am a fixer, a problem solver, and I don't like to see other people struggle.

I think we fall into this trap so easily when we hear other's complaining about something. We don't know what to say or do and so we start to come up with solutions for them. A friend once told me "Don't you think I have already tried that? Sometimes I just need to vent!". That was a lesson for me. IF THEY DON"T COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY "HELP ME FIX THIS PROBLEM", THEN KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND JUST LISTEN.

I don't apply this to my DH very well. He is not a complainer, but I do wish he embraced a healthy lifestyle and so I am frequently nagging at him about what he eats/drinks and his lack of exercise. I have got to stop doing this.

Reminder to me: WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF AND NOT OTHERS!

Sue

Michigan - EST

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"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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9/1/18 9:47 P

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Day #74 It's Not My Fault

This is an easy one for me. I think I might even be an expert! My DH is my target. I have said it many times in my posts. He is the one that always wants to go for drinks. He is the one that always wants another beer as we relax in our beautiful back yard on our new patio. He is the one that always picks restaurants that don't have any healthy options (other than another salad). He is the one who always needs a 10 p.m. snack while we watch T.V. See how easily I have clicked those examples off?! Of course it is his fault. You don't expect me to take the blame or responsibility for my poor eating behaviors, do you?!

Well, yes I do need to take the responsibility!

We are on vacation and my eating has been less than exemplary. However, today I had a chance to straighten myself out a bit. DH ate something last night (i think it was the raw oysters) that caused him to be terrible sick. Today there was improvement, but the entire day was a struggle for him. He had no appetite for any food or liquids. I took advantage of this opportunity and did a self-imposed fast for the day. A good body flush with lots of water! Then for dinner tonight I had a Steak Salad with a couple glasses of wine. When we got back to the hotel I did finish the few pieces of Salt Water Taffy left over from yesterday.

I feel like I'm back in the driver's seat. I do not need to let him or others influence my choices. I can simply say "No thank you. I don't feel like eating/drinking - - - right now. Maybe later" !


Edited by: FUNLOVEN at: 9/1/2018 (21:48)
Sue

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9/1/18 7:34 A

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Day #73 Manage Special Days

I am feeling like a bit of a fraud right now. We are on vacation and I am not managing anything very well! We have had some deliciously rich dinners and lunches have not been junk, but they have not been healthy fares either.

We have a birthday celebration for my dad (92) and our GD (6) when we get home from vacation, but I am very familiar with the restaurant we are going to and already have a plan in my head. Halloween candy is no longer a temptation to me for some reason. I manage to walk right by it without a thought. We don't get Trick-o-Treaters at our house so we shut off the lights and go out for dinner.

Putting vacation aside the next holiday that is a big temptation for me is Thanksgiving. Our DD and family will be spending this year with the in-laws (we alternate years). DH, myself, and my dad will go out for dinner. If I stick to the healthiest appetizers, limit the amount of dressing, and skip desert I think I will be doing good. We will be doing another Spangle book during this time and so I'm sure I will get plenty of reminders to be mindful.

Sue

Michigan - EST

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8/31/18 7:42 A

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Day #72 Renew Your Vision

I know all about Vision Boards and I have read about how beneficial they can be - a Visual Prompt for when the going gets tough. I am actually a very visual type of person. I understand things a lot better when I can "see" what you are talking about, directions, plans, etc. So you would think I would love this idea of a Vision Board. I DO NOT!

I have attempted to start a Vision Board a couple of times without success. Where on earth do people get all of the pictures, verses, etc. to put on their boards. I found it extremely frustrating. It seemed to involve buying multiple magazines and even then I couldn't find much of what I was looking for. I had better luck with the Words, but the Pictures were not my vision at all. There are very few pictures of people my age in magazines! Eventually I gave up and dumped all of the magazines in the recycle bin. Even if I did succeed in finally putting a Board together, what would I do with it them? Where would I put it? Most certainly not where everyone else could see it! So if I can't see it, it will not serve it's purpose.

For me the Vision will need to just be in my head. It reminds me of what we all do at the beginning of the year. After resting through the month of December, we renew our determination with a FRESH LOOK at what goals we want to achieve in the upcoming year.

We can actually do this at any time of the year. I will be dong this in mid-September when I get back home from vacation. For now, I'm going to give it a rest.

Sue

Michigan - EST

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8/29/18 7:44 A

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Day #71 Setback Or Failure?

Several of us seem to be having some struggles right now!

Gloria could have written my post for this lesson. I can relate to Phyllis's angst about aging. I loved Cat's picture of Thomas The Train falling off the track. I saved the Mindful Eating Cycle that Maribeth posted. And, like Gill, I am struggling with doing what I know will bring me success!

Does this make us failures? NO IT DOES NOT! ! ! We are still here reading, posting, sharing, supporting. We may have fallen down, but we are all getting back up, brushing off the dust, and moving on.

