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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,262
2/6/20 8:44 A

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Day 14 Ditch the parent. (scolding)
“I chose to eat...(food) not on my plan for today"
"Eliminating the negative & focusing on what feeds your spirit every single day will change your life far more dramatically than achieving one big goal."
~Betsy and Warren Talbot "33 Ways to Feed Your Soul u.nu/1e8b "


Maribeth MN CT Panthers draxe.com/ dance u.nu/ixjy planks u.nu/9w-u u.nu/httpsunu7lag u.nu/43qj2
LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,423
1/27/20 8:09 P

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Day 14 - Ditch the parent

Many of us hear our parents and grandparents voices when it comes to food.
I remember "the clean plate club", and "if you take it you have to eat it" from my parents. From my grandmother I remember "the starving kids in China" and "if that orange is a little sour, put some sugar on it, it will taste better" and "butter is always good for you, how can food be good without butter?

How could I possibly stay thin? They were determined to "do something!" about my poor skinny twig like body. They succeeded.

Now it is finally my turn to succeed. I will not be twig like but I will be healthy and at a healthy weight for me.

Voices of the past - Begone!

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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PAULALALALA's Photo PAULALALALA Posts: 27,247
1/24/20 1:01 P

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Reading the posts I'm reminded of my Mom's cautionary warning (used many times in my teens)......."You might as well take that (whatever food I was eating) and smear it directly on your hips -- that's where it's going to end up." Of course it didn't inspire me to be "good" and put the food down -- sometimes it made me want to eat even more, and I'd reply with some smart comment such as "I'd much rather eat it first."

Paula -- Waco, TX area
CST zone

SP 4 Cornerstones
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THETROUT's Photo THETROUT Posts: 1,978
1/24/20 10:54 A

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Day 14 - Ditch the parent

I could spend a month on this lesson. I really need to mull over it to understand some of my eating. A lot of my off plan eating is when I'm tired. But I have a recording in my mind of my mother saying things like:
You shouldn't eat that before dinner.
You shouldn't eat that.
You should eat something good for you.
That's fattening.
I can't believe you're having another one.
It felt very controlling at the time, and I did a lot of sneak eating. There are times when I do sneak eat now, but I haven't in a long time.

1. Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat
I ate 2 pieces of Russell Stovers chocolates last night, impulsively. I was at a concert after a dinner. There had been no dessert after dinner, and I knew I would keep within my calorie range for the day, so I gave myself permission.
2. Write the words, “I chose to eat…” and add the food you listed above.
I choose to eat 2 pieces of Russell Stover's chocolates.

3. Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, “I’m choosing to eat this.” Write a note about how that felt.
I chose to eat a small dark chocolate bar.
I will choose not to nibble as I get dinner ready.

Janet in Georgia

Just using SP suggested calorie/protein/carb range

Perfection is not the Goal; Slow and Steady wins the race


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JUNEPA's Photo JUNEPA Posts: 14,572
1/24/20 2:06 A

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1. Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat.

Yesterday I baked buns for today's mall lunch, and I had 2 buns straight out of the oven, fresh hot bread is so good. I didn't need to eat it, and it was after 7pm when I usually don't eat any more.
Today while preparing dinner, I ate 2 handfuls of pecans, sure didn't need to do that

2. Write the words, “I chose to eat…” and add the food you listed above.

I chose to eat…
- the fresh hot buns, rationalized by they were at a prime moment for maximum enjoyment and it wasn't that much over my calorie cap
- the pecans, just because I was hungry and not being mindful

3. Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, “I’m choosing to eat this.” Write a note about how that felt.

I will choose to eat hot fresh buns earlier in the day and when they are part of my calorie count for the day or not at all
I will choose NOT to eat pecans because I am hungry and without regard for my overall plan, if I am interested in eating pecans, I will eat none when they are not part of my plan and put them into tomorrow's plan. But I was really eating them because I was hungry and was not following my plan.

Regarding ditching the parent, my mom's mom was very critical of my mom's weight so my mom chose to try not to be traumatically critical and when as a teenager I binged and/or ate unhealthy food, she tried to carefully express concern. With my own kids, I tried to encourage healthy eating and being active and not to make observations on their body weight. My kids as adults are mindful and mostly successful (except occasionally oldest DD will gain more weight than she is happy about and then work to get back but is never more than 15 pounds overweight) at being at a svelte body weight.

