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don't care

Friday, May 09, 2008

So I am struggling with caring at all about what I eat and weight loss. I'm up to about 215 again which is the heaviest I have ever been. I know how to diet I know how to exercise. I Just don't care enough to be motivated I have been struggling with this for some time now and Just not getting any where. I have talked with my therapist and as near as I can figure out I feel controlled by trying to loose weight so I rebel by not dieting. I know this is juvenile and please don't tell me to just get over it, but I don't know how to get through the mental block that is holding me back. I try to talk it up and focus on the positive reasons to lose weight, such as better health, less fertility problem, longer life , feeling better on a regular basis. I know I'm scared of losing weight, and I can try to guess at why but I know I over think things to much (my therapist says I challenge her because I'm so complex) So how do I get to the root of this, how do I want to make this a priority in my life. I just turned 29 and I know it is just going to get older as I age. I don't have kids, but I have a high stress job and I will be starting grad school in the fall as well as working full time still. I know I have to care in there somewhere otherwise I wouldn't keep trying. It just seems like the ratio is 99% not caring to 1% caring and the not caring is winning. Help ! I don't want to be fat any more but I cant convince my self that I can be anything else!
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    I was like you just a few short months ago. I have been on the diet roller coaster for years. Then last fall, after trying Weight Watchers and failing, I just gave up. I felt like I was never going to win. I didn't like the way my skin sagged when I lost weight, I didn't feel like anyone was rooting for me and I wasn't about to give up my favorite pastime-eating my favorite greasy salty food! Every New Years I would make the resolution to lose weight, but this year I didn't. I just didn't care anymore. Then in early February my sister said that our town (I live in a very small town) was opening a new gym in March and how we (my Mom, her, and I) should all join. I told them to go on and be healthy without me. I just didn't think that another diet was going to work. I have tried so many times in the past and I was just sick of failing. Then about a week before the gym opened my sister mentioned that the gym was offering unlimited tanning at $10 a month. I joined the gym for just that reason, crazy-I know. I figured my fat would look better tan than white, lol. Then reality sat in and I figured if I am already at the gym-I might as well work out. Then because I was exercising, I didn't want to waste all of my physical effort just to put bad food in my mouth and so it was like a domino effect and now here I am almost 3 months later and 42 pounds lighter. I think what has helped me the most in staying motivated is having my Mom and my sister going to the gym with me and we all watch our calories. I think being accountable to other people including yourself really helps. So my suggestion to you is to find what that certain something is going to be to get you at least down to the gym. Exercising is great motivator to remind you to eat healthier. I read in a fitness mag that this one lady won't let herself watch her favorite shows if she has not exercised. A workout buddy is great too because then you can both be motivating the other, especially on those days when you just give up. Also, think about how you can reward yourself for every weight loss goal you achieve. I know for me, it sure has been nice to buy smaller clothes! Keep your chin up!
    4824 days ago
    I can understand where you are coming from. Perhaps, you can change the way you are thinking. For example, whenever I hear the word "diet", I cringe. Losing weight isn't just going on a "diet". In my opinion, "diets" are only temporary fixes. The term I am using (and trust me, it is difficult at times), is "life change". You're doing this to be a more healthy person. And trust me, you CAN do it. Try changing small things at first. Then gradually add to it. You'll find that you'll eventually get used to the changes, and they won't be changes anymore, they will just become part of your life style. You owe this to yourself, and you CAN do it. I wish you all the best. You know you have a support system here, so whenever you need a boost, let us/me know!
    4824 days ago
    Hey if you want you should come to some of the play or walking groups. It would be a great way to get out and meet some other people who are working towards the same goals.
    4824 days ago
  • STARS11973
    First, I want to congratulate you on how far that you come already. You know that you simply don't care, and that is the first step. You are right no one can tell you to start caring, only you can do that. Part of my not caring, and not losing weight was due to years of abuse. My thinking was if I eat no one would find me attractive, and the abuse would stop, but it didn't. What it did do was separate me from my body, and now I do not know who I am. It was only when the guy that I loved walked in to my life, and now I am taking a look at my life, and what I have done. I did not want anyone else abusing me, and yet I was abusing myself, weird how that happens. You do not realize it until the day it hits you like a tone of bricks. Overeating is like a drug, and it is only when you, and only you can say, enough... I am tired of feeling this way, I am tired of being ill all the time, or unable to get out and enjoy life because I can barely move, and I hate how I look when I see myself naked in a mirror.

    Part of my reasons for wanting to do that is to regain a sexy figure for the man I love, and it is not me he does not love, it is how I have allowed abuse on my body, and had the I do not care attitude.

    I hope that you can figure out why you are afraid of losing weight, and get the motivation to do this. Contact me anytime.
    4824 days ago
    I dont know that there is a secret formula to caring. I think that when enough is enough you decide to do something different. I am sure that you care, I guess I would say to you, head knowledge is different than heart awareness. You could just fake it til you make it. I also rebel sometimes at the thought of dieting, I too am tired of being over weight;
    i too know what to do, and somehow don't always choose to do it. But when I do, I feel better, I sleep better, I feel more energized! so why don't I do it all the time? because it takes more effort than I want to put out sometimes. That is the truth. it is not really apathy, or laziness I keep saying to myself, just lack of energy, or time. So I have started doing things in 15 minute at a time incriments. I can handle that, I cut back on soda, and drink water with lemon or crystal light, I eat less junk, I log in the food tracker, these are little things that have helped me lose 20 pounds so far. So now I want to do a little more.
    I Perhaps this will work for you! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...you CAN do this. When you are ready, it will work!
    Skinnynanny emoticon
    4824 days ago
    I feel the exact same way right now. I did so well even just a few months ago, but I'm starting to gain again. I don't know what to tell you- Have you tried bribing yourself? Even if you hit a small goal (like, I'll walk for 10 min every other day for a week. If I do that I get ___). I don't know if that'll help, but it's what I'm going to start doing. I know how you feel and it sucks, but you can't just snap your fingers and care. Hang in there and maybe we can get through this withough gaining too much :-) emoticon
    4824 days ago
  • SEEKER3423
    You sound just like me most of the time. Except for the therapy part, I am afraid they would lock me up if I went! I need one though it would definately help in a lot of areas. I have found that making myself get up and doing things helps. I hate to go to places that are public where I feel like I will be judged, volunteering at the kids school, husbands company picnics, family reunions, etc.. after I get there I feel better. So when I get to where I don't care about doing something or going somewhere anymore I just tell myself if I do it long enough I will start to care. I know like you, deep down I care but telling myself I don't makes it easier not to do it. I think I am subconciously afraid of failing. I have always been good at what I do and everyone in my family looks up to me and mimics me so I feel pressure to not do anything if I may not succeed. Weird I know, told you I had issues. I doubt this will help I don't know how I get out of bed everyday. Sometimes that is even hard. I would rather sleep and be oblivious to everything.
    Sorry I am kinda known for writing a book when a few words are all that is needed. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your struggle. I hope you find the key in yourself. And when you do let me know where it is! Have a blessed day!
    4824 days ago
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