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6/13/19 7:50 P

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DAY #64 COURAGE TO FEEL - ROUND 2

Here are some of my thoughts as I read this lesson:

- I don't know if it is really courage to feel or just a matter of time and/or knowledge to identify
what you are feeling, decide if you are going to express them, and learning to accept them.
- Women seem to be better at expressing their feelings than men do.
- My post from the last review of this lesson was front and center. I have actually come to
acknowledge all of the hurts I listed back then and I have moved forward.
- There are things/people that irritate me or make me feel angry and no one usually wants to
hear about those feelings.

DESCRIBE A LIFE ISSUE WHERE YOU AVOID FEELING EMOTION BECAUSE IT'S PAINFUL:

Friendship is painful for me. I have a girlfriend that I have know for almost 30 years. We have been so much together. We have a lot in common with each other. We like many of the same things. We have had many fun times together. I think of her as a sister.

Not long ago she had to go on a whirlwind, turn around road trip of several hundred miles for work. She told me all about the details when she returned home. All except one. Last week we were having coffee together with another friend when I learned that this friend accompanied her on this work trip just for company. I also learned, during this coffee clutch, that she is going on a vacation to Russia in July. I brushed all of this info off my shoulders and acted like I was very happy about it all. After a few more minutes I announced that I had to get going home. I was feeling so hurt I didn't think I could sit there another minute. We all said our good-byes and went our merry ways. All except for me that is. I was not feeling merry inside.

USE THE EXERCISE "I FEEL, BECAUSE OF" TO LABEL YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THIS:

- I feel BETRAYED because of HER OMMITTING TO TELL ME THAT THIS OTHER FRIEND HAD GONE WITH HER ON THIS WORK TRIP.

- I feel HURT, LEFT OUT, AND REJECTED because of HER NOT ASKING ME TO GO WITH HER INSTEAD.

- I feel CONFUSED because of NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY SHE WOULD NOT INVITE ME OR TELL ME ABOUT THIS OTHER GAL GOING WITH HERE AND ABOUT HER UPCOMING TRIP TO RUSSIA.

- I feel UNSURE because of NOT KNOWING WHAT THIS SAYS ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP.

- I feel DISCONNECTED because of NOT KNOWING IF THERE IS ANYTHING ELSE SHE IS KEEPING FROM ME.

SIT WITH THESE EMOTIONS AND ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL THEM AND FEAL FROM THEM THEN WRITE ABOUT THIS:

There are even more words I could have used from the Identify Your Emotions list we have. Does writing about any of this help me heal? I'm not really sure. What I DO KNOW is that I need to step back from this friendship for a bit so that I can heal. I recently read in my daily devotion that you should forgive immediately, but it will take time to rebuild trust when someone has hurt you. I need to remember that I need to accept whatever level of friendship people have to offer me and be grateful for it. I need to especially keep in mind that this episode does not define me. I am lovable, trustworthy, and a good friend for someone to have.

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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JUNEPA's Photo JUNEPA Posts: 14,238
6/12/19 5:42 P

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Day 64 Courage to feel

If you want to be healthy about your emotions, you cant run from them. Instead, you have to be willing to sit with them and actually feel them. Sometimes this takes a lot of courage. But its the key to healing the pain and letting go of using food to keep it buried.

Today

Describe a life issue where you avoid feeling emotion because its painful.
Use the exercise I feel, because of to label the feelings associated with this.
Sit with the emotions and allow yourself to feel them and heal from them. Write about this experience.


Describe a life issue where you avoid feeling emotion because its painful.

Family reunions with my mother's side of the family are painful, because I feel that I don't connect with most of my relatives and that they think they are better than me. So when I am at a reunion, I try to get through it without crying, endure it, and usually do cry later.

Use the exercise I feel, because of to label the feelings associated with this.

I know no one is better than anyone else, but it is hard not to feel that way with them. If comparison is the basis of feelings of inferiority, then...