On another note, I noticed my post from the last run included eating at Tai Chi and with this 100 DWLpattern of 5 days on and weekends off, that means this day will always fall on Tai Chi Thursday. Kind of interesting to see if next year I will be on the same Thursday pattern of Tai Chi, lunch at the mall, some me-time after that and before I go home. Thursdays are kind of my day off because I leave home at 9 and return at 6pm. This year different from last year is that I had no morning barn chores from 5 to 7:30 as I am now retired since January 1st from regular farm work, although I still do work on DD's days off.

And in conclusion, I love that Beck Diet Solution illustration of how we choose what happens, it doesn't just happen.

I liked a Beck example about how we deceive ourselves about how we eat, and that it just happens without us thinking about (choosing) it. We always think about (choose) it, we just ignore that we think about (choose) it. The Beck example was someone saying that they were watching tv and they realized later they had eaten cookies, they didn't remember eating them, it just happened. In this example there were coasters on the table too. They didn't eat the coasters. They at some point made the decision (choice) to eat the cookies.

Gill, a couple of weeks ago you noticed I had a off-plan food choice involving bread. Something about those bakery products, not necessarily sweet ones, that are a trigger for me.

Edited by: JUNEPA at: 1/24/2020 (13:12)
June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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PAULALALALA's Photo PAULALALALA Posts: 27,247
1/23/20 10:23 P

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The past weekend I ate far too many cookie type treats. They weren't forced on me and I did choose to eat them. But once I get started.....it's hard to rein in. That's why I don't keep things like that in the house. It was a dual birthday celebration for me and my son whose b-days fell this month. So....two desserts were provided by my sons.

I chose to eat the Italian buttercream icing cupcakes, and the key lime pie...and then later I chose to eat semi-sweet chocolate chips and mixed nuts and then later whole wheat waffles with peanut butter and raspberry fruit spread and on and on. All this over several days. So, it's time to choose more wisely. I know I can eat these things if I want to - but today I didn't want to.

So far today I've chosen to eat only what I've entered into the tracker.


Paula -- Waco, TX area
CST zone

SP 4 Cornerstones
www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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OHMEMEME's Photo OHMEMEME Posts: 1,046
1/23/20 4:04 P

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Ditch the Parent

I must tread lightly here. I am most rebellious! “Chose to eat” works well for me.
Admitting, guilt and shame are too evident in my emotional eating. I haven’t figured out how to dig myself out of those. Work in progress...
Also admitting, the spoiled brat in me feels entitled and deserving of a reward/treat/indulgence.

My goal for now is to recognize rationalizing and rather just plan to have something, sometimes.
Though I choose to stay away from sugar/flour most days, I will have it one day. Just not today because it’s not necessary. It’s not an S day for one thing. It does not provide nutrition. It does not assist with weight loss. But I can have it if I so choose.


Edited by: OHMEMEME at: 1/23/2020 (16:05)
A decision made about how much to weigh is a decision made on how to live. (KANOE) I have decided.


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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,928
1/23/20 10:53 A

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Yes! I agree with your posts. Love seeing the word 'chose.' I don't like to think I can't - not ever - have something. Since reading this book - as well as 100 days - I find that giving myself options is the thing to do. It works for me and I don't feel deprived.



Babs
SW Illinois - CST


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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,820
1/23/20 8:41 A

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DAY #14 DITCH THE PARENT

This is a difficult task for me. I had very strict parents and the do's & don'ts are deeply imbedded somewhere in my memory. As I reviewed this lesson, however, I also recognized several key phrases from other lessons. On Day 5 I even wrote that my plan was going to be to tell myself "You DO NOT have permission to eat that!".

Today's lesson is telling me that this is not the wisest approach. "I GAVE MYSELF PERMISSION" is always where the slippery slop starts for me. Linda tells us that "permission to eat is usually a shame-based action rather than a carefully pondered intention" and that "Shame sets up a controversy between "good" and "bad" behavior. We are probably all familiar with this "good girl - bad girl" battle in out heads. I have also read that using a shame-based approach to change someone's behavior is never successful.

