Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I love my family...but I really cannot wait for the day when I can afford to live on my own...away from their constant influence. Until then, I have some struggles with living at home. I don't like to talk about it too much with them...but they make it much easier to be fat.
I'm noticing more resentment and negativity towards my new lifestyle. Everyone else at my house is not as concerned with weight loss.
My dad often makes sarcastic jokes and often has M&M's and snack cakes for dessert. Mom comes home with fast food on an almost nightly basis. My older younger sister just plain over-eats. My youngest sis brings home bad food several times per week. And my brother...he's a night-eater. I love them...but I feel so alone with my new lifestyle. I don't do any of that...not to excess, at least.
My youngest sister said she would try to lose weight after the holidays...and its almost May. I was hoping to have someone to exercise regularly with. She says she wants to lose weight. However, I've asked her numerous times if she would like to take a walk with me and to do other activities. She has the time, but is just too lazy. It makes me angry. Oh well. That's how I used to be. Too lazy to exercise...and always dreading even going up and down a flight of stairs. I guess she still needs more time.
She also gets angry at me for being upset about being around bad foods all of the time. The rest of my family has fast food 2-3 times per week and sometimes more than that. No wonder it was so easy for me to gain weight. I used to outweigh her by 40 pounds or so. Now I weigh less than her. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just reminding her of how bad she is eating...and its uncomfortable so she lashes out at me. Its hurtful...but its understandable.
I tend to get upset when I've had a hard day and I know that its going to be tough to say NO to bad food...and its right there on the kitchen table. And someone else has bought snack cakes and left them in the living room. I am surrounded on all sides by terrible foods.
On the flip side...the weekly grocery list for our house tends to include foods that I like and are healthy...in moderation, of course. I do a lot of measuring of my foods.
I just feel like I'm getting mixed messages from my family. Its like they are saying "Good job", but they are also saying "We don't care how hard it is for you...we are going to flood you with tempting foods".
Actually, I'm very sure that they have no idea how difficult it can be to lose a lot of weight. Or how lonely it can be when everyone else is eating pizza (my weakness) a few times a week...and I have to hunt for something else to eat.
I'll keep pressing on, though. I'll exercise 5 days a week, keep my calories in my range, drink my water, and keep searching for new and fun ways to stay active. No one's going to stop me from losing all of my weight. I will fight hard to keep this up.
Oh yes...my sister got an MRI today to check to see if something caused her to black out. I haven't asked what the results were, yet. I'm doing okay considering that it was a very rough day. I'm focusing on being thankful that she's here. She really did cheat death as far as I'm concerned.