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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,411
8/19/19 8:49 A

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Day 8 Help me please....

I can echo Maria when she talks about her husband's evening snacking. My husband just doesn't stop eating after dinner. He noshes right up to bedtime - then wonders why he can't sleep.....but that is another subject, right.

I, on the other hand, try to follow the No S plan which allows me to indulge on sweets, snacks, or seconds only on weekends and special days.

I asked him to help by not having his stuff all over the kitchen and together we picked a deep drawer in the kitchen for all his goodies. Truly it has become "out of sight, out of mind" for me. It has taken awhile but I can even watch him eating the goodies as long as he doesn't sit with a huge amount at any one time. The family size bag of chips no longer joins us as we relax in the evening. He puts his portion (still large) in a bowl or on a plate and I'm not even tempted.

There is a reason that I don't ask him to curb his snacking - he is 6 foot tall and weighs 160 lbs. 28 years ago he had a massive surgery for esophageal cancer and 8 inches of his esophagus and 1/2 his stomach was removed. He needs a lot of calories to keep from losing weight because his digestive system was altered so much......I however, am 5 foot tall and weigh nearly 150.....right, I'm nearly as wide as I am tall....I can't afford to keep up with him when it comes to eating.

It really helps that he cares about my health and has been willing to work with me by keeping his snacks out of sight except fo what he is actually eating at the time.


Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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NOCALORIES's Photo NOCALORIES Posts: 21,205
8/15/19 12:30 A

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The idea of Please help I believe is my challenge. I am very quiet about my eating and work deligently on portion control and striving to choose healthy foods. I do need to push myself to be more active.

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GOCALGAL's Photo GOCALGAL Posts: 5,176
8/14/19 10:13 P

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I did not like this lesson at first but it has turned out to be very helpful.

The lessons and comments here made me realize both that DH was not a mind reader and that my "diet grumpiness" at his continuous night time snacking was only making matters worse..

Talking this all over with him in a more humorous, less grumpy way proved much more helpful. I am lucky in that he now understands how challenging it is to have too much temptation in the house and he helps me to make good choices.


Maria ~ So. Cal. ~ Pacific Time Zone
Smile, hug, encourage others

"It's not the mountain we conquer,
But ourselves." unknown

Winning is Not Quitting

FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,808
8/14/19 6:26 P

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DAY #8 HELP ME, PLEASE . . .

I think I have mixed emotions about this.

I view myself as being independent. I like to do the things I am able to do. Some would call that being stubborn! When I need help with tasks around home I don't hesitate to ask DH to help me, but when it comes to weight loss I guess I don't think that is his responsibility. It has got to be me that does the work. What this is boiling down to is that even though I wish someone could stop me from putting unhealthy food in my mouth, I really don't want people to comment on what I am eating.

Most people enjoy a compliment about how good they are looking, what a great cook they are (or whatever skill set you have), how they admire all of the hard work you have been doing to get healthy. I know I appreciate it when I get these compliments. As a matter of fact, when I think about it, I wish I would get more of them! In my life I don't think people around me really notice. I get more kudos from my Spark friends. But maybe it is because here on our team I am more likely to tell you about my successes of the day, week, or month, while in real life I feel like it is bragging. After all, who cares to hear about my weight loss journey?! If they did want to know, I figure they would ask how things are going for me just like my Trainer did at the Y today.

My DD has never had a weight problem. I taught her how to eat healthy even though she doesn't always do so. And she is very dedicated to her fitness program and goes to Boot Camp every morning before work. Her husband, on the other hand, has awful eating habits and is a real couch potato. He is tall and very thin so maybe he thinks there is nothing to worry about. I worry about his influence on my grandkid's eating habits.

DH has a bit of a "beer belly" and he is just a little overweight, but could care less. He is not a picky eater. He will eat whatever I cook. But left to his own devices he will immediately revert back to a boat full of unhealthy choices and he is a big night time snacker. Luckily I do all of the grocery shopping so there is very little unhealthy choices in our house.

As for my "rea" friends, I don't think I want to ask them for help. It only upsets me when they talk about wanting to lose weight, but take no action to accomplish that. And I have discovered that when I partner up for fitness the feeling of competition is a hinderance to me rather than helpful. I'm not even sure right now that I like a walking partner

I guess if there was one thing I wanted more it would be for DH to want to be healthy so we could share this experience together. I can only hope and wish! Meanwhile, thank goodness for all of you!

Edited by: FUNLOVEN at: 8/14/2019 (18:31)
Sue

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 19,531
8/14/19 3:43 P

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I learn so much by re-reading my own posts! I'm often amazed at how much I've changed.

I still live alone, so there's no-one to help me - but also no-one to hinder me! It's all down to me. I've always been very independent - so even the words "Help me, please..........." kind of grate on me.

However, I do understand how difficult it can be when you live with people who eat foods you are trying to avoid, or you have to prepare different foods for people you live with. Even sharing a fridge is fraught with hazards!

I know when my son lived at home his stashes of ice-cream, biscuits (cookies), sweets (candies) and crisps (potato chips) were real trip-hazards for me!

In the last year or so, I've not been bothered by the junk food at work really....... it used to be a real problem for me, and I did try asking people not to leave chocolate laying around. It was too big an ask at work.

I was with a friend today who has wants to lose weight, and who says she can't because she has to cook for her Dad (who lives with her and her husband), and he has snack foods in the cupboards and fridge. I really feel for her - because until you reach the stage where your own eating choices are important enough, then those foods will always be a problem.

I still have a problem if I buy multi-packs, or buy certain 'treat' foods in advance of when they're planned on the menu. So, my 'Please help' request is directed at myself!



Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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OHANAMAMA's Photo OHANAMAMA Posts: 28,315
8/14/19 11:06 A

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I prefer to keep my weight loss efforts to myself. I am not comfortable telling someone to help me with this or that, it's not up to them, it's up to me, whether my choices are great or crappy, they're my choices and I'm liable to cop an attitude if someone says, you probably shouldn't eat that...and if someone brings me a treat (sons and hubby love to give me sugar free candy) I accept it, thank them and then it's up to me when I eat it. I won't tell them not to bring me stuff like that, I love sugar free candies on occasion. :)

~ Renee ~

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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,927
8/14/19 10:23 A

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My family is doing their best to help me.

My DD is losing weight - she lost 15# last month. So she understands. She's doing a lot of walking, water exercises - trying to avoid knee surgery. So she and I work on food choices/shopping together.

My GD dances and she tries to make good choices at age 13 for a heathy body - muscles, etc. No dieting - she's too young, but healthy food choices are good. I always remind her too that muscle in your legs is good and quite common in dancers. She's tall and slim.

My GS struggles and loses weight off and on. He is not obese - or really even heavy. He develops a stomach sometimes. Then cracks down and gets rid of it.

So I do have help - good, loving help. I think everyone needs help in some way.

Babs
SW Illinois - CST


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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,411
8/14/19 9:39 A

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Day 8 - Help me please

I ask my friends:
not to comment on my healthy choices
not to question choices that may seem unwise to them - I may have planned a treat
not to comment on my weight, yes, I'm maintaining but - there are natural ups and downs
not to leave me out...go ahead, invite me, I'll let you know if I'm not up to it

I need the people in my life to understand that I am trying, to understand that no one dealing with weight or health issues wants to feel as if they are under a microscope.

I'm so thankful for the great friends and family I have. Grateful for this team and friends here too.

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,683
8/14/19 9:35 A

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Day #8 Help Me, Please...
My life will continue to change which is why I’m still here.
The first time I read this title my reaction was “no help needed!” because I do not deal with criticism or compliments very well.

But as I’ve learned, I really do need help:
*From my hubby who knows when I say “I’m in a Challenge” don’t offer me any goodies or extra food and when you decide to eat late, put away the left-overs.
He’s getting much better!

**From SparkPeople and StartYourDiet to keep me focused every day on my goals.

**From my virtual friends on Spark who give me so much support.

**From the 100 Days team who have become much more than virtual friends where I can learn and continue to change each time I go through these lessons.

*From my real Spark friends, Tina, who has become my best friend and Josie, who I hope to have visit this fall, to keep working toward our shared goal of living a healthy life.

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time
20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. “Never give up on the dream!”


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JUNEPA's Photo JUNEPA Posts: 14,520
8/14/19 8:42 A

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Day 8 -- Help me please

1. In the space below, write a list of things that people are always welcome to say or do in regard to your weight-loss efforts. Examples might include offer you compliments, protect you from dessert, or clear the table after meals.

I recently decided not to eat nuts during the duration of these 100 days. A few years ago, I put plain nuts on the counter and encouraged DH to snack on nuts rather than bread or ice cream when he comes home from work. I have plain walnuts and pecans all the time, sometimes I have almonds, hazelnuts, pistacchios, pine nuts as well. My preferred nuts are walnuts, DH's are pecans. For the time being that I am not eating nuts, I asked DH if it was okay to move the nuts from being in sight on the counter to in a cupboard that is easy for him to access when he opens the door, it is on a shelf about shoulder level.
.

2. Create another list of things you don�t ever want people to do such as snatch your plate away, give you lectures, or admonish, �You�re not supposed to be eating that.�

I asked my family not to comment too many times on whatever eating plan or latest superfood (I am a superfood junkie) I am trying. A few comments are fine, repeated comments or ridicule aren't.

3. Read both lists to your support people including your spouse, your children, and your best friend. Write a note here about their response.

DH said no problem about the new nuts location.

My DH and kids are pretty good about not over-discussing my latest efforts. DH is the best, sometimes he just looks and shrugs, kind of like, he would never eat that, but that's okay if that's what I want. For example, he always likes grilled meat or fish with some oil or butter. I prefer poached fish or meat made in a heavy pan, cooked slowly, in its own juices. And he thinks my salad mixes are not appealing. I love green beans, he doesn't. He actually doesn't like too many vegetables, he likes salad greens, peas with ham, and, fortunately, steamed broccoli and steamed cauliflower with oil, salt and vinegar for dressing. He doesn't like cucumbers, bell peppers, fresh tomatoes, celery, beets, cabbage, corn, pulses like chick peas, lentils, kidney beans etc. He tells me potatoes are vegetables because they grow in the garden, and he jokingly tries to substitute potatoes for his vegetable of the meal. My salads that he shrugs about, I like green beans with tomatoes and tuna dressed with mustard and balsamic vinegar. He doesn't like brine tuna, just tuna canned under oil and he doesn't like balsamic vinegar, just plain vinegar. Another salad I made he thought was weird was steamed green beans with poached sole in bits and chopped sweet onions, also with mustard and balsamic dressing. I thought it was delicious. Another one was cucumbers, bell peppers, sweet and red onions, cherry tomatoes, mild banana peppers. He doesn't like rolled oats cooked for breakfast, he likes a coffee and a croissant. This morning for breakfast at DS's place, where I am on holiday, I made hot cereal rolled oats and I poached an egg in it. DH would be horrified about that, haha.

DH and I have a unspoken mutual agreement not to comment on each other's body regarding if we think we or the other has put on a bit of weight, and conversely we don't comment either when we take off weight.