I familiar with feeling like a failure. It is a mind-set that is so engrained in my head. I also know I need to get over that kind of thinking. I am struggling with the decision to cut myself some slack and give myself a recovery period as Linda suggests. I feel like the obstacles I have to face while on vacation are too many - no time too exercise, salty restaurant food (my rings are already feeling tight after just 2 days), DH's influence about drink/food choices, not enough water throughout the day, and limited time here with my team mates.

Yesterday I vowed I would skip desert and have less beer. That didn't really happen. I substituted wine for the beer and sweet treats offered at the hotel in place of desert after dinner.

Today I will do better! I AM NOT A FAILURE!

Sue

Michigan - EST

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8/26/18 8:43 A

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Day #70 Eating Instead Of Thinking

The title of this lesson really through me for a loop. I thought Linda was going to tell us to STOP THINKING so much and START DOING! Instead she asks us to think some more. I THINK we have been doing a lot of thinking. I have put so many of my emotional issues to rest. I have dealt with them. Feel resolved. I don't like constantly dragging them back up to the surface. They are done, over with, and there is nothing more to do about them or say about them.

I CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON THE JOY IN MY LIFE INSTEAD OF PAST ISSUES WHICH I HAVE RESOLVED! I think a lot of this comes from all of the work I have done in building my feelings of self-worth. I will no longer let anything or anyone take that away from me. My life is good and I am happy!

So what causes me to eat off plan? Chaos is the biggest culprit. When there is too much commotion going on around me.

One example I can think of is the times when our family gathers for dinner. With 2 young children at the table there is always chaos. It drives me nuts. I hate the idea of excluding them from being part of experience, but it would be better for me if only I had some place else to seat them. Sometimes my DD does feeds them ahead of time and I am always grateful.

Another example that comes to mind is when I am in a large group of people such as a party. Everyone talking. So much noise. I can almost feel the tension building within me. Too ease this feeling I get some food to eat, find a seat, and bury the noise with all of the high cal snack foods that can be so nurturing. In a crowd this is a more acceptable behavior then secluding myself in some quiet corner would be.

So for me it is not always emotions that lead me to stray. More likely it is my A.D.D. brain that can't stayed focused because of the chaos surrounding me.


Sue

Michigan - EST

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8/25/18 12:20 P

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Day #69 Hurt Feelings

Well, this topic really opened up a bag of worms!

Gill - I have done the very thing you described about your friend. I can feel very protective towards my closest friends and feel indignant when I feel they have been wronged. I find myself thinking - Why do they let (this person) do this to them?! or Why do they let this (event) happen to them?! or Why don't they do something about (whatever)?! It is soooo wrong. I would never put up with being treated like that! And there is the key! What have I learned? The lesson I have learned -is this " that is me, not her/him, so keep your nose out of it, Sue".

Phyllis - I know exactly how you must have felt about being left out of the Sister Breakfast. I used to belong to a large group. We all rode motorcycles together. We were like family. We even had a private group set up on FB so we could all plan get togethers in secret! Like families there was squabbling and the group fell apart. As people went there own ways (in smaller groups) may of us felt left out for a variety of reasons. It was such so stressful and hurtful that I left FB for 3 years. Even to this day, when I see people I know posting fun about something fun they did with others, I find myself feeling a bit hurt. Then I remind myself - When on earth do you think you could fit another activity in! or I may think If you want to spend time with these people, then give then a call!

Wanda - I am "plain-spoken" like you DH. I was just talking to a friend about this the other night. She commented that this was one of the things she liked the most about me. I told her there were many people who did not appreciate this approach and so I try hard to "soften" my comments. I call it beating-around-the-bush! I am so poor at doing this that many times the point I am trying to make gets completely lost which is frustrating! My DH is exactly the opposite in his speaking and this has caused a great amount of miscommunication and hurt feelings in our marriage. Now that we are old & wise emoticon we try to be clearer and if we snap at one and other we are quick to apologize and explain what we are really feeling.

My unspoken rules have to do with the meaning of true friendship. DH tells me that I am too sensitive; that I am thin-skinned. This leaves me wide open to all kinds of hurts. The makes me seem harsh and uncaring at times. I expressed a sentiment about my feelings to a close friend not long ago and she replied "It's too bad you don't let others see that side of you more often". Hmmmmm.

Something I have learned and try to remember when I speak is this:



Edited by: FUNLOVEN at: 8/25/2018 (12:22)
Sue

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8/25/18 10:09 A

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Day #68 Guilt IS NOT An Emotion

So what makes me feel guilty? Not meeting WHAT I PERCEIVE as the world's expectations of me. That "Should and Should Not" List. Somehow I think I have managed to get over this. I have stopped thinking that I need to be and do everything. I have stopped feeling guilty about people! There are only so many hours in a day. I prioritize what I think needs to be done. Then I set out to do the best I can. When I can't seem to meet those expectations I realize it is for a reason. It is not because there is something wrong with me such as laziness or avoidance. It is because I have run out of time or because I am tired or because I am not mentally able to face the task yet and need some mental nurturing in order to build up my tank!

