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Reset Button and Intake Appointment

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

So, there’s drama with my sister, there’s kindergarten applications to fill out, there’s medical forms, there’s plans to make, there’s work to do, there’s exercise to get… There’s always something, isn’t there?

I’ll admit that I have not gotten back to my diet. I thought for sure that after the intake appointment, I’d immediately get back on track. I mean, I gained all this weight over the holiday and now I feel totally crappy about myself again. None of my clothes are fitting and I’m forced to choose clothing that I swore I would never wear again. I thought that as soon as I weighed in, I’d be over it. But NOOOO. I have to keep up the destructive behavior. What is wrong with me?!

I know I need to track again. That is sooo key for me to losing. That and exercise. And I’ve totally been procrastinating on that too. I have no excuse for not getting my behind back into the gym, other than pure stalling. I KNOW I’ll feel better after doing it. I’m just not sure why I’m dragging my feet.

So, okay, despite the fact I’ve totally eaten like crap this morning – including a donut I just wolfed down (provided by a co-worker) and a terrible, terrible Sonic breakfast, I am going to begin today. I am going to restart myself in the Fast Break phase. I am starting today, right now, as if today is day one. Which it is, isn’t it? I’m pressing that reset button right now.

And about the intake appointment last Friday… Not much too it, really, other than it is a step in the whole process. They took my money and a picture of me (my appointment was early and I didn’t have time to put my make-up on so my “before” picture is going to be truly gross.) Then I waited around. I wore a heavy sweater, despite the unseasonably warm temperatures and refrained from using the restroom that morning. It took about two hours. I had all my paperwork ready to go and extra information from my insurance company. I was over-prepared. After they called me back, they made me weigh, first thing. I barely squeaked by, but I had a BMI of 40 on the nose, thanks to my holiday indulgences. A short while later, the surgeon came in and chatted with me for a few minutes. I had a few questions which he answered quickly and easily. Nothing he hadn’t heard before, I’m sure. It was a boring, mundane office visit.

At one point, I made the comment about feeling silly because I literally could not check any health issues from the page and a half listed for myself (aka co-morbidities, hypertension, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.). There was plenty checked on the Family History section, but none for me specifically. I can’t even claim depression because I’ve never been severe enough to see a professional. He shrugged it off and said, “That’s good. And not yet. Why would you want to wait until your heart and lungs, liver and kidneys are permanently damaged before making a change in your life?” I thought, “Yeah, that makes sense.” Although, I do think it’s sort of ironic, but he probably doesn’t considering cutting your stomach as damage in that same sense. But whatever.

I clarified to him that it isn’t about the weight loss for me. It’s about maintaining. He nodded as though he understood. I said, “I just can’t seem to keep if off.” To which, he responded, “That would be because of ghrelin” with no further explanation. But I nodded anyway. I knew he was talking about the hunger hormone produced in stomach lining. That makes sense, too. Less stomach equals less hunger hormone.

So, I was given a piece of paper with instructions for what my insurance requires from me in order to be approved. I have to get 3-5 years of medical (weight) records sent to the surgeon, a psychiatric and dietician evaluation and documentation of previous conservative therapy (in other words, any diets I’ve tried, medically supervised or not). I have all these in the works. I mailed off for all the medical records, I meet with a dietician on this upcoming Friday (1/22) and have an appointment with the psychiatrist two weeks from Friday (2/5) – as well as a sleep study scheduled for that same day. These people don’t mess around. The surgeon said that it may be April or May when I could possibly have everything together for the surgery date. But if it continues to just go like clockwork (like it has been), it may be earlier than that. I hope earlier, but I’ll say April or May anyway. Whenever will be fine, honestly.

Will blog later about what the dietician says. But for now, I have to go enter my food for the morning.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CRYS9379
    I can totally relate to your argument up there. I found this motivational quote on SparkPeople's motivation page: "Don't let yesterday use up too much of today." When I get down on myself about this morning, or yesterday, or the last few weeks....I just stop and think that to myself. Anyway, keep your head up and you'll be on your way soon!!!
    4208 days ago
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