So even though my kids think I am always on some crazy diet or other, and I think I am being moderate and reasonable in trying different strategies to manage my weight, my kids know I don't welcome negative comments regarding what I am eating. Curious comments and positive comments are welcome.

In summary, in my family, I make the most effort at weight management, oldest DD is careful about what she eats because she has a less active job and can put on weight easily if she isn't careful, but she has never been more than 20 pounds overweight and right now is not overweight. DS and youngest DD are slim and trim and have never been overweight. DH wouldn't mind to lose 10-15 pounds but is not too concerned about his weight. He eats moderately, he sometimes eats portions that are too big, and he sometimes snacks on junk food, but he never binges and he is active. Me, I am about 10 pounds over what I want to be and am seeking the slow, sure, steady, good eating habits and strategy to get to goal weight and fitness.

Edited by: JUNEPA at: 8/14/2019 (20:43)
June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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THETROUT's Photo THETROUT Posts: 1,963
8/14/19 7:59 A

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Day #8 - Help Me please
I feel like I did this lesson a few months ago when I got serious. My husband lost 35 pounds several years ago and has kept it off. He is OCD about eating and exercising 2X/day. It has made me crazy because in the years he was doing that, I had major emotional eating going on and gained about 25 pounds. When I started getting serious about my weight loss plan, I asked him to not talk about calories, not to say he can't eat something, not to say something is a bad food. The general rule for him is to not mention calories. In fact, the rest of the world does not want to hear those comments either. He has done pretty well, and it's ok now for me to stop him if he starts. Those comments in general make me want to eat whatever is being discussed. He knows better than to comment on whatever I'm eating
I don't see friends in the context of food very often. I work for a small church. The only food given to me in the past year was the interim pastor bringing 3 donuts to me once - I easily disposed of them. And this is his last week.
If I have any say so in where I meet a friend for lunch, Wendy's or Panera are my easy to handle restaurants.
As for compliments, I don't have that expectation of him. One person has noticed recently that I've lost weight. My thinking is that it is just not that noticeable as overweight as I am.

Janet in Georgia

Just using SP suggested calorie/protein/carb range

Perfection is not the Goal; Slow and Steady wins the race


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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,221
5/11/19 8:58 P

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Day 8 Help me, please...
Family is growing more supportive, one step at a time!
First we shop in a healthy way - nutrient dense organic foods.
~ Next step was special occasions: most holidays we eat at home and mark the occasion with a fun activity. Every holiday has a 5k run/walk nearby.

I don't want people to ask too many questions about nutrition and fitness plans.
I usually say, "I'm in a fitness challenge."
~ If they ask more questions, I can briefly mention Sparks.
emoticon "Living Don Miguel Ruiz's Five Agreements" u.nu/irk0 u.nu/sx-g

5.

Edited by: AURA18 at: 5/11/2019 (21:29)
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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,411
2/17/19 12:22 P

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Hi! Hope you see this! I'm a TOPS too and this book and this team really helped me to finally make it to goal after way too many years! I love my TOPS group too; such great support and friendship!

Enjoyed your post and you have it right...you can eat anything you wish in moderation and nobody needs to know whether it was specifically planned into your day, week, month, whatever!



Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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TOPS-TORTOISE's Photo TOPS-TORTOISE Posts: 397
2/15/19 6:27 P

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I’ve noticed small changes when I have lost some weight before. My clothes are fitting a little looser, an extra roll around my middle has shrunk a little, but it’s really nice when I’ve lost enough that others start to notice. It makes me feel like I have really made some progress and their comments are very supportive and motivating.

My TOPS group is very supportive. They’re always there to cheer me on when I lose weight and they’re there to offer a sympathetic ear when I don’t lose. We can talk freely about our weight loss plans and share advice and strategies for coping with different situations.

One thing that’s very annoying is when someone who knows you working to lose weight asks; “Is that on your plan?” Why is it that everyone seems to think the only things you should be eating are grapefruit and cottage cheese or boiled chicken and broccoli? I need to school these people that there are not only certain foods I can have to lose weight. I can have whatever I want, the key is moderation in all things, as long as I stay within my calorie range.
My Grandma used to say; “Eat what you want, but eat less of it.”

It’s not easy when others are eating sweets or snacking in front of me. I don’t think they realize that it’s like drinking in front of a recovering alcoholic. They have never needed to lose weight or they would understand. I can't expect then not to eat sweets and snacks at all just because I am trying to avoid them so In situations like that I just leave the room and go somewhere else in the house.

Sometimes family members can be my worst enemies when they make comments about why I am even trying to lose weight. I won’t stick with it. I’ll give up and gain all the weight back anyway. I wish they had a positive supportive attitude. The only time you fail is when you stop trying.



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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,411
11/15/18 9:55 A

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Help me, please....

Oh Sue....he really did put his foot in it didn't he?? I'm sure it wasn't at all funny at the time but it was funny when I read it. Sometimes people (I wanted to say MEN!) are so clueless.

I guess the point of this lesson is probably to get help we need while also helping others to understand HOW to be helpful. That is a hard one. Setting up some kind of silent code might help. Sorry, don't have any idea what that might be for you. My hub has been known to offer to take my plate for me at a cookout, that leaves it up to me to say "no, I want more..." or to just hand it to him with a smile. A lot depends on the mood I guess. He manages to do things like that without stomping my toes.

Sometimes I use him for control if food is being served buffet-style and he is going back to the table....I'll say "would you mind getting me a little more salad or another helping of...." and he doesn't mind doing that. It keeps me from having all the great food right in front of me for a second time and yet allows me to choose something more.

