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CHATTIEGIRL's Photo CHATTIEGIRL Posts: 3,949
6/19/11 7:27 P

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I am a fighter and will take on anything that comes my way that tries to put me down in my health. I am kind and caring and try to help people. Love the outside and working in the garden and yard. Love my 2 dogs that keep me going since my husband after 36 years died.

I love Spark people since I found them or they found me right when I need something to keep me busy since I couldn't work anymore. All take care and stay happy and healthy.


Joyce

I am a very easy going gal that loves people and wants to know as many as I can. I want to make new friends so I can enjoy more of life. When people get to 55 or 60 there are some that think life should be over but guess what it is just beginning. Maybe 50 years ago it was over but not now people are living longer and working in their 70's. I would have been if I didn't have leukemia and it does not stop me but I have good days and bad, so being home if I need rest, I rest, at work I couldn't do


 current weight: 138.0 
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GROWNGRACE's Photo GROWNGRACE SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 2
6/19/11 7:32 A

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Determined, I tell my husband I never quit! Even though I do not reach every goal I want to in every area I keep on trying. Passionate, my emotions play a big part in everything I do, that's probably why I wondered onto this page, I'm trying to learn to channel them into positive outlets rather than eating. Creative, I like to find new ways of expressing myself especially with writing. While I have my down days and I long to lose weight my goal for losing weight is not to be a tiny little woman in a tiny pair of jeans. Not that those who want that are bad. Just at this stage in my life, pushing 40 I have different desires. I was resently watching one of those make over shows with my 13 year old daughter who does not have any weight issues, she could maybe lose 20 lbs :) maybe? But she is beautiful and I'm not just saying that as her mother, everyone thinks that. anyway we were watching it as a woman who was 362 pounds went down to 161 pounds in a year, now she did have a skin removal surgery. But as far as the show said she did not have any other surgery. At the end and seeing how great she look my daughter said, is that even possible? I realized how much I wanted to teach my daughter heathly ways to lose weight. She and her friends always talk about losing weight and how fat they are and it drives me crazy when they aren't at all! Its so sad the pressure media puts on these young girls!

 current weight: 216.0 
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ICANDOIT316 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/7/11 11:37 P

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I see myself as a strong, creative, resilient woman who is battling her past and becoming truly aware of how my past has hindered my life including my eating! I am very smart, spiritual, and always helping others. Its now time to help myself.

ANANIKIC's Photo ANANIKIC Posts: 1,058
6/5/11 10:00 A

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Thanks emoticon


Edited by: ANANIKIC at: 6/5/2011 (10:08)
 current weight: 176.0 
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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 24,195
6/5/11 5:03 A

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Good luck and welcome back.

 current weight: 179.0 
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ANANIKIC's Photo ANANIKIC Posts: 1,058
6/4/11 1:09 P

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Hi again.
You will probably not remember me, but I finally decided to come back. I quit last year when I reached my goal (almost). Then start to eat again - not immediately, but....
My eating was emotional type of eating (we where in the IVF procedure-not successfully for 3 times last year). Maybe it was hormones, but I know in my hart-I was overeating myself because...
I do not want that life anymore. I want that feeling back I had last year. I want to shiny, happy and good.
We are preparing again for IVF procedure and I want me this time to be in top form. I do not want to eat because I am nervous, unhappy or worried. I want me to be able to say no to eating without purpose.
Love you girls and hope that you will give me support again and make me feel I am a part of this team again

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NELLZIE04's Photo NELLZIE04 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 2,761
6/1/11 8:28 P

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I see myself as a strong individual who cares about helping others and planning. However, I don't always make myself a priority. Hence the reason I got this big and never exercised. Recently I see more determination with self-improvement.

Nell, Kentucky
BLC 18-20 Mighty Mocha Hunter, Leader
BLC 17 Mighty Mocha Hunter


Goal 9: 175.5 (-100 lbs) met 2/19/2012
Goal 10: 165.5 (40% loss) met 4/1/2012
Goal 11: 152 (not overweight) met 9/2/2012
Goal 12: 150.5 (-125 lbs) met 9/16/2012
Goal 13: 145.5 (-130 lbs) met 11/4/2012

Goal 14: 138 (50% loss)
Goal 15: 130 (Goal Weight)


 current weight: 171.0 
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LADISHEFFLADY1's Photo LADISHEFFLADY1 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 524
6/1/11 4:32 P

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today I see myself as weak and undisciplined. I have to get out of that mentality.

 current weight: 299.0 
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SWEETIE333's Photo SWEETIE333 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 170
5/31/11 12:52 P

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Bad emotional day - so far so good with the eating, but anxiety is high.

