Friday, April 16, 2010
I am in a craptastic mood. I'm obviously a very moody person. My moods dictate if or how much I want to exercise, what or how much I eat, etc. I need to break free from my "moods."
Last night I had a nightmare that Simon and I broke up, and I saw him making out with another woman in his car. I woke up feeling physically ill, I was so upset. I have very vivid, odd dreams, and unfortunately they've been more bad than good lately (wedding disasters are a main theme). I can't get that image out of my head now, and I feel like crap. I told him about it this morning and he gave me lots of hugs and "I love you"s, and I know it would never happen, but it's completely ruining my mood. I feel completely depressed. The gray skies and rain aren't helping either.
I feel like my workouts lately have been pathetic. Mainly because I keep trying to exercise outside and get driven back inside by the pollen and my asthma disagreeing on how my lungs should work. I end up burning 200 cal. or less and call it a day. NOT GOOD. I was burning 300-400 calories per workout when I was really trying. I've really gone downhill this week. Like I did on my bike yesterday. While it was fun, I only burned 164 calories in 23 min. because it was a lot of downhills. Weeeee!
All I wanna do tonight is curl up with my baby and a big pile of yummy food. I have no idea how I'm gonna last another 5 hours at work today. I want to cry every 5 minutes. And TOM is over, so I have no idea why I'm so depressed. I'm hungry and cranky and I wanna go HOME. The last thing I want to do is exercise, but I need like a 400-cal. 1 hour run on the treadmill. Simon wants to exercise tonight too. I CAN'T discourage that when it's so hard for him to get motivated.
We're going to a pizza-and-cake b-day party tomorrow (my niece's 1st!) and the last thing I should do today is eat badly. I've done that enough this week already. I just can't get my head in the game today, no matter how logically I tell myself what I need to do and why. My body is tired and hungry and my brain and heart are sad.
Just having a craptastic day.