Why is this so hard? Yes, I do think we should get used to not talking to everyone about our diet...it's only been two days, right? Maybe this lesson could be a little further down the road but I also think she is telling us to clue someone in that can help.

You can go it alone. I think you do a great job with that and maybe there is no reason for him to help....in which case there is also no reason that he needs to risk putting his foot in it!

Your call.....always!

Every lesson will not apply to every person.



Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

Eastern Standard Time




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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,808
11/14/18 8:23 A

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Day # 8 Help Me Please

Linda asks us "Do you ever wish you could get more support from the people around you?

I started out feeling a bit confused by this lesson. It was just on Day 6 when Linda told us NOT to focus our conversation on weight-loss and diet. Now she wants us to tell people we are on a diet and what they can do to help! I am not one to ask for help and actually, who cares if I'm trying to lose weight except for me! I always think I should be able to do it all by myself.

DH is the closest support person I have and, as some of you have mentioned, our DH are not always very supportive. I do all of the grocery shopping and he does not bring food into the house so that is one thing I don't have to face. DH does, however, have the habit of a nightly snack which I have learned to ignore most times. Sometimes he will be polite and ask if there is anything I want, but most times he knows my answer will be "No. Thank You.".

This lesson has helped me realize I might be able to ask for DH support on a situation by situation basis. He really never says anything about what I eat, but not long ago, out of the clear blue sky, when we were at someone else's home he said "Are you going back for another helping?". His comment was so out of the ordinary that it was a shock and it angered me as I snapped "What are you now; my food police?". Now I see that I could use him to remind me not to eat off plan if in advance he and I set up some kind of cue , but in a kinder way and not blurted out in front of everyone.

I will always take a compliment! ! !


Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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PAULALALALA's Photo PAULALALALA Posts: 27,229
11/12/18 11:09 P

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I'm in charge of food at our house and it's just the two of us....so it's pretty easy for me now. DH is trying to watch his weight, too, so he is happy not to have temptation in the house. He did get on a mixed nut kick awhile back, and I found those a bit hard to resist. But it wasn't to the extent that I would ask him not to have them in the house. DH has never been one to criticize, even when I was heavier. I work better on my own. I much prefer "silence" from those around me. I know what I look like, I know what my goals are, I know what I need to be eating or not eating -- so I've never found that kind of helpful advice to be very....helpful. emoticon Even if someone sees me about to eat something not on my plan I don't need to have it snatched away or a guilt trip about it. Rest assured - I'm aware!

I'm the only one who can control my behavior - short of locking me up with no food available.

We did have a situation for many years where DH's daughter would bake us huge tins of assorted holiday treats - gingerbread cookies, lemon bars, fudge and more. Every year it was so difficult to resist. She put out a lot of effort baking everything, and it was all delicious. Even though we protested and pleaded, it continued. Finally a couple years ago DH finally got through to her. "Yes we LOVE everything, but NO, PLEASE don't put us through this!" and also he told her we'd taken the entire lot to a Christmas buffet and that it was enjoyed by all. Think that last did the trick. emoticon

I'm always happy to get a general compliment about how I'm looking good. I'm not always happy to get compliments that are too specific about how I'm looking good because I've lost weight. But I accept them graciously anyway.

Yes! SP and this team are emoticon for support and sharing!

Paula -- Waco, TX area
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2BDYNAMIC's Photo 2BDYNAMIC Posts: 61,179
11/12/18 11:34 A

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emoticon Sparks is place to come for support and understanding!
We are all on the same path to health and fitness and feeling great ! ( I do not have as many temptations since I retired almost 2 years ago so I am away from that banquet setting during the entire holiday season). My husband does bring home potato chips but I feel I have gotten strong enough that I am immune to eating them. They no longer call my name for they know I'm not going to be tempted. Overall, he is very supportive and is always cheering me on!

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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,927
11/12/18 11:11 A

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This is the time of year when, for me at least, Diet Grumpiness, may attack! Holidays are hard. I plan ahead. I determine what my focus will be but then . . . I'm thinking positive though.

My GD is tremendously helpful. She's only 12, but she's in love with dancing. So she focuses on healthier eating and getting exercise/stretches. My DD has started a weight loss program and a walking program. She has a knee problem and is desperately trying to avoid knee surgery.


Coming here is a tremendous support.


Babs
SW Illinois - CST


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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,733
11/12/18 10:46 A

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Day 8, 100 days Help me, please...

Maria I completely understand as sometimes I get Diet Grumpiness too and my DH understands sometimes but he to has his 'treats'.

When I need reminding to keep things in the 'control' that I like and need I sometimes thank him for his support but sometimes grump a little.

I know I am lucky to have support when I need it from friends and family but also here on Spark you are all wonderful and supportive! Hugs to you all x

Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

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GOCALGAL's Photo GOCALGAL Posts: 5,176
11/12/18 9:28 A

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Thankfully this lesson challenges me less and less. Years of learning and inspiration here on SP have helped me to change or ignore behaviors of others that used to affect my plan.

I still occasionally get "diet grumpiness" when DH forgets and snacks in front of me or asks for part of my pre-portioned snack. His snack choices are much more healthful. I found humor much more helpful with changes in DH than my former "diet grumpiness" which he now understands and does not take personally.

DH has had a few health challenges and he also now believes the unhealthful consequences of too much sugar and how addictive it can be. He is much more supportive and he rarely buys it but when he does he mostly keeps it out of my sight.

Hurray for ongoing Progress!