Robin

CHARLIESGIRL69's Photo CHARLIESGIRL69 SparkPoints: (0)
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5/31/11 12:50 P

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Today I see my self very poorly. It is a rough day. I have found myself turning to food for comfort. Bad me. I need to get a handle on everything and get a grip.

 current weight: 150.0 
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CHEERHOLLADAY's Photo CHEERHOLLADAY Posts: 48
5/22/11 11:26 P

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I feel stuck. Thanks to medical issues not being answered and a lot of other stuff, I am just not sure what the next step is right now.

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." -Mark Twain

healingsoulwritingcafe.wordpress.com
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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 24,195
5/18/11 6:27 P

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I see myself as a stranger. I have finally realized
that even though I think I am young, my body tells
me otherwise. Ah, sweet bird of youth -where are you?

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BLOORAYNE's Photo BLOORAYNE SparkPoints: (0)
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5/17/11 4:26 P

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hmmm...3 words or less. This week i see myself as : plain.
there's the good days and bad days. Days were I just love myself and would put on lipstick and mascara and fix my hair. then there are days when I think...Why bother? and I would not go in front of the mirror.
Today, is neutral. I am happy. I don't feel either pretty or ugly. Just a plain good mood. :)

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MCATHY57's Photo MCATHY57 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 277
5/17/11 8:07 A

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Wow! I see myself as about to be 54 years old and struggling to look in the mirror for that thin beautiful girl I use to be. Where did the years go and why does my reflection have to be so determinant of who I am inside. It is so sad that we are in a world that puts more worth on outer beauty. So I pray for acceptance that even though I am starting over on the weight loss again....... I will learn to like the woman I see in the mirror for who I am not what people think I should look like.

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GWYNLYN's Photo GWYNLYN SparkPoints: (26)
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Posts: 45
5/15/11 5:31 P

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I see myself as a work in Progress.

Edited by: GWYNLYN at: 5/17/2011 (20:44)
KATLOVSDAN's Photo KATLOVSDAN SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 895
5/15/11 3:28 A

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i see myself as a very strong person. however, i still need to work on the eating after dinner. i don't seem to do very good on that one although, i have diabetes and i cannot afford my blood sager to go to high. i still like to eat just about anything that has to do with eating. i know i need to work on this one because it will eventually catch up and bite me if i don't. i can remember whenever they said that i had diabetes i had weighed 289 and that was something like a wake up call for me. i have always know how to eat healthy but at that time i didn't care. i was like a child in a candy store and then not being able to eat. i didn't know how i was going to lose the weight but then i had lost down to 259 within a year or so.

kathleen

Edited by: KATLOVSDAN at: 5/15/2011 (03:28)
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CHIPPEE's Photo CHIPPEE Posts: 17,315
5/12/11 6:17 P

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Much healthier and happier since I started Spark. I finally feel like a success.

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CD9922996 Posts: 1,210
5/12/11 11:37 A

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Happy, healthy and strong

GOOSIEMOON's Photo GOOSIEMOON SparkPoints: (251,922)
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5/10/11 10:23 A

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Today, I see myself as a person who has built new, better habits, and I am proud of that.

I admit however, that even though I have not used food to comfort myself in almost four months, there are times (like right now) when I wish I was further along in the process. I wish I had some go-to strategies for dealing with my emotions. I sometimes feel like there is a hole that food used to fill and that expressing my emotions to others is not OK. Sometimes my emotions are pretty venomous and toxic and spilling them on to another person just does not seem good for my relationship with that person (husband, friends, sister). I can tell that sometimes I'm making the other person uncomfortable, and that worries me. I don't want to alienate others.

This is the most success I have ever had in my adult life in dealing with the underlying issues that cause me to overeat. I have seen a therapist about this in the past, and I know that the strategies I learned then helped me do this now. I don't have the financial resources to seek additional therapy. This is all on me.

"Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use."

~ Earl Nightingale


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DOLLIE6's Photo DOLLIE6 Posts: 2,846
5/9/11 3:09 P

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I see myself as a fat lady with a thin lady on the inside that is slowly coming out.
I'm excited to see me.

I am transforming.


