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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,590
6/14/19 8:18 A

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DAY #65 SHOWING EMOTIONS - ROUND 2

Like Linda, I grew up in a home that rarely showed emotions and I'm sure that stuck with me for years until we met a group of people about 10 years ago that are very huggy, touchy, feely. At first I was VERY uncomfortable and felt awkward, but I learned to make an effort to return the hugs. Now when I hug someone I can tell/feel who is comfortable with it and who isn't. IMHO, I think the world has made too big of a deal about touching. Science has proven the many benefits physically and emotionally of human touch. Although emotions can be expressed in many ways i.e. verbally or through facial expressions or body positions, I believe that actions speak louder than words. So I am sorry for those who aren't comfortable with touching another human being.

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO SHOW YOUR EMOTIONS:

This weekend we will be seeing our GKs. We will be together as a family for several hours on Sunday for Father's Day. I love these kids to pieces, but boy can they get on my nerves! Grandpa is viewed as the fun person and I, Grandma, is viewed as the grumpy rule follower. So I want to make sure they know how much I love them.

MAKE A PLAN TO EXPRESS THESE FEELINGS:

1. I will make sure I give each child a big hug and tell them how good it is to see them when we
arrive.

2. I will make sure I spend time with each child individually (perhaps reading a book or playing a
game).

3. I will make sure I do not criticize or correct any behaviors that displease me.

4. I will make sure I give them each another big hug when we leave and tell them how much fun
I had with them and how much I love them and can't wait to see them again.

CARRY OUT YOUR PLAN AND WRITE ABOUT IT:

Stay tuned!

Update:

We had a wonderful Father's Day celebration. The GKs seemed oblivious to my babysitting blunders of just a couple days ago. Children can be so resilient. I did give them each and big hug and an "I love you" greeting. For most of the time they were too busy playing and so we didn't see much of them except for at the dinner table. I didn't really criticize, but I did ask our GS to clean up the bits of baked potato he somehow managed to get all over the table, chair, and floor and our DD chastised me for saying anything at all about the mess. GS, however, must not have thought much of it though because he cleaned it all up without a fuss. Our bedtime good-byes where more big hugs and "I love you" with whispers of more good times together to come!



Edited by: FUNLOVEN at: 6/17/2019 (10:27)
Sue

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JUNEPA's Photo JUNEPA Posts: 14,166
6/13/19 12:14 A

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Day 65 Showing emotions

Changing the way you show feelings doesn’t have to be traumatic. You can start gradually, as I did, by expressing your emotions on a limited basis. Eventually, demonstrating your feelings will become easier and more enjoyable.

Today

• Describe a situation where you want to show your emotions.
• Make a plan for expressing your feelings. Describe the setting and what you’ll do.
• When the time comes, carry out your plan. Write about how it worked.

Describe a situation where you want to show your emotions.

In reading the replies to Linda's Day 65, and the circling article on Gill's sparkmail, it appears the object here is to express what you feel when you feel it, instead of being cautious about expressing how you feel. It talks about having opportunities to freely express how you feel.
I have two close friends, one is my sister, to whom I can express everything I feel. My sister has been my life-long closest confidante. My close friend, we meet every Monday morning and go for a 2 hours walk and share, that is, freely express how we feel.


• Make a plan for expressing your feelings. Describe the setting and what you’ll do.

Regularly Monday mornings while walking with my BFF

• When the time comes, carry out your plan. Write about how it worked.

I already do this and have to say, it is wonderful. I remember when my sister lived far away and I didn't have this friend yet, and before I was married, I sometimes felt very alone, isolated and not valued or understood. Not due to lack of love and support from my parents as they gave me that, more due to needing peer love, connection and respect.


Edit after reading posts on this thread

Our family (DH and kids) doesn't hug a lot, but we try to spend time with each other and keep up with what we are doing (except youngest DD who I see every day but doesn't like to talk or share much). My extended family, (cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents) all lived in Europe when I was growing up, so I didn't spend a lot of time with them. One side of the family hugs, the other doesn't. I don't like hugging. But I like giving my time, love and support, verbally and with acts of kindness and helpfulness.

