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6/12/19 5:39 P

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DAY #61 THE EMOTIONAL BOX - ROUND 2

The Emotional Cord, or Scale, or Column with the negative emotions on one side and the positive emotions on the other side Is a very helpful visual aid for me. I also have the resource of listed emotions that we got during one of our other reviews. I should refer to these resources more often to help myself figure out what is circle about in my head!

DESCRIBE HOW YOU SHOWED YOUR EMOTIONS AS A CHILD:

Am I really expected to remember back that far! I don't remember any specific incidents, but I think I was a quiet child and perhaps a bit bashful. I also might remember feelings like I didn't fit in and having the neighborhood kids tease and make fun of me (couldn't tell you what for now days). I don't remember our household being very cheerful or loving; or at least love was not expressed much. When I was a young teen I tried speaking out more around my peers, but never found it comfortable. As an older teen I finally found my voice, but it was all filled with anger.

HOW DO YOU EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS NOW:

That anger continued for years into my adulthood. I became a reactive kind of person and when I am stressed I continue to display that behavior. I have been trying to overcome this characteristic, but it is very difficult and any misstep sends me sliding backwards.

ID COMMON TIMES WHEN I EAT INSTEAD OF LABELING OR EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS:

Sliding backwards into slow self-esteem and shame. It makes me WANT to build that invisible wall or emotional box around myself that Linda talks about in order to keep my feelings inside! Where I can live in a neutral zone and be emotionally dull instead of being reactive. When I recognize my missteps I tend to disconnect from life and people and pull myself inward because then I figure I can't make any missteps.

I know that this is not an effective coping skill. That I need to keep working at recognizing my emotions and their source of origin. To sit quietly with them and accept them. To not let them destroy me. To know I am O.K. just being me.

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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JUNEPA's Photo JUNEPA Posts: 14,434
6/11/19 9:58 A

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Day 61 The emotional box

Facing your emotions doesn’t have to destroy you. When you take your feelings out of the dark, it makes them less scary. You may discover that your grief, anger, and even bitterness aren’t as intense as you remembered.

Today

• Describe how you showed your emotions as a child. Did you laugh easily? Cry hard?
• Think about how you express emotions now. Describe how it’s changed over the years.
• Identify common times when you eat instead of labeling or expressing your feelings.


• Describe how you showed your emotions as a child. Did you laugh easily? Cry hard?

I was a very emotionally volatile child. I did have a temper and raged when I got mad. I didn't laugh or cry more intensely, but I felt guilt and shame deeply and also felt I didn't fit in and that I reacted much more deeply to things happening around me, which other kids seemed to just observe and not react to. Then I would be deeply embarassed at the attention from the other kids (and also some adults), they thought it was amusing or stupid, and sometimes made comments that made me feel worse. My sister, who is 2 years older than me, was very chill socially and I used to hang close to her and let her handle social interactions while I wrestled with trying to not show the emotions I was feeling.



• Think about how you express emotions now. Describe how it’s changed over the years.

As I matured, I learned to manage my emotions better, to direct them and to listen to them. I realized there was a reason for them and tried to discern the reason and respond in a way that addressed and resolved the issue. For example, anger is a reaction to feeling disrespected or feeling something unjust is taking place. As I went through some life experiences, I learned how to listen and use my emotions for good, rather than try to avoid feeling because emotions tended to precede embarrassment or humiliation. I learned I am okay, not I am less than others. I am not better, I am not worse, I am unique, and my feelings are healthy.


• Identify common times when you eat instead of labeling or expressing your feelings.

I sometimes eat when I am feeling socially rejected, or when I am disappointed. That happens less often since I have been searching and implementing alternative reaction strategies, like having something to do when I feel that way, having a list of things to do instead of eating. I learned quite a few of these strategies on Spark, sharing experiences with like-minded Sparkers, from the Beck Diet Solution Spark Team, and I think, this is my first Spangle challenge, but I think Spangler ideas will be very helpful and become part of my arsenal of non-eating, coping strategies as well. I just had an epiphany, after I get through the wanting to eat and resisting eating and doing something that makes me feel better, I should revisit why I felt so badly, there is usually a good reason, and I could try to understand the dynamics to come up with not feeling so rejected or disappointed. I feel I solved my anger issue, now to try to cope better with feeling rejection and disappointment so deeply.


Later edit after reading other posts
A lot of mention of childhood happiness and conditions that lead us to where we are today. My parents, my mom was an emotional worrier, and she was an artist. My dad was a stoic and an engineer and later became a dairy farmer because he loved agriculture. I wanted to be like my dad, because he was logical, also he laughed easily, was very loving but did tell us to soldier through difficulties and not complain. I didn't want to be want to be like my mom because she cried easily, and yelled a lot and over-reacted to everything, but she was also loving, giving, spontaneous. I had a happy and free childhood, and I listened to a lot of people talk about unhappy childhoods, and I tried very hard to give my kids the best childhood I could so, I hope, they do not have to spend years dealing with and resolving painful and stunting childhood issues, they can go ahead with their lives and express themselves and be who they want to be.

