Wow, I wish I could get myself organized and 'together'.
It's like ever since I've been out of work, it feels like I'm even more busy than before, but instead of the days having a normal rhythm, they are all out of sync and disorganized...and I feel like I'm running about constantly, and not getting a whole lot of anything done.
The job search, as expected, is a struggle. It's so demoralizing to apply for jobs when you know that 600+ other people will be applying for that single position as well, and chances are they will not even get to your resume in the massive stack of paper they receive, let alone have time to read it and evaluate your skill set properly. The HR people I have met recently at Right (HR people who have also been laid off - mostly from IBM, Delta or Home Depot) tell me that HR departments these days get such a huge response for every job opening that they do not even LOOK AT a 3/4 of the resumes they receive....and they actually sit down and READ even fewer than that.
And with odds like that, it's really hard to even want to bother. I mean, why go to all that effort, only to be totally ignored, as if 20 years of experience meant absolutely nothing, because it's all a big honkin' crapshoot anyway?
Meh. I don't even like thinking about this job search. It just seems so futile.
However, other things are looking up. And here is the cheese to go with the whine served above:
1. I can now run over 50 minutes straight without walking. Now, by 'run', I really mean 'slow jog'....but the bottom line is that I can keep putting one foot in front of the other for 50+ minutes...which is a far cry from where I started on January 1, barely being able to jog for 1 minute and walk for 4.
2. I have been to the podiatrist again about my Achilles tendinitis, and we are doing another round of Prednisone, followed by an aggressive course of Naproxin. Hopefully this will get me heel-pain free before I lose my health insurance. Fingers crossed.
3. I am now at an even 45 lbs lost (as of last Wednesday) since the second week of November. Actually, though, I think it might be more than that, because I had an attack of my old friend IBS starting late Monday night and lasting into Wednesday...and that always whacks up my entire system because of the bloating, gas, and water retention. The IBS is under control now, but Tuesday and Wednesday were rather uncomfortable days....and I'm sure it influenced this week's result on the scale....probably by at least a pound. But even still, I had a .8 loss. So I can't complain, really.
I should really suck it up and visit my gasto guy before my insurance runs out...but given all the stress I am under right now, it is really difficult to steel myself up to go deal with this guy who will no doubt want to roto-rooter me.
4. Despite all the upheaval in my life, I have managed to keep running consistently. Can't say I've been as consistent about the Power 90/Strength side of the equation...but I have kept faithful to the running piece. And have done well with my eating as well, which is great. This week I only got in one Power 90 strength session, which is terrible. But I'm not gonna beat myself up over it. I'll just try to do better next week. I know that I theoretically 'had the time'...but oddly, I just could never seem to 'find the time' because I'm so scattered in my focus these days.
Anyway - two out of three ain't bad.
5. Finally got the courage, thanks to a SparkFriend (thanks!), to leave the safety of my basement and go outside for some exercise. I am still very self-conscious...and the heat is ALREADY at levels which cause this Alaskan to wilt very quickly...but the point is that I did it. The hardest things for me about the Peachtree Road Race will not be the 10K distance...or even the massive crowd (55,000 people, and I don't generally like crowds). It will be the heat...and my own negative feelings about myself. Those are the biggest hurtles, as far as I'm concerned.
In my HEAD, I know that no one driving by me in a car will even notice me, let alone gasp in horror and/or laugh hysterically at me like I imagine. But I can't seem to get that through to my heart. Remnants of my old Eating Disorder days, I guess. *sigh*
But at least I got out there this week. Which is something. And I'm taking every victory I can get these days!
6. Finally, it seems that this is me these days:
Don't have the money to buy any new clothes, so I walk around hiking up my pants all the time or wear drawstring stuff that I can pull in at the waist (still looks baggy, but at least I won't loose my drawers).
But there are worse problems to have than your clothes being too big, you know?
Found one pair of slacks that I haven't worn since about 2002 and they fit. Still not anywhere near my 'skinny clothes'...but at least I am headed in the right direction.