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KAMAPERRY's Photo KAMAPERRY Posts: 6,397
5/9/11 2:56 P

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Good question. I feel I am abit lost. I know there is a strong, determined woman inside somewhere, but she lost her way. I need some help in pulling her back out.

Kama is ready to take it all the way!


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LITTLESTAR01 Posts: 6
4/28/11 6:26 P

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i see myself as a strong person on the outside but on the inside all the frustration is killing me !everyone who knows me will say that im a funny,normal person but it's just a facade and i hate it when i have to be fake and happy for some stupid reasons ..let's hope this will go away from me and leave me alone from now on :) i feel like a weaker version of myself follows me ..

CHARLIESANGEL10's Photo CHARLIESANGEL10 Posts: 4,029
4/27/11 10:28 P

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an Easter basket thief

 current weight: 189.0 
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DRELLABELLA Posts: 375
4/25/11 1:55 A

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it is pretty negative, but to be honest, in three words or less i see myself as a failure.

I have struggled with binge eating for at least 22 years, and it still continues, despite even having eating disorder treatment.THAT helps make me feel like a failure, but that is not to say i am going to give up, because i am NOT.Sparkpeople has taught me a lot, and one of those things is to take your failures in stride as much as you can and move on and keep trying, and this idea has spilled over into other areas of my life.
This is going to be really long and might trigger some people, and i'm sure that at least some of it sounds self-pitying, but I want to share who I am, where I am coming from and the mind-set i bring to binging and dieting and why that is. I also want to share how sparkpeople hs given me the confidence tothink i can be successful at beating my eating and weight problems, and how that feeling has started to carry over into other areas of my life and actually even helped me with my depression and with some serious trauma.
i have been so down on myself for so long--the spark idea has given me some hope.
it is not just when it comes to eating and weight loss, i have not had much success meeting my goals in any areas of my life. i have suffered from clinical depression and anxiety since i was 12, and that really made/makes even simple daily things that most people take for granted a struggle for me. The one thing I have done that I am proud of is managing to graduate from college. it took me seven years, because i kept having to take semesters off for depression, but I stuck with it and got my degrree, and i even graduated cum laude (with honors). that is the ONE thing I am proud of that i have done.
I got married at 21, while i was still in college, to a man who turned out to be very controlling and extremely physically and emotionally abusive. He made up things that he said my mother said about me and so i stopped talking to my family, which was step one in his plan to isolate me. then he started getting angry if i dared try to go out with my own friends without him being present. I got married because i was pregnant and didn't want to disappoint my parents,.it was not love on my part, i admit--and from his treatment of me, it obviously wasn't love on his part,either. as it turned out for him it was much more about having someone to control, but i was too niave to know that at the time--and I felt duty bound to marry him.I couldn't bear the thought of my parents--especially my dad,,being ashamed of me for getting pregnant. I only found out years later that they would have been ok with me being a single mother. not overjoyed, but not ashamed.
I didn't even tell them I was pregnant until after i was married. i had gained some weight by the wedding but not that much. i didn't look pregnant at the time and it didn't really show. The whole thing was a sudden and hurried affair. my parents expressed disaproval but told me it was my life. My mother tried to talk me out of it--i was too young, the guy was "weird" and she had a vibe...but all i could think about was that i was pregnant and how much I had let them down, and that a wedding somehow would make it right.
I wasn't in love, but i had no idea before we got married how abusive and controlling he would become. He even tried to strangle me to death once. i actually had black and blue marks in the shape of fingers ringing my neck. they were very black and it was very clear they were hand prints--but still i stayed because for some reason I was the one who was embarrassed and felt like a failure for getting married to this man. Imagine that, he tries to strangle me and I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Beatings happened regularly--he even bit me on the face once, but i didn't leave for a year and a half. For some stupid teenage-logic reason ( iwas not much more than a teenager,and i certainly till thought like one) i felt like if I did i would be letting my parents down again if I got a divorce, just like i let them down by getting pregnant.
if i could maintain the facade of a happy marriage it would make them feel better and they wouldn't worry about me, and maybe they would think i did the right thing in the end--maybe somehow staying married would earn me their aproval.I had already had a lot of problems by the time i was 21--several episodes of depression, several counselors and psychiatrists, i thought somehow if i stayed married it would make me "normal" and show i was "healthy" I was ashamed of who I was and the problems i had, and my parents seemed ashamed of me and my problems, too--at least my mother did. My mother had spent my childhood putting me down. telling me I was ugly, that i was unlikeable, and it was no wonder i didn't have any friends. She called me a bitch, and a weirdo and helped me feel worthless. (so this is the background on the 21 year old girl that i was)