It will definitely be more helpful for me to reinforce a positive behavior change by remembering -

1. Nothing is "off limits".
2. I can have this, but I don't want it.
3. I chose to eat that.

Yesterday was a healthy day for me and I ended it by have a piece of chocolate (140 cals) after dinner. I chose to eat that chocolate. Today we are going out to dinner with some family members that we don't see very often. I chose to stick to my healthy eating by having a dinner salad tonight.



Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,741
1/23/20 8:16 A

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Day 14 Ditch the parent (Total repeat of Before)
I am having a little trouble with my thoughts on this one. For me it’s not cookies because sweets aren’t my thing but carbs are a different story.
Seems if “I choose” to when I want to, I will stay where I am on the scale or go back up.

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time
20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. “Never give up on the dream!”


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 19,583
1/23/20 4:40 A

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OK, this is my third time working through this book. And I can see how I've grown over that time.

Today I found I had rather a lot to say about this in my journal!

I had cake with my friend S when she spent the day with me on Sunday
I had mashed potato with my friend G when she came for tea on Monday evening

I CHOSE to eat cake with my friend S when she spent the day with me on Sunday
I CHOSE to eat mashed potato with my friend G when she came for tea on Monday

On both occasions the things I chose to eat (the cake and the mashed potato) had a feeling of "I really wish I wasn't eating this" about them. I'd have felt a lot better if I hadn't eaten them. But I'd made the choice, and I went through with it. On reflection, I might not make the choice to eat those things next time. I could offer my friend something other than cake, and I could have served my friend mashed potato and not had any myself.

I've been using this technique for quite a long time - since I met in in 100 DWL on Day 70
www.weightlossjoy.com/are-yo
u-good-or-
bad-day-70/


and I think, yes, it does remove the bad feelings that can lead to a binge etc. However, I think there's also the possibility that "I choose" can become "I deserve" or "I give myself permission" in meaning. "I choose" = "I can if I want to"!

I have to trust the CBT and keep using "I choose" to support my power - I take responsibility for my choices.
emoticon

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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AMYBELLES's Photo AMYBELLES Posts: 13,742
4/6/19 9:34 P

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Day 14 Ditch the Parent

Shame results from setting up a controversy between good and bad behavior. When you eliminate the use of these words, you don’t get pulled into a mental battle, and shame doesn’t have any reason to show up.

Today

• Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat.
Earlier this week, I had some homemade vanilla ice cream that my dh made

• Write the words, “I chose to eat…” and add the food you listed above.
I chose to eat some vanilla ice cream.

• Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, “I’m choosing to eat this.” Write a note about how that felt.
~I will do this tomorrow and report back.

**~Amy~**
Dazzling Daffodils
April A&I BSG Challenge Team

~The Villages, Florida
EST



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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,262
3/29/19 1:14 P

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emoticon

Edited by: AURA18 at: 2/6/2020 (08:43)
Maribeth MN CT Panthers draxe.com/ dance u.nu/ixjy planks u.nu/9w-u u.nu/httpsunu7lag u.nu/43qj2
LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,423
3/24/19 11:02 A

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Day 14, Ditch the parent

Not just the parent....the grandparents too! I was a tiny girl and everybody was always trying to feed me! No one ever cautioned me about sweets...they just wanted me to eat and that attitude continued into my adulthood. (I weighed 88 lbs when I married my husband). I was never anorexic at all...I was just smalll and I could eat and eat and not gain weight.

So....controlling sweets to only weekends is definitely an effort to ditch the parental message. I also learned to eat as much as I wanted of anything I liked so.....portion control is also ditching the parental message. I'm so much happier now that I recognize where my eating issues originated. They grew from love....just misdirected love.

I also used to "comfort" eat and that was also a parental message..."here have a piece of cake; you will feel better". NOT!!

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

Eastern Standard Time




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JUNEPA's Photo JUNEPA Posts: 14,572
3/22/19 12:55 A

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• Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat.

Haha, just today at tea time during Tai Chi, I ate a vanilla and a chocolate girl guide cookie. They were being passed around, girl guide cookies are my krypton, I have in the past bought them by the case. I justified it, actually I feel okay about it, and am happy I only ate one of each, I could have easily eaten half a dozen. I felt good about limiting my cookies, but I may add, that of the other 15 people present, only 2 more cookies were eaten, these people are careful about their treats !! So no excuses that I would offend someone by declining, as the peer pressure was more to decline than to accept. And fear of offending someone is a lame excuse anyway. I am doing well with my fitness and nutrition and I think I could afford it. Maybe this is part of the thinking that keeps me from reaching my weight goal.


