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I'm motivated by Fear…. What’s yours?

Monday, July 13, 2009

I came a crossed the article “9 Hidden Reasons to Stay Motivated” www.sparkpeople.com/res
in one of my e-mails and it really got me thinking about what exactly motivates me.

When I started this chapter of my life back in March, it was because I was tired, just fed up with not being able to breathe, not being able to walk long distances anymore and fear. Granted I had been fed up for years and tried dieting time after time, but it wasn’t enough because I never stuck with it.

The fear was the biggest part, I think.

Fear because females in my family tend to develop major health problems early. My own mother started having heart attacks in her mid-thirties even. Last November I was rushed to the hospital with chest pain. Luckily it wasn’t a heart attack. Still, after several specialists and tests, in March diagnoses started coming down…. Stage 4 hypertension, Sleep Apnea, Pre Diabetic and gall stones - all on top of my existing conditions – Adult ADHD, fibromyalgia, inner ear problems, and depression.

Compared to what I already had, the new diagnoses scare the crap out of me…. I was headed right down the same road as my mother and every female on her side of the family, but I was in the very beginning stages. The same stuff I had told everyone all my life that would never happen to me was happening to me…..

Every doctor handing out a diagnosis said about the same thing – I could turn it around if I quit smoking and lost the weight. So March 15th I quit smoking and after finding this site, started changing my lifestyle.

Now it’s July 13th, and I’ve gone from 286 to 247.4 – and I am trying to figure out what is motivating me to stick with it this time. A few things come to mind, such as a great support group (all of you here on Sparks mainly), my health is already improving (the doc has cut my blood pressure meds in half!), and in general I feel better (I’m not including my feet in that – see my foot doc post for more info on that). Still, fear returns as a big reason for me sticking with this.

It’s not the same fear that got me started. Instead, every time I think of how nice it would be to eat everything again and in the portions I used to eat them and just get super stuffed, I think about my past history from before March.

Years ago, I cried when I ended up over 200lbs, but then I got over it and ignored it, by time I was around 250lbs, I figured I needed to start doing something, and a started dieting. However, I couldn't stick with it. I would lose 5 pounds really fast, get bored, be really hungry, give up, and start eating again. Then I would gain it back two fold - instead of just the 5 pounds I'd gain 10 pounds really quick. This happened multiple times.
Now here I am almost 4 months into making lifestyle changes and I’ve lost 38.6 pounds (According to my math, but Sparks math says something different- when I thought I lost 30lbs it said only 24lbs…..); so if I stop now I’m in big trouble!

If I was to quit now and gain it back two fold, I would end up weighing close to 330lbs. There is no way I'm giving up now..... I can't afford smaller clothes as it is, and larger ones cost even more! Plus, I don't want to weight that much, not with all my health problems, I am just getting under control with losing weight.

Yes, fear is my motivation, not confidence, not positive self talk, or any other things – just fear.

I would love to have some of this other positive stuff as my motivation, but for some reason, I don’t have it at this moment. I know I’ve accomplished a lot over these four months, but it doesn’t feel like much right now. I keep waiting for the shoe to fall per say…. I’ve always failed in the past, I’m still craving cigarettes (especially the past 2 weeks since I’ve stopped taking Chantix) and soda and other stuff that I should only have once in a while and in moderation.

Maybe as long as I stay scared, I won’t go overboard…..

What are everyone else’s motivations?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My motivation is my grandson and my future grandchildren. I want to be able to run and play, camp and fish and just get silly crazy playing with them. I was having some health issues and I wanted to be here for a long long time to come. I may have only lost 20 pounds in 6 months but I do feel much better already. I have more energy and I am in smaller clothes. BTW, alterations are cheaper than buying new clothes. Now I have to say that a great motivator is having people notice that I have lost weight. I love it!!! lol
    4353 days ago
    My motivation is me. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to look in the mirror and actually LIKE what I see instead of being disgusted. I hate feeling insecure with my body. I hate feeling like I have to pull at my clothes because I need to "cover" up my body. I want to wear shorts and not feel like everyone is gawking at my cellulite filled thunder thighs. UGH. I want to look great again and really for no one but ME.
    4353 days ago
    I have sleep apnoea and also had my gall bladder removed due to stones a few years ago.
    4354 days ago
    I started this journey after seeing my mother and uncle one weekend. They both have diabetes and are very overweight. They spent the evening discussing their medicines and I decided I would do everything I could NOT to get diabetes and high blood pressure. And that's what I did, now I'm down 80 pounds and feel great. I just saw my uncle this summer, and it just reinforced this journey. He could hardly walk, his legs are huge and has sores all over them. I am going to do all I can to stay healthy and enjoy life. I have a grandaughter that I want to live for.

    4354 days ago
    My motivations are twofold, feeling better, and vanity. I've got a host of medical problems, and being thinner and stronger helps alleviate the pain. And, I've always been a vain person, so I'm motivited by looking my best too.
    4354 days ago
    Fear is one of my motivators too - my mother and grandmother both developed diabetes, and both did not take great care of themselves which of course lead to complications (my mom is doing better now, but you can't turn back the clock!!). So I as well don't want to end up in a position where I am fighting for my life because I chose not to make better choices now. I am also motivated by the thought of looking good, not being judged for my weight, being able to accomplish something (a 5K or whatever the future holds). Take care, thanks for the sparkgoodie and have a good day!!
    4354 days ago
    Beck I have to agree reading your blog right now gives others hope, inspiration. I have learned so many times over that it is Me that has to keep myself motivated. Thinking of who I have become and knowing I am getting healthier for me and my family. I want to be able to go into a clothing store and not go to the plus size section.
    The time I joined spark was right after going to six flags and I was embarrassed because I go stuck inside a ride and the attendant had to get a special tool to get the bar open for me. That is what did it for me. I have to remember those reasons that drove me here in the first place.

    Thanks for sharing this with us.

    4354 days ago
    What are some of my motivations? Well, blogs like the one you just sent out is one! Very motivational, very good, and touches home here. I'm almost in the same boat in a way as far as some of the medical issues.
    But not only does "fear" kindda motivate me. I would say actually that "the dream" motivates me. I "dream" of how I'm gunna look when I get in shape. I "dream" when I can go anywhere and find clothes to fit me nicely. I "dream" of how I won't feel like people are staring at me when I walk into a room. I "dream" about how I won't be ridiculed for my size. I "dream" of feeling good. One day soon, that dream is going to be a reality.
    4354 days ago
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