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The End of living in Denial

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Well, I am doing a challenge in one of my teams and I have to send in my measurements to compare them from when I first began. I had them taken and I was weighed (secretly, of course, I turn my back to the scale and only my Curves lady knows what I weigh - I pay her to keep quiet. She just tells me how many lbs I have lost.) Anyway, I forgot to get the numbers from her, so I called today to get them and she was not in. I had another lady pull my measurements and I told her firmly, "measurements ONLY" - at the end she told me my weight and I said I wasn't supposed to know that and she said, oh well - sorry. She has no idea how much knowing those 3 little numbers ( or BIG numbers) has affected me. I KNOW that it is good that I know - I can't live in denial any longer - now I know the task at hand.

So now I sit here between motivated and completely distraught and trying not to cry (it's not working). I had lost 10 lbs and was THRILLED to find out I had only put back on 3 when I was out of town for almost 3 weeks on vacation - I was so afraid it had been more. So I started working out again when I got back into town, trying to whittle away some more of this weight. Now, the task seems so monumental and daunting - that I am devastated - how did I let myself get here - what happened to me? I know it can be fixed but it is going to take so long. Help I am depressed! I am determined to beat this - but I am soooo sad right now.

(1 hour later - the swelling on my eyes has gone down, so I can now continue writing)

Now I have to get a game plan together. I was so good when I started and stayed "on plan" for the most part. I continued to work out but got burned out after 2 months so I cut working out from 2 hrs/ 6 days a week down to 45 min/ 5 days a week - but I still kept going, now I realize that's just not going to do it for me. I am going back to my old trusty white board and writing everything down and what my game plan is for the month. I have some favorite quotes and the best is: If you always do what you've always done - you'll always be what you always been. I haven't always been like this -not at all - but I don't want to be this way for the rest of my life.

I am over the crying and I am ready to pick myself up and move on. My weight is now out in the open and I can no longer hide from the number - I need to remember it doesn't make me who I am - but unfortunately I have let it dictate who I have become. But no more - I am created in the image of Christ and I need to be a good steward of what He has given me.

I will now sit here for the next couple of hours and get my act together. I will get my journal out, go through my workouts and start writing down my plan for the rest of the year. I have always been successful in everything that I have done - so why is this so hard? I now realize I need to change my attitude - change my attitude and I'll change my world! I now have a plan and I will be successful!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am glad you came to my page and hit me with that wet noodle. It got me up and working out. You know what, I do feel better.

    !!!!!!!!!! emoticon
    4578 days ago
    Why don't you go work out now and then you can work on your plan after that. You will have more energy, your brain will be clearer and the feeling of accomplishment will help you get your plan together.

    I just said to you what I have been saying to myself all morning and I am still sitting here. So get your wet noodle out and give me a couple of swats because we both know it is true and yet we aren't just "doing it".

    Shame on us! I'll get up if you do BUT you go first. lol
    4578 days ago
    I know you can do it!! Don't let a number define you, you are a very strong, dedicated woman who is on the right track. emoticon
    4613 days ago
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