i had no confidence in myself, i felt unloved, and i had been so shy as a teenager that I had had very few friends and had never once had a boyfriend, or gone on a date, or even been kissed. I thought I was ugly, weird and unloveable, and all i had ever wanted in my life was for ONE--just ONE --person to love me.so when this boy showed me a scrap of attention, i pounced on it--even though I did not at all find him attractive and a lot of things actually annoyed me about him (and this is way before i found out he was abusive). I had never even dated anyone, and I thought i had to take whatever i could get and just learn to love it, because i wasn't worth anything better. i wasn't worth anything at ALL.
Plus, i had made a commitment by getting married, and i should see it through, since i never saw anything thru ,as i had been told by my parents over and over as i was growing up. i felt like leaving would be just another form of failing, in their eyes and in my eyes--failing at my marriage, just like i had recently failed out of my lst semester of college (something else to be ashamed of).
i stayed home to take care of the baby and I would cook and clean, and he would come home and start yelling at me--telling me how i was just leaching off of him because I didn't have a job. he would walk in the door and literally toss papers all over the place and expect me to clean them up--it was another power trip of his.
then there is the fact that i had a hard time keeping a job, because i would go into a period of depression and start having trouble even getting out of bed in order to go to work. i would start neglecting my personal hygeine because i was too depressed to even take a shower. I would burst into tears at work. And I would worry, worry constantly when the ax would fall and I would be fired. i would worry constantly about making mistakes and drive myself crazy, and i made myself so nervous that it DID make me make more mistakes. The longest I even held on to a job was 8 months and then one day I just couldn't get out of bed and get myself there. I was immobilized by depression and fear. i just couldn't do it anymore, and that is the history of pretty much every job i've ever had
And I feel like a failure because despite a 146 IQ and a college degree, I have never even gotten my foot in the door at a professional type job. the most I have ever been is a cashier or sales girl working for little more than minimum wage
I feel like a failure because I live with my parents and i need their help raising my child. I stay with my boyfriend a couple of nights a week, but mostly i live at home--mainly to be with my son, but also because i can't afford to take care of myserlf,let alone my son. My boyfriend takes care of me monetarily when I am there, and my parents do the same the five days a week I am there. i do have disability, but I only make 700 dollars a month--not enough to pay for an apartment plus the utilities and certainly not enough to raise a child, even with foodstamps and state insurance and medicare.
I feel like a failure because my periods of depression have meant that my parents have had to take over a lot of my child-rearing duties when these attacks occur, and they can last for months, so my son thinks of my parents as more of his parents than he does me. He sees me more as an older sister--although i do know he loves me, i have still failed him as a parent.
I feel like a failure because after i left my husband he began stalking me and has kept it up for eleven years. i used to have a pfa against him, but he just found ways to outsmart it. When I first got it he violated it twice, but all the judge did was extend the pfa and tell him not to do it again. The PFA was useless, honestly--useless It seems like no-one takes stalking seriously until you end up dead, and then itss too late, isn't it?
he Still follows me and harrasses me and threatens me, but he is carreful to not do it on the answering machine so that these threats do not get taped, and he is careful to go just far enough that he intimidates me and harrasses me, but in a way that it is unprovable, (or at least it runs right up to the edge of illegality, but does not go over). the police in my neighborhood are sympathetic to me and say that they realize he is a psycho, but tell me there is really nothing they can do....basically until he physically hurts me again or is caught red handed.
he has taken my parents (with whom i have joint primary phisical custody of my son-he has joint legal custody) and me to family court over 60 times in 11 years for utterly made up accusations and trivial and mostly false little nit-picks. He has filed well over 300 motions with family court in that period as well--those sixty are only the ones that get to the point of actual hearings and are heard. He has basically never won one of these hearings, but he keeps filing motions as a form of harassment. I have NEVER taken him to family court over anything, even though I don't think he should be allowed to see my son as he is utterly crazy--
he can't see me,no matter how public the place, without yelling that i am a whore and an evil person and a bad mother--and if he can get close enough to whiper it so no one can hear, he threatens to kill me. he has pushed my 70 year old mother to the ground--but no witnesses, no proof. He has fabricated assault charges against my father and my brother, none of which ever stuck because they were completely untrue and the police knew it. And it makes me feel guilty and like I failed my parents that they have to hire a lawyer because I cannot afford one, and have to pay him to go to all of these ridiculous hearings and other ex-husband related matters, and it is costing them a fortune. When I left him he threatened to keep harrassing my family until I went insane and killed myself and my parents were bankrupt (his exact words), and he has stuck with that plan for the last 11 1/2 years, ever since i left him.