I have given up feeling guilty about people and/or the world's expectations of me (or what I think those expectations are). HOWEVER, I do feel guilty about myself at times. I have learned recently the significance of having my YES MEAN YES and my NO MEAN NO. It has to do with commitment. When I say I am going to do something, such as not eat an unplanned food, and then go ahead and do it anyway I feel disappointment in myself. Guilty is just another word for it and the "crime" is against me!

Sue

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8/25/18 9:41 A

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Day #67 Let It Go

There seems to be a set number of topics/events that have happened in my life that I keep writing about in these lessons. Obviously they are the ones that affected me the most. I have felt the exact way that Linda's Ron describes regarding hurt feels. I use the example of being hurt because I don't seem to hold onto feelings of anger.

I have said "I just can't get over it!" Linda says there I simply wasn't ready to let go of my hurt. I would say "not being ready" didn't even enter the picture. I simply did not know how to let go. It was God that helped me with that lesson. My hurts seem to stem from feelings of not being loved or feeling like I am not loved (because, after all, if you loved me why or why not would you do that to me?!).

I have worked through these feelings. I have leaned to LET IT GO. I have accepted that people show there love in all different kinds of ways. I have come to the realization that just because I don't have a ton of friends who call me all of the time it does not been that I am unlovable. I have done the best I can to be loving towards others. So when I find myself feeling unloved I tell myself I Am Enough! I Am O.K.! and I remind myself that even if no one else loves me I know God does and that is all anyone needs!

Sue

Michigan - EST

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8/24/18 8:48 A

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Day #66 Kicking Kettles

When I reread this lesson today I thought about how I was feeling last night and the situation seemed to fit perfectly!

Today we are going on an outing with another couple to a park and then to dinner. I have written about my struggles with this friend before. She has the unique ability to push my buttons almost every time we are together. When we made plans for the day I had suggested the park and restaurant idea. I picked a restaurant that I thought she might not like, but it would be a nurturing place for me so that I can remain calm. She, of course, suggested another restaurant.

Then last night she sent me a text message asking if we could make an additional stop at the Mall. I do not want to waste time at the Mall. My DH didn't think her request was unreasonable, but I explained to him that although this one thing didn't seem unreasonable there is always "something more" with her every time we are together. I'm not sure I can even explain it well. Each time we are together there is an example I could give.

I FEEL angry BECAUSE I don't like being manipulated all of the time into doing something I don't want to do! If there was an emoticon with steam coming out of the ears I would use it right now!

DH helped calm me down. Texting went back and forth and we agreed to go to the Mall, but she said she would figure something else out instead. DH poured me another glass of wine! I was good for the remainder of the night. I was actually o.k. after venting to DH and had no intention of drinking more wine, but once he poured the glass I wasn't going to waste it!

DH is usually a good sounding board for me. He is the Yang to my Yin!



Sue

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8/23/18 12:16 P

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Day #65 Showing Emotions

I can really relate - AGAIN! - to what you have all posted. Love was not shown in our home when I was growing up. As a disgruntled teen my parents even sought counseling for our family and the result was that my father needed to show his love for me more. Now at almost 92 years old he always wants a kiss & hug before we part and he frequently says "I love you".

Today, however, I want to post about something else besides my family.

I have had a friend since we were 15 years old (50 years!). She is a good, Christian person and I frequently seek her advice when I am trying to figure something out. She is a good problem solver and very analytical. As I have mentioned several times here, I have worked very hard on becoming a better person - The Best Version Of Authentic Self. So one day, in conversation with my friend, I asked if she thought she had seen any improvements in me being more kind. Her reply - Well, Sue, you don't hide your displeasure very well. It is usually written all over your expression. I FELT so discouraged and hurt BECAUSE I was hoping for a more positive response.

So what is a person meant to do when they dislike a situation!? Her comments made me feel defeated and worthless as I wondered if I would ever come across as a kind & loving person to others. The lessons we have been working on made me realize the other day that there is nothing wrong with showing my displeasure. As a matter of fact, instead of trying to hold it all in and letting it come out in my facial/bodily expression, I think it would be better if I just spoke up and said why I was unhappy or didn't like something (within reason, of course).

We are having dinner with this friend and her DH this Friday so it is probably why this has all come up to the surface. I am not quick on my toes and finding the right words can be difficult at the spur of the moment, but it obviously does no good for me to hold my feelings in either. So this Friday I am spending extra time in nurturing activities for myself and I refuse to let her "push my buttons" like she usually does.

I'm going to express myself! I think there is a Madonna song about that emoticon



Sue

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8/23/18 11:30 A

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Day #64 Courage To Feel

I don't know if I had the courage to feel or if I just figured out how to let go of the hurts and, of course, there are many that can be recounted when I think back through my 66 years of life, but I will touch on only a couple here.


When my parents moved to Mexico I FELT Abandoned BECAUSE I couldn't understand how any parent could leave their only child.

In the early years of my marriage I FELT disappointed BECAUSE reality replaced the fairy tail I had envisioned in my head.

When our son took his life at the age of 19 I FELT numb BECAUSE it was such a painful experience.

When our 20 year friendship with four couples fell apart I FELT angry (which is a side effect of feeling hurt) BECAUSE the one couple who broke us up never gave a reason; they just dropped out of contact and I could never understand why.

