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Okay...so I'm staggeringly bad at blogging.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Wow, I wish I could get myself organized and 'together'.

It's like ever since I've been out of work, it feels like I'm even more busy than before, but instead of the days having a normal rhythm, they are all out of sync and disorganized...and I feel like I'm running about constantly, and not getting a whole lot of anything done.

The job search, as expected, is a struggle. It's so demoralizing to apply for jobs when you know that 600+ other people will be applying for that single position as well, and chances are they will not even get to your resume in the massive stack of paper they receive, let alone have time to read it and evaluate your skill set properly. The HR people I have met recently at Right (HR people who have also been laid off - mostly from IBM, Delta or Home Depot) tell me that HR departments these days get such a huge response for every job opening that they do not even LOOK AT a 3/4 of the resumes they receive....and they actually sit down and READ even fewer than that.

And with odds like that, it's really hard to even want to bother. I mean, why go to all that effort, only to be totally ignored, as if 20 years of experience meant absolutely nothing, because it's all a big honkin' crapshoot anyway?

Meh. I don't even like thinking about this job search. It just seems so futile.

However, other things are looking up. And here is the cheese to go with the whine served above:

1. I can now run over 50 minutes straight without walking. Now, by 'run', I really mean 'slow jog'....but the bottom line is that I can keep putting one foot in front of the other for 50+ minutes...which is a far cry from where I started on January 1, barely being able to jog for 1 minute and walk for 4.

2. I have been to the podiatrist again about my Achilles tendinitis, and we are doing another round of Prednisone, followed by an aggressive course of Naproxin. Hopefully this will get me heel-pain free before I lose my health insurance. Fingers crossed.

3. I am now at an even 45 lbs lost (as of last Wednesday) since the second week of November. Actually, though, I think it might be more than that, because I had an attack of my old friend IBS starting late Monday night and lasting into Wednesday...and that always whacks up my entire system because of the bloating, gas, and water retention. The IBS is under control now, but Tuesday and Wednesday were rather uncomfortable days....and I'm sure it influenced this week's result on the scale....probably by at least a pound. But even still, I had a .8 loss. So I can't complain, really.

I should really suck it up and visit my gasto guy before my insurance runs out...but given all the stress I am under right now, it is really difficult to steel myself up to go deal with this guy who will no doubt want to roto-rooter me. emoticon

4. Despite all the upheaval in my life, I have managed to keep running consistently. Can't say I've been as consistent about the Power 90/Strength side of the equation...but I have kept faithful to the running piece. And have done well with my eating as well, which is great. This week I only got in one Power 90 strength session, which is terrible. But I'm not gonna beat myself up over it. I'll just try to do better next week. I know that I theoretically 'had the time'...but oddly, I just could never seem to 'find the time' because I'm so scattered in my focus these days.

Anyway - two out of three ain't bad.

5. Finally got the courage, thanks to a SparkFriend (thanks!), to leave the safety of my basement and go outside for some exercise. I am still very self-conscious...and the heat is ALREADY at levels which cause this Alaskan to wilt very quickly...but the point is that I did it. The hardest things for me about the Peachtree Road Race will not be the 10K distance...or even the massive crowd (55,000 people, and I don't generally like crowds). It will be the heat...and my own negative feelings about myself. Those are the biggest hurtles, as far as I'm concerned.

In my HEAD, I know that no one driving by me in a car will even notice me, let alone gasp in horror and/or laugh hysterically at me like I imagine. But I can't seem to get that through to my heart. Remnants of my old Eating Disorder days, I guess. *sigh*

But at least I got out there this week. Which is something. And I'm taking every victory I can get these days!

6. Finally, it seems that this is me these days: emoticon

Don't have the money to buy any new clothes, so I walk around hiking up my pants all the time or wear drawstring stuff that I can pull in at the waist (still looks baggy, but at least I won't loose my drawers).

But there are worse problems to have than your clothes being too big, you know? emoticon

Found one pair of slacks that I haven't worn since about 2002 and they fit. Still not anywhere near my 'skinny clothes'...but at least I am headed in the right direction.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You've got a lot going on in your life, that's for sure! Stay positive, that is one of your biggest weapons. You've made awesome progress with your running and weight loss. Keep up the exercise, you'll love yourself for doing it. I hope you can get a few clothes that fit soon, it can make a huge difference!

    As far as the job, I hear over and over again about using the network of people you know to help. Let them know you're looking and ask them to ask people they know. Like you said, so many resumes aren't even getting looked at. But often people will listen and remember when a friend says 'Hey, I know someone who would be perfect for that job." We trust people we know or that others know more than a piece of paper. Just an idea!
    4034 days ago
    You're a great blogger! I liked your comment about tolerating one another's substitutions and choices in their weight loss journey. So true. It was a great post. Best wishes to you. emoticon emoticon
    4035 days ago
    It is good to hear all the positives in your life right now -- in spite of the fact that you are looking for employment in a bad economy.

    I wish you luck in your job search -- and I congratulate you on your personal weight loss progress!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4035 days ago
    Ahhh, the scattered days of unemployment. It's so easy (at least for me) to not have a plan, or just let days slide by without feeling like you've accomplished anything. But, it sounds like you've also kept up on some very important things, especially the running and eating. And I hope you keep up with exercising outdoors-I think it will do wonders for your body image, and help you feel more comfortable in your skin. Keep up the good work!
    4036 days ago
    You are amazing! Let the negatives go, and focus in on all of those wonderful things that didn't exist 5 months ago!! YOU ROCK!!!!
    4036 days ago
    When you are perfect, you won't be around to participate in all these fun things. You list lots of good things, focus on them. You are a fantastic, wonderful person.
    4037 days ago
    Sounds like quite a bit of good. Keep working on that.
    4037 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    sounds like your hanging in there.

    You can tuck in your wiastline of your pants eight sew with a sewing machine or hand sew. just one or two tuck will work if tuck is in the inside of your pants then you would feel it. I f the tuck is on the out side then you will see it but you wont feel it. I f you wear your shirts untucked then who cares. I do this alot with my pants just so I can wear them longer.

    If you have a hard time getting to the power 90 strength, then just do 20 jumping jackes, 10 pushup , and other type of exercises that take a few minutes and do this throuout the day. Thats what I do when I don't feel like doing the DVD's. I jumped rope for about 30 seconds today, and did 100 jumping jack total.

    emoticon emoticon on the wieght loss. Keep that up.
    4037 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/17/2010 11:56:56 PM
    Such good energy coming from your blog! I can feel your "down" feelings but I feel even greater your determination! It shines! It's all going to come together and when the totally great times come, hang on! They are going to be GREAT! You can't put out such positive energy and not get loads back in return! Keep up the great work! emoticon
    4037 days ago
    You GO girl!!!!!!
    4037 days ago
    I think this is an awesome blog! You have so many positives here, you can run 50 minutes, you have lost 45lbs, your clothes are loose and you are getting ready to run this race!

    I know the job market out there is tough but hang in there, the right job for you is out there! Don't give up and give them you all!
    4037 days ago
    You have a lot of positive thoughts here, use them for yourself. Do you sew? You can hem some of the pants. Good luck to you. emoticon emoticon
    4037 days ago
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