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Sunday Morning...

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Good Morning Sunday Sparkers!

My glucose was @ 116 this morning. I got my morning wake-up work out in...sit-ups and walking laps. Feeling a little bit sore today, glad it's an off day to rest up a bit.

Yesterday's Legs workout was good, got it in and I'm feeling it this morning. I had a really good day yesterday, and yet towards the end of the afternoon I had this weird, kind of sad emotional spot....I cried a little bit, talked with my wife and was able to put everything back in perspective. Just sometimes, even though I'm doing my best and making some progress, I get these waves of feeling hopeless or maybe just discouraged about how far I have to go...

I get it...that kind of thinking is useless and yet, it seems like I obviously have lots of backed-up emotional pain connected to my weight and to all of this change...most of it seems to come down to this deep down core belief that I can't do it....so I'm challenging that every mother funkin' day through my actions and it comes and goes much quicker...and less frequently.

This is without a doubt the hardest challenge I've ever confronted and worked at consistently in my whole life and it's also been the most rewarding time for me personally....Today I can and will do my part, I'm going to keep showing up and I'm going to keep pushing myself towards health & freedom.

When the bull$hit starts chiming in...I've been just trying to sit with it and be still, observe what feelings come, feel them and let myself calm down and get re-centered...little battles, little victories, hopefully adding up and allowing me to shift the beliefs I have about myself and continue making getting healthy the top priority.

I hope everyone has a really Smooth Sunday! Ryan
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm going to keep showing up too! Because I want this and I am so sick and gosh darn tired of having to lose weight over and over and over and over again...

    This is my life until I am 90 and I no longer have the strength to push my walker out the door!!!

    4138 days ago
    Ryan be sure and read a lot of the Spark blogs. Its amazing what encouragement you can get when you read what someone else is going through and you see them taking it one day at a time it seems to give you a lift. Your blog does that for me. We can all do this. I believe this year is going to make a lot of difference for a lot of people. Then we will be the one that is encouraging everyone that they can reach their goals. Sounds like to me you are finding out who you are and what you want out of life and you are strong enough to go for it.
    4138 days ago
  • CHERRY666
    "I get it...that kind of thinking is useless and yet, it seems like I obviously have lots of backed-up emotional pain connected to my weight and to all of this change...most of it seems to come down to this deep down core belief that I can't do it....so I'm challenging that every mother funkin' day through my actions and it comes and goes much quicker...and less frequently."

    That's the best thing you can do, I think. The more you fight it, the harder it is to believe you can't do it or aren't worth it, etc.

    I don't have any doubt that you'll make it to your goals with the attitude you have. Keep up the great work. =)

    Edit: about what ChangedIn09 said. . . Also lifting the amount of weight you've lost so far is pretty motivating and helps to keep some perspective. I don't know if you have cats and therefore get those big boxes of litter, or if you have a water softener and have to lift those heavy bags of salt, but things like that. . . Lifting something like that and seeing how heavy it is and then thinking of how many pounds you've lost so far is pretty eye opening. (I mean, of course if you aren't used to lifting much weight you'd want to be careful so you don't hurt yourself! I hope what I wrote made sense.)

    Oh yeah, and what you said about sitting with a feeling, observing it and letting it pass. . . That's so intelligent, and probably much more healthy than trying to stuff it down or basically run it over with a steamroller (Which is my first inclination, and I think the first inclination of a lot of people here). I think I'll have to copy that thought down and place it somewhere I'll see it regularly. =)
    4138 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/22/2010 9:55:01 AM
    Just found your page. WOW you are doing great. I know sometimes it seems insurmountable. I have lost 62 and have 15 more to go. I find if I just think of each pound lost as a pound of butter it helps. Think of how all that lard looks!! One measly pound doesnt seem like a lot when we see it on the scale, but when we think of it as a pound of butter, it seems like more. Also try to think of five pounds at a time. You are doing GREAT and are very motivational. Thank you!!! You can do it.
    4138 days ago
    Way to go Ryan! Keep it up :)

    When seeing the mountain ahead gets you down, think of the mountains you've already climbed successfully. You can do it again!
    4138 days ago
  • ANNAD314
    I ran across your page as a spark motivator... and that you are :) I know you probably hear this all the time, but you truly are an inspiration. You've come a long ways in a short time, so imagine what you can do in the long run! Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see you reach your goals :) You can do it!!
    4138 days ago
    Hi Again, Ryan,

    I have been thinking all afternoon about your blog and the idea of sitting with a feeling and being still, observing it, feeling it and letting yourself calm down. That really struck a chord with me and gives me a peaceful feeling when I think about it. I don't ever want to forget what you said, so I re-typed it into my journal entry for today so I can go back and read it whenever I want.