These are some of the BIGGER examples in my life. With counseling, a lot of introspection, and God's help I am glad to say that I have come to terms with these hurts and "put them to rest". I have forgiven my mother, my husband, my son, and our friends and moved on in my life as I learn to discover my authentic self and realize that NONE of these examples were my fault, they were just what they were - life!



Sue

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8/23/18 10:28 A

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Day #63 What Do I Feel?

This is such a loaded and difficult topic that it stopped me dead in my tracks. I am now several days behind on our lessons.

Emotions are much more complicated then the three basics: mad, sad, and glad! So many times I find myself asking (after I have had a binge of sorts) - Now why did I do that? What was THAT all about?

Many times I have not been able to make the correlation because I have never associated my poor eating behaviors with my emotions. It's as if I always thought there was some mysterious external force that was using it's black magic to make me eat things I hadn't planned on eating! Well, not really. I live in a more realistic world than that. I know it is me making the poor choices, but it frequently feels like an out-of-body experience when I try and figure out the "why" of my behavior.

We have been given a wonderful list from Linda's book "Life Is Hard, Food Is Easy" to help us identify our emotions. I have the list printed and today's lesson dog-eared. I think this will be one of the most important lessons in my weight-loss journey.

Linda tells us that the more specific we can be, the greater our chance of doing something about our feelings instead of using food to appease them.

Now, all I have to do is identify what I am feeling BEFORE I stick the food in my mouth!

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/18/18 10:33 A

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Day #62 Revive My Feelings

I think these next 10 days of digging up all of these emotional things is going to be very hard!

I never had a close relationship with my grandparents and our DD never had a very close relationship with her grandparents (my parents) either. Consequently, it is very important to her that we have an outstanding relationship with our grandchildren (her children). This is a lot of pressure. Sometimes I feel like we are meant to make up for all of the past poor relationships. As a result we spend a lot of time with our grandchildren.

We just spent that last 2 days with our granddaughter, who will soon be turning 6, as a "special" time for her alone. I truly love my grandchildren, but they most definitely are stressful for me in many ways. Our granddaughter gravitates more towards my DH and this is very hurtful for me. I know she has no ill intent, but I end up feeling very unloved. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me. I think some of it comes from the fact that grandma sets the rules in our house because DH seems oblivious to what goes on around him - eat your vegetables, pick up your toys, stop swinging that stool and banging into the counter, please eat with your fork and not your fingers, get your feet off of the furniture, didn't I ask you not to do that?, etc. etc. I am the "rule" person. The "black & white" personality kind of person. So I end up not being the "fun" person. Funny who kids can sense this, but somebody in our household has to keep some kind of order so that chaos doesn't rule!

When it comes time to returning our grandchildren to their rightful owners the situation quickly deteriorates and total chaos does rule. There is quarreling between the siblings. There is whining and crying. There is non-stop attention seeking behaviors that their parents indulge and which drives me crazy.

As an attempt to make our final time a happy event I arranged for us to do the "turn over" at a favorite local pizza joint. I invited my 91 yr. old father (also filling the role of grandfather and great-grandfather) to join us. This restaurant has a room with lots of different video game machines and other things that fascinate kids. Both kids worked uncomplainingly during the 2 days to earn money for these games only to end up disappointed because when we got there it was a 1 1/2 hour wait to get a table. Let another round of crying & pouting begin! We decided to go to our house and order pizza. My house was a mess and our dining room table was covered in a scrapbook project I am working on!

All this ruckus because I want to be a good grandparent, but only end up feeling like a failure! To put an ending to this long story I will say that I ended up not only feeling unloved, but frustrated as well. All a bad combination which led to eating too much pizza and, oh well, I might as well have another glass of wine while I'm at it!

This morning I was very mad at myself for my slip up with my healthy eating streak ! On the positive side, I was so mad that I ate a lovely, healthy breakfast and rededicated myself to start my "healthy streak" again. Now to figure out how to deal with all of these grandparenting emotions.



Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/17/18 10:00 A

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Day #61 The Emotional Box

OMG, this topic is HUGE! I could really relate to the pictures that Cat posted. Do I really want to dig up my childhood memories and all of those feelings? Not much. Lets just say that, for whatever reasons, whether my feelings were based on reality or not, I grew up feeling unloved and in a home that I didn't feel was joyful and around neighborhood children that didn't much like me. This turned me into a very angry person and at some point, as I grew into adulthood, I stopped putting a lid on expressing these feelings. I didn't care what I said or who I hurt as long as it wasn't me! I know that sounds just horrible. It has taken me years to "put a lid" on these feelings of hurt, injustice, and anger that I felt about life. I still need to watch myself very closely to keep these feelings in check. My ADD tendencies don't always make this easy because people with this diagnosis seem to lack a certain degree of social awareness with stimulus intake & output. I really don't care to ever go back to the person I used to be!

