Good Morning Spark People!
Well...I keep finding out how tough this really is...but I'm here and I'm grateful for today and for the direction I'm headed.
I caved yesterday and decided it was ok to try and take most of yesterday & today off - ended up having a chili cheese hot dog for lunch and too many servings of sugar free ice cream yesterday - my calories were about 600 above my daily range but obviously not great food either, pretty empty calories.
I'm ok with it, not that I feel good about giving up for half a day, but just that I was able to see it for what it was, one day of sloppy eating and in comparison to how it used to be every single day...not so bad. I had also decided yesterday that I would have some lasagna today, but throughout the night that changed and internally the shift was corrected and I was able to see that one day ok, but if I let things go for another day it might get real tough for me and I just might find myself on a slippery slope. So nixed that plan, back to what has been working!
I get real scared of tracking my "mistakes" and sharing the truth here, almost like I'm afraid of getting scolded or something...I really have some pretty immature thinking, but I also know and see that the quicker I can get down to brass tacks, track my food - the good, the bad & the ugly and face you all..my true support - the quicker I can regain my footing on the path that is leading me to a second chance.
I'm starting to be more accepting of myself, I can feel it - it's hard sometimes and scary to feel some of these feelings - but I'm committed to plodding forward and changing my life once and for all, albeit with some human mistakes/behavior along the way.
I've lost 45 pounds in less than 2 months, 92 since this past January and I've been exercising more consistently than I have in years, my diabetes is getting regulated and I've tracked my food every single day....I don't want to fall into the bs trap of rationalizing unhealthy choices, but...a few days scattered amongst the total does not equal failure, it makes me human, a guy that's really trying hard to change and sometimes these struggles seem to provide me with the insight I just might need down the road.
Here's to forgiving myself and truly extending myself a little compassion...I do deserve it. And here's to a day of re-grouping and focusing on healthy choices that are going to get me to where I ultimately want to be...comfortable being me exactly as I am.