Edited by: JUNEPA at: 6/13/2019 (13:14)
June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,041
6/3/19 8:12 P

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YOUNG-AT-HEART's Photo YOUNG-AT-HEART Posts: 1,664
6/3/19 4:31 P

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emoticon DAY #65 emoticon

Day 65 - Showing emotions



Changing the way you show feelings doesn’t have to be traumatic. You can start gradually, as I did, by expressing your emotions on a limited basis. Eventually, demonstrating your feelings will become easier and more enjoyable.



Today

• Describe a situation where you want to show your emotions.
Showing emotions is not a problem for me. I have never had a “poker face” and my face shows all emotions. I easily love to hug and be hugged. Showing anger toward others is difficult for me.

• Make a plan for expressing your feelings. Describe the setting and what you’ll do.
My plan is to stay true to myself and what emotions I am feeling. I have lived my life with the belief my feelings and emotions are mine and I own them. Others may have their opinions and judge me on what they see I am experiencing and feeling, but that does not change me. I can’t stand it when others tell me “You shouldn’t feel that way.” You truly need to walk in someone else’s shoes to know what they are feeling.



• When the time comes, carry out your plan. Write about how it worked.
I continue to carry out my plan that I wrote above. It works very well for me and the independent, free thinker I strive to be.





~~~MARILYN ~~~
Virginia - Eastern Time Zone
The worst thing to be without--hope.
The most effective sleeping pill--peace of mind.
The main reason my past diets failed--lack of motivation.
The greatest "shot in the arm"-- encouragement.


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ROADTOFREEDOM's Photo ROADTOFREEDOM Posts: 1,830
5/31/19 1:35 P

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I've built a wall around my heart too. Life can have that effect on a person, I think.

At least I can talk to my husband about my feelings. He's a thinker personality but he tries his best to listen and often gives sage advice. Sometimes he actually talks to me about his feelings too, which is entirely uncharted territory for him. He and I have been together for almost 20 years. I honestly don't think that he ever had a safe place to express his feelings. So hard for men in this aspect I think.

To those who have suffered deep losses, I feel for you.

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,781
5/31/19 12:43 P

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I can't do this really...........not at the moment.

I do give people time. I do hug my friends and kiss them on the cheek. Seems I don't have many people I want to show my feelings to.

Having said that - my feelings are generally fairly obvious on my face - I find it hard to fake it if I'm feeling annoyed, or bored, or miserable. I have a habit of humming which most people interpret as me being 'happy' - but I think it's often a way of comforting myself when I'm feeling pressurised at work.

Like Susie, I probably share more emotional stuff here on Spark than anywhere else!

PS Go for it, Jeanne - you'll have to be quick - before he gets his phone out of the remote in his hand! Work out your strategy - maybe when he's getting out of the car.........

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 5/31/2019 (12:47)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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SUSMANNIE's Photo SUSMANNIE Posts: 905
5/31/19 9:48 A

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Day 65 Showing emotions

Changing the way you show feelings doesn’t have to be traumatic. You can start gradually, as I did, by expressing your emotions on a limited basis. Eventually, demonstrating your feelings will become easier and more enjoyable.

Today

• Describe a situation where you want to show your emotions.
• Make a plan for expressing your feelings. Describe the setting and what you’ll do.
• When the time comes, carry out your plan. Write about how it worked.

For me, I am open and friendly to all as a rule. It's coming back (once again) and biting me in the butt at work. In this part of my life, I need to be strictly business with some people and not so friendly. But I get conflicted when I do this because it feels like it goes against my nature. But it has to be done. Feel like I was put through hell emotionally recently. Getting too old and too tired for this drama.

I can express affection more towards people in my personal life, which is basically my husband. I have been doing that. I have been making more friends in Spark, which is very supportive for me. My husband and I feel isolated because we have no children and not much in family connections. I sometimes think we need to make more connections. Even our condo community has become basically not friendly. I read some of my fellow Sparkers details of how they structure their day living by themselves and get inspired by them. I am very lucky to still have my husband. I didn't get married until 40 and was basically by myself until then, so I know what that is like.

I guess I shared my feelings here.

Edited by: SUSMANNIE at: 5/31/2019 (09:50)
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MADAMEJEANNE's Photo MADAMEJEANNE SparkPoints: (80,104)
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5/31/19 8:17 A

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1. I want to show my husband I really care about him when We get home from the hospital
2. I will give him a hug and tell him I am glad he is home