he threatened to strangle me again until my eyes popped out of my head and i was dead, and he threatened to shoot my mother in the head, but of course he has never said this stuff on tape or said it loud enough for others to hear so he can't be arrested for it. I only knew him for a couple of months before I got pregnant while I was in college, I didn't even love him then--i just had such terrible self-esteem that i thought i couldn't get any better of a person to ever love me, that he was the best I could ever do-.
he was not abusive then in any obvious ways, but he did not treat me very nicely and I should have known something was up because he couldn't hold on to any friends of his own.
BTW the reason I got pregnant was not carelessness, nor was it on purpose (believe me).he was supposed to be infertile because he had had testicular cancer and only had one testicle. he told me he couldn't make babies and I believed him, so we did not use protection. I thought it was impossible for me to get pregnant under the circumstances--surprise!!
And because of my bad judgement and my immaturity my whole family, especially my parents, have been paying for it for the last 11 years. I left him when my son was barely a year old and filed for divorce, but he would not agree to one and held it up for two years. My son is now 13 and because he has visitation rights my son has to go with him every other weekend, which i think is very bad for him--but hey, i guess even violent, wife-beating psychopath has a right to see his son, even though he flies into rages calling me obscene names and calling my mother obscene names right in front of my son.(yes i had him arrested twice for domestic abuse when we were married, but he made bail the next day each time, and came home even angrier and beat me harder, so I stopped calling the police.
And because of the post police-calling beatings, when it would come time for the hearing i would refuse to press charges. The police would, but it would just be a slap on the wrist. yes I should have left, but he had isolated and alienated me from my family by telling me lies about them, and he systematically cut every friend I had out of my life. I was completely dependent on him for money, and i felt like I had no place to go. I felt trapped and completely alone, and totally ashamed of myself like all of this was my own fault. it was my fault that I was getting beaten and that my life had turned into a living hell).
My son is 13 now,and the stalking and abuse from my ex just continues on and on, even though I haven't even talked to him directly in 11 years.
Everything is done through my parents lawyer to try to cut down on his harrassment of us as much as possible, but get this--he called my lawyer so many times and was so obscene and abusive to the receptionist that THEY had to file a restraining order against him and now he is no longer allowed to call there--he has to make all of his inquiries, etc, by e-mail or fax!!!!
And yes, we did call the police on him for his harassing phone calls where he would rant and rave and swear and call repeatedly 5,6 or more times a night.The police called him and told him he was harassing us and told him not to call anymore--which he obeyed for a little while and then started up again.
nothing stops him and my family and i are so worn out from dealing with him that we have almost stopped even trying. I know this is so crazy it sounds made up, but believe me it is 100 percent true and factual.
I made a mistake witha relationship 13 years ago when i was 21 years old and i am still paying for it, and worse, like i said, because of me my parents are paying for it dearly as well--emotionally AND financially.I feel like a failure because i brought this psychopath into our lives and I have basically ruined the lives of my parents as well as my own from my stupid, chidish mistake.
I feel like a failure because i don't know microsoft office suite and have no marketable job skills despite graduating with honors from college,and I don't know i I will ever be able to support myself and my son
I have been taking a medication regime that has basically stabalized me(2 antidepressants, 2 mood stabilizers, an anti-anxiety medication , and i sleeping pill).I feel the best depression and anxiety wise that i have felt since i was twelve years old when this crap started.I feel like I am finally able to function without swinging in and out of major depressive episodes over and over again, and I feel as if i could go to work-- part time at first, and then hopefully full time
(on social securities ticket to work program, which helps you transition back into working while allowing you to keep your health insurance and some of your benefits until you are working over 20 hours a week),
But I have never been anything but a cashier and I have no office skills, or any other skills, really. I have had a few jobs in my life but they were all short term and they all ended pretty disasterously, plus, they were all jobs a trained monkey could do--not the kind of thing a college graduate should be doing,
but they were all i could get hired at, and even at them I FAILED. After a few months i would get so depressed and anxious that i would have to quit, or else my depreession would kick in and i would start missing so many days of work that i would get fired, so i don't exactly have anything to put on my resume , and i haven't even been able to work at all for the last 7 years,
but the medication, a great therapist and lots of therapy make me think I might be ready, but i am terrified of failing again, if all you have ever known was failure, how can you even imagine that you will succeed-- and I worry that I'll never have a job good enough to take care of my son as he should be taken care of--the way my parents can take care of him.
i feel usseless and worthless and like I ruined not only my life but my parents lives and my son's life as well, and I don't know if I can ever make it right.