• Write the words, “I chose to eat…” and add the food you listed above.

I chose to eat a vanilla and a chocolate girl guide cookie.

• Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, “I’m choosing to eat this.” Write a note about how that felt.

I will check back in tomorrow about this.

Today, being aware that "I'm choosing to eat this" lined up with Day 17 of the Beck Diet Solution Trek, "Practicing not over-eating" where we purposely put more on our plate than we should, and then don't eat it. Either throw it away or put it away for later consumption. So I was very aware all day of what I chose to eat being equal to what I put in my mouth and ate. At lunch, I put more tortellini than I was going to eat, didn't eat it at lunch but made it part of my supper. I made more chicken than DH and I usually eat for supper and didn't eat the extra, just ate according to my meal plan.


Edited by: JUNEPA at: 3/22/2019 (23:49)
June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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PAULALALALA's Photo PAULALALALA Posts: 27,247
3/21/19 11:34 P

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I've been choosing to go over my plan the past few evenings, so I did my best to make good choices on my food today. I want to feel proud of my decisions tomorrow morning when I wake up.

Paula -- Waco, TX area
CST zone

SP 4 Cornerstones
www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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NOCALORIES's Photo NOCALORIES Posts: 21,298
3/21/19 10:34 P

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Day 14 Living healthy is a choice and it is a decision I make everyday. Each day is an opportunity to enjoy finding happiness in healthy choices.

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YOUNG-AT-HEART's Photo YOUNG-AT-HEART Posts: 1,933
3/21/19 6:43 P

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emoticon DAY #14 emoticon

Day 14 - Ditch the parent







Shame results from setting up a controversy between good and bad behavior.





When you eliminate the use of these words, you don't get pulled into a mental battle, and shame doesn't have any reason to show up.





Guilt and shame have been with me all my life and it has been a constant struggle for me whenever I would go on a “diet”. Now that I’ve adopted the mindset about living a healthy lifestyle instead of being on a “diet”, I look at things differently. I have really benefitted from so many things SparkPeople has made available to me as I continue my journey. I have the nutrition tracker tool that is really helping me. Pre-planning in the nutrition tracker lets me play my “What if” game with food choices and decisions.

April is always a challenge because of having both my birthday and Easter next month. But, with my nutrition tracker I add the foods I may not normally eat and try to stay close to my calorie range for the day. Last Easter I added all kinds of Easter candy to my favorites so I’m all ready to make my choices. I’m ready to give it a go again this year and ”choose” my treats I will have. When I do this planning ahead, I know what I’m doing and making my choices and don’t need to feel any guilt or shame.

Sometimes I slip up and eat the wrong thing, but I make myself get back on track as soon as I can.

I like the idea of eliminating "good" and "bad" and using “healthier choice” and “less healthy choice".





I need to remember:

THE CHOICE IS MINE!



