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Getting back on

Monday, March 29, 2010

Wow, where do I start. It feels like I've been gone for an eternity, but really it's only been about a month. Things were really spinning so out of control that I finally had to take a break. We were days away from having our home go into foreclosure, and were in the process of packing and preparing to move. Our debts had mounted to the point we were preparing for bankruptcy. My oldest son was having heart monitoring done because he was having periods of lightheadedness and has a known heart arrhythmia (my sister died from a heart arrhthmia when she was 18). In the middle of it all, my husband went from having his hours cut to working overtime, and I got called back to my second job and started working 7 days a week. And then we both got sick, and I ended up with pneumonia.

Fast forward to now, and after many weeks of chaos and a lot of prayer, life is finally getting back on track. The extra hours we have been working has really helped financially, and we decided to cash in some retirement funds and to pay off most of our debts. That freed up enough money each month that we can afford our increased mortgage payment. (We're still in an ARM and are upside down and can'trefinance with anyone but our current lender, so we're not out of the woods yet, but for the next year or two at least we should be okay if our income stays the same.) The heart testing on my son came back negative. No bankruptcy, no need to move right now, we're all healthy again, we have enough money each month to make ends meet...things are finally looking up and the weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders. Phew!

The fallout from all of this is that I have not taken care of myself at all - not eating right, not exercising, not taking any "me" time really at all. And that has led to a gain of 14 pounds since the beginning of the year. I really thought that I had overcome most of my "issues" and would just kind of maintain...and I did for a short time...but then I fell right back into old habits which I thought would never return. I stopped using the wonderful tool I have, my band, and then got frustrated that it wasn't working anymore. It's like somehow I expected it would carry me through and I'd be fine, even though I wasn't doing the work. Big mistake. That's like a carpenter tossing his hammer off to the side and somehow expecting it to pound the nails in by itself. Ridiculous! If the tool isn't being actively used the way it was designed, it's not going to do the work.

My take-away from this is that I am now, and will always be, in the process of overcoming. I cannot become complacent, because I will never arrive...never completely overcome. It's like being on a treadmill - I need to make an effort just to remain stationary...if I exert extra effort, I will move ahead, but if I slow down I will start to lose ground and eventually will end up on my butt after being thrown off the back end. That's where I am today...on my butt.

So, I'm dusting myself off and climbing back on the treadmill...both literally and figuratively. I'm going to start using my tool again the way it was designed. No point dwelling on past failures - I can't do anything about what's in the past, so I need to learn from it and move on. It's time to get back to the work of "reshaping" my future.

I'm looking forward to reconnecting with all of my Spark friends, locking arms, and pressing forward together on our journeys. It's great to be back!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon emoticon

    I'm so happy that things r looking up for u .

    And I'm sure in time u'll loss the 14 plus , we all r going to fall we just need to climb back up like u r doing. emoticon

    Take it easy and take care..

    emoticon emoticon

    4038 days ago

    Hope things r going better now. We all have our times where we get off track for 1 reason or another but ur back on board now and that's all that matters



    4088 days ago
    I'm glad to see that things began looking up for you. As far as gaining 14 pounds since the first of the year just think what you would have done without the band. It was working just not to it's best performance.

    I know you will be back up on the wagon and riding high very soon. You can do this. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4095 days ago
    I was about to offer you a hand to get back on the wagon, but it looks like you found a stray rope and are hanging on for dear life, as you grab the knots and make it back to the wagon.

    I'm really glad to hear that things are looking brighter for you, financially, and I'm sorry you had to learn a lesson the hard way with the band. But you've learned the lesson, and it sounds like you might be more willing to work it, rather than making it work for you. And it's hard to maintain when you *think* you've got a handle on the weight loss & its issues. I've never been anywhere near my goal weight, so I can't even give you suggestions on maintaining when losing isn't going to happen. Two weeks ago, I was on vacation (that would be our XXX-rated Anniversary week), and I put on 5lbs in that time frame. I did ok for the first 3 days, then things started to slip. It doesn't mean I'll never get past these issues, but rather, it tells me which issues I need to work on next. A lack of schedule when I'm at home is the biggest one that I need to tackle, I'm sure you found a few of those issues that you can start dealing with now, especially some of those you thought were done & gone. Will you have to remain vigilant even when you reach goal weight? Probably, but that's where working on your inner self will allow you to remain vigilant.

    And I'm glad all our prayers helped you. :-D

    Spark right on!
    4097 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/1/2010 2:50:45 PM
    Wow! Anyone would have gone to emotional eating with all of that kind of stress! I'm happy to hear things are getting back on track for you. You'll start losing again right away.


    4098 days ago
    Wow...what a bunch of stress you have endured! You can get back on board and be successful. We are stronger than we know!
    4099 days ago
    So happy to hear things are getting better!
    And, you will get the "healthy" part under control, too!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4100 days ago
  • LEEANNE1980
    Welcome back and Wow!!!! things are really changed. You can do it. You have been through alot and made to the other side. You can reset now and go again - only this time with less stress! Congrats and welcome Back!
    4100 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
    what wonderful news.........isn't God Good !!......

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    take care..............blessings and hugs...............lita
    4100 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/29/2010 3:39:18 PM
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