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Hmmm...I always thought that was such a strange phrase. What does it mean? How did you lose "you"? "You" are right here. get it. Ten years and sixty+ pounds later...I get it.

I have lost myself. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize the person staring back at me. "She" is not "me".

How did this happen? How did I let this happen?

Powerful statement right there..."HOW DID I LET THIS HAPPEN???"

Because I can't blame anybody else.!
~Nobody else made me stop working out.
~I didn't "catch" being fat from somebody else, like the common cold.
~Nobody else made me over eat. Lots of lunch and dinner invites, but I chose what I ate and how much.
~Nobody else made excuses for "why"...

I did this to myself. I got lazy... or complacent, and I stopped working out. I surrounded myself with people that would rather go out and eat, than go to the gym. I ate too indulgently, too often, and too much. And then I tried to make myself feel better by making excuses. It has been a tough year, or it's too hot, or it's too cold, or my head hurts, or my leg hurts, or my arm hurts.....or...ENOUGH!

No more excuses! No more reasons why!

If I want change, then I have to make the change...myself! Because...
~Somebody can't do it for me.
~Somebody else is not responsible for MY decisions, and therefore, not responsible for the blame, when it all goes wrong.
~Somebody else is not going to tell me that it is okay to lay on the couch, and watch bad tv, just because I don't feel like getting dressed.
~Somebody else is not sitting here 60 pounds overweight, desperately searching for the person that they USED to be.

Today...I set off on a new "journey" of finding me. The "me" buried under 60 pounds of excess body fat, and poor choices, and a pathetic "I don't care" attitude.

So ready or not "me" "I" come....

UPDATED 6/20/17~
I am back! I had some success, lost 25 pounds, and thought I had a handle on life, only to find myself slipping back into old habits. I have kept the 25 pounds off, but I need to do so much more.

I recently lost my father to the ravages of diabetes and heart disease, and have vowed over and over to NOT let myself become sick, and end up in the condition my father was in. I am managing my own diabetes, with good numbers, but I can do better.

This battle, and it is just that... a battle! to maintain and make better choices is fought every single day. I have thrown myself into the world of diabetes management, researching, and finding what works best for me. But in all my studies and research, I have learned that nobody should go into battle alone. There is strength in numbers. There is a much needed "brotherhood" of encouragement, support, motivation, and strength to be found here on Sparkpeople. This community has been my missing link since I left, and I am happy and relieved to find my way back to my "tribe".

UPDATED 12/1/2018

As soon as I wrote that last update, life became complicated. My mother, who had COPD and Congestive Heart Failure, decided to give up after losing my father. I was trying to take care of her when she didn't want to be taken care of. I was trying to "save" her, and in the process, lost myself once again. She recently passed, and I have almost settled her affairs. It is such an...odd feeling. To empty my childhood home. Snippets of a life that I didn't really "see"...old letters, photographs, souveniers ...things that belonged to people that I honestly don't remember my parents being. Young, and healthy. Adventurous and happy.

It makes me wonder. What will my son remember of me? Will he remember me as happy and care-free? Loving life and living life? I just know that I never want to be a burden to him in the future for bad choices that I have made in the past, and present. I want to be healthy, independent, and truly live life. It is never too late to do better!

Member Since: 6/12/2010

Fitness Minutes: 9,879

My Goals:
Goal weight: 150 (and then I will decide if I am happy with that or lose another 10).

My goal for the winter challenge is to be under 200 pounds. I am so close right now. Holding between 214-215, and need to make some tweaks to start moving down steadily again. In order to do this I will:
-Log all my nutrition
-Log all my fitness
-Drink a MINIMUM of 8 glasses a water EVERY! day
-Full participation in all challenges during this winter round.

I will use the weekly weigh-ins to keep me accountable and monitor my progress. 15 pounds over 12 weeks is 1.25 pounds a week. I was averaging about a pound a week before the holidays.

I buried my mother this past year due and her weight was a major contributor to her poor health. I promised myself that I would make and take the necessary steps to get my weight off and keep it off. I do not want to be a burden to my family, and I want to be healthy and active and live life!

My Program:
Gym 4-5 X a week
Swimming 1-2 X a week
Walking 1-2 miles a day

Personal Information:
I have been happily married for 35 years. We have an 18 year old son .

Other Information:
I am a lifelong vegetarian, and I love to cook. I like to create new recipes. So my new "hobby" is creating healthier recipes, not only for me, but for my family as well. I want my son to grow up healthy and fit.

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