Weight loss/binge eating/emotional eating is just another aspect of my failure in life. I was bulimic as a teenager and a young adult. Now I deal with my feelings through binge eating. This is a completely messed up coping mechanism, i know, but i seem unable to stop the binging, even with therapy--i WAS successful at stopping purging, but the binging remains, and i feel like a failure that after 22 years of trying, I can't beat it.
it started around 12 and i am now 35 and have still failed to get it under control. I had this problem WELL before I met my ex-husband, and the same with the depression and anxiety, but the constant harrassment and terror-ization i have suffered at his hands for 13 years, with no end in sight until my son turns 18 ,has certainly not helped any of those matters.
in fact, my experience with him gave me another problem according to my psych--post traumatic stress disorder. I am in a commited relationship of eight years but i jump out of my skin if he comes anywhere near touching my neck--i almost cry, I am filled with terror all over again even though i know he would never hurt me (rationally). I stiffen up when i am touched and I have a very hard time with sexual intimacy--luckily i have found true love and he is understanding and puts up with these problems that I have with being touched. I feel like a failure in this relationship too, though, because i cannot have a normal sex life.
At least i ttruly know that he really does love me anyway--it is the only time in my life that i have trusted i was loved and really believed it. My mother was abusive before my ex-husband, and there was an attempted rape by an acquaintance where when i screamed he put his hands over both my mouth and nose and i couldn't breath at all .I truly thought i was going to die and he only took his hands away when I promised not to scream--but my air was blocked off for what seemed like a long time and as you can imagine,even other than that, the whole experience was terrifying and traumatizing and just another example of the abuse i seem to attract to myself. I know there is something about me that attracts abusers, and I know that is also a failure within myself.
Anyway, trying to beat this binge eating disorder and lose the 60 pounds I gained since i gave up bulimia, it sounds stupid because it is not that imprtant or life-shattering of a thing, but i feel like if i can accomplish this I will get some confidence in my self and my abilities to be successful and to reach a goal. I feel that if i can do this one thing, I will have the courage to improve my life in other areas--my relationship with the man who loves me, my relationship with my son and my parents.
I think I will feel more confident about my ability to try and go back to work because I will have proved that i can stick with something, despite it being hard and uncomfortable, and even scary. i mean, it is scary to try and give up a coping mechanism like binge eating that you hve been using to stuff and hide your feelings for almost your whole life. if i can do this, i will feel like less of a total failure and i think it will help me believe in myself again--if that makes sense???? it is kind of a small start, maybe, but it is a start, and an important one. It will show myself that I am capable of self-discipline, that i am capable of making good choices, and that I am capable of taking care of at least my own body,
It will prove that i am capable of CHANGE and don't have to keep being stuck in the same rut from my past. it will show me i can succeed at something, which hopefully will spill over into other areas of my life.Sparkpeople has been such a help and inspiration to me, not just in trying to deal with my eating, but in trying to improve my whole life. the progress I see on the scale gives me confidence in myself, the fact that I mess up but then i keep coming back to the site and trying again gives me confidence in myself, the articles on goal-setting and motivation have been very helpful to me in my "diet", but also in all areas of my life--the life i am trying to build, just like the new body and the new relationship with food that I am trying to build.
the quotes/secrets of success under motivation and staying positive and the like i find very applicable to trying to rebuild my life--or build A life that i never had before--a good life, a healthy life. the more i keep tuned into this site, the less depressed i find myself as well. the whole idea of change that is at the core of this site--not the drastic, sudden, and ultimately innefective quick-fix kind of change, but the idea of making small commitments to change and gradual strides forward .allowing yourself time to build new habits to replace the dysfunctional old ones,--- and at the same time realizing that change is up to you and up to how much you want it--combined with the positive, supportive environment andd the attitude that everyone can be successful at their own pace, IF they make simple commitments to change and then build onto those simple commitments as they are ready. This site gives me hope for beating my eating disorder, losing the 50 pounds I want to lose, AND for changing my whole life for the better and having the strength to put up with the ostacles (like my ex) that i can't change and instead find creative ways around them--or at least not let that adversity keep me from trying.
I am so grateful for Sparkpeople, and thank you for listening to me. ireally needed to say all this.
I know a lot of it is personal and seems off topic but it is not, it is these very things and life-experiences that contribute to me using food in an inappropriate way--as a way to escape and try to enter into oblivion and forget what is going on in my life--the abuse, the stalking, the fear i have over my child and my motherhood, the fears i have about money,etc. Maybe sharing this tuff will help me get to the root and face this stuff head on instead of hiding behind food.
--marcella

