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Tuesday Morning...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Good Morning Spark People!

Well...I keep finding out how tough this really is...but I'm here and I'm grateful for today and for the direction I'm headed.

I caved yesterday and decided it was ok to try and take most of yesterday & today off - ended up having a chili cheese hot dog for lunch and too many servings of sugar free ice cream yesterday - my calories were about 600 above my daily range but obviously not great food either, pretty empty calories.

I'm ok with it, not that I feel good about giving up for half a day, but just that I was able to see it for what it was, one day of sloppy eating and in comparison to how it used to be every single day...not so bad. I had also decided yesterday that I would have some lasagna today, but throughout the night that changed and internally the shift was corrected and I was able to see that one day ok, but if I let things go for another day it might get real tough for me and I just might find myself on a slippery slope. So nixed that plan, back to what has been working!

I get real scared of tracking my "mistakes" and sharing the truth here, almost like I'm afraid of getting scolded or something...I really have some pretty immature thinking, but I also know and see that the quicker I can get down to brass tacks, track my food - the good, the bad & the ugly and face you all..my true support - the quicker I can regain my footing on the path that is leading me to a second chance.

I'm starting to be more accepting of myself, I can feel it - it's hard sometimes and scary to feel some of these feelings - but I'm committed to plodding forward and changing my life once and for all, albeit with some human mistakes/behavior along the way.

I've lost 45 pounds in less than 2 months, 92 since this past January and I've been exercising more consistently than I have in years, my diabetes is getting regulated and I've tracked my food every single day....I don't want to fall into the bs trap of rationalizing unhealthy choices, but...a few days scattered amongst the total does not equal failure, it makes me human, a guy that's really trying hard to change and sometimes these struggles seem to provide me with the insight I just might need down the road.

Here's to forgiving myself and truly extending myself a little compassion...I do deserve it. And here's to a day of re-grouping and focusing on healthy choices that are going to get me to where I ultimately want to be...comfortable being me exactly as I am. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TAMINGDRAGONS
    Interesting how you beat yerself up really good before you post anything. You must realize that we ALL are in the same boat, so to speak, don´tcha?! We all have our slips and for some of us it takes awhile to get up and get back to making healthy and positive choices again. It didn´t take YOU very long and I think you can stand taller and smile at that pretty mug in the mirror because YOU did it - YOU are back to making the choices for yourself, with all the wisdom and knowledge you are accumulating along-the-new-journey.
    emoticon emoticon
    4240 days ago
  • DIFROMWYOMING
    Last I knew your doc had you on a really restricted intake. As you go along you're going to learn what works for you, and what doesn't. Sometimes you need to let yourself have an 'off' day. I'm SO proud of you, though, for recognizing that a bad moment does not make a bad lifelong decision. It's the not quitting that will get you through this!
    Di
    4241 days ago
  • JANEYINMADTOWN
    Wonderful...I am so proud of you for all the life lessons you are learning on your journey....and remember this is a journey...
    4241 days ago
  • FRECKALYMC
    Wow! You said it beautifully. You're having AMAZING success...a stumble certainly doesn't equal failure. Keep on keeping on...you deserve both compassion and those healthy choices. You can't fail with that behind you!

    emoticon
    4241 days ago
  • DDOORN
    Hey you are coming along just FINE! We all have "stumbles" and as I always say "mistakes are opportunities for learning!"

    What do you think you can learn from these less than optimal choices that can help you avoid such stumbles in the future? Where along the line could you have made a better choice...?

    Those pieces of information can be INVALUABLE as you move forward!

    Onward and DOWNward...! :-)

    Don
    4241 days ago
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