Linda tells us "If you block your emotions long enough, you can become so good at it that you stop feeling much of anything". I think I have done this to some extent. Not only to bury life's hurts but also as a side effect of being a nurse. Illness can be a very painful thing in many ways for a person and for all of their loved ones. Can you imagine having a nurse who broke down bawling at your bedside because she felt so bad for your sufferings?! As a Critical Care Nurse I have frequently dealt with the worst of illnesses and I learned to turn a part of myself off in order for me to be more effective in providing the care that these people need during this time in their lifes.

The end result of all of this is that I am a very serious type of person. I think our world is become a sadder and sadder place to live. There is less and less love & joy going around. So in some ways I like living inside my box, in a neutral zone, disconnected from life. It can be safe there.

I realize this is not a particularly healthy attitude and so I continue to work towards being more authentically myself and the best version of me that I can be! I am make slow progress, but keep in my mind "You are o.k., Sue. You are kind. You are loving. You are worthy." Telling myself these things helps me to not be afraid of the world if that makes any sense to anyone.

I do wish I could laugh more. Is there a book that can teach you how to do that? There seems to be a book about everything now days !

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/17/18 8:31 A

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Day #60 The Gift Of Yourself

What a coincidence! I just wrote in my post for yesterday's lesson that when I am feeling like "there isn't enough" is when I make an extra effort to remember that some one else is probably feeling the exact same way!


When I am feeling down and gloomy I have found that it really works to life my spirits when I think about some one else and/or do some extra acts of kindness or write a list of several things I have to be grateful for.

You are all very special to me and I am very grateful to be part of this team!

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/17/18 8:07 A

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Day #59 When There Isn't Enough

"There are a lot of times in life when you simply can't get enough. You year for more - - - " and I wondered "more what?". In this lesson Linda writes "Food won't fill your empty heart".

I suppose there are times when we all could use a little more loving, but I have worked hard in this area. Knowing that I am loved and that I need to accept the fact that people show their love in many different ways. That we all have the same basic needs and are more alike than we are different. That if I am feeling like I am not getting enough love then maybe someone else is feeling the same way this very minute and maybe I should show them that I love them.

I have also worked hard on self-love and building my own self-esteem. This came to a summit last summer when after an especially painful event I got so mad that I put my foot down and told myself "Darn-it! You are NOT a bad person. You are NOT responsible for all that went wrong here. You do NOT deserve to be made to feel all of these horrible things about yourself!" Although it was a very emotional time for me, it was also the very stepping stone that catapulted me into really believing that I AM ENOUGH! I AM A GOOD AND WORTHY PERSON.

I love the last part when Linda writes: Inside your own spirit, there is enough! You have the power!

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/15/18 8:56 A

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Day #58 Grieve Your Progress

Yes. I do grieve my progress and sometimes it leads to falling off my path! We frequently talk about how hard this "dieting" business can be. We not only have to lean how to deal with our emotional eating, but we then end up grieving the things we can no longer have if we want to lose weight and/or stay healthy! It can be a difficult road to maneuver.

After a while the things we have left behind just become a distant memory. Other times they are like sirens calling to us. I can count on one hand the number of times I now go to a Fast Food joint which used to be a "fast" solution in the past. I don't think I have had an ice cream cone in 2 years!

There are times when I miss the "Good Old Days" when I could eat and drink whatever I wanted and never had to exercise. If I want to stay healthy and lose weight I need to work at keeping those days behind me. This made me think of one of the first lessons exercises from 100 DWL book that Linda had us do:

I USED TO __________, BUT NOW I ________!

Grieving is a process. It has 5 steps to it no matter what the loss is. We will get through it and be the better for it.

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/15/18 8:28 A

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Day #57 People Make Me Eat

Here are some of the statements in this lesson that struck me:
1. Because I want to feel close to - - -
2. Because I want to connect with - - -
3. Because I don't want to hurt - - - feelings


One situation that is frequently problem for me is when my 91 yr. old father invites us for dinner. This is a HUGE deal in his life and he does a wonderful job at making it nice and preparing the couple of dinners he knows how to cook well. Now how am I suppose to say "No" to that?! It is very difficult.

My dad usually comes to my house instead so the above situation doesn't happen too often. He loves his deserts. We always had them after dinner when I grew up. He knows I do not have anything in my house that would be considered desert and he usually says "OK. I'm going home now to have my cookies". Sometimes, however, he will stop at the store on his way to our house and buy a pie telling us jokingly "I thought Larry could use a treat tonight". The problem, of course, is that I eat some too! I don't want to hurt his feelings after he was so thoughtful and kind.

The third situation that came to mind was family birthday parties. Who can turn down cake & ice cream on such a special occasion?!

Of course, these situations can all be managed with a bit of portion control, but if I was successful at being able to do that I would most likely have desert/sweet things in my home. Sweets are one of my trigger foods!

I really need to learn how to say "THANK YOU BUT NO THANK YOU"!


Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/15/18 8:07 A

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Day #56 I'm So Bored

Yes! That is exactly how I feel many times. Bored with the brain-dead TV. Bored with the conversation (or lack of it). Bored with the activity. I would say that I can get bored fairly easily. This happens more during the night then it does during the day. I have plenty on my "To Do" List, but after doing them or most of the day I need a break from what I refer to as "Tasking". I need some relaxation and enjoyment; a break from the mundane job of doing tasks. Some people would refer to this as Down Time.

