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Match.com and other shenannigans

Monday, August 04, 2008

A couple of weeks ago I was at home on a Saturday, bored, and fiddling around on my computer when for some reason the tagline from the match.com commercials ran through my head--"just see who's out there" or something like that. So I went and set up a free profile and didn't think much about it. But then I started getting emails with guys they "recommended". Some of them were cute but I just let it be. But this Saturday I started looking around the site more and it seemed really cool. I got a couple of "winks" from guys that I returned...but then it says somebody emailed me..but I'd have to sign up for the site (i.e. pay $$) to see what it said. I gave in and signed up for 3 months. I started talking to a couple of guys who see really nice. I don't have high expectations but I feel good about it. I'm glad I signed up.

My problem, like so many others on here, is that I have very low self-confidence and that makes it hard to get conversation started. I'm not somebody who feels comfortable going up to any guy in a bar and beginning a conversation. Honestly, once I warm up I'm fine. I have a decent personality and do well in relationships--it's just that first step that's so hard for me. That's why I'm hoping the site will help.

I had a horrible week last week, the worst since the beginning of the summer. I didn't watch what I ate at all but rather consciously binged. I'm talking like entire pints of ice cream almost every day. It's sick. Luckily though, the only flavors of B&J that we have left in the freezer are one's that don't interest me so I won't be tempted. Ice cream is my kryptonite and I think I've finally gotten through to my mom expressing that fact. But even without the ice cream it was pure junkfood. I gained 3.5lbs which is a lot a lot. I'm thinking a lot of it might be water weight since I was eating so poorly. This week I decided I'm doing a carb deplete that will hopefully get be back in control.

I'm nervous about going down to school because it's so much harder to control what I eat. I get meals at the sorority house and I obviously don't get to choose what's for dinner. I just need to be mindful. One good thing is that I won't have late night anymore, which means no temptation of getting pints of hagan daas, chips, pizza, fries, burgers, etc. If I want food like that I'll have to actually pay for it and I'm cheap so...yeah haha.

I felt last week like I was drowning because my eating was so out of control and I wasn't exercising. I've realized that my eating is what has to be addressed because I really don't mind working out. My biggest problem has always been food. So that's what I'm going to primarily focus on. Of course, I have my fitness goals, etc but those can't be the only goals I have. This crazy bingeing needs to stop. I don't want to be fat for the rest of my life. I want to be able to put "curvy" or "athletic and toned" on my match.com profile instead of "a few extra pounds". I need to let myself succeed because there's nobody holding me back but me.

Speaking of holding back, I've decided not to run the half-marathon in September, but to put it off for another 6 months or so, the reason being that I'm simply not ready to run 13.1 miles, and I know I won't be ready in a month. I kind of like running and I don't want to hate it by trying to achieve something I know I'm not physically ready for. Putting it off doesn't meant it'll never happen, just that it won't happen as soon as I'd like.

I will run a half-marathon and a marthon in the next year (or year and a half because the chicago marathon is usually in october haha).

This entry is all over the place and I aplogize. Sheesh!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Don't feel gross! Just put the B&J down and go to the gym... you'll feel better once you're there. I know it's hard...it's like a addiction and we just need to talk to ourselves a lot and keep reminding ourselves what we really want. Reward yourself for the good things to work on that self-love.

    Hopefully match.com will maybe boost that confidence a little? I understand the hating making the first move thing...ugh...I can't either even though I feel like a really confident, outgoing person it all goes out the door when I'm talking to a guy I like.

    It's probably better to put the half-marathon off for now, keep training though! Is there a 5k or 10k coming up? Maybe work towards one of those to keep the training coming. :) Best wishes!
    4740 days ago
    Hey.. so we are the same person. thought we should know.

    ive always been curious about match.com and those websites.. i did a free profile thing on not match, but another one, and they told me that I had no matches.. soo.. that was encouraging.

    i think its a good plan to wait on the half marathon.. i did one last summer and it was tough tough tough.. and i thought i train a LOT. but.. clearly not enough.. so i think you've made a good choice.

    ive had a really bad week too.. conscious binge eating might be THE WORST thing in the whole world. seriously. the worst. i went to see the dark knight last night and got two HUGE things of candy from the grocery store and .. i feel so gross.. grr..

    im not sure how we can fix this, but you're not the only one feeling this way. just fyi.

    also. i wrote this kind of half paying attention.. so..sorry, lol
    4740 days ago
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