Why would this be difficult? He so often cuts my sentences off or disregards what I say or ignores me with his smart phone or tv, it makes me want to seal my emotions off probably to protect my feelings.
3. He was happy to be home, so it went well.

Edited by: MADAMEJEANNE at: 5/31/2019 (23:40)
Matthew 11:28 Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden and I will give you rest unto your soul.


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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,641
5/31/19 5:17 A

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100 More DWL - Day 65 Showing emotions

I don't have a problem showing my emotions, like you Wanda I tell my hubby I love him every day and also my children if only when I go to bed but try to make them feel confident and secure that I adore them. I do hug my parents and brothers and my Mum in Law regularly.

Sometimes I also Hug my friends and ensure that I ask their permission if they don't put their arms out first. I sometimes touch people too in conversations but always judge how they react too so I am caring for their personal space and feelings.

I agree Gill the train operative waving in front of your face was less unsettling than a tap on the shoulder. Occassionally I worked in school and pre-school it was hard to avoid the contact which was lovely for them and us, despite following the rules always of course.

Amusingly though when I laugh too hard I sometimes cry so that can be VERY CONFUSING for others, 'is she laughing' - happy or 'crying' - sad? Oh well that is just me! I do make sure people know how happy I am at the end! emoticon (My daughter says its funniest when its in public though)


Edited by: DSJB9999 at: 5/31/2019 (08:07)
Donna
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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,590
8/23/18 12:16 P

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Day #65 Showing Emotions

I can really relate - AGAIN! - to what you have all posted. Love was not shown in our home when I was growing up. As a disgruntled teen my parents even sought counseling for our family and the result was that my father needed to show his love for me more. Now at almost 92 years old he always wants a kiss & hug before we part and he frequently says "I love you".

Today, however, I want to post about something else besides my family.

I have had a friend since we were 15 years old (50 years!). She is a good, Christian person and I frequently seek her advice when I am trying to figure something out. She is a good problem solver and very analytical. As I have mentioned several times here, I have worked very hard on becoming a better person - The Best Version Of Authentic Self. So one day, in conversation with my friend, I asked if she thought she had seen any improvements in me being more kind. Her reply - Well, Sue, you don't hide your displeasure very well. It is usually written all over your expression. I FELT so discouraged and hurt BECAUSE I was hoping for a more positive response.

So what is a person meant to do when they dislike a situation!? Her comments made me feel defeated and worthless as I wondered if I would ever come across as a kind & loving person to others. The lessons we have been working on made me realize the other day that there is nothing wrong with showing my displeasure. As a matter of fact, instead of trying to hold it all in and letting it come out in my facial/bodily expression, I think it would be better if I just spoke up and said why I was unhappy or didn't like something (within reason, of course).

We are having dinner with this friend and her DH this Friday so it is probably why this has all come up to the surface. I am not quick on my toes and finding the right words can be difficult at the spur of the moment, but it obviously does no good for me to hold my feelings in either. So this Friday I am spending extra time in nurturing activities for myself and I refuse to let her "push my buttons" like she usually does.

I'm going to express myself! I think there is a Madonna song about that emoticon

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
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OHANAMAMA's Photo OHANAMAMA Posts: 27,953
8/22/18 10:53 A

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Day 65 Showing emotions

Changing the way you show feelings doesn’t have to be traumatic. You can start gradually, as I did, by expressing your emotions on a limited basis. Eventually, demonstrating your feelings will become easier and more enjoyable.

Today

• Describe a situation where you want to show your emotions.
• Make a plan for expressing your feelings. Describe the setting and what you’ll do.
• When the time comes, carry out your plan. Write about how it worked.

I pretty much show my emotions, especially those towards my family. We all hug and say I love you a lot... several times a day, on the phone, in texts and in person.
The emotions I don't show are those that I'd rather not, frustrations in dealing with some people, and just letting them know how I really feel would probably be belittled and come back bite me in the butt, so to speak.


~ Renee, AR, USA, CST ~ Live Aloha! ~
Make excuses or make progress.


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,781
8/22/18 2:57 A

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Great!

As I have got older I have come to understand that my parents treated us as they thought best for our survival. A generation tainted by two world wars and hardship. Their ideas about male/female relationships and child-rearing were different. I had a hard time with my mum telling me not to keep picking my baby up - she said I would "spoil" him. I was fed four-hourly.........that was the prevailing wisdom.

