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LDYRED53

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My Heart is so Broken

Saturday, September 05, 2009

5 September 2009:Just a note of thanks to all who keep sending me notes and goodies.I am not doing well at all.I am just so lost without George.I was always such a strong person.I have no no desire to post or make my healthy meals anymore.I was doing so well,down 15 lbs.I won't even go near the scale.Everyday is just another day.I take care of Barney,watch TV,play some Facebook games and that is it.All those people who came when George died are now not coming.It is just like you read in those advise columns.Everyone cares the first week and then it is like like you don't exist.Well maybe someday I'll get my enthusiasm back and return to SP.
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  • no profile photo CD6158352
    Hi Merrill,

    I just happened upon your spark page today. Please write another blog and tell us how you are - I care.

    Peggy
    4202 days ago
  • DARLINSUMMER
    Dearest Merrill,

    You have been in my thoughts and prayers so much. I too have missed you and wish that in some way I could be the great support you were to me. I dearly wish we lived closer so that we could adopt you into our family. You are dearly loved and I wish with all my heart that we could help you. Til you feel like being on here more please remember you are loved by many.

    Summer and Zuzu emoticon
    4304 days ago
  • ADORNED2
    Merrill - I don't know the words to share to make things easier for you - I don't think I have that ability but know if and when you would like someone to visit with I am still here as many others would be for you as well a demonstrated in the posts above
    Please take care of you and allow yourself time to heal - no one can tell you how long that will take but know it will come - you may not "feel" like it will but just know it will
    Take care my friend emoticon
    4314 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3375540
    I am so sorry. I hope you find peace soon.

    Hang in there!
    Mary
    emoticon
    4338 days ago
  • DEE107
    I seen this happen with other friends and relatives, I do miss seeing you a lot.. I miss your cherry way about you... I wish you would come back and post like this so your friends here can help you.. Barney needs you to take care of him and you need to take care of you too.. I love you sweetie and you take care and you are in my prayers Hugs Dee
    4340 days ago
  • KINI08
    I am so very sorry for your loss! It's a very ironic aspect of human nature - people not knowing what to do when they see first hand, someone living in mourning. I'm sure it's hard to keep in mind that friends, family and neighbors WANT to help; They WONDER often how you're doing, but they don't know how to act and they certainly DON'T want to be the one to bring your grief up to the surface if you're having a "good" moment by asking how you're coping.

    It should not be a widow's job to have empathy for the sympathetic people around her in order to receive their sympathy and help, but for some bizarre reason it seems to be human nature.

    Give yourself a break about your weight loss - The last thing you need right now is to be kicking yourself when you're down. Know that you're not giving up, you're just taking a break until you're feeling strong enough to move forward with it again.

    Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Sincerely,
    Kim
    4341 days ago
  • IRENEHARPS
    emoticon

    Be patient and ask yourself, "How would George want me to handle this?" Then listen very carefully.

    Irene
    4341 days ago
  • SKEETER90
    Hello LDYRED,
    You don't know me, but I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. My mother recently became a widow (last year), and we've also noticed that most people stopped visiting and calling pretty quickly after my dad's death. I really think that people don't know what to say, but they don't realize that the worst thing is to not say anything at all.
    It has taken my mom a long time to heal, but she is healing. The grandkids bring her much joy, as I'm sure your new grandbaby will bring you much joy as well.

    4341 days ago
  • JILLYBEAN12
    Ohhh Merrill I am so sorry you have been having such a difficult time-----
    I don't think there any other wise words but those your other friends have offered here. Sometimes people just simply don't know what to do.... No one can take away your grief and loss..... I haven't lost a spouse, but I've lost both parents. I truly wish I had taken people up on their offers. Just didn't want to bother anyone or put more of a burden on busy people.
    You are special and a strong lady, whether or not you are keeping up with Spark People or not..... Know that I think of you often and hope you will find outside support, as well as the support of your friends here.
    Take care of you and be gentle with yourself.....
    emoticon emoticon
    Lisa
    4341 days ago
  • no profile photo DIANESNEWLIFE
    Merrill, it will take some time. But eventually you'll find your way back to life. Support groups are a great idea, but you have to want to participate. You have my number; if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. I miss you very much! But I know you need time. I think about you everyday and wonder how you & Barney are getting along. Please take care of yourself.
    You're in my prayers.

    Hugs,
    Diane
    4341 days ago
  • NKBEER
    I have NO idea why I clicked on your blog post... Then I read it and realized WHY...
    June 12, 2008 - I had reconstructive back surgery.
    June 13, 2008 - for the first time in 40+ years my father came to the hospital. We had expected that I would be released in the morning... Yeh, right! After spending 12+ hours together I finally got to go home. The next two days were spent with me helping him do projects around my home (I stood there and handed him 'small' parts). Sunday afternoon he went home...
    June 22, 2008 he was killed in an accident. My mother was with him when it happened and the social worker at the hospital called me at home. We were on the next flight there... My sister-in-law's boyfriend drove 2+ hours to the remote hospital to get her... When they say DON'T fly after back surgery, they are NOT kidding...
    The following weekend, family friends arraigned a celebratory memorial at their home... Word of mouth only... Hundreds of people came to celebrate his life! It was amazing!
    Since then, as you noted, the people went back into the woodwork...
    Last weekend, mom wanted to visit us (~120 miles away) but wasn't able to drive herself. She happened to mention it to a friend who immediately said "We'll take you!" The entire time (drive up and down), they kept saying, any time you need anything just ask!
    The lesson mom went away with was "ask, you never know"!
    The first year SUCKS! No way to sugar coat that one! They were together for 48+ years... However, the thing that seams to have made the biggest difference were support groups. She found several that she didn't like, but two that she loved! The first one was through a local hospital's cancer center (open to anyone that lost a loved one), and the other was through a local hospice program.
    I have no idea where you live, but I would bet there are groups available...
    As I sit here and write this I've already gone through 1/2 a box of Kleenex (yes, I admit I cry)...
    I wish you ALL the best!
    Love, Norm
    PS: As Judy said above, JUST ASK!
    4341 days ago
  • SHERRY666
    Oh Merrill that is something I didn't want to hear....... that your not doing that well....... I can only imagine what your going through....... But please consider posting.... and getting some much needed support from your team mates...... Don't go this alone... Some times people just back off.... they tend to think you may need time alone....... Just know that your friends are here for you anytime you feel like posting..... we will be waiting and watching..... Until then..... if there is anything I can do to help........ Please just ask....... Sending you some big hugsssssssss emoticon
    4341 days ago
  • HARROWJET
    I am sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what it must be like. If you have friends who offered to do things for you, please call them to let them know what you need. They really do want to be there but they are unsure how to let you know or what to do.

    In the meantime, I am sending you some gentle hugs.

    Judy emoticon
    4341 days ago
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