keep trying despite failure, and if you perservere, eventually you WILL succeed.


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NIZHONI59's Photo NIZHONI59 Posts: 10
4/17/11 7:32 P

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I see myself as someone who puts on a very good "front", but who feels very out of control and down on herself most of the time. I am working now to turn that around. Being negative is only going to hold me back. I need to encourage myself with positive self-talk and encouragement. I want the "inside" part of me to match the "outside" part of me.....as I make that "outside" package get smaller and smaller! emoticon

 current weight: 202.0 
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4/17/11 10:22 A

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I see someone who seems to be very strong on the outside; however, I feel like a total failure because I've let my weight get so out of control and I can't seem to get it back down. I choose to let my family's problems get the better of me and take responsibility of them all. I need to learn to stop that!

LAMENJ's Photo LAMENJ SparkPoints: (0)
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4/16/11 9:53 A

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emoticon

Edited by: LAMENJ at: 4/16/2011 (09:53)
Progress not perfection


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4/16/11 9:51 A

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I see myself as someone who doesn't give up anymore. The person who is hardest on myself is me. I remind myself that it is about progress not perfection. It is three-fold for me: mind, body and spirit. In the past I lost 85ilbs, was a size 4 and still felt the same as when I wasn't in shape and over-weight. That just confirms for me that it is an inside job. Today I'm seeing myself as a person who is liking herself.

Progress not perfection


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CD6481045 Posts: 338
4/13/11 4:38 P

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I see myself as a mama bear, since I am so overprotective of my kids. I also see myself as overweight, and trying (trying to get better and lose the extra baggage.)

RUPESTER42's Photo RUPESTER42 SparkPoints: (0)
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4/12/11 12:28 A

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I see myself as an unhappy, lazy person who can't get herself to commit to anything and won't be happy until i'm 50 lbs lighter.

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SWEETIE333's Photo SWEETIE333 SparkPoints: (0)
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4/10/11 7:50 A

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Wanting to lose weight and get fit! Taking control of my life!

KIDS3AREWE's Photo KIDS3AREWE Posts: 5
4/6/11 11:57 A

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determined, hopefull, under-educated ( about weight loss)

 current weight: 218.0 
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STACEY1840 Posts: 10
4/4/11 2:57 P

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I see myself as someone that needs to work on mindset and seeing the positive more than negative. Like Ali Vincent on the Biggest Loser says - I need to find evidence of success instead of failure.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself and all the things I can't eat, I need to focus on all the great things I can do and accomplish! :-)

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NANCYE43's Photo NANCYE43 Posts: 286
4/4/11 12:41 P

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I see myself as a person who is giving herself permission to love herself just as she is - a person who is becoming as willing to focus on her self and her health with all of the vigor and dedication I have shown to others. I see myself as a person who is trying to become healthier and happier, one day at a time.

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CPITCHFOR's Photo CPITCHFOR SparkPoints: (0)
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4/2/11 9:18 P

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Encouraged, Confident, On a Mission!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

I love reading. Karen Kingsbury is one of my favorite Authors. I also love the outdoors. I live on Grand Lake, so there is plenty of active things I can do throughout my day! I love, love, love gardening!! I am new at it, but I always love a good challenge.


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OKIE_NANA's Photo OKIE_NANA Posts: 277
4/2/11 11:43 A

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@ SSCHULTZ59 - Go ahead and run outside. If you have asthma, be sure to carry your inhaler. Maybe you can't run much at first, but even a little bit outside can help ease your depression. I know.

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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 24,195
4/2/11 1:08 A

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I am just an ordinary woman and I try not to get envious of others. emoticon

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MEGHAN2012's Photo MEGHAN2012 Posts: 947
4/1/11 12:53 P

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I see myself as someone who gets lost in the rush of every day life too much to take care of herself.