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,413
8/21/18 5:26 P

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I agree, well done Wanda. emoticon
My hubby and I also made it possible for our family to show love and support that we always wanted as we grew up.
As you say, what a difference a generation makes.


Phyllis ~~
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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,781
8/21/18 4:28 P

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Aw, Wanda, that's lovely - well done you!




Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,298
8/21/18 4:25 P

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Day 65 - Showing emotions

I grew up with parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles who were undemonstrative. Yes there were smiles, rarely were there hugs from a few family members, an occasional pat on the shoulder but no one ever said "I love you" or "I'm proud of you". Somehow we still got the message that love was there but....for me something was missing.

So...Hubs and I have said "I love you" nearly every day of our marriage and we said it to our children. We hugged and complimented each other in front of them (even if they found it embarrassing when they were pre-teens) and they learned to hug each other, openly express pride in their spouses and children, and best of all...to hug us and tell us they love us.

What a change a generation can make!

I realize that this post only addresses the most positive of emotions. Why were some people so much quicker to expresses anger than love? Why was sadness not an acceptable topic of conversation. Why were hurt feelings brushed away as "pouting"? More things to think about.

Edited by: LIVINTODAY at: 8/21/2018 (16:31)
Wanda

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Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,781
8/21/18 12:58 P

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When I read today's lesson, I couldn't think of any plan for expressing emotions. But an opportunity arose!

I regularly spend time with my friend, and her husband is usually there. I enjoy their company, but whilst I usually give my friend a hug when I see her, I never felt OK about hugging her husband - so I don't. Some men I find easy to hug, some I don't!

Today, just as I was approaching work, I saw her husband walking along the pavement towards me, with his crutch (he's had two hip replacements). And I spontaneously gave him a small, shoulder-patting kind of hug. He'd had to park quite a way from where he needed to be due to the car-park being full. He's doing well with his walking!

I felt good about having been able to give him a little hug. It wasn't as scary as I'd thought it would be. I don't know if I'll be able to greet him, and my friend, with a hug each next time I see them - but I might!

I used to be a very naturally 'huggy' person, but modern 'rules' about touching have inhibited me.


Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 8/22/2018 (03:15)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,413
8/21/18 12:56 P

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Day #65 Showing emotions
The only emotion shown by my parents as I grew up was anger (usually alcohol related) and later sadness.
There was a time with my grown children when hugs and “I love you” messages became very important to me and the interaction between our own family members is a constant source of joy for me.
As we get older my hubby is less demonstrative with me. He has learned to hug the kids and tells them that he loves them which is very important to me and to them.


Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands.
SIMPLIFY:


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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,832
8/21/18 10:25 A

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I'm really working on this. I show my emotions, but I need to deal with them in a healthier way (i.e. not with food as a comfort).

Sunday was the anniversary (3 years) of my son's death. Extremely difficult for me. But you know what - my family is so good they were in/out all day long. Did I cry? You bet I did. But there were tears of joy and comfort mixed in AND what amazed me is this year I did not turn to food for comfort. I actually wasn't hungry. I'm trying to focus on the years we had together, the times we shared and love.


Babs
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CAT125's Photo CAT125 Posts: 28,393
8/21/18 6:45 A

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Day 65 Showing emotions






emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Cat, in Florida
Eastern Time Zone


Pounds lost in 2020......


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FOCUSONME57's Photo FOCUSONME57 Posts: 7,356
5/8/18 10:04 P

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Day 65 Showing emotions

Changing the way you show feelings doesn’t have to be traumatic. You can start gradually, as I did, by expressing your emotions on a limited basis. Eventually, demonstrating your feelings will become easier and more enjoyable.

Today

• Describe a situation where you want to show your emotions.
• Make a plan for expressing your feelings. Describe the setting and what you’ll do.
• When the time comes, carry out your plan. Write about how it worked.

Link to Day 64
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/
team_messa
geboard_thread.asp?board=200
58x211
94x69021064


Link to Day 66

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/
team_messa
geboard_thread.asp?board=200
58x211
94x69021077


Edited by: FOCUSONME57 at: 5/19/2018 (16:42)
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