"Maybe I am going to need some serious help!" Barbie's Thought of the Day
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Let me just say that there may be some "language" amongst this blog, so if that offends you then don't read it. I have had a very tough time since about 7 PM last night until now. So, I will start from then. I am in college and I have a 4.0, I work very hard for that. In the current history class that I am taking, we are issued two midterms...the first one I got an A on. Last night we received the second one back and I got a B. This really hurt my feelings. I know that it might not seem like much to some people but it is a lot to me...because I reallly worked diligently on that mid-term and it was my first B EVER in college. So about this time I am upset and out of class and it is time to drive home. I never realized how many food places I passed when I go home. I pass....
4 Chinese Restaurants
7 Pizza Places
2 Donut Shops
2 Taco Bell
1 Burger King
1 Panda Express
I wanted to stop at all of those!!! I wanted to cry because I couldn't go in and shove my face because I was upset!...Did you get that? I wanted to cry because I couldn't eat????!!!! It was an awful awful feeling to know that I longed for food to such an extent that it makes me wanna cry without its presence. I did not stop, I did not eat those yummy foods, and you know what I didn't feel happy with my choice. I think it's a bunch of bull sh*t when people make a good decision and ALWAYS feel good about it. Well, let me tell ya folks, I made a good decision but I didn't feel good. So I won't say that it felt empowering, great, victorious, etc. to make that decisions. HOwever, I will tell you that the way I felt, definitely felt better than how I knew I would feel AFTER I would have ate those foods. So I settled for a mediocre feeling I suppose...On to today...
After my father's death (killed in a motorcycle accident) my family has had a very difficult time with being able to enjoy holidays. HOwever, I am extremely happy to announce that we are starting to love the Holidays again and we appreciate te time with our families even more. Put that on top of that I am soooo excited this year becuase I want to make my very own homemade Thanksgiving. I am very excited about that. Today my fiance` told me that I couldn't do that. He said we don't have the room, he doesn't like my brother (long story and irrelevant when its a holiday I think), etc. It crushed me guys. It really really crushed me. I don't get to see my family but once every 3-4 months if that so I really enjoy the time I do get with them....so I'm hurt right now. Once again, I had to drive home...it was horrible and once again I feel the need for all of those foods. I want those foods...I want those foods because food feels good and it doesn't let me down. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that it makes me sad, angry, and hungry (even if I'm not REALLY hungry). Why can't a large double cheese pizza be 0 calories and 0 fat???? Anyways, so I am battling a "feeling" rut rightn now and it hurts...I have kept to my diet but once again I only feel mediocre about it.