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My name is Jessica, and the past 10 years of my life can be summed up as, “what a long, strange trip it’s been.”

I’m a veteran. I went to war. It sucked. And I had a really hard time adjusting when I got back home. I had a problem with alcohol for a while. I sunk into a really bad depression. I found out I had post-traumatic stress disorder (which is a barrel of laughs…not…), and lots of anxiety issues. Eventually I decided I didn’t want to be that 40 year old woman who hangs out in the bar every night, so I cut way, WAY down on the alcohol (today I drink once in a blue moon). Unfortunately, I replaced booze with food as my drug of choice.

I really feel like I am a food “addict.” I’ve had obsessive thoughts about food my entire life. It’s always, ALWAYS been a struggle for me. The first 20 years of my life, though, I was able to keep myself relatively in check. I’d yo-yo up and down, but my highest weight was 170 I think. Since I look pretty good anywhere between 140 and 160, this wasn’t anything too excessive (although at the time, I thought that was the worst weight possible…ha ha…little did I know…).

So, since I did the old swap-a-roo from alcohol to food, I’ve come to realize the meaning of the word “balloon.” Years of binges on cookies, chips, butter-with-popcorn, pizza, pizza, and more pizza have led me up, up, and up to a scale reading of 300 lbs.

So far I haven’t had health problems. But I know that’s just a ticking time bomb.

And frankly, I’m sick to death of my obsession with food.

Over the past couple of years I’ve managed to pull it together with the help of medicine and therapy for the ptsd. But while that has helped my war-related issues, it hasn’t done anything for my weight problem.

I’ve done the yo-yo dieting. The weight watchers. The Nutri-System. The fruit-only diet. Atkins. The Zone. You name it. I’ve had a little success with each of these methods…for a little while…and then the “willpower” ultimately fails me and pile all those pounds back on, plus some.

After giving it a lot of serious, honest thought, I came to the conclusion that there’s something “broken” inside of me when it comes to food. And it’s been there since day one. The obsession has been with me my whole life. I think the reason I haven’t been successful with my weight loss in the past is because, ultimately, I haven’t fixed the “problem”—that broken place inside of me that has an skewed view of food.

So I’ve been going to counseling for this issue, specifically. After 6 months of therapy, I feel like I’ve finally made some headway. I haven’t totally broken all of my bad habits yet, but I’ve been able to let go of a lot of the guilt associated with eating for me. And that in itself has been HUGE. Little by little I notice the food “obsession” diminishing. Throughout these past 6 months I haven’t really lost any weight. That hasn’t been my focus or my goal during this period. But I’ve come far enough now that I think I can start factoring weight loss into the process…while continuing to totally overhaul my mindset and relationship with food.

I’ve decided not to worry about how “fast” I can lose the weight. Instead, I’m going to focus on changing more and more of those bad habits I’ve accumulated over a lifetime, and replacing those habits with good ones—like picking foods that will nourish my body…eating them in reasonable portions, and doing some exercise most days of the week.

Let the games begin.

Member Since: 6/11/2009

Fitness Minutes: 1,850

My Goals:
1. To reach a healthy weight for my gender and body type. 140 lbs would be ideal, but I'd be perfectly happy at 160.

2. To change my habits. Specifically, to not snack in the evening after supper, to not snack in front of the tv or while reading a book.

3. To make daily exercise a natural and cherised part of my life.

4. To hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back up again.

5. To go shopping and actually like the way clothes fit me once again.


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My Program:
To "Eat to Live." Not "Live to Eat."

Personal Information:
My name is Jessica, and I'm from North Dakota. I'm a conservative, evangelical Christian. I'm a proud veteran of OIF.

Other Information:
I LOVE Josh Turner, Old Crow Medicine Show, Led Zeppelin, Shooter Jennings, and the Eagles(among others)!

I'm also slightly crazy about romance novels....and, well, reading in general...

Places I'd like to go when I'm in shape enough to do it:

1. The Boundary Waters
2. To the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back again
3. Chilkoot Trail
4. Banff & Jasper

Read More About DUMBSKITTY - Profile Information moved here. (Updated December 2)

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    Hi - I just wanted to stop by to let you know I'm cheering for you, and to wish you a happy, successful week!
    emoticon Jennifer
    3945 days ago
    Just looked over all the photoes, great action pictures. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SERVICE.
    Much good luck in your new opportunity.

    Skeeter emoticon
    3980 days ago
    Congrats on your success, keep up the great work! .
    4003 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/14/2010 8:25:11 AM
    is it just me or did your scale budge some since I last talked with ya? Yeah! Thanks for some great exchanges over on the Con/Rep board, you're really fun to talk to. Hope to do more (haven't had much time for extracurriculars, been barely keeping the core weight loss stuff going, but as you know these things go in cycles...) Hope you had a good weekend and are gearing up for a kick-butt week of fitness goal achievement!

    -Jason emoticon
    4009 days ago
    emoticon ABC's of Life

    Although things are not perfect
    Because of trial or pain
    Continue in thanksgiving
    Do not begin to blame
    Even when the times are hard
    Fierce winds are bound to blow
    God is forever able
    Hold on to what you know
    Imagine life without His love
    Joy would cease to be
    Keep thanking Him for all the things
    Love imparts to thee
    Move out of "Camp Complaining"
    No weapon that is known
    On earth can yield the power
    Praise can do alone
    Quit looking at the future
    Redeem the time at hand
    Start every day with worship
    To "thank" is a command
    Until we see Him coming
    Victorious in the sky
    We'll run the race with gratitude
    Xalting God most high
    Yes, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
    Zion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

    4030 days ago
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