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Tuesday Morning...

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Good Morning!

It seems like every 6 weeks or so, I hit some kind of wall with my food and end up giving into a craving. Yesterday afternoon was one of those....It came on pretty strong, just felt exhausted and a little burnt out and it made sense(crazy sense) to give into the craving instead of just trying to hold it at bay and get it out of my system. My wife made me a sugar free chocolate malt and we had a cheeseburger and fries for dinner. Old school classic fat guy meal...I was full quickly after starting to eat and also felt the anguish and guilt that accompanies this kind of eating for me...but I did it and it's done.

This morning it was important for me to get up and get my cardio in right away and I was thinking about how scared I felt to share this here, but the truth is the truth. I think I still have this conditioned thinking from when I was a kid that I would get yelled at by my Dad and therefore yelled at or made to feel bad by everyone in my life....this kind of thinking led me to feeling ashamed most of my life, especially about eating in front of people.

So anyway, there it is...I made a mistake, I'm not happy about it, but I'm not going to spend today feeling terrible and waste anymore energy telling myself that I'm a failure. I'm human...I have alot of time on the clock not taking care of myself and using food to comfort me and avoid the true feelings inside...I'm not at all trying to minimize this, but I'm trying to look at this with some clarity....one slip up every once in awhile is probably par for the course.

To be able to act out like that, see it for what it is, put it in it's place and get back on track so quickly is so radically different for me from how it was.

I feel this overwhelming compulsion to apologize, as if I've let someone, you all down....but I'm not going to. I'm just going to continue being honest, the good, the bad and the ugly and I'm going to keep on Sparkin' today! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DDOORN
    Good for you to blog it and move on!

    Another thing to try: what were the little steps leading up to the urge and giving into it...? Perhaps you can learn a thing or two which can help you to avoid a similar stumble in the future...?

    Don
    4179 days ago
  • DHARMAPOLICE
    Dude, I've been a vegetarian for nine years, and the thought of your cheeseburger-and-fries meal is makin' me hungry. I can totally see how a meat-eater would give in once in a while! Don't worry about it--we all slip up sometimes, and you're back on track now. That's what counts! Thanks for your honesty. :D
    4179 days ago
  • DANCINGCAROL
    You are expressing things so beautifully. Well done.

    Yup - This is just a stumble. You'll keep forging ahead.

    BTW- I feel like the bad guy being so absent from sparkpeople. Too much work and not taking care of myself enough to blame.

    Have a sunny day,
    Carol emoticon
    4179 days ago
  • JANEYINMADTOWN
    Way to own up to a craving (which we all do). What's more important is what happens after and you put together a plan to overcome. I say it often...it's about the process and what you learn from it...and it's ok to indudge yourself but it should be the exception rather than the rule right?
    4179 days ago
  • GRAMMIE1959
    This is an excerpt from a blog I posted last week:


    I will not let past failures haunt me.
    Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures.
    I will admit them.
    I will correct them.
    I will press on.
    Victoriously.
    No failure is fatal.
    It's OK to stumble... I will get up.
    It's OK to fail...
    I will rise again.
    Today I will make a difference.

    emoticon
    4179 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5900535
    You are really an inspiration. I go AWOL too often... and it seems to take too long to get back on track. So thank you for sharing this with us. If nothing else, you gave me the courage to get back on track.
    4179 days ago
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