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YOUNG-AT-HEART's Photo YOUNG-AT-HEART Posts: 1,669
7/2/19 6:09 P

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emoticon DAY #82 emoticon

Day 82 - Whose problem is it?



If you conclude that you do not want to make something your problem, let go of your involvement. When you make a decision to stop trying to fix things that aren’t your problem, you’ll feel a sense of relief. You’ll also be less likely to head for the refrigerator every time the problem comes back up.

Today

• Watch for a situation where you can ask the questions in this lesson. Describe it.
• If you conclude it’s not your problem, plan how you will let go of your involvement.
• Record what happened after you stopped making that problem yours.



I wrote about this on Day 75 - The People Hook. The key for me is setting boundaries.

I liked these thoughts that stay with me:

1. Soon you start feeling resentful because people you’ve helped don’t appreciate it and they simply take you for granted. When you don’t get the gratitude or attention you anticipated, it’s easy to try to find it in food.

2. It’s your job to love people, not to fix them. Learn how to say no more often instead of always trying to keep everybody happy. When friends or family call with another dilemma, decide how you can contribute and when you need to back off.

3. Anytime let you struggle with getting too involved with other peoples issues, ask yourself:
- Whose problem is it?
- Do I want to make it mine?

And always remember...


~~~MARILYN ~~~
Virginia - Eastern Time Zone
The worst thing to be without--hope.
The most effective sleeping pill--peace of mind.
The main reason my past diets failed--lack of motivation.
The greatest "shot in the arm"-- encouragement.


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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,641
6/26/19 12:49 P

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Day 82 Whose problem is it?

If you conclude that you do not want to make something your problem, let go of your involvement. When you make a decision to stop trying to fix things that aren’t your problem, you’ll feel a sense of relief.

• Watch for a situation where you can ask the questions in this lesson. Describe it.
My daughter often tells me something and even did this even when I worked at her primary school and I have a bad habit of not 'just listening' and that may be all she needed! I have a habit of trying to 'fix things'.

• If you conclude it’s not your problem, plan how you will let go of your involvement.
I have gotten better with this and as she is also 'growing up' I know my 'job' is now also to help her to make good decisions for herself however hard it is when I want to 'fix things for her'.

• Record what happened after you stopped making that problem yours.
I realise so much that she has to gain confidence in her own decisions as she is growing up and occasionally she will 'shout' and then I walk away as she is 'disrespecting me!', it didn't happen this week! I was proud of myself assisting her rather than taking over for her.

Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,592
6/25/19 12:26 P

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Day #82 WHOSE PROBLEM IS IT? - ROUND 2

This is what I wrote for Round 1:

This lesson seems very similar to Day #75 The People Hook.

I no longer get involved in other peoples problems. I have learned to listen, make a couple of problem solving suggestions, and then let it go.

I can only control my world and work on fixing my problems.

Like I mentioned in the lessons just prior to - I sometimes slip up on remembering this, but like my weight-loss effort, I am a work in progress!

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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JUNEPA's Photo JUNEPA Posts: 14,200
6/25/19 10:54 A

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Day 82 Whose problem is it?

If you conclude that you do not want to make something your problem, let go of your involvement. When you make a decision to stop trying to fix things that aren’t your problem, you’ll feel a sense of relief. You’ll also be less likely to head for the refrigerator every time the problem comes back up.

Today

• Watch for a situation where you can ask the questions in this lesson. Describe it.
• If you conclude it’s not your problem, plan how you will let go of your involvement.
• Record what happened after you stopped making that problem yours.


• Watch for a situation where you can ask the questions in this lesson. Describe it.

The serenity prayer comes to mind here

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.


Because we want to make the effort if we can make a difference, but how to discern when we can make a difference and when it is not our problem is not easy.

With my troubled niece, I wished so much to help her. But I saw I could not make a difference so I and my sister (we are a team helping my brother, my thriving niece and my troubled niece) set up professional supports for her.

• If you conclude it’s not your problem, plan how you will let go of your involvement.

I did let go by getting social workers involved.

• Record what happened after you stopped making that problem yours.

There is some sting of defeat, I hoped my sister and I could help her. I know it is not about me, but on the flip side I am very happy thriving niece is thriving and I am part of her support network, and I don't so much think it is just about me that she is thriving, but somehow with troubled niece, I wish I had the skill and influence to have helped her. Troubled niece went from aimless living last summer to heavy partying and drinking and a period of homelessness even though the social workers had opportunities and places to stay for her. She got pregnant at 17, just had her baby in April. While that all sounds not good, when she got pregnant, she became more receptive to the social workers' efforts to help her, and she went to a teenage mother's home which helps teen moms for 4 months before and up to a year after the baby is born. Plus she is still in a relationship with the baby's dad ( he is 16 and still in school and does well in school), she is safe and in a place with good nutrition and support for her baby, she had the opportunity to finish high school before the baby was born but didn't, but overall, is in a much better place caring for and about her and her baby and her future than she was last year and the year before when my sister and I were trying to help her. I am still working more on letting it go as she does continue to make decisions that are not the best, like taking her boyfriend out of school for the day because she needs him, but anyway, I am still working on letting go more completely and am happy that she is in a better situation than she was

Edited by: JUNEPA at: 6/25/2019 (14:08)
