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Feb 2020 Dieppe New Brunswick

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I'm too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful, and too determined to be defeated.

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Some days she's a warrior. Somedays she's a broken mess. Most days she's a bit of both. But every day she's there. Standing, Fighting, Trying.

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NOMORESTALLING is a SparkPeople Motivator!

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Having a vision of what we want in life is most important in getting what we want, but we also must take action and for me when it comes to taking action the most important to me at this stage of my life, this very present moment, is my health...I CHOOSE LIFE!      
Over the years, earlier years I often found myself desperately fighting to stay alive. Not physically, but emotionally and mentally because I knew I was literally dying inside.
Sometimes I wanted so desperately to let go. I thought it would just be so much easier. I thought I might get some rest; to shut off the many voices that played through my mind 24/7.
To hang onto my sanity during this struggle for my life I remembered something I had heard in one of the many sermons I attended as a young adult. And that was one single phrase that has stayed with me.      
"I choose life. I choose blessings."       
I had a life. Yes, I most certainly had a life; better-described as a mere existence. Parts of this existence I was actually content. Then there were days, weeks, even months of dealing with emotional and mind-bending insecurities. This is when I would dig deep and fight down the negative feelings and forge ahead, scrambling to build up a full head of steam in comparison to that of a locomotive and it wasn't long before life would crowd out the fractious, nettlesome, nagging thoughts and instead became totally focused on the expectations of career and family; my blinders and masks.      
It was the constant telling myself that it was psychological anxiety and a heavy dose of sanctimonious mental attitude, a work-your-ass-off commitment, and a false belief; denial, that could only come from my constant bed partner, my fictitious self that kept me functional through it all. I still had my doubts that I was doing the right thing; that vague uneasiness, that nagging sense that something wasn't quite right. But hey, I was set on making a lot of people proud, and in the end, be proud of myself to boot. This was my promise, my vow, my commitment.    

Making the commitment to change my life and then doing something about it became the most important, most vital steps to create the life I wanted. However, when you have difficulty understanding how capable you are of creating what you want, your own insecurities or doubts can derail you. When you are motivated and determined, however, you can hold yourself to the course you have chosen. You can use the power of positive thinking to propel you forward, as you stay focused on taking the necessary steps. By imagining change weaving into your life successfully, you create a mindset that allows for the results you desire to manifest. Commit yourself to implement change today, and you will find yourself fearlessly creating what you want in life.      
Now 38, I had accomplished everything I'd set out to do. My social life? What social life? What was social life anyway? After years of trying to even have one, I finally gave up on it and didn't care. I grew tired of the users and abusers of my empathy and giving and caring nature. They only came around when they were in need of something; sob sisters. I was tired of listening to the complaints of the negative people in order to feel valued. Tired of my energy being drained, feeling boxed-in, and ill at ease." So my choice, my lifeline of preservation became total detachment. I poured myself into my career and blocked out everything and everyone that was dragging me down.      
I graduated, with the highest honours from my medical college courses at age 28 and then high school at age 31. By then I had a 10-year career in Gerontology and though unnecessary, two other lower status positions elsewhere. Of course, it supplemented the income, but more to the point it kept me physically and mentally engaged and pushing through.      
So why wasn't it feeling right? I'd set my commitments and met them all with success. Something was still haunting me. You know, when there are those times when truth runs faster than fiction? Particularly when I was really tired, to the point of exhaustion, or in those rarest of times when I allowed myself to become very, very still. Those times were the times I most hated because it was then that my private hell rudely and uninvited surfaced to taunt and ridicule me. The commitment itself wasn't what haunted me now, but the rationalization and motive behind it. Sure my fictitious self was pleased overall but my authentic self was nothing more than an empty shell. I was far from being involved in my own life even after all I had accomplished. I felt trapped in it. Where was my passion, hope, optimism and energy? I'd left them behind and became a part of the roles assigned by an insensitive and frequently hurtful world. This had become my concept of self, my life? My life consisted of living to please other people, most intentions were well intended, but not anything beneficial to myself. I was doing what I was doing simply because it was more expected of me. I was also living in a place I did not consciously choose to live. As a matter of fact, it would have been the last place of choice. The only thing about my life that was real was my vocation of choice. I was passionate about my life's main work. Outside of that my authentic self was suffocating. And to add to the jeopardy, my health was deteriorating.      
I suffered from IBS, Arthritis and Asthma. And the stress and anxiety of dealing with all of it only compounded it. I was on so many medications to control my life. Coupled with the nutrient-poor diet and the weakening of the immune system, this witch's cauldron of dependency on medications to feel normal and nutritional deficiencies had been destructive to my health as I've aged It has been what lead to every one of the frequent and chronic illnesses that I have had.      

"Don't compromise yourself You are all you've got." Janis Choplin

Fictitious self, be damned. It was time to start pushing back! My doctor said that if I didn't do something I would be dead in five years!    
Getting out of that life's situation was a top priority, next, to that was getting my mind, body and spirit in sync and my health. Once I knew what I could actually do to start correcting things, which was, for one, a Hysterectomy and balancing hormones with Bio-identical hormones, I was able to radically change my diet to Nutritarian and increased my physical activity! Until then weightloss was non-existent.      
      LOOKOUT WORLD HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!      

Go get yours! Meet YOUR personal enemy toe to toe eye to eye and slay him!      
I am continuing to accomplishing that! Life is a whole new adventure! I've lost 96 so far and still have almost 100 to lose! And if I've got the determination and grit to go through with this.....      
Sure, there's always going to be bumps in the tarmac along the way. But if I remember to set daily goals and if there is one that I don't meet? I won't sweat it! It's NOT failure just a non-accomplishment that can be accomplished another day. I refuse to beat myself up over it either. It's one day at a time. I will never quit quitting.      
Don't lose sight of your finish line because a few people running next to you quit the race. Your success is not connected to their choices. - Beth Jones      
TODAY Is MY tomorrow. It's up to ME to shape it, To TAKE CONTROL and seize EVERY opportunity. The POWER is in the choices I make EVERY day, to live well. I SHAPE ME!

Member Since: 1/3/2008

My Goals:
There are two options regarding commitment - your either IN or your OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between.

A person who wants something will find a way.. A person who doesn't will find an excuse...

My Program:

Personal Information:
APRIL BABY -------------------Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and
sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good
memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer evryone up and/or
make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and
others. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive.

Other Information:
I am a very creative crafty person I love interior decorating, and landscaping I also do oil painting. My favourite authors are Steven King, Robert Ludlum. There is just my DH myself and we have eight cats and three dogs.They are our family

Read More About NOMORESTALLING - Profile Information moved here. (Updated February 17)

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    TODAY Is MY tomorrow. It's up to ME to shape it, To TAKE CONTROL and seize EVERY opportunity. The POWER is in the choices I make EVERY day. I eat well, I live well I SHAPE ME!

    2805 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/16/2021 11:54:39 AM