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A little humor to ease the stress...

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Just a few thoughts from a midwestern gal.... all in good fun and humor of course!!! If you're offended, please seek therapy. emoticon emoticon


Listen up City Slickers !

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-70 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in rural Illinois waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at Jim's bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Monday After Thanksgiving Day.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women , regardless of age.

11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in New York call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Cavs and the Knicks, and more fun to watch.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.

20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Here in NC we have the same thing with the Noreasters coming South! Replace the foods with grits, collards and hush puppies and we have the same rules to enforce. It becomes taxing to us'ins who try to teach southern culture to you's guys.
    4169 days ago
    I just saw this ... emoticon ... I will never mess with you!
    4170 days ago
    This is so very funny!

    Thanks so much for lightening up my day!!

    4174 days ago
    4196 days ago
    LOL!!!! Those were awesome. I am the pants police in my neighborhood. The kids will not automatically pull their pants up when I come around the corner. Then you can tell when they have friends over because they will lean over and tell them to pull their up.

    what really cracks me up about the crooked hat thing is when they sheild their eyes with their hand, while they are wearing a hat. Do they realize that is what a damn hat is for??? Goodness me.

    Shannon, we are getting old. LOL!!!!
    4196 days ago
  • SUSAN134
    Oh my, a couple of these I really did LOL! Too funny! Thanks for the laughs Shannon!

    4196 days ago
    Cute Woodsy! Happy to know your in good spirits at the Holiday! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Loved It! Merry Christmas! Linda
    4196 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/21/2009 8:48:49 AM
    I did get some good laughs out of this post despite the fact I am a city girl myself...lol I completely feel the same on a lot of those matters though. Like those big dumb droopy pants and loud music. And meat and potatoes baby! Who the hell wants caviar?! yuck! lol Thanks Momma!
    4197 days ago
    Hmm... I can see this being true most everywhere... I did get some good giggles though.. thanks for posting.
    4197 days ago

    Coming from Northern Ontario I see the similarities. Our "Opener" is a bit earlier due to the colder weather and so is our Thanksgiving. Sometimes spouses have brought the turkey into the hunt camp (they dress it in red just in case).
    4197 days ago
  • LIQUID11
    Spirits High, that's our girl we love!!
    emoticon emoticon
    4197 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5915724
    Funny! Thanks for the laughs!
    4197 days ago
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