Edited by: JUNEPA at: 6/11/2019 (10:40)
June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,706
5/29/19 3:40 A

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100 More DWL - Day 61 The emotional box

Describe how you showed your emotions as a child. Did you laugh easily? Cry hard?
I had a lovely childhood and don't remember ever crying hard or being shouted at! Yes I was shy away from the family and remember being the last to be chosen for country dancing or PE teams (at primary school) as I had chunky thighs and wasn't fast. (Apart from chasing a blond man at an event after dancing! emoticon )

� Think about how you express emotions now. Describe how it�s changed over the years.
I am not afraid to show people I care, I always ask if its OK to give someone a hug. Still shy at times!

� Identify common times when you eat instead of labeling or expressing your feelings.
Cannot think of any examples as I try not to label things and try not to eat my worries.

Edited by: DSJB9999 at: 5/29/2019 (03:41)
Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
YOUNG-AT-HEART's Photo YOUNG-AT-HEART Posts: 1,808
5/28/19 6:56 P

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emoticon DAY #61 emoticon

Day 61 - The emotional box



Facing your emotions doesn’t have to destroy you. When you take your feelings out of the dark, it makes them less scary. You may discover that your grief, anger, and even bitterness aren’t as intense as you remembered.

Today

• Describe how you showed your emotions as a child. Did you laugh easily? Cry hard?
I was a happy child and could laugh easily but grew up in a home with an alcoholic father which caused me to worry about things and people over which I had no control. I had low self-esteem and always felt I needed to please other people and avoid problems and conflicts. It was hard for me to say “no” since I was a “people pleaser”. It was difficult for me to express anger and I often suffered in silence. I was fortunate to have wonderful grandparents who had a normal home and I spent as much time with them as I could. As a young child, I wished I could live with my grandparents all the time.

• Think about how you express emotions now. Describe how it’s changed over the years.
Over the years, I learned to do things that made myself happy instead of living for others or waiting for someone else to make me happy. I have learned to set emotional boundaries between my responsibilities and responsibility to others. I try not to worry about the things I have no control over. I have learned to say “no”. I tend to control my emotions, do not like disruptive people or environments, and strive to live a peaceful life.