Edited by: YOUNG-AT-HEART at: 3/21/2019 (18:51)
~~~MARILYN ~~~
Virginia - Eastern Time Zone
The worst thing to be without--hope.
The most effective sleeping pill--peace of mind.
The main reason my past diets failed--lack of motivation.
The greatest "shot in the arm"-- encouragement.


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GLORIAZ's Photo GLORIAZ Posts: 1,327
3/21/19 4:33 P

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Last evening four of us went out for dinner. I had chicken and vegetables. Then we were asked if anyone wanted dessert. So three of us shared a cheesecake with fruit.

I choose to be in control of my portions. (Most of the time) emoticon

One day at a time!


Gloria.
EST Pennsylvania
2017 Spring 5% Challenge Tiger Monarchs
Biggest Loser Summer Challenge Golden Phoenix
Biggest Loser Fall Challenge Golden Phoenix 2017


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SUSMANNIE's Photo SUSMANNIE Posts: 946
3/21/19 12:37 P

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Day 14 - Ditch the parent


Shame results from setting up a controversy between good and bad behavior.

When you eliminate the use of these words, you don't get pulled into a mental battle, and shame doesn't have any reason to show up.

1. Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat.

Dark chocolate nut bar "healthy"
Popcorn and Sweet Potato Crackers
Whole Grain Fig Bars (4)
(binged-not a usual thing for me, yesterday afternoon.)

2. Write the words, "I chose to eat..." and add the food you listed above.

I chose to eat...
bar, crackers, fig bars yesterday

Going through some emotional tumult, so I soothed myself while working home
yesterday. Am back on track today and logging all my food.

3. Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, "I'm choosing to eat this." Write a note about how that felt.

Today, I am choosing to not eat anything other than what I've planned.

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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,747
3/21/19 11:16 A

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Day 14 Ditch the parent

Overall my eating plan allows me to eat anything so long as I record the Syn values. My plan emphasises it is not a D(are) I E(at) T(hat). I admit I can be 'hard on myself' sometimes but it can be necessary too sometimes.

Today
� Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or similar
Sadly I have a bad habit of over-eating on the day I choose to Weigh In at my club (working hard on this 😉)

� Write the words, �I chose to eat�� and add the food you listed above.
~At my next WI I choose to NOT eat to excess, for my physical and mental health

� Each time you eat something today
~I chose to eat a crumpet alongside my Mum in Law (5syns) and really enjoyed it, chose not to have jam on it though as trying not to have additional sugar.
I chose to make a Lasagne which was delicious and totally on plan for my hubby and me. emoticon

Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
ITS_MY_TURN_NOW's Photo ITS_MY_TURN_NOW Posts: 6,510
3/21/19 10:04 A

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Day 14 - Ditch the parent

Releasing old stories and shame is an ongoing challenge for me. Shame around my weight and eating have been part of my life as long as I can remember. Giving myself permission to make the choice is easier said than done. I feel like I am often pushed into eating things that I know are not good for me, in order to avoid conflict or hurting someone else's feelings. Taking back my power by taking back the choice … today I will tell myself, "I'm choosing to eat this."


~ Julee ~
ET - Western NY

“We can evolve while still staying true to who we are. We can honor who we've been and choose who we want to be next."
~ Dr. Who. (Jodie Whittaker)


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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,928
3/21/19 9:44 A

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For me some key words are 'how I feel about it' when I give myself permission (or choose) to have something that would not be wise to over indulge in. My birthday is next month and Easter is next month. I have already decided that I will have a small 'whatever' we have - cake, cheesecake (I hope so!!), or candy. I will choose. I will not feel guilty. I will plan ahead.

It's important for me to plan ahead. No more 'guilt' because I can work anything into my eating plan if I 'plan.'

Babs
SW Illinois - CST


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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,820
3/21/19 8:04 A

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DAY # 14 DITCH THE PARENT

My last review of this lesson mentioned how I viewed myself as a "bad" person. Not any more! I have worked to get rid of that negative talk.

Dean Anderson has a SP series of 10 articles about how our brains work when it comes to weight loss. One of them has to do with using "I" statements and I have been trying to do that more. Here is the link:
www.sparkpeople.com/resource
/wellness_
articles.asp?id=690&page=4


A couple lessons ago, Gill referenced a SP link for us that talked about the 5 Emotional Roadblocks That Are Keeping You Fat. One of the reasons listed had to do exactly with what our lesson is about today - controlling parents and our rebellion.

Another thing that really caught my eye in our lesson, last review and today, was the heading "Time To Grow Up". This is exactly what Steave Seabolt talks about in his fatloser.com series and it was an AHA! moment for me.

When we were recently on vacation I started out worried and fretting about how I was going to follow my eating plan, how I was going to enjoy our vacation, how I was going to deal with the usual weight vacation "gain". It was a real struggle between emoticon and emoticon . I finally told myself - Enough of this! If you keep this up, you won't enjoy your vacation time at all.

