Monday, May 26, 2008
Let me start by setting the mood. Imagine a beached whale that is struggling to find there way back to what the normality is. Now imagine a mom of a 3 year old, working full time graveyard shift as a nurse and a wife to a crazy and not so supportive husband of four years (you know the one that buys the cookies and the ice cream and of course the fat girls delight strawberry cheesecake with chocolate swirls-my mouth is watering just thinking about it.). You may be wondering what this has to do with anything, but it has so much in common. The beached whale is what I feel like. It may sound a little dramatic, but in all actuality, I am struggling to get to my "normality"-whatever that may be. I am 249 lbs.-yes I GAINED 3 lbs since starting this site and I feel as though my entire self esteem is drowning with every bite of food that I take. SIGH......... Now I want to sit in front of the TV and eat that entire cheescake that I was just talking about. Why is it that you know that your fat and when you think about how fat you are, you just want to eat more?! Hopefully I'm not the only one that feels that way. I think about when I go out to the grocery store or out to eat and people look at me and say "well I'm not surprised that you got that." Maybe they finish that statement by a laugh or maybe they just don't think and say the statement out loud. Would it be a crime to oh, I don't know, punch a skinny girl in the face when she is looking at you with that disgusted look that they give you when you are shopping? Not that I really would do that, however, I can imagine the crowd of fat girls standing in ovation to the TKO of a size -500 girl . I'm smiling just thinking about doing the Rocky dance- you know the one where he is jumping up and down with his fists raised in ultimate glory and satisfaction- as I fulfill the ultimate safisfaction of wiping just one little smirk off of there face. Don't get me wrong, I don't codone violence and I would never do it, but let me have my fantasy. Well I guess I won't eat my cheesecake. Thanks for letting me ramble, and until next time PEACE!