I feel I don't connect with them because when I venture my opinion, they don't listen or return a view about what I have expressed, there is often a gap of silence, and then they talk about something else.

I for sure am not as attractive as they are, they are slim, some of them have worked as models, they are athletic, smart, have middle-class jobs, educations and aspirations.

I feel angry and dismayed and disrespected and I don't want to feel that way, I don't want to give them the power to make me feel that way, but I feel that way anyway, and then I feel like crying and then I try not to engage with them, just listen, and endure until the reunion is over.


Sit with the emotions and allow yourself to feel them and heal from them. Write about this experience.

I have spend time crying, analyzing, feeling bad, letting myself feel bad in private. But it hasn't brought healing. I am annoyed that I haven't found a better way to cope than to just avoid them. That's probably the best solution, given I haven't found a way to get along pleasantly with them. My sister, on the other hand, gets along fine with them. I try to think why and one of the reasons is, I think, that she reads more than I do and has more intellectual interests that coincide with theirs than I do. I should just feel okay that I am different, not less. But I don't.




Edited by: JUNEPA at: 6/12/2019 (17:49)
June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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YOUNG-AT-HEART's Photo YOUNG-AT-HEART Posts: 1,693
6/3/19 3:29 P

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emoticon DAY #64 emoticon

Day 64 - Courage to feel



If you want to be healthy about your emotions, you cant run from them. Instead, you have to be willing to sit with them and actually feel them. Sometimes this takes a lot of courage. But its the key to healing the pain and letting go of using food to keep it buried.

Today



Describe a life issue where you avoid feeling emotion because its painful.
The sudden and painful loss of my Son and his infant Son in a horrific automobile accident is very painful for me to think about.

Use the exercise I feel, because of to label the feelings associated with this.
I feel a great grief and sadness because of losing them and the loss of them being with me in my life. But, also I feel sadness for all the hopes and dreams that will never happen with them in their lives.

