I came a crossed the article “9 Hidden Reasons to Stay Motivated” www.sparkpeople.com/res
in one of my e-mails and it really got me thinking about what exactly motivates me.
When I started this chapter of my life back in March, it was because I was tired, just fed up with not being able to breathe, not being able to walk long distances anymore and fear. Granted I had been fed up for years and tried dieting time after time, but it wasn’t enough because I never stuck with it.
The fear was the biggest part, I think.
Fear because females in my family tend to develop major health problems early. My own mother started having heart attacks in her mid-thirties even. Last November I was rushed to the hospital with chest pain. Luckily it wasn’t a heart attack. Still, after several specialists and tests, in March diagnoses started coming down…. Stage 4 hypertension, Sleep Apnea, Pre Diabetic and gall stones - all on top of my existing conditions – Adult ADHD, fibromyalgia, inner ear problems, and depression.
Compared to what I already had, the new diagnoses scare the crap out of me…. I was headed right down the same road as my mother and every female on her side of the family, but I was in the very beginning stages. The same stuff I had told everyone all my life that would never happen to me was happening to me…..
Every doctor handing out a diagnosis said about the same thing – I could turn it around if I quit smoking and lost the weight. So March 15th I quit smoking and after finding this site, started changing my lifestyle.
Now it’s July 13th, and I’ve gone from 286 to 247.4 – and I am trying to figure out what is motivating me to stick with it this time. A few things come to mind, such as a great support group (all of you here on Sparks mainly), my health is already improving (the doc has cut my blood pressure meds in half!), and in general I feel better (I’m not including my feet in that – see my foot doc post for more info on that). Still, fear returns as a big reason for me sticking with this.
It’s not the same fear that got me started. Instead, every time I think of how nice it would be to eat everything again and in the portions I used to eat them and just get super stuffed, I think about my past history from before March.
Years ago, I cried when I ended up over 200lbs, but then I got over it and ignored it, by time I was around 250lbs, I figured I needed to start doing something, and a started dieting. However, I couldn't stick with it. I would lose 5 pounds really fast, get bored, be really hungry, give up, and start eating again. Then I would gain it back two fold - instead of just the 5 pounds I'd gain 10 pounds really quick. This happened multiple times.
Now here I am almost 4 months into making lifestyle changes and I’ve lost 38.6 pounds (According to my math, but Sparks math says something different- when I thought I lost 30lbs it said only 24lbs…..); so if I stop now I’m in big trouble!
If I was to quit now and gain it back two fold, I would end up weighing close to 330lbs. There is no way I'm giving up now..... I can't afford smaller clothes as it is, and larger ones cost even more! Plus, I don't want to weight that much, not with all my health problems, I am just getting under control with losing weight.
Yes, fear is my motivation, not confidence, not positive self talk, or any other things – just fear.
I would love to have some of this other positive stuff as my motivation, but for some reason, I don’t have it at this moment. I know I’ve accomplished a lot over these four months, but it doesn’t feel like much right now. I keep waiting for the shoe to fall per say…. I’ve always failed in the past, I’m still craving cigarettes (especially the past 2 weeks since I’ve stopped taking Chantix) and soda and other stuff that I should only have once in a while and in moderation.
Maybe as long as I stay scared, I won’t go overboard…..
What are everyone else’s motivations?