Tuesday, February 16, 2010
It seems like every 6 weeks or so, I hit some kind of wall with my food and end up giving into a craving. Yesterday afternoon was one of those....It came on pretty strong, just felt exhausted and a little burnt out and it made sense(crazy sense) to give into the craving instead of just trying to hold it at bay and get it out of my system. My wife made me a sugar free chocolate malt and we had a cheeseburger and fries for dinner. Old school classic fat guy meal...I was full quickly after starting to eat and also felt the anguish and guilt that accompanies this kind of eating for me...but I did it and it's done.
This morning it was important for me to get up and get my cardio in right away and I was thinking about how scared I felt to share this here, but the truth is the truth. I think I still have this conditioned thinking from when I was a kid that I would get yelled at by my Dad and therefore yelled at or made to feel bad by everyone in my life....this kind of thinking led me to feeling ashamed most of my life, especially about eating in front of people.
So anyway, there it is...I made a mistake, I'm not happy about it, but I'm not going to spend today feeling terrible and waste anymore energy telling myself that I'm a failure. I'm human...I have alot of time on the clock not taking care of myself and using food to comfort me and avoid the true feelings inside...I'm not at all trying to minimize this, but I'm trying to look at this with some clarity....one slip up every once in awhile is probably par for the course.
To be able to act out like that, see it for what it is, put it in it's place and get back on track so quickly is so radically different for me from how it was.
I feel this overwhelming compulsion to apologize, as if I've let someone, you all down....but I'm not going to. I'm just going to continue being honest, the good, the bad and the ugly and I'm going to keep on Sparkin' today!