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Update October 2010:
Discovered Crossfit and the Paleo diet. I feel renewed and energized. I am embracing this full force, including the philosophy of it all... what am I doing to LOOK/FEEL/PERFORM better?

I still have weight to loose, probably around 40 pounds since I gained some back since the marathon. That is the kind of stuff that gets me down so I am not thinking about it that way.

I started this journey in September 2008 with a goal to lose 100 pounds and to embark on some challenges. I wanted to push myself hard and be the person I always wanted to be. I have in my mind I am a tough, athletic person but in reality I am kind of a wimp. Before September 2008 I never finished anything I started - I wanted to change that.

I started out strong and the first 40 pounds was off in no time. I followed Jillian Michaels to the letter.

Once I gained some confidence I started running and completed several 5K's, 10K's and even 3 half marathons. I completed P90X. I was in heaven. I CAN do this! Pretty soon 85 pounds were gone!

Then I got ahead of myself.... I decided I COULD do anything. I have never had that type of confidence before. I decided to sign up for a real marathon - 26.2 miles. There was NO DOUBT in my mind that I could do it. I did my training. I put in the miles. I did everything right. Race day came... and went. The Myrtle Beach Marathon was canceled due to snow!!!! I was devastated.

I tried to pull it together. My friend that I trained with found another marathon to run in another 6 weeks. We tried to regain the momentum again and get pumped up. I felt my confidence waivering. I couldn't do it. I didn't have it in me to do another 6 weeks of training. I was exhausted. This time I didn't put the miles in and trained half-heartedly. I tried to recover at the end with an epic 20 mile training run by myself. I needed to show myself I could do it. If I could get 20 strong miles in I could complete the marathon.

20 miles in 3 hours and 50 minutes - a huge record for me. I felt great.

Race day came. At mile 11 I started feeling terrible. by mile 13 I felt even worse. At mile 14 I was holding back tears and I prayed for the next water stop. I was not sweating, I had cold chills and was dizzy. I couldn't finish. I was done. 15 miles into 26.2 I stopped.

That was March 28th.

I have been "stopped" ever since. I have tried getting back on track but I have just shut down. It was devastating to me not to have completed the marathon that I trained so hard for. What happened to the girl that was confident and strong? Was it all an act? Had I just fooled myself into thinking that I was fit and strong? All that doubt came back into my head. Is it going to take another year to gain it all back?

I have to start again. I have to go back to the original challenge and focus on the original challenge... I had to lose weight. I gained some weight back over the last few months and I still had some to go anyways. I need to lose 40 pounds and I need to finish THAT challenge.

Back to basics.... working out hard and counting calories. There is nothing else that works. One day at a time....

Member Since: 9/17/2008

Fitness Minutes: 2,637

My Goals:
Get fit and stay fit!

My Program:
Paleo Diet
Crossfit and running

Personal Information:

Other Information:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

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