During my Down Time is when the boredom can set in. There is nothing worth watching on TV. There is no meaningful conversation going on in my life. Or some times my many activities (I'm a very crafty person) aren't sounding appealing to me at the time - "No. I don't feel like reading right now" or "No. I don't feel like hauling out all of my knitting stuff". Linda suggests "I might be seeking things that will add meaning and connection to my life".

She hit it right on the head for me when she said "Even when you have lots to do and you have plenty of friends or people to relate to, you might still feel empty and unfulfilled. You might be needing a deeper level of excitement, newness, or personal growth". Some times I need a challenge!

She suggests developing new skills in an area that interests you. I will need to give this some more thought because right now my brain is asking me "Do you really need to start a new hobby?"

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/14/18 8:39 A

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Day #55 Food As A Reward

I immediately related to this lesson!

Using Linda's words - "Every day I work hard. After my efforts I feel like I deserve a reward, but no one gives me one".

One of my frequent habits during the summer which I have been working on controlling is my intake of a cold beer ( which leads to 2 or 3) after a hard day's work in my flower beds. The other example I have for this lesson is more elusive and has to do with my DH. As women we are always told how tender the man's ego is and how careful we have to be to make sure they feel appreciated. This idea just makes my skin crawl. The poor babies! They are all so abused, taken advantage of, and unappreciated! Well, what about us women! ! ! There has been more than one heated discussion in our family regarding how I Thank my DH for many of the things he does for me/us and how I never get any Thanks in return for all of the mundane chores that befalls a woman. UGH! Now that I have gotten that off my chest -

We frequently hear about NSV as rewards for out weight loss efforts. in the Beck Solution book she tells us to GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR EVERY CORRECT BEHAVIOR YOU DO. Ate my breakfast - Good Girl, Sue. Tracked my food - Good Girl, Sue. You get the picture. It is hard to remember to do this. We go through our days so automatically. There have also been articles here on SP about ideas for NSV and rewards, but I have not found any of them very motivating. Why? Well, I suppose you could say because I am spoiled. It I want a Latte coffee I get one. If I want a new book or magazine, I get one. If I want a new outfit, I get one. I do not have the time or financial restrictions on my life that apparently so many other people have.

This puts me in a pickle to find a reward that is motivating for me. I do realize, however, that "rewarding myself with food results in a hollow victory and only leads to unwanted pounds when in reality all I want is to be noticed by other people and appreciated for how hard I am working to please others and reach my goals at the same time"!


Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/14/18 8:15 A

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Day #54 Please Comfort Me

When I first read this lesson and Linda's example of Don who had nothing go as planned for himself one evening I thought this sounded my like Day #46 Disappointment. Her next example was about needing comfort as a child when you fall and get injured. I really didn't see that either of these scenarios related to me.

I wouldn't tell you that I think "If I eat something, maybe I'll feel better", but after reading everyone else's posts perhaps I need to rethink this. Linda always asks us to "recall a time when - - - ". This part is so hard! I just wrote a blog this morning about my difficulties with being FOCUSED. This lesson just helped me realize that I not only need to stay focused ahead of time to maintain healthy eating and fitness behaviors day after day, but I also need to be able to focus on the WHYs of my thinking when my focus goes astray!

My healthy eating and fitness have been lacking since last Wednesday. DH and I had a Day Trip planned to hopefully find a cabinet that he could refinish and use for a TV Stand. Several things seemed to go wrong right from the beginning. I didn't check the weather and discovered we were most likely going to face some rain (in an outside setting), I forgot to bring the measurements of our TV required for proper sizing of the Stand, DH started to dawdle looking at other things when we needed to keep moving in order to cover the shopping area, it did rain and the shopping stalls closed early, we were unexpectedly and nicely surprised when we ran into friends from home (2 hours away) and they asked us to join them for dinner - at a buffet which is a huge trigger for me! The day was fun, but my healthy eating plan was all down hill!

At the buffet I did go back up for seconds on the stuffing and fried chicken, but I think my biggest error was going to the desert table after I watched our friends enjoy the deserts they had picked out. I failed to keep my focus and "stay the course" of my eating plan for the day. My best bet would have been to thank our friends for the invite, but tell them we prefer to relax at a table and be waited on instead of serving ourselves at a buffet even if the table service does cost a bit more. The second best thing I could do is stay away from the deserts which are triggers for me.

After all is said and done here, I will need to try and pay attention to my thoughts the next time my eating goes off the rail. I have absolutely got to learn how to stop and ask myself why I am eating. Do I need to feel better about something? Do I need comforting? Linda tells us that "For many people, food takes cares of all types of needs". From Day #53 - What do I need?

Last, but not least, I need to remember that "THE KEY TO MANAGING MY WEIGHT BEGINS WITH HEALING MY HEART, NOT FILLING MY SPOON!