• Identify common times when you eat instead of labeling or expressing your feelings.
Times of unfulfilled expectations continue to cause problems for me, but I continue to work on it. My best solution so far has been to not have big expectations from other people but accept life as it happens...but that is always easier said than done!





~~~MARILYN ~~~
Virginia - Eastern Time Zone
The worst thing to be without--hope.
The most effective sleeping pill--peace of mind.
The main reason my past diets failed--lack of motivation.
The greatest "shot in the arm"-- encouragement.


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MADAMEJEANNE's Photo MADAMEJEANNE SparkPoints: (80,157)
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5/27/19 10:30 P

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1.I cried a lot and got in trouble
I laughed and giggled uncontrollably
I was shy and so I didn’t talk out of fear
When my dh has repeated things I didn’t want him to or made fun of me I am quiet

Surprise surprise I eat when I am angry. I eat when I am stressed out. I eat when I come home from being with groups of people.


Need to think about handling things with prayer or music or exercise.





Edited by: MADAMEJEANNE at: 5/27/2019 (22:31)
Matthew 11:28 Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden and I will give you rest unto your soul.


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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,611
5/27/19 11:51 A

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Day 61 The emotional box
As a child I hid and cried to keep from getting punishment for crying. I don’t think I ever fit in as a child, not at home, at school or at church.
Then as an adult I had a wonderful group of friends, enjoyed the times with our five kids and my freedom when they were in school. I do know there were times I finished food on their plates instead of showing those stuffed emotions.
Now most of my close friends have passed on, my non-verbal husband is retired. Even though I say I’m retired, I’m really not because all the cooking, cleaning, etc is still my job!
I’m mostly frustrated, angry, and on occasion when my best friend calls do have wonderful times!
emoticon Our adult kids and grandkids are wonderful but busy with their own.

Edited by: MAWMAW101 at: 5/27/2019 (12:25)
Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. “Never give up on the dream!”


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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,090
5/27/19 10:31 A

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Child • Quiet inside and playful outside
Adult • Reflective before I say anything - Stoic (choosing my battles)
• Evenings I'm tired and may eat instead of labeling or expressing your feelings


100 things to do besides eating u.nu/dzr8

Edited by: AURA18 at: 5/27/2019 (10:50)
Maribeth MN CT Black Panthers draxe.com/ dance u.nu/ixjy planks u.nu/9w-u hands u.nu/httpsunu7lag
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CAROLYNINJOY1's Photo CAROLYNINJOY1 Posts: 12,173
9/14/18 2:24 P

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100 More DWL, Day 61 The emotional box

Facing your emotions doesn’t have to destroy you. When you take your feelings out of the dark, it makes them less scary. You may discover that your grief, anger, and even bitterness aren’t as intense as you remembered.

Today

• Describe how you showed your emotions as a child. Did you laugh easily? Cry hard?
• Think about how you express emotions now. Describe how it’s changed over the years.
• Identify common times when you eat instead of labeling or expressing your feelings.

There were times in the past when I feared revealing my feelings. I was afraid if I started crying about grief or shouting about anger, I would be inundated with a tsunami force that would destroy me. So I stuffed those perceived negative feelings for years and years.

When I was a child I was told not to cry. I was told 'Don't laugh so loud.' 'Be quiet.' 'Sit still, don't squirm.' 'Young ladies don't get angry.' 'If you raise your voice you will be punished. It took me 40 years to overcome 'Southern lady' conditioning and I haven't completely overcome all of it.

I'm still learning that it is okay to express my emotions. Emotions are simply feelings and feelings pass. They don't come to stay, they pass. This has helped me a great deal.

I haven't been eating over feelings. That is under control at this time.

Joy is a Choice. Choose joy moment by moment.

When all else fails, persistence prevails.

Injoy:) Carolyn

(Arizona - Mountain Standard Time)

My personal story as a blog:
https://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_p
ublic_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6
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OHANAMAMA's Photo OHANAMAMA Posts: 28,106
8/22/18 11:05 A

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Day 61 The emotional box

Facing your emotions doesn’t have to destroy you. When you take your feelings out of the dark, it makes them less scary. You may discover that your grief, anger, and even bitterness aren’t as intense as you remembered.

Today

• Describe how you showed your emotions as a child. Did you laugh easily? Cry hard?
Yep and Yep. I think I had a pretty good childhood.
• Think about how you express emotions now. Describe how it’s changed over the years.
I think I'm a bit more reserved, years of a situation put me in a severely depressive state, during which my anxiety bloomed, too. I pretty much went through the motions of life, but I finally left that toxic situation a few years ago and things have definitely improved!!
• Identify common times when you eat instead of labeling or expressing your feelings.
Oh, back then (the toxic times) I used to sooth myself with food, lots of it and anything. I am more present with myself now and food no longer is my "go-to" band-aid.

~ Renee ~

Turn your magic on.


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GLORIAZ's Photo GLORIAZ Posts: 1,326
8/18/18 8:24 A

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Wow.....I am praying and sending positive healthy vibes to all the ladies who posted here. A. Book that really helped my attitude was Law of Attraction. Life is too short to allow others to take your happiness.
I was raised Catholic, So we weren’t allowed to express our feelings,. Yes we had to stifle them. My mother never complimented us......later she told us she didn’t want us to get a “big head”. As a result we were insecure and didn’t take chances out of fear.
I’m so different today after asking questions and not getting answers, I did my own research and made my own decisions.
Yes, those memories will make me turn to food....thinking about all those rules we had to follow that we’re not right. The best thing you can learn is not to make a decision out of fear or guilt.
Each day is a new day to start again. Never give up on your happiness! emoticon

One day at a time!


Gloria.
EST Pennsylvania
2017 Spring 5% Challenge Tiger Monarchs
Biggest Loser Summer Challenge Golden Phoenix
Biggest Loser Fall Challenge Golden Phoenix 2017


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CAT125's Photo CAT125 Posts: 28,610
8/17/18 12:59 P

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emoticon