I CHOSE to widen my boundaries a bit finally while on vacation. It taught me something important - I can still go on vacation, enjoy a few extra foods and drinks, and will just a bit of diligence I can maintain my weight. It was a huge confidence builder for me.

Tonight is my Small Group Bible Study. There is always food and wine that I always seem to give into to and then regret. Tonight I am going to give myself permission NOT to eat any of the food!

I CHOOSE to use language that will support my power emoticon

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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MISSRUTH's Photo MISSRUTH Posts: 5,081
3/21/19 7:14 A

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Okay, so I have a little trouble with this chapter. I never think in terms of "I gave myself permission to eat (whatever). The word permission never enters into it.

But then Linda talks about good/ bad behavior (I can relate to that), versus carefully pondered intentions. So I'm thinking here of the difference between feeling bad because I made a bad choice with spontaneous eating, as opposed to taking back the power and recognizing that whatever I ate, I chose to do so. I choose whether to stay on my plan or not. It's not some rebel child or mysterious "evil twin" within me.... it's just me, and my choices.

Ruth in Cookeville, TN Central Time Zone


Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think - Christopher Robin to Pooh


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3/21/19 4:36 A

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On Tuesday, I met a friend for lunch and had a lovely meal. I'd already decided in advance that I was going to have dessert, and I did. It felt deliciously decadent, and it was a great sharing thing with my friend (one slice, two forks).

Although, if I'm really 'strict' (parental?) with myself, I'd have said I didn't 'need' the cake, I did follow through with it because I'd already planned it.

The main difference, which I hope is a good thing in the long run, is how I felt about it. With this friend, in the past, I've quite often given in to being 'pushed' into eating something sweet - then felt cross with myself. This time there was no parent sitting on my shoulder saying "you deserve a treat" or "you shouldn't eat that" - it was MY CHOICE and it felt good.

I didn't feel remorse or shame. I think I might be finally getting it! Well, at least, some of it, some of the time!
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7/4/18 11:18 A

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Day #14 Ditch The Parent

Isn't there a title of a movie called "Parent Trap"? Not sure why that came to mind, but maybe because I see my childhood in today's lesson when Linda talks about the Shame-Based controversy between good & bad. For some reason (which I have given up trying to figure out the why of it) I have grown into an adult that views herself as a "bad" person. I think maybe it is because I never felt as a child that I did anything right or good enough.

I think another contributing factor might be our society today just in general. I think we are a "reward" society that demands immediate gratification - I want it now! Talk about "good vs. bad" conflict!

I have never thought of eating "bad" foods as giving myself permission. When I stop to think about the reasons that I eat unhealthy foods they all sound like excuses to me for justifying my eating behavior.

I need to remember:

THE CHOICE IS MINE!


Sue

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OHANAMAMA's Photo OHANAMAMA Posts: 28,403
7/3/18 8:15 A

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Day 14 Ditch the parent

Shame results from setting up a controversy between good and bad behavior. When you eliminate the use of these words, you don’t get pulled into a mental battle, and shame doesn’t have any reason to show up.

Today

• Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat.
~Hmmm... since I started my new way of eating for my health, I've not had a treat that was off limits... However, I remember doing that last year without thinking.. little Hershey miniature candy bars... mindLESS eating, especially here at work at my desk.
• Write the words, “I chose to eat…” and add the food you listed above.
~I choose to NOT eat those sugar laden morsels any more. For my health I have gone sugar free. Now when I want chocolate, I choose to eat 100% Cacao chocolate. I didn't think I could eat chocolate without it being sweetened, but my "sweet buds" are so much more sensitive now that even w/o sugar my chocolate of choice tastes sweet.
• Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, “I’m choosing to eat this.” Write a note about how that felt.
~I'm choosing to eat my lunch (salmon, guacamole, red pepper strips and plain yogurt) because it's delicious and progresses me onward to greater health. It feels great!

~ Renee ~

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DEEGIRL50's Photo DEEGIRL50 Posts: 21,058
7/3/18 4:08 A

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Day 14 - Ditch the Parent

• Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat.

I ate ice cream with my aunt, sisters, and niece. I wanted a sundae, but ordered a single scoop of the flavor of the day. I chose to eat it and enjoyed it. However, when I entered the 300 calories into the nutrition tracker and it brought me to the high-end of my range, I was reminded that eating this way does have it's consequences. I really don't consider it "bad" food, but I consider whether it's worth the calories. I have found myself saying"I'm going to be bad today and eat whatever I want." Now, I'm trying to think of it as being on a wider road just for today.

• Write the words, “I chose to eat…” and add the food you listed above.
I chose to eat frozen custard.

• Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, “I’m choosing to eat this.” Write a note about how that felt.
