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JUSTYNA7's Photo JUSTYNA7 Posts: 6,608
9/16/15 8:41 A

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LeslieJean I know what you mean.. certain foods are more dangerous than others. And that feeling of "again? REALLY?!?" I wish food was a cold turkey thing to quit but I have to walk my dragon three times a day. Sugar... not easy to quit. I've done it but I go back to it. I just... forget.

Seawave, Hahaha! I HAVE a marker.... I tried nail polish and I was wondering about getting another diabetes bracelet. I think blindness is a symptom of my temporary insanity that reaches for food so I'm not sure.

Instead, half of yesterday I stayed present. REALLY present. I spent the time talking to God and having conversations. Given the choice of insanity with food ruling and me not listening, and talking to an inner voice I decided to try discussion. It was wonderful. I lost that "link" when I got on the computer and was checking out newbie blogs. I think I did a lot of good but it was all ME when I got back to my tasks. I would have moments when I tried to start a God dialogue again of "oh there you are" but nothing more. To me, I think that is my answer. I definitely feel like I am choosing between being healed and having a disease. For now I have three choices... go through door number one and be calm and focused on God with very few other thoughts in my head. Go through door number two and be self sabatoging but "drugged" out of awareness during it and in total denial, or hovering between each door where I can make my own decisions but knowing that "gravity" can pull me into door number 2 at any moment and will happily hold me in there... or I have to consciously choose door number 1 and make an effort to stay. I'm not sure what it is like on the in between. Sometimes productive. I think my analogy does not work in a way because there is movement too. Movement and time. Door number 2 is really strongly linked to past and future and not REAL. Door number one is present. I feel like in both doors time goes by but I am not aware. That sense of moving forward in my life and following my sense of purpose does not happen in a door. What I WANT is to toss door number 2 away as excess baggage because I feel like I drag it along as I go. Does door number one help pull me? It definitely has something to do with guiding me along the easier path.

Enough analogies. HALT is a good tool. I made an effort to get to bed early and slept the entire night. My meditation this morning reflected that and was very peaceful. My blood sugars are fantastic this morning. I ate "light" yesterday and feel good. I have taken off my spark tracker. I decided I don't have a problem today with exercising and want to focus more on my food. I did water exercises yesterday and a ton of housework... no doublt got in more than 10,000 steps. Today the suite is ready for guests. I have the neurology apt. with DD, groceries, some other errands, my ST and walking for the walking challenge 30 minutes, have to bake for guests and have decided on energy cookies which have no sugar or flour (sesame apple butter thumbprint). Enough to do today and if I have time some windows and mirrors and mow the lawn... but I can do them tomorrow as well. I just deligated some other tasks to DH and he is already on them. DD youngest is making dinner tonight and has that under control. Life is good. I'll take some energy cookies to the doc. apt. as we may be there a long long time.

Edited by: JUSTYNA7 at: 9/16/2015 (09:20)
I have joy in my soul and joy in my step. Walk with me! Justyna

My Success story:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.a
sp?post=justyna_lost_65_pounds_with_a_
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 current weight: 197.0 
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LESLIEJEAN43's Photo LESLIEJEAN43 Posts: 35,882
9/16/15 8:18 A

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My eating binges mostly have to do with candy, which I try not to buy, or if I do buy it, I try to find it in small quantities so I don't go crazy and eat a huge quantity in one day.

However, for me the term relapse usually refers to smoking. I have 'quit' over and over again. My longest quit was for 12 years - if only I could find that mindset again. I will keep quitting until I get a quit to stick! emoticon

"Any idiot can face a crisis. It's the day-to-day living that wears you out."
---Anton Chekhov



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SEAWAVE's Photo SEAWAVE Posts: 1,421
9/16/15 5:35 A

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For me, the issue is very much a matter of the immediate relief of those HALT feelings, and believing in the longer term "I am getting healthier by making wise choices every day". It's finding alternatives to relieving those Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired feelings, some healthier way. I admit that lately my reaction has been - yes I am anxious, and I am eating this (fill in the blank here) that I shouldn't, but I'm tired of fighting every little step.

A huge switch for me yesterday, though, as I met with my doctor and she is encouraging me to take time off work (like 3-6 months) to deal with all those things that I shoved aside while I dealt with cancer. But the difference is she's actually working with me, wants to make a specific plan and meet each month to update and for accountability and... I'm a little overwhelmed by the support, which I've never had from my GP. I've woken up this morning with such a feeling of "I can do this" that I have never had before. I'm trying to bask in it, so I can reach for it when I do want to binge.

And although I did not tattoo HALT on my index finger so I have to see it when I reach for things, I did write it on with a marker one day to try it out. That will also be a tool I use for some of those difficult days LOL!

SeaWave
Spring Starfish - EDT

Solvitur ambulato

I am who I chose to be. Stronger. Leaner. Further. Fierce.

Because I love...

Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.


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JUSTYNA7's Photo JUSTYNA7 Posts: 6,608
9/15/15 8:51 P

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I rarely binge any more. I remember what a food hangover was like. But for the Grace of God...

So... what do I want to write about on this topic exactly? I recently had a guest here who, as she was mounding her plate with crepes, chocolate and whip cream was telling me how in her 19 years of having diabetes she has not yet accepted it. She then had a second helping. I am doing really well with my diabetes but... how easy it would be to lose control and deny it. And in fact I do have denial problems, forgetful ones. I actually appreciated her "slip" because it scared the heck out of ME! I wish that when I eat poorly I did have a hangover or some sign. Even my blood sugar levels "let me get away with it". But at what point will my body organs say no, no more? It is such a silent disease. I know what it was like being brittle diabetic, doing insulin injections, getting numb and burning feet. How do I hold that memory in my head when I am deciding I can have icecream with my pie?

Do I feel guilt. Yes, because I want to be diabetes free and the only way to do that is take all the stress off my organs. EAT CLEAN. Does it make me edgy? tired? No.. but often the trigger to make that decision was feeling that way first. Am I using the 4 questions? Honestly? No. I am not working that tool at all and am wondering how I can start working it again. It is so much easier for me to focus on exercise and the majority of my meals. Tell myself that I'm doing great. I AM doing really well. But ideally I would weigh less. Eat less. Cheat less. JC says extend compassion to myself and I do. But when I think that eating clean is the key to the potential me... and I know that eating sugar for me triggers the desire to eat more sugar... it really should be a black and white, all or nothing decision. My problem is that I know as a diabetic there are ways to be able to eat sugar. However it does not include eating more than a small serving and once in a while. That is my downfall. Much to consider and write about. I think my binging days are truly over for today. It just bothers me that this is a CHOICE I make, over the choice to be healthier long term.

I have joy in my soul and joy in my step. Walk with me! Justyna

My Success story:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.a
sp?post=justyna_lost_65_pounds_with_a_
little_help_from_her_sparkfriends


 current weight: 197.0 
264
245.5
227
208.5
190
JUSTYNA7's Photo JUSTYNA7 Posts: 6,608
9/15/15 8:30 P

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The Food Hangover
How does a lapse affect you? Does it make you feel physically different? Edgy? Tired? Emotionally different? Guilt? Anger?. The “lapse” in relapse – are we using the tools, the 4 questions and HALT? We need to extend compassion to ourselves. Slips happen to everyone.. we just need to use them as experiments and see what we can do to change.


I have joy in my soul and joy in my step. Walk with me! Justyna

My Success story:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.a
sp?post=justyna_lost_65_pounds_with_a_
little_help_from_her_sparkfriends


 current weight: 197.0 
264
245.5
227
208.5
190
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