Edited by: GOCALGAL at: 11/12/2018 (09:31)
Maria ~ So. Cal. ~ Pacific Time Zone
Smile, hug, encourage others

"It's not the mountain we conquer,
But ourselves." unknown

Winning is Not Quitting

MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,683
11/12/18 7:43 A

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Day 8 of 100 —Help me please
I’m glad I looked back to see what I’ve written before because my instant reaction is always the same “no help needed”!
I realize I sometimes like help or comments and sometimes I really don’t.

It’s about me and how I’m feeling about myself instead of what others are saying or doing. I try to accept what helps and forget the rest. It gets easier each time I work through my own issues.


Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time
20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. “Never give up on the dream!”


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CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
11/12/18 7:08 A

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I like to be my own best friend on this one.

Help me please:

-praise my determination
-if you see me eating something I shouldn't, hug me, don't scold me or question why

Understand that if I feel a need for help I WILL reach out for it, otherwise, I got this.

Onward & Downward!


DARIARN Posts: 79
11/10/18 6:09 P

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I wish I had a supportive partner but its not the case.

I guess I have to look at it as I need to do what it takes to protect my program and I can do it regardless of the lack of support or even at times what feels like even actual sabatoge.

As far as others in my life, I guess I appreciate hearing tips and suggestions on what they have learned about losing weight. I take what I like and leave the rest.

I know what to do , its about doing it, regardless of support or no support.

AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,221
11/9/18 12:10 P

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Homefront is supportive...we shop, cook and prepare meals together. Buying more nutrient dense organic foods, before we bought food on sale that was processed and loaded with carbohydrates. Most holidays we mark the occasion with a fun activity instead of food. Every holiday has a 5k event nearby, we walk or take Buddy and support friends.
emoticon Sauk Rapids emoticon Shamrock Shuffle emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Then a toast with green leafy shakes at home emoticon emoticon emoticon

Education is my primary guide to healthy living.
DH and I share what we learn. He reads the NYT and teaches Environmental Technology Studies. Sparks & friends help problem solve and team challenges to stay on track. I'm not planning special foods on T-Day till 5% challenge ends. Could be Dec. 2nd or longer.
emoticon Wishbone Run get up early 8:15 start time
Healthy Holiday Challenge Spark article u.nu/dwhi

Edited by: AURA18 at: 5/11/2019 (21:21)
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3/15/18 7:47 P

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I personally don't any help. I got this. No food watch dog needed or appreciated.

emoticon


Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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ITZ_SUE yes. Sometimes I go back and forth. Sometimes I feel I want the attention, but when I get it I feel uncomfortable.

C

Live in the moment

I follow the MyWW Blue Plan
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Mindful Dieting
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ITZ_SUE's Photo ITZ_SUE Posts: 2,170
3/13/18 7:17 P

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my problem is I don't know what I want ... sometimes it's this and sometimes it's that ... anyone else have that problem?

The will of God will not take you where the grace of God will not protect you.


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3/12/18 7:44 P

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Again, I love the way this chapter is written. Linda helps us realize we do have say over what we want and don’t want to hear. In analyzing these questions, we can also determine what we want to hear from ourselves!



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I do not want to hear "You're not supposed to eat that." and they know. They also do not push me to eat their leftovers (most of the time) if they are not the best choice of food.

What do I want to hear? Do I want them to say anything related to weight loss? I go back and forth on this one. I want them to just let me live and not focus on food. I want them to keep snacks away and continue to not offer. My family will support my needs. I will remind them today.

C

Live in the moment

I follow the MyWW Blue Plan
Lifetime WW Member as of 3/8/2020

Mindful Dieting
sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_indiv
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Not my fave Lesson either, Sue, but I just re-read all my posts on this thread and, as ever, I'm amazed at the positive progress I've made with it over the past four years!

Great posts here - Phyllis, Donna, Wanda.

Those of us who have kept going with this book have realized the benefits.
emoticon

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,411
3/12/18 1:03 P

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Day 8, Help me, please...

Like many of the others here, I've been around this block several times.

Hubs is still good about keeping his snacks in his drawer and not on the countertops where I would see them every time I walk into the kitchen.

My friends have stopped making jokes about my "burger with everything but the bun" orders and they don't even think about food pushing any more. I have pointed out more than once that that burger with everything but the bun is just meat and a salad. Works well for me, especially when I want something different because restaurants today have a dozen varieties of burgers.

My family supports me completely although there were some slow learners around for awhile!

As far as what I don't what to hear:
I don't want anyone to tell me that something won't hurt my diet....they don't know how hard I have worked to put my cravings behind me.

I don't want anyone to comment negatively on my weight or how something fits....do they really not know that my house has mirrors?

I don't want anyone to tell me that what I am doing is a waste of time because I'll eventually just give up and gain it all back. Amazing how many times I've heard that one and it is them telling THEIR story; it is not and will not be my story.

Basically I just don't want negativity dripping all over the positive things I am doing!

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,683
3/12/18 9:35 A

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Day #8 Help Me, Please...
My life has changed since my first trip through this book and will continue to change I’m sure which is why I’m still here.
Today when I read the title my reaction was “no help needed!” because I do not deal with criticism or compliments very well.

But after reading through the lesson and really thinking about it I realize I do need help:
*From SparkPeople to keep track of nutrition values in my diet and to keep me focused every day on my goals.
*From my virtual friends on Spark who give me so much support.
*From the 100 Days team where I can learn and continue to change each time I go through these lessons.
*From my real Spark friends, Tina and Josie, who never question my desire to keep working toward our shared goal of living a more healthy life.

*From my hubby who knows when I say “I’m in a Challenge” don’t offer me any goodies or extra food.

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time
20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. “Never give up on the dream!”


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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,733
3/12/18 9:10 A

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Day 8, 100 days Help me, please...