"I'm choosing to eat sweet potato fries." I felt in control. I ate one serving (12 fries) and was done.
"I'm choosing to eat a Healthy Choice frozen dinner." I splurged eating out at lunch time so I'm glad to be eating a smaller healthier portion at dinner. I'm happy to be in charge of my meals and portion sizes.
"I'm choosing to eat Lay's Poppables." This is my planned snack. I'm glad that I counted and bagged the chips ahead of time. I can have a small amount and still be on my plan.


Edited by: DEEGIRL50 at: 7/3/2018 (04:09)
Dee
(Wisconsin - Central Standard Time)

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CAROLYNINJOY1's Photo CAROLYNINJOY1 Posts: 12,173
7/3/18 3:29 A

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100 More DWL- Day 14 Ditch the parent

Shame results from setting up a controversy between good and bad behavior. When you eliminate the use of these words, you don’t get pulled into a mental battle, and shame doesn’t have any reason to show up.

Today

• Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat.
• Write the words, “I chose to eat…” and add the food you listed above.
• Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, “I’m choosing to eat this.” Write a note about how that felt.

I do not shame myself about food because I plan ahead for each meal and snack. An example, I just had a planned snack, savored every bite and enjoyed it tremendously. It was a granola bar with chia seeds and was yummy.

I chose to eat it and it fitted into my day's allotted calories. It felt great! Whatever I eat is a choice and it's for fuel. If it's tasty (like my yellow squash for dinner with nothing added) that makes it a plus. I love fresh vegetables. I feel good about my choices.

Joy is a Choice. Choose joy moment by moment.

When all else fails, persistence prevails.

Injoy:) Carolyn

(Arizona - Mountain Standard Time)

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PAULALALALA's Photo PAULALALALA Posts: 27,247
7/1/18 7:46 P

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• Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat.
Last night after dinner.

• Write the words, “I chose to eat…” and add the food you listed above.
I chose to eat the last of the carton of chocolate frozen yogurt.

• Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, “I’m choosing to eat this.” Write a note about how that felt.
Today has been good. After circuit and yoga at the Y this afternoon, I came home, took a nap and then chose to eat a snack of rice chex and peanuts.
Tonight I'm choosing to eat a serving of Greek yogurt for my bedtime snack to give me that sweetness and creaminess.


Paula -- Waco, TX area
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7/1/18 5:05 P

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Today ...

• Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat.
I no longer use good and/or bad food, diet and/or nondiet food phrases. Allllll food is … well, food. I make choses every time I eat. This has been very empowering and made me more aware of my … choses.

• Write the words, “I chose to eat…” and add the food you listed above.
I chose to eat a veggie omelette for breakfast along with fresh berries.
I chose to eat chicken and roasted green beans and carrots for lunch.
I chose to drink clear water today.

• Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, “I’m choosing to eat this.” Write a note about how that felt.
When I take "credit" for my choses … it's very empowering.


Cat

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it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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CD14651201 Posts: 4,325
7/1/18 4:18 P

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Day 14 Ditch the parent

Shame results from setting up a controversy between good and bad behavior. When you eliminate the use of these words, you don’t get pulled into a mental battle, and shame doesn’t have any reason to show up.

Today

• Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat.
• Write the words, “I chose to eat…” and add the food you listed above.
• Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, “I’m choosing to eat this.” Write a note about how that felt.
emoticon will be back to complete assignment.

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7/1/18 2:26 P

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Day 14 Ditch the parent

My success with this depends on if my motivation and self talk is positive and strong. When it is weak I can find myself in the "poor me, pity party" trap of negative thinking, deprivation and loss of power over my food choices. How to handle these motivation lapses is always challenging but they do not last as long as in the past.

Today being a positive day, I deliberately chose to buy M&M Peanuts. I had a choice of a small or a bit larger box at the Dollar store. I thought about it and chose the larger. I decided to eat only about 1/3 of the larger and DH gleefully ate the rest. No damage to my journey today and no feelings of deprivation.

So thankful for this study! Repeated studies of 100 Days and now 100 Days More continues to yield improvement and to strengthen my confidence and power. emoticon

Maria ~ So. Cal. ~ Pacific Time Zone
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7/1/18 2:07 P

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This is so me! When I eat sweets, I say to myself I gave myself permission to eat that. This gives me a new way of thinking

Recently, I choose to eat ice cream a couple different days. I always get a small cone or serving, so I never over do it. Its never put me over my calories.

Recently I have also choose to eat out a lot more than usual, rather than eating at home. I make the best choices I can, but its not as healthy as eating st home. I always track everything and Im always within my ranges. But its still not healthy.


~Amanda~ .