Meghan



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SSCHULTZ59's Photo SSCHULTZ59 Posts: 290
4/1/11 11:46 A

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Fat, Morbidly Obese (as the doctor calls it) depressed, wish i could run away and be alone forever..

Yes depression aint it grand emoticon

 current weight: 204.0 
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MRST92207 SparkPoints: (0)
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4/1/11 11:09 A

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I see myself as a woman who truly lost herself in the creation of her family. I am fighting my way back and learning how to take care of myself so that I can more effectively take care of my family!

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OKIE_NANA's Photo OKIE_NANA Posts: 277
3/28/11 11:08 P

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fattythefatest You are a very valuable person. Get a massage, your skin will feel great. What is it that makes you special? You have the right to feel special about yourself no matter what other people see. Learning to love yourself and dump your pains are important for continued success.

Have you ever watched The Biggest Loser on NBC? The trainers push people to face their issues because the spirit has to heal before the body will stay healthy. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JORDANADDO's Photo JORDANADDO Posts: 725
3/28/11 4:13 P

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I see myself as a strong, determined and commited person who will not stop until she gets to where she wants to be, who is appreciating the ups and learning from the downs.

RAVEN_X13's Photo RAVEN_X13 SparkPoints: (0)
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3/28/11 11:25 A

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I see myself as something more than I always assumed I was. I don't deserve the crap some people have put me through, and I have the inner strength to get past anyone who tries. I don't see the mopey fat girl who tried her best to be invisible anymore. I see my true self awakening. I'm a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who happens to have a bit of extra girth, and I have the power to heal that.

Success is the child of drudgery and perseverance. It cannot be coaxed or bribed; pay the price and it is yours. -Orison Swett

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. -Aristotle


SAGE150's Photo SAGE150 SparkPoints: (43,954)
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3/28/11 8:20 A

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Beautiful but disconnected from my body at times. My self-esteem is not tied to my size or weight, so I identify with the body that I had for most of my life. The closer I get to reaching my goals, the more the fact that this is just a temporary state for my body is confirmed. I feel like I am returning to who I am. I look at pictures of myself when I was larger and I wonder who that person was. I know it was me but instead of fat I see trauma and illness. The more fit and healthy I get, the more I feel I am healed from what fat has come to represent for me on my body in particular.

Portions, portions, portions!
Processed food is a gateway drug.
Nothing tastes as good as looking great feels.


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FATTYTHEFATTEST SparkPoints: (0)
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3/22/11 3:51 P

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well, HUGE , GROSS
lonely

My skin is disgusting

the biggest unlucky loser in the world that have NO life,no friends ..


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OKIE_NANA's Photo OKIE_NANA Posts: 277
3/18/11 8:38 P

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KEDW4BYZ - if setting goals doesn't work for you, how about saying, 'I will do this better than yesterday or last time.' For instance if I did one good pushup yesterday, I'll try for another one today. Actually, On a good day, I have 3000 steps. A really good target to try to beat.

Good workout clothes are great. They can be incentives or rewards.

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BAHAMIANJENNI's Photo BAHAMIANJENNI Posts: 579
3/15/11 11:54 A

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I see myself, changing in attitude and mindset and improving in health.

242 PRIDE

Height: 5feet 4inches
SS: 24W
GS: 16

“Blessed is she who believed for there WILL be a manifestation /performance/ demonstration of the things told her by the Lord!" Luke 1 vs 45


 current weight: 258.0 
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3/14/11 10:09 P

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Earlier today I saw myself as a fat lazy jerk...then I found some new workout clothes and I was reminded of my love of exercise...I see myself as an athlete hiding under some extra layers...a work in progress

JORDANADDO's Photo JORDANADDO Posts: 725
3/14/11 4:10 P

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I see myself as someone who had given up on herself and didnt believe she was worthy or deserved being focused on, but is now turning it around and learning to love myself one day at a time.

KEDW4BYZ's Photo KEDW4BYZ Posts: 36
3/13/11 5:15 P

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I see myself as someone who has good intentions and starts off with lots of motivation, but quickly looses it and just gives up. I never accomplish my goals and if something is too hard, I feel that I won't make it through. I'm sick of being disappointed with myself. Don't understand why I can't just stick to my plans and just "do it". I work full-time and have 4 young boys. I'm always tired and really need to focus on me and taking care of myself.

 current weight: 217.0 
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