Friday, May 09, 2008
So I am struggling with caring at all about what I eat and weight loss. I'm up to about 215 again which is the heaviest I have ever been. I know how to diet I know how to exercise. I Just don't care enough to be motivated I have been struggling with this for some time now and Just not getting any where. I have talked with my therapist and as near as I can figure out I feel controlled by trying to loose weight so I rebel by not dieting. I know this is juvenile and please don't tell me to just get over it, but I don't know how to get through the mental block that is holding me back. I try to talk it up and focus on the positive reasons to lose weight, such as better health, less fertility problem, longer life , feeling better on a regular basis. I know I'm scared of losing weight, and I can try to guess at why but I know I over think things to much (my therapist says I challenge her because I'm so complex) So how do I get to the root of this, how do I want to make this a priority in my life. I just turned 29 and I know it is just going to get older as I age. I don't have kids, but I have a high stress job and I will be starting grad school in the fall as well as working full time still. I know I have to care in there somewhere otherwise I wouldn't keep trying. It just seems like the ratio is 99% not caring to 1% caring and the not caring is winning. Help ! I don't want to be fat any more but I cant convince my self that I can be anything else!