Sit with the emotions and allow yourself to feel them and heal from them. Write about this experience.
I have dealt with this grief over many years and it doesnt go away. It is always there. It is something I have learned to live with every day and it is just something that has become a part of who I am. As the years go by, it gets harder and harder to not hear their names spoken by others.





~~~MARILYN ~~~
Virginia - Eastern Time Zone
The worst thing to be without--hope.
The most effective sleeping pill--peace of mind.
The main reason my past diets failed--lack of motivation.
The greatest "shot in the arm"-- encouragement.


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,879
5/31/19 12:11 P

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Courage to feel.

Today

Describe a life issue where you avoid feeling emotion because its painful.
emoticon
I had a conversation with a friend yesterday about men: nice men, available men, just-friends men...........

I've been basically on my own for about 15 years' now - that's when I left my last live-in relationship. I've had two 'encounters' since then - both were dead-ends.

Now I've convinced myself that I'm OK on my own. And perhaps I am.

But I think I am basically afraid to feel those kind of relationship feelings again. I doubt my capacity to feel them. I doubt my capacity to sustain a relationship because I've failed so often.

Use the exercise I feel, because of to label the feelings associated with this.

All the words seem to come from the EMPTY EMOTIONS list

I feel afraid................because I've been hurt so many times before
I feel empty................because I don't receive love from someone who loves me
I feel unsure............. because I don't know if I'm really OK on my own
I feel rejected............because I've had too many experiences of rejection
I feel regretful............because I've not been able to sustain a relationship

Sit with the emotions and allow yourself to feel them and heal from them. Write about this experience.

If only it was that easy! Mostly I find that my beliefs are not the whole story, and not the whole truth.

afraid: my experiences help protect me from being hurt again
emoticon
empty: there are lots of people who offer me love - I really need to accept this love
emoticon
unsure: no-one ever knows what's round the corner. Take each moment as it comes
emoticon
rejected: a few people have rejected me; they are a minority of people
emoticon
regretful: there are lots of people I have sustained relationships with
emoticon
eek.......... do I feel 'healed'? not really, but I am aware that holding onto those feelings can have a negative effect. Maybe I can transform them?

afraid .................... wisdom
empty......................open-hearted
unsure.....................flexible thinker
rejected....................unique
regretful....................experienced

OK - I am wise, open-hearted, unique, experienced and flexible-thinker
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 5/31/2019 (12:36)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,650
5/31/19 5:10 A

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100 More DWL - Day 64 Courage to feel

This day did make me think hard about why I was 'feeling' the way I was such as after aqua I was feeling hungry that was because I had worked hard at my exercise class and I it was near to lunch time. Later I was feeling uncomfortable when my Mum in Law kept going back to sleep and slept for a long time that was because she had had a busy day the day before and is 91 perhaps! Also I think that I was feeling a little 'stressed' because I was worried about her and that was because I care so much about her and love this job.

I have looked at the library online and they only that that book in Audio so I ordered a different one by her to start with. Thanks for the suggestion. emoticon

Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,879
5/31/19 4:31 A

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emoticon
Great shares here. I also read the book, Wild, and watched the movie - very inspirational.

I feel for you, Jeanne......... it's scary stuff.

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
MADAMEJEANNE's Photo MADAMEJEANNE SparkPoints: (80,104)
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5/30/19 4:13 P

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Recent experience : currently in the hospital since my husband was admitted for observation because of pneumonia and low oxygen
I feel a little numb
Glad he doesnt have to have any heart surgery , a little tired kind of like here we go again
3rd time in er in 5 months

Matthew 11:28 Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden and I will give you rest unto your soul.


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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,065
5/30/19 1:09 P

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Day 64 Courage to feel
~ it's the key to healing the pain and letting go of using food to keep it buried

emoticon Gill for article:
6 Reasons Why You May Not Know What You're Feeling
Here are some eye-opening explanations for feelings you can't identify.
u.nu/67b5
I'm learning to identify feeling and express them without eating.

Edited by: AURA18 at: 5/30/2019 (17:25)
Maribeth MN CT Black Panthers draxe.com/ dance u.nu/ixjy planks u.nu/9w-u hands u.nu/httpsunu7lag
bit.ly/BLC41
MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,460
5/30/19 12:42 P

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I loved the book Wild and the movie. Thanks for the quote, its a great one!

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. Never give up on the dream!


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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,851
5/30/19 9:27 A

