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"Maybe I am going to need some serious help!" Barbie's Thought of the Day

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Let me just say that there may be some "language" amongst this blog, so if that offends you then don't read it. I have had a very tough time since about 7 PM last night until now. So, I will start from then. I am in college and I have a 4.0, I work very hard for that. In the current history class that I am taking, we are issued two midterms...the first one I got an A on. Last night we received the second one back and I got a B. This really hurt my feelings. I know that it might not seem like much to some people but it is a lot to me...because I reallly worked diligently on that mid-term and it was my first B EVER in college. So about this time I am upset and out of class and it is time to drive home. I never realized how many food places I passed when I go home. I pass....
2 Wendy's
4 Chinese Restaurants
7 Pizza Places
3 Mcdonalds
2 Donut Shops
2 Taco Bell
1 Burger King
1 Panda Express

I wanted to stop at all of those!!! I wanted to cry because I couldn't go in and shove my face because I was upset!...Did you get that? I wanted to cry because I couldn't eat????!!!! It was an awful awful feeling to know that I longed for food to such an extent that it makes me wanna cry without its presence. I did not stop, I did not eat those yummy foods, and you know what I didn't feel happy with my choice. I think it's a bunch of bull sh*t when people make a good decision and ALWAYS feel good about it. Well, let me tell ya folks, I made a good decision but I didn't feel good. So I won't say that it felt empowering, great, victorious, etc. to make that decisions. HOwever, I will tell you that the way I felt, definitely felt better than how I knew I would feel AFTER I would have ate those foods. So I settled for a mediocre feeling I suppose...On to today...
After my father's death (killed in a motorcycle accident) my family has had a very difficult time with being able to enjoy holidays. HOwever, I am extremely happy to announce that we are starting to love the Holidays again and we appreciate te time with our families even more. Put that on top of that I am soooo excited this year becuase I want to make my very own homemade Thanksgiving. I am very excited about that. Today my fiance` told me that I couldn't do that. He said we don't have the room, he doesn't like my brother (long story and irrelevant when its a holiday I think), etc. It crushed me guys. It really really crushed me. I don't get to see my family but once every 3-4 months if that so I really enjoy the time I do get with them....so I'm hurt right now. Once again, I had to drive home...it was horrible and once again I feel the need for all of those foods. I want those foods...I want those foods because food feels good and it doesn't let me down. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that it makes me sad, angry, and hungry (even if I'm not REALLY hungry). Why can't a large double cheese pizza be 0 calories and 0 fat???? Anyways, so I am battling a "feeling" rut rightn now and it hurts...I have kept to my diet but once again I only feel mediocre about it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AZERET0521
    Barbie, put your left hand on your right arm, your right hand on your left arm and squeeze! I have an AS degree with a 3.48 average and am back in school again struggling to get B's in my classes. I can't quite relate to your feelings about getting a B as I was thrilled to get straight A's two semesters in a row, but can assure you that you are doing very well! Straight A's in college is no easy task.

    What concerns me is that you've had a loss in the family and the fiance won't let you have Thanksgiving dinner because of his issues. Hm....

    You did a great job passing up all those tempting resturaunts. I don't even know you and I'm proud of you! Keep on keeping on!

    4265 days ago
    Barbie wether you know it or not your doing a great job. I know it's easy to let ourselves down, but just remember every-time you fall of that horse just get right back on and keep right on riding even if it mean passing up the "yummy" greasy food that will give you instant gratification. I struggled thought school because of my poor mental health, and graduated with a 3.0, it was very sad seeing everyone with the gold tassel, but seeing there were more people without was uplifting. I finished college and with an award Most Improved Student. So don't worry it will be ok, and the healthy food taste good to. Love Tessa
    4266 days ago
  • CHERYLCC1956
    oh girl i SO understand the B issue... i too had a 4.0 and got a B in English Literature and i cried... in class... hahahaha and everyone kept telling me it wasn't a big deal...
    wonder why we set goals for ourselves that are so... um.... lofty? not a word i use as a rule but it fits there....
    don't be so hard on yourself... remember we didn't get to this size overnight and we won't shed these pounds overnight either! you, my friend, are going to the gym! for yourself! you ROCK!
    4266 days ago
  • AMYJAP80
    I know how you can feel about the fast food situation and even a little about the family situation too. I told you that my Grandparents raised me, well... My grandmother died in november so that screws up thanksgiving and christmas for me. My grandfather died on ... get this "Good Friday" so that is close to my birthday and that messes up with my head and messes with my easter plans. I struggle day to day about going to get something off the dollar menu somewhere or how about lets just not cook and lets order a pizza tonight and watch movies. I know that I have to stop those impuses, but it's really hard. Just know that your not alone in this. Today was grocery shopping day for us and I bought alot of slim fast shakes and special k bars and things like that. Then I bought some fairly heathly dinner choices for us to eat this week. I LOVE chinese food, so I make it at least once a week. Anyhoo, Just know your not alone and I will keep you in my thoughts. emoticon
    4267 days ago
    gotta agree with you, today is birthday cake day at work..and man, I sure would like to have some cake. BUT, gotta think of the bigger picture, right??

    so, maybe when the urge starts to come, we can try to picture ourselves in a bikini next summer (or a couple of summers from now) and hope THAT mental picture will give us the strength to continue.

    also, there is a group on this site about 'emotional eating'...it may help you deal with the issues you blogged about.
    4267 days ago
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