Edited by: FUNLOVEN at: 8/14/2018 (08:16)
Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/13/18 8:59 A

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Day #53 Taking Care Of Needs

As much as I frequently feel crunched for time, getting my lessons done here are important enough for me to put them at the top of my list even when it means giving something else up.

• When you wake up each morning, ask yourself “What do I need today?” Record several things.
• For each item, write an answer to the question, “How can I get it?”
• Choose one need, then make an action plan for working on it today.

One of the things I think I might need to do is to be very careful about making my needs read like my "To Do" list. This list is never ending and I could fill this post up endlessly with the things that need to get done. At the top of this list are:

1. Attend Garden Club meeting
2. Wash my hair
3. Contact landscaping company and arrange for delivery of evergreens
4. Make copies of financial documents for my dad's new apartment
5. Today is ST on my fitness schedule
6. Meal planning for the week
7. Grocery shopping
8. Scrapbooking project
9. Put paint samples on the wall
10. COZI cleaning
11. Laundry
12. Overdue email and letter writing to friends
13. Pet Sitting arrangements for upcoming vacation


See what I mean! I could go on and on, but these are all things for OTHERS and not for ME!

I like the idea of asking WHAT DO I NEED TODAY? It is a question that is similar to the one I try to ask myself about food - WHAT ARE MY FOOD CHALLENGES TODAY?


Today I NEED TO STAY CALM AND FOCUSED SO THAT I WILL EAT HEALTHY.

How to I get this? When I am feeling overwhelmed by my "To Do" list I prioritize what needs to be done and then I start checking off one item at a time. Right now I need:


1. Eat breakfast
2. Shower, wash hair, get dressed for the day
3. Get to Garden Club meeting by 11 a.m.
4. Contact Landscaping company
5. GET OFF THIS COMPUTER!

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/13/18 8:12 A

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Day #52 The Food Fix

I loved this lesson! Linda tells us that "sometimes we won't recognize that emotional needs are sending us towards food". That just about sums it up doesn't it?! If we knew why we eat and/or what our needs were, we wouldn't be here! ! ! !

I think our emotional needs can change at any given time, in the blink of an eye, in the snap of your fingers, in a flash! See all of the "exclamations" I'm using. This is really a hot topic for me!

I could relate to many of the needs that "Gary" listed in the lesson:

1. Time - Many times I feel like I'm am always trying to catch up because there is not enough time, too much on my "to do" list, or because I plain "run of out steam" and let things slide.

2. Closeness - I would love it if every social activity didn't always revolve around food and/or alcohol.

3. Connection - I often wish there were people in my life who would show me with their actions (an invitation, a text message, a phone call) that they really cared instead of just saying they do.

4. Balance - This is my primary goal in life. It is at the center of my "everything" and it is always a challenge because I am so easily distracted and lose my focus. I want to LIVE LIFE instead of just writing about it.

5. Hope - I have hope. Somewhere! I hope to see the light at the end of my weight-loss journey. Many times I feel like I will never reach my goal weight.

Last week was a very busy one for me. I ended up feeling out of balance and my eating showed it! This is a new week. Today is Monday and as I look ahead at how busy I am again this week I am trying to put together some kind of plan to reduce my stress level. I had today all figured out when I remembered that today is my monthly Garden Club meeting - UGH! Yes, I know I don't HAVE to attend, but I WANT to attend, but that leaves NO TIME for the other things I wanted to get accomplished today! It is times like this when I need to move forward one step, one hour, one task at a time.

Yesterday we were gone all day. We arrived home 3 hours later than I had anticipated. I was extremely frustrated and anxious because we were so late picking our dog up from the sitter's house. NOT ENOUGH TIME in a day! As my DH went to get the dog, I chowed down on the blueberries left in the frig. That is my behavior when I have unmet EMOTIONAL NEEDS - a hand to mouth action that I frequently wonder if it is a left over thing from my smoking days. However, I am going to give myself credit & kudos because #1 I picked something healthy for that behavior instead of junk food and #2 when I was still needing more I chose an egg sandwich instead of a huge bowl of popcorn which DH ate.


Edited by: FUNLOVEN at: 8/13/2018 (08:13)
Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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8/7/18 11:02 A

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Day #51 Emotional Needs

We all have needs in our lives. But to deal with them in ways that don’t involve food, you need to become skilled at knowing what you are trying to fix. As you know from figuring out what you feel, labeling gives you power. So while identifying what you need won’t always stop you from emotional eating, at least it will help you see the connection of how food takes care of you.

Today

• Write the words, “What do I need?” Then make a list of your needs. Keep asking the question, “What else do I need?” until you have at least ten things.
• Put a check mark or star by the ones that are most important right now.
• Choose one thing from your list and do something today that will help take care of that need.

I think this assignment is really difficult. If I knew what my emotional needs were, I think I would be a real winner at this weight loss thing because I would always know what I needed to do to fight temptation!

