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Hello, could you tell me if my legs and arms are moving? They're numb!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

So I got re-inspired last weekend to make more of an effort in my exercising and eating habits after I met a fellow Spark Friend, Paul. He’s been a source of motivation for me, as well as a few others (Crit, Shipesta…girls, you know who you are! LOL) So I got back on the diet and decided that since I’m taking the summer off from school, that I would sign up for an exercise class. By scheduling my workouts, I feel more accountable and guilty if I miss one.

Anyhoo, I contacted a friend that’s been pushing me to join their “little fitness group”. It’s four 40+ women that gather at one of their homes & they have a personal trainer come by for an hour a week. I thought: “Ok, it’s just an hour once a week. I’ve been friends with these women for 10+ years, how bad can it be, right?” It’s been 2 months since I last worked out because I had torn ligaments in my ankle. During those two months, I have been going to therapy for it, but have not been able to do any cardio & limited upper body weight training. Well, let me tell you….

Two days later & I STILL can’t move! Oh my God and all that’s holy! I can’t believe how sore I am. This muscle bound man (think Dwayne Johnson!) came stomping down the stairs with three 25 lb kettle bells in one hand & a 50 lb medicine ball in the other. He introduced himself and in a drill sergeant type voice & TOLD me to get upstairs to help bring the equipment in. YES SIR! RIGHT AWAY, SIR!

The hour workout started out with Undulation Rope work. If you’re not familiar with this, here’s a link:


Now, this doesn’t look intimidating, does it? It looks rather fun & I was excited to try this. That was BEFORE the 10 minutes I was doing this in a squat position!!! My arms felt like they were going to fall off & my thighs were shaking!!! You don’t realize how slow time can pass until you’re trying to wave these heavy ropes for 10 minutes!

Then he gave me a 10 lb medicine ball. In my clumsy hands, that could be lethal. My mom didn’t nickname me “Grace” for nothing! He wanted me to do what they call “ball slams”. You put your whole body into it. What you do is raise the ball over your head and slam it into the ground as hard as you can, then catch it on the way up. Sounds simple, right? Can someone send me a helmet with a face shield please? I mean…I’m normally quite coordinated and figured that I could handle a simple task like that. You know, for a 10 lb ball, that sucker comes up towards your face REALLY QUICK! Here’s a video of how to do them the RIGHT way:


On to Pullover Kettle Bell Crunches with a 10lb kettle bell, my stomach is still screaming at me for inflicting such torture on it. While I felt like passing out on the floor, we did chest presses with free weights and something he likes to call “Dead Bug”. You pull both knees into your chest and raise your hands over your head while lying on the ground. As you extend one leg straight, you bring the same arm down to your thigh. Then alternate. Um…yea…this sounds easy but it was the hardest exercise that I had to do that night. I had to give up after about the 5th switch. The other girls made it to 25. They’re animals!
Here’s video’s to both:



After that, it was on to more ball slams, but diagonal this time, slamming the ball from the left shoulder towards the right foot & then alternating. He did have pity on me, either that or I looked disheveled by then because as he had the others doing pull ups (which at my weight is a joke) he had me doing squats instead. I hate to tell him, but I can’t stick my butt out as far as he thinks that I can!!! CRIPES!

By the time we got to the push ups, I happened to look at my watch & only 30 minutes had passed. This was an unending torture session! After the push ups, it was squats…again. FIFTY…yes, that’s FIVE – ZERO… FIFTY!!!! My butt doesn’t hurt, but my thighs do! I thought that my thighs were big enough, now they’re going to be able to snap a 2 x 4 in two! I’ll have thighs of steel! Geez, they rub together now, not like I need MORE friction in that area! Have you ever done something that took all of your strength to the point that your legs or arms were shaking? I did…EVIL SQUATS! I think that Satan, himself, had developed the squat! I can’t even get up out of a chair today without help. Yes, if you’re wondering…I did use the handicapped stall in the bathroom just for the shear convenience that I could pull myself up by using the hand rails!

Back to the rope work and now my friend has me cracking up so hard that I can’t even breathe. We’re all sarcastic and thankfully I had my girls there to back me up because we kept throwing sarcastic comments to the trainer. Things like: “Isn’t our time up?” or “You just do this to us because you hate us, right?” or “What did we ever do to you to deserve such punishment?” and my favorite “I’m actually PAYING you?!?!? I’ve totally lost my mind if you think that you’re going to get paid for this!!!” He would come back with a “Do you wanna do 20 more?” laughing his maniacal evil laugh. I never knew women to shut their mouths so quickly!