Again I am still very lucky and get lots of support from my family.
My dh will question 'Is that on your plan?", Have you written it down?" and usually I try to be kind and accept that he is helping and supporting me.
My good friends also understand when I take round low fat burgers/sausages for BBQs.


Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,808
3/12/18 8:29 A

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I have done this assignment previously and can't say that is one of my faves.

Everyone in my life knows that weight loss is an ongoing effort for me. How many times am I suppose to tell people what I need? Eventually I just give up and give in. I know. I know. That is not a winning attitude!

My 3 closest friends are also trying to lose weight, but they depend on me to be their "Stop" sign instead of each of us helping each other and I honestly don't always have the motivational energy required to take care of myself let alone them all of the time.

My spouse persists in snacking every night while we watch TV. His "go to" for entertainment is suggesting we visit some new Brewery. And he never can help me think of a healthy meal idea.

I'm feeling rather deflated today. emoticon

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
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AMYBELLES's Photo AMYBELLES Posts: 13,678
11/14/17 10:47 P

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I have the same feelings as the last time I did this lesson.

I'm a pretty independent person and don't feel like I need much help. But I feel blessed that I have supportive people in my life. My husband and son are pretty supportive and I have good friends who are also. I feel support from my spark friends as well.

The thing I want the most from anyone in my life is just saying positive comments about the great progress I am making. My dh always asks me if I want something he is going to get to eat, but I don't want to tell him not to do this, because I want to learn to say no thank you when it's something I don't want or need.

**~Amy~**
Playful Polar Bears
January A&I BSG Challenge Team

~The Villages, Florida
EST



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11/14/17 1:01 P

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emoticon

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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11/14/17 11:41 A

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I am completely on my own as far as support goes in my "Live" world. I do have Spark Friend support in my "Virtual" world and I am grateful for that, however - When I am in a food crisis moment it would be nice to have someone catch me before I fall completely on my face!

Family - DH could care less about his weight or his health and he is the only immediate family I have.

Friends - No help there either. Many of them just do what I refer to as "lip service" regarding healthy living.

So many of you commented that you would prefer not to have anyone be your "food police". I, on the other hand, wish someone cared enough to help me out when they see me struggling.


Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 19,531
11/14/17 1:49 A

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My first reaction to this lesson is always 'I don't have anyone to help me' but I realize that I have kind of trained people who know me (colleagues, friends, shopkeepers even!) to respect my choices. Most people now know that I don't want to be offered things with sugar in - except on special occasions. I have friends who say 'I know you don't eat xyz, so I got this (fill the gap)'

The upside is that I don't live with anyone else who is eating things I don't want to eat - there are no secret stashes for me to steal from!

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
11/13/17 10:06 P

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Help me please:

-praise my determination
-if you see me eating something I shouldn't, hug me, don't scold me or question why

Understand that if I feel a need for help I WILL reach out for it, otherwise, I got this.

Onward & Downward!

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11/13/17 9:01 P

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I am getting a little better at asking for help. I need to improve!

I do need some help with fixing dinner on days when I’m just too tired or short of time
I would prefer that some foods are not brought into the house.
I like appreciation when I do well
And silence when I don’t.

you don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.


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11/13/17 12:47 P

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Help me please. My family cheers me on. What I want is silence and prayer when I fail. No criticism please; let me know when you see me doing right; Don't be my food police. I will make choices. Sometimes it will look "off limits" but I might have planned for it. I don't need helicopter support.

Cheri from Georgia
Direction - not Intention - determines Destination


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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,927
11/13/17 11:25 A

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I am getting support from family and friends. Wonderful encouragement. Makes me wonder why I kept everything to myself in years past!

Babs
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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,221
11/13/17 11:23 A

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emoticon Inspiring posts everyone! emoticon .
Phyllis, I also say, "I'm in a fitness challenge." If they ask more info, briefly mention Sparks.

Edited by: AURA18 at: 5/11/2019 (20:52)
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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,683
11/13/17 10:31 A

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Day #8 Help me Please......
I’ve come a long way in regard to this lesson.

With family— they care about my healthy lifestyle, mostly live healthy themselves, and are very encouraging. Some extended family members still make comments that I can now easily ignore like “are you still on a diet?” Answer, “not a diet, just healthy living”!

With friends— I’ve learned to order what I want when I’m out without worrying what others think or say about my choices. Good friends are used to my lifestyle and best friends join me if they want.

With hubby—I now just announce “I’m in a Challenge” which means don’t bring home goodies to share. What he buys, he needs to keep in his stash and eat himself”.
Sometimes I still want him to tell me he isn’t hungry BEFORE I cook a meal. Leftovers that are still warm are hard to resist!




Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time
20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. “Never give up on the dream!”


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11/13/17 10:22 A

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My skinny hubby has great food habits ... always has. He has a secret stash somewhere. This works for us.

I had to break him of asking ... "should" you be eating that?? ... are ya eating coz you are hungry??

Though he was "helping" I felt like he was being my watch dog. I don't need or want one.

My DIL was the only person I had to truly "educate" on how to help me. I am not an invalid, sick or need any attention. From time to time ... she still ask ... what CAN you eat. My response ... what ever I choose.

Help to me ... is joining me when I walk outside, staying out of my way when I NEED to exercise and supporting me to ensure I have the foods on hand that I want/need. Simple.


Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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GOCALGAL's Photo GOCALGAL Posts: 5,176
11/13/17 9:28 A

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Thankfully this lesson does not challenge me like in the past. Years of being informed and inspired here on SP have mostly enabled me to change or ignore behaviors of others that used to affect my plan.