Take yesterday for example. Monday nights have been a real struggle for me FOR SOME REASON that I can't seem to identify. DH is gone golfing on Monday nights which means I am by myself. I don't mind being alone. I actually enjoy being alone at times. So what am I missing that causes me to binge eat every Monday night? I am clueless! However, knowing that I am at risk, I have developed a plan of attack every Monday. Each plan has failed until yesterday. Last week I discovered that my plans were not specific enough. I took a good look at what was happening for me on Monday nights. One of the reasons I fail is because I don't have a plan for dinner. I am not accustomed to cooking just for one and so I realized I would be better off if there was some left-overs for me to use up. Another reason I fail is because boredom seems to set in with watching TV. So I finally spread a scrapbooking project all over our dining room table and designed a couple of pages from a Fall Color Trip we took back in 2005 with another couple. I didn't even have the TV on! Around 8:30 p.m. I felt like I had had a pretty fulfilling day and so I headed to my recliner (in front of that TV emoticon ), a cup of coffee n hand with my favorite creamer, and browsed through some SP. FINALLY! A plan that worked for me. Focused and not even thinking about temptations of binges! It felt great even though I still can't say why I have this trouble on Monday nights! ! !

Tonight I will be facing another food challenge. I will be attending a fashion show previewing the fall offerings from a clothing company I and my girlfriends really like. This company has a fall & spring preview. I know that each one of these the wine & appetizers will be in abundance. I KNOW THIS! So why do I continuously succumb? As in the above example, I don't have a clue. I will be having dinner before I go so I know I won't be hungry. I am allowing myself 1 glass of wine. I am planning on paying very close attention to my feelings/emotions to see if I can figure this out. I'll let you know how it goes for me.

Have you ever met such a clueless person?! emoticon


Edited by: FUNLOVEN at: 8/7/2018 (11:03)
Sue

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8/6/18 8:50 A

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Day #50 Empty Bucket

My bucket seems to empty out quite quickly at times. I have been a pessimist most of my life; a "glass (or bucket) half full" kind of person. I also deal with a mild form of depression (no medication required). So keeping my Emotional Bucket full is something I have specifically tended to over the past couple of years. I have worked at removing many of the negative things in my life that drain my bucket and I have filled it up with more positive things.

Here are some things that fill my Bucket:
1. Journaling
2. Coffee Creamer
3. Browsing in a Book Store
4. Hair Day at the Salon
5. Walking in Nature
6. Some time Alone
7. Staying Organized & Eliminating Chaos
8. Simplifying my Life
9. Tending to my Garden
10. Being Crafty
11. Enjoying a restaurant meal of Quality Food
12. Relaxing with a glass of wine on my patio
13. Rejuvenation Yoga
14. Spending time with friends that have Positive Energy

This list is a bit of a "work in progress". I am trying to track my schedule to determine just how busy I can be before I feel overwhelmed and drained. In my journal I write a daily Attitude of Gratitude that seems to help fill my bucket. And, after reading Gill's post, it has occurred to me that I need to limit the time that I spend with people who I love, but drain me; as I seem to have a lot of Eeyores in my life

Today I DO NOT HAVE TO GO anywhere that I don't want to! This will fill my bucket. I am going to work on the pile of laundry I have. I am going to the Y as my Fitness Schedule indicates today is a ST day. I am stopping by my favorite Baker to pick up fresh bread. I am stopping by a Card & Paper Shop to pick up a humorous Get Well card for a friend.

LIVE- LOVE- LAUGH!

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


 Pounds lost: 37.0 
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32.25
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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,799
8/5/18 1:19 P

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Day #49 Laugh Away Stress

Well, those of you who know me know that I like to have fun and my social calendar is always booked to the brim! So that is not my problem.

However, not so very long ago I was thinking about how LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE FOR WHAT AILS YOU! I grew up in a very serious home environment without much laughter except perhaps at times when the joke was at the expense of someone else to poke fun at something about them. My DH has a sense of humor and, although I don't always appreciate some of his jokes, it is one of the things that attracted me to him. He could always make me laugh!

Some people seem to be able to just laugh naturally, but that is not me unfortunately. I do realize the benefits of laughter. So I decided to try and put some laughter in my life. There are several sitcoms on TV that are silly & funny so some times I watch them. At times I pay close attention to how other people laugh and I try to mimic them - sort of a "fake it 'till you make it" kind of thing.

Today I read the Comic section of our Sunday newspaper hoping for some laughter. Out of 5 pages I only managed to find 3 that I thought were funny. What the heck! Is it just me or are the comics now days strange?

One was from the comic Blonde. An old time favorite. Hope you find this funny too!

She starts by saying to her DH "I think I am getting fat, Dear". He replies "Are you kidding?! You look like a super model!". This goes on for some time, back and forth, as she tries to get a response out of him that she does indeed look fat, but all he comes up with is compliments about how good she looks. Until finally he says "Anyway, it's perfectly normal for a woman your age to put on a pound or two!" He immediately realizes what he just said emoticon and asks for a chance to rephrase it. Blonde's reply? "And you were doing so well up to that point, too!" emoticon

Edited by: FUNLOVEN at: 8/5/2018 (13:21)
Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


 Pounds lost: 37.0 
0
10.75
21.5
32.25
43

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