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Monday Morning...

Monday, May 10, 2010

I'm very depressed and feeling stuck, someone came through on Saturday afternoon and we ended up having a 2 hour blow-out...long story short...most of his pitch to me was about how I might still owe the people in my life, how I was a difficult kid and that I have to take responsibility for all of that.....so crazy to be arguing with someone that really damaged me as a kid and just as I was feeling ok and getting back up and feeling connected, It just really was mentally and emotionally crushing.

If I didn't have all of this daily stuff to be responsible for...I'd probably feel better in a psych ward....I'm just so inside out and upset with no place to go with it....I know I'll be ok and that I'll be able to turn this around, but I just can't do it on command...I need to be working and focused on my healthy life plan, but I can't yet...I just want to hide out in my bed until it passes and I feel strong enough again...

I'm going to need a few days to sort this out and then I'll have to dig myself out of this hole personally and with all the work that is stacking up....it'll be ok, I just need to let all of this go.... Ryan
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh my!! Just got home from my daughter's and see your blog. Ryan, think about whether you need this person in your life. Our family has been through something very similar with my daughter (who is 41). She suffers from depression and anxiety which has been EXTREMELY difficult to treat.

    Her own father, believe it or not, is negative, does not acknowledge her mental state, has told her to stop her meds because she shouldn't be putting "that stuff" into her body, and has pretty much told her she won't amount to anything in life.

    He lives out of state, and every time (a couple times a year) he would come around, she would take a total nose dive emotionally to the point she had to exclude him from her life a couple years ago in order to maintain her own well-being. It was a serious thing for her to have to write her own father off like that, but when someone is toxic, what good can come of being around them? You don't owe anything to a person who is toxic and trying to take you down.

    I don't know who this person is, but he or she has no right to be telling you anything about how much trouble you were as a child. In dysfunctional relationships, for example my daughter and her father, HE tries to make her feel SHE is to blame for anything bad that happened between them. I remind her that SHE was the CHILD and HE was the adult. The ADULT is supposed to be the mature one, take responsibility for what's going on, and be supportive, protective and loving of the child. It is absolutely not your responsibility to go back and make everything right, and anyone who thinks so should be ignored!

    Many negative childhood behaviors are a result of the child having to be resourceful enough to survive in a bad situation. Why would a child have to apologize for that??

    Your responsibility is to yourself (and those who love you and whom you love now) to be the best person you can be and take care of yourself the best you can. Others have commented on the motivation anyone would have to come and destroy your positive direction. Who would do such a thing unless he was insecure, hateful, or JEALOUS OF THE POSITIVE CHANGES YOU HAVE BEEN SO SUCCESSFUL at making in your life?

    I have heard so many stories of when someone loses a lot of weight, that changes the dynamics of some relationships because the other person was more secure when you were heavy. Could this be going on?

    Really!! You are such a kind-hearted, sincere and giving person. No one has the right to be that evil and destructive to you. It's not right for anyone to treat another that way. If he really cared about you, he would be encouraging and supporting the wonderful path you have chosen.

    Think about dumping him or her!!!!! You deserve better. And if I sound like I'm mad, I AM!!!!

    4060 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/11/2010 12:17:58 AM
    Tell this individual - Back the truck up buddy!

    You are working hard to make some huge changes. HUGE! It can't happen all at once. In addition, you can't try and take it all on at once. No one can or should, it's not healthy.

    Also if this guy damaged you as a kid, don't give him the power to damage you anymore. Get pissed off! You know those gloves Annette gave you? Use those. They are amazing to let of steam!!

    Thinking of you!
    4060 days ago
    Do what you need to do Ryan but remember you can't control what other's say or how they behave but you can control how you react to it....Stay positive! You are a wonderful person and have many folks who will provide you with the positive support for you to reach your goals....

    We know you are a wonderful guy and derserve all the best!

    emoticon emoticon
    4061 days ago
    Hi Ryan,

    Sorry to hear that someone is bringing up things that are not comfortable for you to deal with at this point in your life. Sometimes people don't look beyond themselves to see what others need. Hang in there. You are surrounded by tons of Spark friends. Stay strong - you are doing great!!!

    4061 days ago
    Hang in there. I a couple of days, it probably will not seem so bad. Just stick with your plan you made on Friday and everything else will work itself out.
    4061 days ago
    So sorry that someone would do this to you. You so don't deserve it, especially now when you were starting to get everything back in place. Hey, whip out those boxing gloves and have a go at it. It might help a little.
    Hope things get better soon.
    4061 days ago
  • BAM0827
    You were a difficult kid??? Really, someone brought up how you were a difficult kid?? I hope, rationally, you know that's an idiotic way to argue with someone and says more of the person you were arguing with than it does about you! I know that it doesn't make the sting of the fight any less.

    I hope you are able to get past this sooner rather than later. Read over some of your past blog entries and see what a strong person you have become. You may have not been perfect all of your life (no one is, I've yet to see someone walk on water) but that doesn't mean you aren't a valuable, lovable person.

    Also, if you decide to have this person in your life - remember you can set up boundaries. If this person comes into YOUR HOME and starts to argue - well, show him/her the door. You deserve respect and some times you have to remind people of that.


    4061 days ago

    I'm going to chime in with the previous commenters, and suggest that you focus on the people that actually add something positive to your life. It sounds like this person has issues of his own and is trying to make you feel bad about yourself in order to feel superior. You do not have to give him permission!

    Think about all you've accomplished. Think about the strength you have, that you've shown by deciding to live a healthier life. Think about all the people you've never met, who actually care about you on this site. Like Mike said, Spark through it... and we'll be here!

    Jen emoticon
    4061 days ago
  • JBMT08
    I am so sorry to hear of this altercation that you had recently. I hope you can find it within you to just keep doing what you have been doing and focus on Y O U. everything will fall into place. This person that said all of this to you....just try to block it from your mental thinking for a few days (I know, easier said than done). You are a strong man, who has overcome many obstacles to lose how much weight?! Just focus on all that you have accomplished over this time, and take time out to visit your SP friends....we have so much support to give you! Always think positive, and more positive will come your way!!!
    4061 days ago
    Hey man, I don't know you well enough to comment on something so personal. But in a general way, who ever is coming to you and bringing up something negative that happened decades ago needs not to be in your positive life, at least not as much, no matter who it is.

    You need to surround yourself with positive people with positive thoughts. That's why I love SP so much. Although I have the support, sort of, around home it is the people on SP and their positive thoughts that have helped me along.

    I hope you will be OK and keep Sparking through this.

    Your SparkFriend,

    emoticon emoticon
    4061 days ago
    Hi Ryan, Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Don't give this person the satisfaction of making you feel bad. You are way smarter and stronger. You are a better person than whoever came to you with these absurd accusations. Stay Strong. Stay Positive. ~Kath
    4061 days ago
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