I still occasionally get "diet grumpiness" when DH forgets and snacks in front of me or asks for part of my pre-portioned snack. His snack choices are more and more healthy all the time. emoticon emoticon

When shopping and he mentions buying something addicting to me and calorie dense, I say with humor, "as long as you eat the entire thing without me knowing about it or throw the extra away."

He now believes the unhealthful consequences of too much sugar and how addictive it can be so he rarely buys it but if he does he keeps it out of my sight.

Hurray for Progress!



Maria ~ So. Cal. ~ Pacific Time Zone
Smile, hug, encourage others

"It's not the mountain we conquer,
But ourselves." unknown

Winning is Not Quitting

DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,733
11/13/17 7:40 A

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I have almost copied my last post as I am still vwry lucky and get lots of support from my family.
My dh will question 'Is that on your plan?", Have you written it down?" and usually I try to be kind and accept that he is helping and supporting me. emoticon
My good friends also understand when I take round low fat burgers/sausages for BBQs.

Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
DI_NAMIC's Photo DI_NAMIC Posts: 4,389
7/9/17 2:33 P

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That is a very difficult situation, Chris. When my dear Mom was in her Care Home, she was fortunate in that her diabetic needs were met as they were written up as a medical requirement in her Care Plan. I guess the Staff could have been considered negligent if they didn't comply. Mom got an awful lot of stewed apple and peach but tended not to remember. I hope you find a successful solution.

My kids and their families are very good with my food needs and supportive of my health. Trickier situation with hubby but that is a work in progress.

I don't have work-mate issues as I'm self employed.... I am my own temptress and conscience on this one!



Diana UK GMT (EST + 5hrs)

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'Defeat is a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.'



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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 19,531
7/8/17 4:46 P

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Gosh, Chris, I didn't realize you were in that kind of living situation where your food was provided by others. That must be quite hard. Well done for doing what you can to ask for what you need.

One of my private 'dreads' is being in a dependent elder-care situation where they feed me tea and cookies morning and afternoon, pies and puddings(desserts) which make me put on weight! I really don't understand why 'they' seem to think older people want to eat cookies and desserts and cakes when they are hardly doing any exercise/activity and need good nutrition to stay well.

Well, onto me - Day 8

I live alone, and don't expect anyone to help me. On the positive side, I don't have anyone to sabotage my efforts either! So, it's down to me, and me alone.

My friend always seems to think I'm not serious when I tell her I need to be careful about what I eat, otherwise I put weight on easily. She says 'but with all that running you do........" and I said to her "Imagine what I'd be like if I didn't!" Limiting what I eat seems to make other people uncomfortable at times. I am getting more confident in just telling it like it is, for ME - that IF I EAT THAT, I WILL PUT ON WEIGHT. No more do I listen to 'just one won't hurt!' or 'just try a little bit' or 'oh, go on, it won't hurt you' or 'you don't have to worry -there's nothing of you!' I just quietly know that they are wrong - and they aren't really caring about ME - they are justifying their own eating.

emoticon

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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DAY 8 Help!

I wrote a letter to the manager of my apartment complex--for independent seniors. I have tried and tried to get lighter desserts here. No luck at all --for many months of trying.

So, I am trying again. I wrote the following letter to management. I tried going through a resident representative and had no luck at all. It is months later and I am going to a "higher up" person.

Here is my letter to her:
1. I have forgotten the breakdown of payment for monthly meals.
Is it $500 included in the rent and then $500 more for John?
2. I am asking because I am having a great deal of trouble getting healthy desserts.

Plenty of rich desserts are offered daily at dinner.

Months ago, I talked to Tom. (our residents' representative) He talked to the kitchen staff for me. But it really has not helped.

I don't care if the desserts have some sugar. But the ones we are served are loaded with sugar and fat. It is not necessary to do that to have good tasting desserts. Like I said , I even bought a book and gave it to the kitchen. I don't know what else to do.

I bought a book of desserts for diabetics. Not all the desserts in the book are perfect for diabetics. But they are "lighter." I am not diabetic so I am satisfied with those desserts.

I gave the book to the kitchen. It was about a $10.00 book.

I think the kitchen tried to accommodate me. Fruit compote is listed in the newer menu. But I overlooked it. emoticon y the time I noticed it, the kitchen had stopped serving it. He said he was throwing it out. No one was ordering it. The wait staff never mentioned fruit compote at all. It was just written in the menu folder. I did not know they offered it.

I am very frustrated .

My only "lighter " choices are non-sugar pudding, jello-which is not sugar free anyway, a plain fruit, the cut up mixed fruit which I think has added sugar, or non-sugar ice cream. The ice cream I have to ask for 2 because they are very tiny. Once I was served real ice cream even though I ordered sugar-free. It was delicious. I am weak and ate it anyway, realizing later it was "real" ice cream.

This is a daily struggle for me. I come close to losing weight and then don't. I am very, very frustrated.

Yesterday, I ordered the banana split. It has no ice cream at all. It was extremely sweet. Others at my table were also disappointed. It had no ice real at all but a very sweet white stuff.

John is diabetic. He should not be having these sugar-loaded desserts either. But with the temptation he will not even try to get lighter desserts.

Tom (the residents representative) has not been a help. He says he is diabetic and does not order the desserts. He buys his own. I feel I am paying enough for John and myself to get the food we need. Tom also does not support me in asking for desserts with less sugar and fat. He seems to want no sugar at all. I don't need that.

The wait staff does not tell us the lower calorie desserts. they just say--oh the usual other things. I would too since the lower sugar/fat desserts are very boring.

Thanks for whatever help you can offer.




