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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Ok - so I was happy that my knee was ok....and I felt validated that the doc acknowledges the FMS Dx......but now, I feel like I'm in the dark again.

FMS can attack my joints?????
And just a year ago, I went to a doc and said - Ok - FMS symptoms started possibly after I had the hysterectomy in 1989 - or did it happen after the fall and paralysis in the Navy in 1978 - and I listed these symptoms;
Pain, fatigue, headaches, intestinal issues, GI issues, Chest pain non heart related - though multiple ER visits, Low Basal Temp, Depression, Heat & Cold sensitivity, sleep issues, swelling and stiffness. Now diabetic 2, and osteopenia.

Now - the PTSD and DID don't help matters.... but I keep being treated for them....and I'm not sure I'm getting the treatment I really need. What if the sleep issues are FMS - and I'm really not having such a difficult time with the PTSD now? Every suicide attempt was in direct relation to emotional exhaustion from working extra hours, medicine issues(schedule off), and lack of sleep and regular diet.
I am on 'non therapeutic' levels of all my meds....because I am so sensitive to them - I've had multiple H.Pylori treatments, and am having to take stomach meds constantly now - I get rebound headaches from any pain med for any length of time.....is this FMS???

I have been in menopause since I was 30 - and even some of the symptoms could be attributed to that, but it was going on before...the hip pain, the knee pain....the exhaustion when I was carrying the babies and after they were born.

Now there is something going on with my lower leg....has been for two years...and I can't find the doc that will work with that section of the leg!!! Swelling, pain, burning, everything on my is sensitive to touch - period. Except maybe my nose.

Now, I hear that the mental fog I've been worried about, may be the FMS...and I just thought it was me losing my mind with the PTSD and DID stuff - or worse....

I have been fighting finding docs that will listen to me for years....and now - I find that I may need to adjust my focus....on a misunderstood and under acknowledged and often dismissed disorder.

What is the constant?
God.
God is God.
God is my God.
God created me.
God could change me if He wanted to.
God loved me, loves me, and will always love me.
God will never leave me nor forsake me, even when I feel alone.
Jesus.
Jesus is God
Jesus is God's Son.
Jesus gave His life for me.
Jesus loved me from the cross before I was born.
Jesus intercedes for me daily before the throne of God.
Jesus advocates for me, and by His stripes I was healed.
I am.
I believe.
I struggle to trust.
I owe my life to Jesus Christ.
I choose that though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.
I choose to worship between life and death, until the throne.
Because I am, and because HE is, I will be what HE ordained me to be.

The hard part is the journey....
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, he leadeth me beside still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness.
Yea though I walk through the valley of death, thou art with me.
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table for me in the presence of mine enemies.
Thou anointest my head with oil.
My cup over floweth.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Amen.

In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LODRIGUE35
    Wow my mom has had a knee replacement a year ago. I know how you feel. My mom has alot of pain and the Med's don't help. They think she might have to do the other knee. She is a strong christian woman. I don't know how she would make it without the help of the lord and her many prayers. She has suffered for along time. But she still keep on going. She stay up nites mostly and sleep till mid morning with the pain. It's bad on rainy days with limited movement in her legs.
    4786 days ago
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