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CAT125's Photo CAT125 Posts: 28,729
7/1/18 9:36 A

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Day 14 Ditch the parent


I chose to eat…pizza rolls.



I’m choosing to eat this....


this....


this....


and this.


emoticon





Cat, in Florida
Eastern Time Zone


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 19,583
7/1/18 9:15 A

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This has been highlighted as one of my most important lessons from this book so far!

Gosh! Yes! I parent myself all the time - I call it 'allowing' myself to have something, or 'deserving a treat'.

Last night, I went out to watch a music concert in the park. It was great. I had a veggie curry, and a bottle of elderflower cider - also lovely.

When I got home I gave myself permission to eat a bowl of crunchy, salty, spicy, Bombay Mix.
emoticon
Yes, it definitely felt exactly as Linda describes - the parent was kind of saying I shouldn't, but the child was rebelling and thought - I deserve it. Perversely, I think I thought I deserved it because I hadn't bought chocolate or ice-cream at the concert (it was there on sale next to the curry!). How perverse is that? And, of course, it was Saturday, which also gives me 'permission'.

This lesson has really hit a note for me!
emoticon
I shall certainly be mindful of using the 'I choose' words next time I get this urge to treat myself, or 'allow' myself to eat something that perhaps I shouldn't!



Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 7/5/2018 (03:16)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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7/1/18 8:16 A

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I choose to eat ?
When we go weekly to work on my parents pond she rewards me by making my own coconut cream pie even though I keep telling her no it’s her love language. I justify it by its only once a week, it’s within my calories, and I moved non stop for 6 hours.
I,choose to eat once piece of pie a week

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7/1/18 8:15 A

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Day 14 Ditch the parent

Yep, that's me. I give myself permission to eat off my plan. I have felt it was OK to eat something if I gave myself permission. Then the guilt follows.

Yesterday I ate a bunch of chips. I was putting them in bowls to bring outside to my husband and his friend. I had offered to do it. I gave myself permission to eat some while preparing theirs. The chips were not on my plan, and they have a lot of WW points, so I do not eat them. I do not even love them. But, I gave myself permission to have some. And yes, I ate right out of the bag, not measured.

When I binge it is because of the parental approach to my behaviors. I deserve it, I can have it. I used to binge on sugar cereal (and still will when I am weak, and it is in the house.) We did not have sugar cereal in the house when I was growing up.

I agree that it is shame based. This is something I have been working on. I have thoughts. I can not stop the thoughts, but I can choose to, or choose not to act on the thoughts. Sometimes it is easy to let the thoughts float by (like now). As the day goes on, if I am presented with temptations, letting thoughts float by gets more challenging. Seeing my husband have something is tough. Seeing others eat something is tough. I live in a world where food is everywhere, and eating healthy is challenging.

From the last book I have eliminated "good" and "bad" and I use "less healthy choice" and "healthier choice".

I chose to eat the chips yesterday.

I am choosing what I eat today.

I am choosing to have a low carb beer at band practice (in my plan)

I am choosing what I do.

C

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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,741
7/1/18 7:31 A

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Day 14 Ditch the parent
I am having a little trouble with my thoughts on this one. For me it’s not cookies because sweets aren’t my thing but carbs are a different story.
Seems if “I choose” to when I want to, I will stay where I am on the scale or go back up.
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Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time
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CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
7/1/18 5:11 A

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I chose to eat caramel/cheddar popcorn mix from Nuts On Clark on the train yesterday. It was a sensible calorie portion and a special "taste of Chicago" to add to the positive memories and many happy moments of our trip.

Beating ourselves up over eating something we wouldn't normally while on plan, really not the best idea.

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6/28/18 11:31 A

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Edited by: AURA18 at: 1/23/2020 (06:08)
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CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
5/7/18 8:14 P

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Day 14 Ditch the parent

Shame results from setting up a controversy between good and bad behavior. When you eliminate the use of these words, you don’t get pulled into a mental battle, and shame doesn’t have any reason to show up.

Today

• Identify and record a recent time when you ate a cookie or other treat.
• Write the words, “I chose to eat…” and add the food you listed above.
• Each time you eat something today, tell yourself, “I’m choosing to eat this.” Write a note about how that felt.

Link to day 13
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94x69014833


Link to day 15

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/
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Edited by: CD13384562 at: 5/9/2018 (06:13)
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