More squats followed. I could have seriously hurt this man but didn’t have the strength left in my arms to grasp him around his throat. While in the squat position, he handed us each a kettle bell and we did two handed swings. Oh Joy! There’s nothing like swinging a 10 lb weight between my giggly thighs & hoping not to snap my back out of place. Is there a chiropractor in the house?!?! Here’s a link to this exercise:


We then utilized the kettle bell weight to do two handed overhead triceps extensions, around the body exercise and the diagonal high pull. After 30 of each of these (on both sides, of course), my arms felt like over stretched rubber bands about to snap. I was about to throw in the towel. I had enough. I call a truce! I was about to find the first sharp object that I could & poke out his eyes!

Here’s a video of these exercises:




Well, I hung in there when I glanced at my watch & found it to be only 5 more minutes. The inner “Paul” in me kept saying: “You can do it!” in the Rob Schneider voice! LOL. We finished up with 20 more ball slams and 20 more overhead crunches. After the crunches, “Gunnery Sergeant Hartman” offered a hand to help me up off the floor. Was I that pathetic looking? Did I look that ragged? I mean, yes…I was out of breath & sweaty, but geez! I declined politely & told him that I wanted to stretch; hoping to save a bit of my dignity.

All in all, I felt great when I got done. I drove home, took a hot shower & felt exhilarated. I really did! I didn’t hurt at all that evening…but Tuesday morning I was sore. When I stepped out of bed, my body was saying: “Man that was a good workout! Sure we’re sore, but that’s ok…it’s been awhile.” I actually looked forward to my session next Monday….Until this morning! I can’t move, I can’t sit down, I can’t walk, I can’t bend over, I can’t reach for anything. OH MY!!! I have never been THIS sore after a work out. I can honestly say that he kicked my ass!

I do have to give him props, though. He was very knowledgeable & safety-minded. I’m asthmatic, have herniated discs in my lower back (L3, L4 & L5), chronic tendonitis in my knee and the torn ligaments in my ankle are still healing. He was very cautious with how much weight I used, that my form was correct, that my back & knees were guarded and that I didn’t push myself too hard. He constantly was telling me to use my inhaler if need be, to drink water, to breath and when I was done.

Whether or not you think that I’m a glutton for punishment, I’m actually looking forward to next Monday and my session with Sgt. Hartman! That is, if my body recovers by then!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I nearly peed reading this. You are so funny. I am VERY impressed ;) I would have run away crying.
    4054 days ago
    ROTFLMAO!!! Hope you're able to move better today and huge kudos to you for sticking with it....

    Seriously though, do you think you might (just maybe) have overdone it? You shouldn't hurt THAT bad!

    4055 days ago
  • MR_UNDER_300
    My god, that sounds like a killer workout! I got to give you credit for making it through that and living. Way to go GG!
    4055 days ago
    Oh I wanna come too! It sounds like it was fun even if it did kick your butt - what's that saying tho? no pain, no gain? Tell me the seargent is at least cute? :) I heard at class tonight that they have a new yoga instructor and he makes grown women giddy - wish I could hit yoga tomorrow, but will for sure go next Thursday...his name is Hans...mmmmm, anyway

    I hope you are walking up right soon, that kind of pain is hard to get rid of sometimes
    4055 days ago
    What a fabulous workout! You totally have just described how you feel after all first workouts with a trainer, I think!

    That 36-48 hour post-workout mark is THE WORST!!! After my first session with a trainer, I couldn't walk straight for 5 days! But it gets better. Now after a major "beating" I'm usually only sore for 2-3 days!

    I hope you don't have to deal with stairs! Going down is the worst! I had to pitch myself forward and try to not cry! The people at work thought I was crazy (I was basically too proud to use the elevator!)!!! Stretch as much as you can! It helps! And foam roll if you have one available to you!

    Keep it up!!!
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    4055 days ago
  • CRIT524
    omg I wish I had been there, sounds like great fun!! I always hurt more the second day, you will probably feel better tomorrow.
    you inspire us too...and entertain us emoticon
    4055 days ago
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