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To date or not??? Any advice??

Monday, March 15, 2010

I have been single for about 5 years and during that time the pounds have packed on.. My daughter will be going off to college next year and I want to start dating again but I am NOT comfortable with how I look at all! Also, I am scared that I won't find anyone who is accepting of me!! If I don't like what I look like, how will anyone else find me attractive? I don't want to grow old alone. emoticon

So, do I wait to start looking or do I jump into the dating pool? If I do look now, where do I look? Does anyone feel the way I do?

Jennifer emoticon
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    Ok, understand that this advice is being given by someone who has NOT been a single adult, let alone a single overweight adult. I have been married for 25 years, and we're going stronger than ever. That said, I think I do still have something to offer. At my heaviest, my husband still loved me, but I didn't really like myself much, and I KNOW I wasn't much fun. As I began working out, losing weight, and getting fit, I started having fun with life again. I grew tremendously in confidence, my outgoing nature was bolstered, and I saw how people's reactions to me changed even though I was still heavy. What had changed was ME - not so much the outward me but the inward me.

    So my advice to you is to ditch the question "Am I ready to date?" Don't worry about "looking" for someone right now. I would suggest that you just start embracing your life. Explore your interests as you get fit. In my weightloss process I discovered interests and likes I never knew about before as I tried new things, and in the process of pursuing those interests I've met so many incredible people. If I was single and available, I'm sure I would even have ended up dating some of those people. And I'm sure part of their interest or acceptance of me was because of the passion and joy I felt in my new lifestyle.

    So, I guess my short answer to all that rambling is not to worry about it. Go out, explore life. Try new things. Risk failure and embrace the possibility of success. And if you meet someone along the way who interests you, GREAT. Then you'll KNOW you're ready. emoticon
    4062 days ago
    If you feel in your heart that you are ready. Then date. There are plenty of women who are curvy and fab who date and are having fun.

    If you have any doubts, then wait until you are ready to offer yourself fully without apologizing for who you are. Also, if you can't embrace the situation knowing that you are already beautiful, then reconsider. Dating is so much more fun when doubt doesn't get in the way.

    This is know from experience. Cheers.
    4076 days ago
  • -TAMI-
    There are plenty of women who are overweight and are loved for who they are, inside and out.
    I met my hubby through a personal ad I placed in the paper. When I told him I was overweight, he said "That's no problem. All the women in my family are overweight and I think they're all beautiful"... He was an exception though.
    When I had told another man that i was overweight his reply was "How f***ing fat are you?".. Nice guy! emoticon
    I am under the belief that we are beautiful and lovable no matter what weight we are. So many women look at their body and think that's who they are. I disagree with that.
    Do you have a loving heart?
    Do you have a good sense of humor?
    Are you kind and gentle?
    Look at the whole picture of who you are. The man who is made for you will love you for YOU not for your body size....

    Should you date right now? Only you can decide that. But while you're trying to figure that out, I would work on learning that you are a wonderful, loving woman inside and out no matter what your weight is.
    You are a unique woman. There is no one else like you in the world. That in itself is a reason to love who you are.
    Do you love a snowflake any less because it's bigger then the one that fell before it? Somehow, I dont think so. emoticon
    4076 days ago
    I say you will know when you are ready to date. When you can go out there with someone new and be comfortable with yourself, regardless of how you look or thing others see you. That's when you are ready. There is no rush. And there is someone out there for everyone!
    4078 days ago
    I went through similar feeling a few years ago. I had lost some weight as was feeling better than I had in years. Yet as a heavy person it is not easy, people still look at the body and not so much the person, but with that said, I do start to look and did online, I was very lucky and found a wonderful man. But the inbetween was tough I was that secure about myself and rejection hurts.
    My suggestion to you is to keep working on yourself until you feel stronger and I believe that when you are ready someone you will find. It is important to accept ourselves as we are today and learn to love us, not the outward body the the inward person and then accept the body now. But it begins today you are right we have to love ourselves before someone else will see all the wonderful person who we are.
    Believe in yourself, you will not spend your life alone.
    4078 days ago
    I think you should wait to start dating and take some time to work on yourself inside and out. In my life I have allowed men to mistreat me because of my low self-esteem which is why my advice is to wait. When you can love and respect yourself you'll be ready to find a man that will love and respect you and you'll be more able to do the same for him. Besides, dating can be stressful! Take one thing on at a time lol. Good luck
    4078 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/15/2010 2:22:14 PM
    I can relate to every thing you posted. Except one thing...the part where no one will be accepting of you. There are alot of people out there and you have to remember there will be one for you. I have been single mom of two now for 6 years. I, too, don't want to grow old alone. For me, getting healthy and losing this weight will be my way of getting out to find someone special. Taking that walk at the park, or playground, or around the mall. Give yourself a chance and you may be pleasantly surprised. Good luck and never ever put your self down please.
    4078 days ago
    How about starting with accepting yourself for who you are? You need to love yourself first before you bring someone else into the equation. I don't want you starting out with the negative. "If I don't like what I look like, how will anyone else find me attractive? I don't want to grow old alone." You are a beautiful person Jennifer. You need to give yourself credit! You have a lot to offer. No more negative self talk, ok? You are better than that. Believe in yourself my friend!

    YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4078 days ago
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