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Cheryl Strayed. I read 'Wild' and found it to be a fantastic book of self-discovery, courage, strength, acceptance . . . you name it. She's a great author. A quote of hers that I like is: Don't surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn't true anymore.

I had so many ideas about myself and felt so many things about myself - or so I 'thought' I felt them. When I did some journaling and thought more seriously about it, I discovered that I didn't really 'feel' those things about myself, I was trying to make myself more like someone else, what I admired in someone else, a size/hairstyle/lifestyle - it wasn't me. I don't do that anymore - or at least I try not to do that. I am worthy of being loved all on my own.

This book/these lessons as I said the first time around are so therapeutic! It's like going to counseling, which is a very good thing.

Babs
SW Illinois - CST


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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,460
5/30/19 7:37 A

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Day 64 Courage to feel
It does take courage!

From: Brave Enough by Cheryl Strayed
Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal. Therapists and friends can help you along the way, but the healing--the genuine healing, the actual real-deal, down-on-your-knees-in-the-mud change--is entirely and absolutely up to you.

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. Never give up on the dream!


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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,609
8/23/18 11:30 A

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Day #64 Courage To Feel

I don't know if I had the courage to feel or if I just figured out how to let go of the hurts and, of course, there are many that can be recounted when I think back through my 66 years of life, but I will touch on only a couple here.


When my parents moved to Mexico I FELT Abandoned BECAUSE I couldn't understand how any parent could leave their only child.

In the early years of my marriage I FELT disappointed BECAUSE reality replaced the fairy tail I had envisioned in my head.

When our son took his life at the age of 19 I FELT numb BECAUSE it was such a painful experience.

When our 20 year friendship with four couples fell apart I FELT angry (which is a side effect of feeling hurt) BECAUSE the one couple who broke us up never gave a reason; they just dropped out of contact and I could never understand why.

These are some of the BIGGER examples in my life. With counseling, a lot of introspection, and God's help I am glad to say that I have come to terms with these hurts and "put them to rest". I have forgiven my mother, my husband, my son, and our friends and moved on in my life as I learn to discover my authentic self and realize that NONE of these examples were my fault, they were just what they were - life!



Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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OHANAMAMA's Photo OHANAMAMA Posts: 27,997
8/22/18 10:56 A

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Day 64 Courage to feel

If you want to be healthy about your emotions, you cant run from them. Instead, you have to be willing to sit with them and actually feel them. Sometimes this takes a lot of courage. But its the key to healing the pain and letting go of using food to keep it buried.

Today

Describe a life issue where you avoid feeling emotion because its painful.
Use the exercise I feel, because of to label the feelings associated with this.
Sit with the emotions and allow yourself to feel them and heal from them. Write about this experience.

There are several, and I don't allow the emotions to surface when I am around those folks, what I do is write... vent in my writing about all my true feelings, sometimes writing a letter to the person(s) telling them everything... then I destroy the letter. It's a way of getting it out of my head and heart.


~ Renee, AR, USA, CST ~ Live Aloha! ~
Make excuses or make progress.


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PAULALALALA's Photo PAULALALALA Posts: 27,030
8/20/18 11:49 P

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Describe a life issue where you avoid feeling emotion because its painful.
Generally my issue is the feeling of having wasted much of my life -- not realizing my potential -- not having done all I could for my family -- of making stupid social mistakes that make me cringe when I remember. Not feeling quite as "normal" as those I observe around me -- of being lacking.

Use the exercise I feel, because of to label the feelings associated with this.

I feel sad (and embarrassed) because of things I can understand so clearly now that were not obvious to me while events were unfolding.

I feel ashamed because of actions or comments I made unwittingly (or without even considering) that hurt others' feelings.

I feel incredibly slow-witted because many times I was not able to interpret the actions of others to get a true read on a situation...until it was too late.

I feel regret because of my many years of too much indulgence, and that it took me so long to figure out what works for me.

Sit with the emotions and allow yourself to feel them and heal from them. Write about this experience.

I do work on this quite a bit. I have found that giving up whatever crutch I'm using to dull the uncomfortable feelings does make them surface more readily. Funloven's "I am enough" is one of my new mantras when these feelings of inadequacy pop into mind.

Paula -- Waco, TX area
CST zone

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FOCUSONME57's Photo FOCUSONME57 Posts: 7,356
8/20/18 8:26 P

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Wow this is a toughie....being a widow, and then being in love with someone else...hmmm

I felt....deserted,
because he died 10 months after coming home from the nursing home, and he was supposed to live another 10-20 years

