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Fuzzer - In Memory: May 24, 2011. Our first. He was 15.

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Hi, and welcome to my SparkPage! It's title may seem very negativistic, but it's not meant to be. Every year I promise myself that this will be the year. Year after year it's not. SOOO this year, I'm going to just do the best I can at working on my weight and improving my health. No disappointments. When I look back on previous years promises it just makes me down on myself. Punishing myself does not work! This year.... The Best Efforts I Can!

I'm one of those people that loves the THOUGHT of being slim and energetic, and SAY I would do anything to be that way, yet the reality is I have an awful time motivating myself to actually DO it! And I know that these three things are what I had to keep in my mind everyday to reach my goals....

THINK about how I feel today, what barriers am I facing,
and what I need to do to keep my goals in focus;
SAY them to myself. Remind myself everyday what I'm
wanting to do, how I want to look and feel, and
most mportantly, tell myself that I CAN do it. Oh,
and I can't forget to tell somebody else what I'm
going to do today. When I tell somebody else, I'm
holding myself to it; It's a commitment!
DO and I don't fool myself, this is the hardest part.
Everyday I fight that self-defeating little
(but extremely loud) voice that tells me I don't
have to do any of those things I know I have to do.
However, I'm stronger than that voice. I know
where that voice is coming from, and it's not going
to win. When I shut it out for just one moment,
and make that first step, I know I'm okay. I am
going to DO it. And I'm doing it! This year, my
strength and determination to DO it will win out.

I've been on Sparkpeople for several years, and love it! Whether I'm on track or off, motivated or not, losing or gaining, I still come here and check in. It's my constant reminder of what I SHOULD be doing. It's that little voice coming off of my shoulder into my ear saying, "You can lose weight, you know, if you just put a little more effort into it. It's not going to happen just by thinking about it". I've been fighting with that little voice a long time, believe me!

After I got into graduate school, I started gaining weight, and it's been one of my battles ever since. After I was engaged I lost 40 pounds. After I was married I gained 50. In 2000, I was diagnosed with Stage IV colorectal cancer and, of course, I lost weight. After a few miracles and after my surgery, I started gaining my weight back. When I asked my doctor if I could start going back to my TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) meetings, he said he didn't want me even thinking about losing weight, and that he wanted me to eat anything I wanted. Being such a good and compliant patient, I followed his instructions to the letter! I gained everything back that I'd worked (and suffered) so hard to lose. Having my Mom (my best friend) with Alzheimer's didn't help my efforts. I'm an emotional eater and there are lots of emotions that go along with being a cancer survivor and coping with the slow loss of someone you love with Alzheimer's. Mom died in 2003. LOTS of excuses for eating! Many failed efforts at getting back on track. I would get motivated and get on an exercise and calorie counting kick, but it would wane and I'd be back "fluffy" and down on myself. What a vicious circle!

But that circle was broken last year when a SparkBuddy (we found out we lived in the same town) contacted me and we started walking. It was awesome, and for the first time I actually looked forward to exercising! Unfortunately, her family moved away several months ago, and I really felt the loss. Loss of a good friend, of support, and loss of accountability. ....... And I stopped exercising.

BUT, It made me realize how prone I am to do what I need to do when I have external support. That's great, but it finally hit home that I also have to have internal support (support from myself) to reach my goals. I have to have both, but it's never going to happen if I'm always depending solely on others to keep me motivated. I can't do this without me!! And I can't do this without others, either!! It's a balance.

And that balance comes from SparkPeople. Thanks for being here, for having such wonderful people, and most especially for having wonderful people that are willing to venture out and provide support, encouragement, laughter, advice, and a good swift kick in the "but I don't want to do it!!".

My personal message to whoever reads this, NEVER GIVE UP!! You WILL have ups and downs relative to your motivation, determination, self-concept issues, health and enthusiam. No matter what, as long as you at least even "think" about losing weight, exercising, or taking that first step, you will one day reach your goal. Every thing you do, every change you make will one day "kick in" and you will start liking that person staring at you in the mirror. You will find yourself being very proud of yourself, and that is THE BEST reward of all!! Good Luck to you all!! Deb

Member Since: 1/10/2006

Fitness Minutes: 7,388

My Goals:
My long-term goal weight is 170 pounds. My short-term goals are to lose 1 to 1.5 lbs. per week, eat more fruit and veggies, to exercise five times per week and to not be so critical of myself when I mess up.

Goal Progress for 2010:

I, once again, started all over in 2010, after gaining to my highest weight ever. There will be no more "Wish me luck" statements. I'm DOING it this year

My Program:
Keeping my food diary. Drinking 8 glasses of water every day.
Exercise every day. Remembering that this is a process, not a race.

Personal Information:
Originally from MS, now live in Louisiana. 55. Married for 17 years. Counselor. Cancer Survivor. Three cats, but love all animals.

Other Information:
I have so many hobbies that it's hard to know which one to do! Tatting, jewelry design and creation, scuba-diving, painting, photography, reading, playing piano, and trying to learn the dulcimer.

"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same". ~Nelson Mandela~

"Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again more intelligently" ~Henry Ford~

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