Cat, in Florida
Eastern Time Zone


Pounds lost in 2020......


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READY201811's Photo READY201811 SparkPoints: (109,196)
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8/17/18 12:27 P

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Day 61 emotional box
As I child I would pray I would die and since Sunday school made heaven sound so perfect that is where I wanted to be. My life was fear, on the bus, at school, at home, silent tears and inner pain
I still don’t talk much, interact, or get involved on a personal level. I do a lot for others and send weekly cards to those hurting but don’t want any close friends or allow anyone in.
Because I am a loner as is my husband we together get frustrated and stressed and no one is in our situation so we alienate ourselves more. This year has been my worst weight problems and also the first time we are together 24/7 as he just retired in April

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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,679
8/17/18 9:56 A

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Day #61 The Emotional Box

OMG, this topic is HUGE! I could really relate to the pictures that Cat posted. Do I really want to dig up my childhood memories and all of those feelings? Not much. Lets just say that, for whatever reasons, whether my feelings were based on reality or not, I grew up feeling unloved and in a home that I didn't feel was joyful and around neighborhood children that didn't much like me. This turned me into a very angry person and at some point, as I grew into adulthood, I stopped putting a lid on expressing these feelings. I didn't care what I said or who I hurt as long as it wasn't me! I know that sounds just horrible. It has taken me years to "put a lid" on these feelings of hurt, injustice, and anger that I felt about life. I still need to watch myself very closely to keep these feelings in check. My ADD tendencies don't always make this easy because people with this diagnosis seem to lack a certain degree of social awareness with stimulus intake & output. I really don't care to ever go back to the person I used to be!

Linda tells us "If you block your emotions long enough, you can become so good at it that you stop feeling much of anything". I think I have done this to some extent. Not only to bury life's hurts but also as a side effect of being a nurse. Illness can be a very painful thing in many ways for a person and for all of their loved ones. Can you imagine having a nurse who broke down bawling at your bedside because she felt so bad for your sufferings?! As a Critical Care Nurse I have frequently dealt with the worst of illnesses and I learned to turn a part of myself off in order for me to be more effective in providing the care that these people need during this time in their lifes.

The end result of all of this is that I am a very serious type of person. I think our world is become a sadder and sadder place to live. There is less and less love & joy going around. So in some ways I like living inside my box, in a neutral zone, disconnected from life. It can be safe there.

I realize this is not a particularly healthy attitude and so I continue to work towards being more authentically myself and the best version of me that I can be! I am make slow progress, but keep in my mind "You are o.k., Sue. You are kind. You are loving. You are worthy." Telling myself these things helps me to not be afraid of the world if that makes any sense to anyone.

I do wish I could laugh more. Is there a book that can teach you how to do that? There seems to be a book about everything now days emoticon

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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CAT125's Photo CAT125 Posts: 28,610
8/17/18 6:32 A

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Day 61 The emotional box



Cat, in Florida
Eastern Time Zone


Pounds lost in 2020......


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 19,280
8/17/18 2:28 A

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• Describe how you showed your emotions as a child. Did you laugh easily? Cry hard?

Well, I'm sure I won't be the only one to remember this: I was told off for giggling and laughing uncontrollably. I was told off for grizzling and crying. In other words - expressions of strong emotions were trained out of me as a child. Anger was restrained into a sulking habit

• Think about how you express emotions now. Describe how it’s changed over the years.

I used to find a lot of things funny, and would often laugh. I seem to have lost that almost completely. I do find a lot of things sad and distressing - I will use words to describe this, and tend to share the story to get support, but rarely cry. The last time I can remember really crying was at my mum's funeral over 20yrs ago! I still have to catch myself when I start sulking - and remind myself to react more positively.

• Identify common times when you eat instead of labeling or expressing your feelings.

The most obvious times are work-related - because at work it's less easy to do something else to deal with the feelings. I might search for junk food in the staff cupboards. Or I might have a strong urge to eat some junk food when I leave work.

If I feel very lonely I can also find myself planning to eat something like cookies.

It's hard to identify, but I think when I've held my emotions in for a while, for some reason, like frustration with another person, then it's likely to lead me to the potato chips in the store!

I have all the tools - yoga, running, reading, a bath, sleeping, journalling. When I moved house a couple of months ago, I made notes on my tablet about how I was feeling, because the feelings were huge!

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,090
8/16/18 8:33 P

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Day 61 The emotional box - I am stoic. I'm learning to pick my battles. "Identify common times when you eat instead of labeling or expressing your feelings." When I'm tired/stressed. If I can wait "7 minutes" my urge to eat will pass u.nu/8r4a u.nu/5nuf When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. – Dalai Lama


Maribeth MN CT Black Panthers draxe.com/ dance u.nu/ixjy planks u.nu/9w-u hands u.nu/httpsunu7lag
bit.ly/BLC41
CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
5/8/18 10:00 P

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Day 61 The emotional box

Facing your emotions doesn’t have to destroy you. When you take your feelings out of the dark, it makes them less scary. You may discover that your grief, anger, and even bitterness aren’t as intense as you remembered.

Today

• Describe how you showed your emotions as a child. Did you laugh easily? Cry hard?
• Think about how you express emotions now. Describe how it’s changed over the years.
• Identify common times when you eat instead of labeling or expressing your feelings.

Link to day 60
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/
team_messa
geboard_thread.asp?board=200
58x211
94x69021047


Link to day 62

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/
team_messa
geboard_thread.asp?board=200
58x211
94x69021058


Edited by: CD13384562 at: 5/12/2018 (16:45)
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