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The Hardest Obstacle I've ever had to Overcome

Saturday, June 27, 2009

June 27,2009
I never thought I would be a widow at 56.It is still a nightmare to me.George and I had so many plans,especially this summer with our new Grandbaby Ava Rose.Even when he got diaganosed with this brain cancer we were told he had 6-8months.So we figured this summer after radiation and chemo we would do it all.We wanted to picnic,spend all the time we could with Ava Rose,and just chill all summer with each other.We wanted to touch base with friends we haven't seen in some time and visit relatives we also hadn't seen in awhile.None of this happened.It was over in 10 weeks.
Now I am doing it alone.I was always a routine person,so routine has helped some.
So...I dealt early in life with Muscular Dystrophy.I always went beyond the expected limits of my disease.I had two babies that I could barely lift & carry.Manage, we found a way together.I fed,he walked and burped.I changed diapers,he bathed them.We worked as a team.
When they left home,we shopped together,he cleaned,I gave instructions.
Then I made the lists and he shopped alone.He still did the household chores and I kept Barney out of his way.
I sorted the laundry he washed and dryed.I folded,he put away.

Now it is just me.I need to wait for someone to vist and ask "can you bring my laundry basket out to the washer?"
I wash and dry and fold and wait for the next visitor to carry the basket in for me.
Neighbors bring in my mail.
I am learning to accept everyones help.UnfortunatelyI have no choice.
It took me 8 months to lose 12 lbs.These last 3 months have been hard to stay devoted to SP.I finally weighed myself this Monday,knowing I had probably lost and gained.The news was not as bad as I thought.I had only gained 3 lbs.
So now I need to get back on track ,but doing it alone is going to be so hard.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MARGOLIS
    I'm sorry for your loss.
    4394 days ago
  • DISTAN
    Merrill'

    My heart goes out to you.Sorry about your loss.

    Diane
    4397 days ago
  • GMN5153
    I can't even begin to know how difficult this is for you.Just remember your Spark friends are here for support..so..hollar if you need to..You are an amazing woman..a true inspiration ... emoticon
    4410 days ago
  • WALKERTXKITTY
    I am very, very sorry for your loss. I wish I could say I can only imagine the pain you're going through, but unfortunately I have to deal with it myself as I prepare my husband for a life without ME.

    Try to look at the help as a blessing; people wouldn't offer it if they didn't have it to give and didn't value you in their lives. Find little ways to express that gratitude and keep living.

    Above all, keep those dreams and make them reality where you can. My husband and I have talked about it, I know yours wouldn't have wanted you to waste the opportunity.

    You're never really alone, I'm sure he's looking down on you from above and cheering you on.
    4412 days ago
  • ADAMST3
    Merrill,
    Come to Arkansas...I have a spare bedroom...We'll chill. I'm more of the fly by the seat of my pants...you're organized. Yeah...it could work.

    I love you, my precious friend,
    T.
    4415 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/4/2009 9:52:57 AM
  • no profile photo CD3375540
    So sorry Merrill. I am sure it is difficult in more ways that one. I wish I had words to say to make you feel better. Sending you my thoughts and prayers! ~Mary

    4419 days ago
  • SHERRY666
    Oh Merrill........ I know what your going through..... I wish I could be there to help....... you are lucky to have such good neighbors........ and family...... But still I know it's not your DH who is still there....... helping..... being by your side...... and just knowing you were not alone then........ There is a lot of things that are going to be different for you...... But I know you will make it through this....... just like you've made it in every other way...... I am here for you any time......Keep your head up.......hang in there..... I know you will have success in everything you do....... Thinking about you always.... emoticon emoticon
    4420 days ago
  • JILLYBEAN12
    Merrill, I can only imagine how difficult a time this is for you..... You and George were partners in the truest sense of the word. Amazing how you were able to work out ways to raise and care for 2 children and taking care of a home.... I'm so sorry your time with him was so very short. YOu had wonderful plans. I'm sure that beautiful little Ava Rose is a comfort and a joy.... Know that I continue to keep you in my prayers. You are an inspiration.... emoticon Lisa
    4421 days ago
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