To my SP friends: I sure hope this helps. I am sticking up for my dietary needs. People here are all over 65 and many are over 80!

I know there are diabetics here.

Do you think I will be successful? Thanks, chris


I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,221
7/8/17 1:40 P

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emoticon Inspiring posts everyone! emoticon

Edited by: AURA18 at: 11/9/2018 (11:49)
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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,927
7/8/17 10:42 A

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This was hard for me initially. However, it's worked out and I am getting help/support. How wonderful.

My 11 yr old GD helps me with my water workouts and yoga. She dances and shows me the stretches they do - which is just like yoga! I love it.

Babs
SW Illinois - CST


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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,733
7/8/17 10:38 A

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I still get lots of support from my family. My dh questions 'Is that on your plan?", Have you written it down?" and usually I try to be kind and accept that he is helping and supporting me. emoticon emoticon emoticon


Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,411
7/8/17 9:13 A

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Day 8, Help me, please...

I too have confided my goals and has been disappointed to find that there was not a whole lot of support. For one thing, friends do not want your goals to run over into their lives, especially when it is a goal like weight loss, that might make them uncomfortable if they are eating something you won't eat, or if you are losing weight and they are gaining.

We don't want to make anyone uncomfortable but the fact is that it seems to be much easier to support someone on their job goals, their desire to meet Mr. or Ms. RIGHT, or find a way to go on a dream trip than it is to support them in weight loss or life-changing healthy living.

This morning I read something on the Community Feed that is germane to this lesson, the writer said:

"I learned on SparkPeople that this is MY journey". Wow! I learned that here too.

My husband is supportive, my kids could care less, my very best friend is finally on board although she thinks I am obsessive. She isn't threatened by my successes and she cheers me up when I'm struggling and she does it without pushing food. YAY

So for me the answer is to discuss my goals with a chosen few. Hubs is the best! I know this must be difficult for anyone who has a spouse who refuses to be supportive.

It is MY journey; I must do it MY way; it is an essential journey if I want to live long enough to be that eccentric old woman I see in my future!!

Remember that you can find tons of support here at Spark!

Edited by: LIVINTODAY at: 7/8/2017 (09:14)
Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

Eastern Standard Time




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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,683
7/8/17 9:03 A

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Day #8 Help Me Please
Since I've worked through a lot of issues with this book the ones that come to mind involve my hubby since that is who I now spend most of my time with. Unfortunately he can't smell or taste so it gets complicated.

What I always want from you:
Please continue to keep your "junk" food in your van or your shop, that is very helpful to me......I don't even know what it is so no temptation!
Please don't wait until I've fixed a meal before telling me you aren't really hungry, just tell me first!

What I never want from you:
I love that you like to shop (especially WalMart that I hate) but don't get what "looks good" and expect me to eat it all!
You don't need to remind me about all the summer stuff that is ready, I can't (or won't) eat it all. You can call the relatives or neighbors and share!
When you have too much you know how to put stuff in the freezer if I'm busy. Some things can now be your job because I'm retired too!

I've never shared this lesson with others but I will share this one.
This man is my love of many many years but he still needs "training" sometimes.
emoticon

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time
20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. “Never give up on the dream!”


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BOWDIDDLE's Photo BOWDIDDLE Posts: 1,898
7/8/17 6:33 A

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Day 8
.
Over the years, I have asked many people for help, and as a result, I have been deeply hurt....... I am choosing to do the best I can with what I have

"Being Challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional"
~Roger Crawford~


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TOPS2KOPSVILLE's Photo TOPS2KOPSVILLE Posts: 23,911
6/22/17 6:56 A

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second day of day 8 posted- onward to day 9 - it will be a one day post.

Leslie Knudson
MN Area Captain TOPS
ASK ME ABOUT IT
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MTN_KITTEN's Photo MTN_KITTEN SparkPoints: (176,235)
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3/8/17 3:12 P

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I have a great support team ... hubby is THE best.

Though he is skinny ... he has the best behaviors and habits. Alllll I have to do is mimic him and my life would be good.

I don't have food pushers, I am retired and therefore have no one pushing their ideas onto me.

I just need to help MYSELF.

Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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SLENDERMAMA1's Photo SLENDERMAMA1 SparkPoints: (8,577)
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3/8/17 2:42 P

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My son who is into body building is quite supportive. He understands what it takes to change your body.

My husband is not unsupportive, but he is not very supportive either.

What would help me is

if my trigger foods were kept away from me , at least while I am losing weight. I cannot have cookies and cakes lying around in full view.

If fun and celebrations could be about something other than food. Why not go on a hike for a birthday instead of wine or cake?

If people didn't coerce me into eating desserts or pasta at restaurants, simply because they want to eat it. I.e. Respect my eating plan!





you don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.


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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,927
3/8/17 11:38 A

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You'll be surprised where I find my greatest support (Besides SP!!) - my granddaughter! Seriously. She turned 11 on 2/23. We all need support. That's for sure.

My GD loves dancing. She said they have talked about healthy eating at school - which is good. She lives me, as well as her older brother and her mother (my DD). So she's a huge part of my life. The dancing and what she learned at school keeps her thinking about healthy eating for herself too. I do not want a child to think about 'diets.' But she even terms it 'healthy eating' and says it's for her dancing, muscles, back, etc. Being healthy is important for sports. So we have talked about it. She worked up some stretches for me that they do at dance class before dancing. Actually it's yoga stretches. We have fun doing it together. Fortunately for her she's a huge fan of fruit and veggies. Her favorite is the baby carrots and red grapes. Kids are so much smarter and more mature than I was as a child!

Babs
SW Illinois - CST


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