I felt....lost
because I had no idea what widowhood was going to be like

I felt.....alone
because we never were blessed with children and now there was just me


When I first started dating again I felt...like I was in a circus
There are a lot of CLOWNS out there and I seemed to attract 3 of them before I met my shining prince Tom

Now, I feel.....sentimental
at times when I am missing Gary , my love of 42 years

and I also feel .....blessed
that God has sent me a new forever love, not to take his place, but to fill my heart and soul with happiness and new adventures

I feel.....loved


So one of the things I can do about all these feelings is:

-count my blessings
-journal my gratitude
-go for a walk



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READY201811's Photo READY201811 SparkPoints: (101,593)
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8/20/18 11:00 A

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Day 64 courage to feel
Each has thier own for their own reasons all equally painful. Son daughter husband
I feel devastated because my son hates me
I feel defeated as my daughter is mentally impaired
I feel worthless since my husband retired in April and we are going farther away from each other
Not sure how to heal with consistent heartaches, rejection, insults and fighting a broken system

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LINDASPANGLE's Photo LINDASPANGLE Posts: 108
8/20/18 9:47 A

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My post on my blog today took a LOT of courage. But I wanted to share a longer version of my personal story and my struggles with emotional eating. The good news is that I've done a lot of work on this area and am much stronger now than I was during the years of losing my pregnancies.

CAT125's Photo CAT125 Posts: 28,455
8/20/18 6:59 A

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Day 64 Courage to feel






Lord I Need You - Matt Maher ~ www.youtube.com/watch?v=e37m3I5eH8g

Cat, in Florida
Eastern Time Zone


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,879
8/20/18 6:26 A

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I went over the laundry-room at 8am this morning, with my coffee in a carry-cup, and while my washing was going round, I picked up on of the books off the shelf and started reading. I came across this, and thought it described EXACTLY what Linda is talking about in these lessons.

This woman has just visited her father's grave on the first anniversary of his death:-

"Joanna missed her father dreadfully. She had longed to pluck some comfort out of this act of remembrance, to find some peace. she wanted to feel both sorrowful and uplifted, to have a sense of closeness to her father, instead of which she just felt empty, lonely and hungry with a sort of dull ordinariness that was deeply distressing."
(from "Picking up the Pieces" by Mary Sheepshanks)

Well, ain't that the truth? Most of my life feels like that to be honest.

I think, although I feel OK on my own most of the time, and don't actively crave social company, the feelings of being 'alone' are probably those that simmer most continuously on my emotional back-burner. I am very aware of making sure I get out every day, that I make arrangements to meet up with friends, attend activities and events, interact with people. But I've always been essentially a 'loner' type, or, as some people have described me 'a private person'. I now know that I'm basically an introvert and need a lot of time in my own company to cope with life.

I feel 'alone' because I don't have a close family, don't have any neighbours that I pop in and see, I have three people I call 'friends' - the others are all what I'd call acquaintances.



Whilst searching for a picture, I saw a drawing of a heart, and crayoning........... and it gave me an idea! I am going to make a coffee (hmm - why? ...... well, anyway, I will!) and do a zentangle and see what comes up about loneliness.

Here's a link from Psychology Today "6 Reasons Why You May Not Know What You're Feeling"
www.psychologytoday.com/us/b
log/evolut
ion-the-self/201702/6-reason
s-why-
you-may-not-know-what-youre-feeling


This quote stood out for me:-
"The one safe generalization that can be made about all emotions is that they dont start out as feelings at all but as physiological sensations. So even when a person cant comprehend their feeling experience, theyre typically aware of whats happening to them physically. And this is true even when what theyre feeling is a blanka strange numbness within them. For these non-feeling, dissociative experiences also warrant being understood emotionally."

See you in a while!
emoticon
Well - here's what I produced


Something for me to contemplate.


Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 8/20/2018 (07:43)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
FOCUSONME57's Photo FOCUSONME57 Posts: 7,356
5/8/18 10:04 P

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Day 64 Courage to feel

If you want to be healthy about your emotions, you cant run from them. Instead, you have to be willing to sit with them and actually feel them. Sometimes this takes a lot of courage. But its the key to healing the pain and letting go of using food to keep it buried.

Today

Describe a life issue where you avoid feeling emotion because its painful.
Use the exercise I feel, because of to label the feelings associated with this.
Sit with the emotions and allow yourself to feel them and heal from them. Write about this experience.


Link to day 63
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/
team_messa
geboard_thread.asp?board=200
58x211
94x69021060


Link to day 65
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/
team_messa
geboard_thread.asp?board=200
58x211
94x69021069


Edited by: FOCUSONME57 at: 5/12/2018 (16:49)
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