June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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MADAMEJEANNE's Photo MADAMEJEANNE SparkPoints: (80,104)
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6/25/19 7:37 A

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I worked in a very toxic environment at a school. The other teachers were very mean to me. I kept thinking I could change things or they would change. My adult children would tell me they are not your friends, or to change jobs and I didn’t . I finally did! It has been 5 years since I chose to leave that school. It has eliminated 70% of my stress. My other jobs have been with much more considerate and kind people.
I loved teaching but it was the best thing I could do to leave that school.
By the way I need to remember I can not control my dh’s eating; just try to fix him healthy food.
Praying is helpful for me, to trust the Lord with burdens.

Edited by: MADAMEJEANNE at: 6/25/2019 (07:39)
Matthew 11:28 Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden and I will give you rest unto your soul.


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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,420
6/25/19 5:58 A

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Day 82 Whose problem is it?

My current problem is trying to keep up with my own health issues and still being the “head cook and bottle washer” as my Mom used to say.
As I write this please keep in mind that my husband is retired, is very capable and is really a very nice man.
Because of the way our life was set up, he never swept a floor, dusted anything or made a bed in our entire 58 years of marriage. He now flips on the TV news and waits for his supper.

After two weeks I was finally feeling well enough yesterday to do some much needed cleaning. Being very tired I fell asleep early and woke up to realize I hadn’t made him anything to eat. He is getting used to his new dentures and is limited on what he can eat.
After deciding it really was his problem not mine, I went back to sleep.

This morning I am up with the birds and sure enough, my hubby fixed himself what he wanted. There are dishes to clean up this morning but at least he rinses them and puts them in the sink.
emoticon My lesson learned, if I want him to help out, I need to stop doing it for him!


Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. “Never give up on the dream!”


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,806
9/7/18 2:13 P

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I don't think I try to solve other people's problems. I do feel acutely uncomfortable about homeless people...........drug addicts and street drinkers.............. but those things don't make me eat (I don't think!). And 'it's not my problem' can sound quite selfish - although I know that's not the way it's being used in this lesson.

I have a neighbour who has an entourage of drinkers and drug-users - they frequently keep me awake at night, and I've been very active in keeping in touch with the Neighbourhood Manager and feeling 'sorry' for them. He listened to me, then told me quite firmly that I am not responsible for them - that I have a right to live in a safe and secure home without disturbance. That these people have access to help and services, if they want them, and it's up to them to take the hands that are offered to them.

I haven't succumbed to eating at night - mainly because that's never been one of my habits - but I've certainly felt the urge to eat at night when I'm woken up by them shouting and making noise that keeps me from sleeping.

This isn't exactly the scenario Linda was talking about - but it's kind of similar.

I already do what I can - I report the behaviour through the official channels. I don't think I can do anything else. But I certainly don't have to feel responsible for sorting it out - and my eating wouldn't stop the noise, or help me sleep.



Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 9/7/2018 (14:13)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
GLORIAZ's Photo GLORIAZ Posts: 1,326
9/7/18 8:57 A

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I could just copy what I wrote yesterday about whose problem it is.

When my family is involved .....it becomes my problem too. I really don’t know how to change that.



Edited by: GLORIAZ at: 9/7/2018 (08:57)
One day at a time!


Gloria.
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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,592
9/7/18 7:24 A

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Day #82 Whose Problem Is It?

This lesson seems very similar to Day #75 The People Hook.

I no longer get involved in other peoples problems. I have learned to listen, make a couple of problem solving suggestions, and then let it go.

I can only control my world and work on fixing my problems.

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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CAT125's Photo CAT125 Posts: 28,412
9/7/18 7:08 A

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Day 82 Whose problem is it?



Cat, in Florida
Eastern Time Zone


Pounds lost in 2020......


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FOCUSONME57's Photo FOCUSONME57 Posts: 7,356
9/7/18 5:31 A

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If it's truly not my problem:

1. Act on it or LET IT GO
2. Remind myself I am not the general manager of the Universe
3. Focus on what I can control

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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,050
8/29/18 11:26 A

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Day 82 Whose problem is it? Not mine --- don't get involved and distracted from solving my own problems bit.ly/2LEemC2

Edited by: AURA18 at: 9/6/2018 (00:09)
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FOCUSONME57's Photo FOCUSONME57 Posts: 7,356
5/8/18 10:19 P

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Day 82 Whose problem is it?

If you conclude that you do not want to make something your problem, let go of your involvement. When you make a decision to stop trying to fix things that aren’t your problem, you’ll feel a sense of relief. You’ll also be less likely to head for the refrigerator every time the problem comes back up.

Today

• Watch for a situation where you can ask the questions in this lesson. Describe it.
• If you conclude it’s not your problem, plan how you will let go of your involvement.
• Record what happened after you stopped making that problem yours.

Link to Day 81 www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/
team_messa
geboard_thread.asp?board=200
58x211
94x69021152


Link to Day 83

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/
team_messa
geboard_thread.asp?board=200
58x211
94x69021158


Edited by: FOCUSONME57 at: 5/19/2018 (17:05)
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