Learning my Lessons.....well???
Friday, June 06, 2008
Update on the biopsy for my daughter - I think it acted like a benign cyst rather than malignant....and I am hoping for that...but we will know when the biopsy comes back. If it's benign, the surgery is scheduled for June 23rd to remove it.
My hips and knees still hurt....but I am NOT completely invalid. I can walk up and down the steps - though in pain. I can walk with crutches - to keep me from falling - and to aide my legs with my arms.
What Lessons am I learning?(Thinking about a song from Godspell here...Learn your lessons well).
Patience. Kinda makes sense....I can't go any faster than I can go....so I might as well be patient about it!
Humility. Hi, my name is Christi, and I'm a fitness snob. I turned my nose up at walking programs that started with 10, 5, and yes, even 2 1/2 minutes of walking. I pushed myself....and I have problems....but I'm NOT going to go down to 10 minutes a day! Um, well - yes I am - and that's where the Lord and my body have me right now...and - it's all I've got. I'm ashamed of my snobbery - my arrogance - my pride. Now - I never looked at anyone else badly - I just looked at myself badly if I were to only walk 10 minutes. I looked at myself as a slacker - a wimp. And even now, today, as I walked 9.5 minutes...and my hips hurt and my knees hurt, and my arms hurt from the crutches....I had negative voices in my head saying I was doing this for show (What??? the slowest crutch olympics?). I'm learning that negative voices in your head don't necessarily have to make sense to have an impact!
Peace with myself. With eating. With exercise. With projects.
I am what I am (thanks Popeye!) and I can't make myself anything else. I believe that my creator God could change things if He so chose, but, I also believe that HE has a plan for me - and I need to embrace that plan. Not just yield to it! If God does not demand perfection to love me, then neither should I. If God loves me just the way I am, then so should I. And if God is willing to work with me with all my faults, all my weaknesses, and all my blunders....so should I. If my God - the God of the universe - the omniscient, omnipresent, omnipowerful God I believe Him to be is ok with me just the way I am - who am I to argue? And really - I can't do anything to help myself move forward until I totally accept where I am now - and be at peace. And if I am at peace, I can learn to change any disabilities into different abilities...it's all about my heart!
Weeding my soul garden. I have slowed down on all my steps to health...to think them through, to evaluate every nuance and to weed out every thread of bad stuff. Weeding takes time, or you don't get deep enough. Weeding takes focused attention, or you don't get them all. Weeding takes a careful touch because you can damage the good plants. Of course, Dear Jesus taught us that in the parables in Matthew 13.
Priorities. When every ounce of energy is needed to perform an action...what actions have priority? Well - one that does is going to the bathroom! I know that sounds weird - but I'd rather be able to get to the bathroom than a bag of chips! And I'd rather be able to move safely around my home than have a designer furniture layout. AND I'd rather be safe walking with crutches or riding in a wheel chair than look like a SJP wanna be.
Friends. I have friends that love me, and pray for me, and care for me no matter what level of ability I am....and that is precious.
So - nothing in life is wasted, unless you choose to throw it away. Everyday things happen in our lives that we can reduce, reuse or recycle into making ourselves better people and helping others. We can reduce our stress, reuse our stories and lessons to help others in their stress, and we can recycle the lessons so that we don't have to start from the beginning every time. So - don't throw away your life by refusing to learn your lessons well....and have a blessed day.
In His hands and under His wings,