    Thank you for being so open!

    4139 days ago
    Hi Ryan,

    Looks like you're not alone in those feelings that wash over you periodically. I certainly get them too. I really like your method of being still and observing the feelings, then regrouping. That is powerful!

    You have so much strength and wisdom, I know you will succeed!

    4139 days ago
    After reading your blog it was like you were me. I don't have as much to loose as you do, 109 lbs, but I still go through boughts of depression, feeling like I'll never be able to do it.If you don't mind I'll be checking in on you as often as I can to get another boost of motivation. Thank you for sharing your journey. emoticon

    Hugs, Mona
    4139 days ago
  • BFITBY48
    I just read your interview and several of your blog entries. WOW! Keep up the good work. I just joined in mid Jan. but have also seen some pounds go away. Little goals keep us on track and eventually we will attain the larger goals. Keep going. I will be interested in watching your progress. emoticon
    4139 days ago
    Keep on hanging in there. You show a lot of courage and determination and that is an inspiration to so many others. emoticon
    4139 days ago
    What a healthy perspective! I have yet to personally "learn" this truth, but I have been working on it. I admire you for really believing in yourself. Sometimes it's just so hard to see. I really needed to read this. Thanks!
    4139 days ago
    Ryan, That is exactly spot on how I feel sometimes. Everything is going along and then all of the sudden out of no where this wave comes over me. In the past I have eaten my way out of those feelings. But how much healthier to just be still with them acknowledge them for what they are and let them pass. Thank you for sharing your battles and victories!!!
    4139 days ago
    I know how overwhelming it can feel! Look how far you have come already and where you were a few short months ago. You've done so well and we know that you've got it in you to keep fighting for yourself......believe in yourself my friend as much as we believe in you!
    4139 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/21/2010 12:25:48 PM
  • TEDYBEAR2838
    emoticon looking at the big picture and keep on doing the Right Thing.

    emoticon We are all here for you. It can't be easy, but nothing worth while ever is...Right emoticon
    4139 days ago
    You've written the best summary I've seen of those emotional low spots that seem to ambush me out of nowhere even when I'm doing everything right. Like you, I've learned I just have to ride them out and try to learn from them.

    For me, the most important thing is not to get over-tired, over-stressed, or any other over-thing that saps my emotional reserves and leaves me more vulnerable to those blasted self-defeating feelings. I try to prepare mentally so that if an episode of the blues does hit me when I'm less able to deal with it, I can at least see it for what it is and know to call a friend or take a walk or something that will derail the slide before it starts.

    Love your blog. Glad they put you on spotlight in the dailySpark so I could find you. Go Ryan!
    4139 days ago
    Go, Ryan, we're all with you.
    4139 days ago
  • LAPORTE2006
    This is not just about weight loss but a lifestyle change. It is something different. We have had these bad habits for years and it is emotional. I have a lot to lose too. I have lost and gained and lost again over and over because I get scared that I might lose me. I know it is silly. I will still be me only better. If I look at how much I have to lose, I get depressed...sometimes I cry or think myself not good enough.
    It is all mind tricks. Our mind can convince us of many things. We have to take control. I am still trying to lose the 25 pounds I lost last year and regained. I am doing it and I hope with inspirational people, like you, I will keep it off and more. You are doing awesome and it makes me feel ashamed that I am not doing more. Your honesty is amazing and your attitude and drive inspirational. Keep on going. Life is worth the trouble and we are all special people. I hope you don't mind that I added you as a friend. I would like to keep track of your progress and it will keep me on my toes. good luck and have a great day. Pam
    4139 days ago
    I get that way too, the looking forward at how far I have to go and getting overwhelmed. Here is what I did and a few ideas for you. You are a guy, so you may have to modify this a bit. When I lost 100 pounds, my hubby got me a ring at Tiffany's to remind me of how far I've come. Now I think of things interms of that rather than how much further I have to go. I have a friend wh bought a charm bracelet and scrapbooks. She adds a charm for every 10 pounds and does pages in her book to see how far she has come. As for myself, I have to look at my before and after pictures daily to make it real to myself and remember that I am succeeding. It is a long road, but we are doing it.
    4139 days ago
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