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Playin' the Cards that were dealt & WINNING...

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Hey good morning, kinda soupy out right?

Connecting the dots this morning.

I have to always remind myself that it isn't about how or what I look like, it's about how I feel...and I always feel like a WINNER when I make healthy choices and execute my plan.

It was a little tough to see myself on tv yesterday, as the news channel was running quick promo spots about the story update that is airing tonight. It's cool though, they are just quick flashes of shame that I am much better at moving through than I ever used to be. It's a little tough to feel like a mean and lean athlete on the inside and then see this huge person (me) jiggling and bouncing around.

From the beginning, this whole process of letting the news folks document me doing what I'm doing has been a real inside-out gig. This deep into it now, when I see myself and feel ambarrassed...I wonder "how is this a good thing...?"

I'm doing all of this for me, but I've heard from lots and lots of people from literally all over the country how I have inspired them...So when I get sad and feel some of that deep inner pain that I've been dragging around...it's hard to imagine what the point of having so many people watching me really is...

Ok exit stage left...

Maybe it's just ok for me to keep working on accepting myself exactly as I am and learn to trust more and more that the world is a safe place to live in and not have to hide out and isolate. And maybe it's just the simple process of sharing the truth out loud, real...transparent and vulnerable...maybe that's what people connect with and watching me trudge this path, I guess it might fire some people up to make the changes they are afraid of too.

So I'm ok, in fact I'm doing just great...playin' the cards that were dealt & Winning.

Have a good one and stay cool, Ryan
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CAROLYNINJOY1
    I haven't seen any of the tv spots you've mentioned but I do know how INSPIRING I've found your page.

    I absolutely love the exuberance with which you are bursting out of the water with such power & strength. Makes me wish my pool was just a little deeper so I could do that. It's only 5 feet deep & I'm 5'9" so there's not a lot of depth to build momentum.

    Keep up the good work. The digging deep is tough to say the least. Just keep remembering to surface after you've dug out of a painful spot.

    emoticon emoticon
    3999 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1963530
    I saw the clip last night and I want to say Congratulations on your weight loss so far. Keep up the good work. emoticon
    4000 days ago
  • JANEYINMADTOWN
    I saw the clip too...I thought it was awesome! Can't wait to see the report.
    4001 days ago
  • JSTCHLIN
    You are doing awesome. Don't worry about your looks or how others perceive you, life is to short for that BS. Have fun and enjoy it. Can't wait to see the clip.

    Take care and stay healthy
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    4001 days ago
  • MOM-OF-SIX
    Your story is truly inspiring! I work in a hospital and we do a lot of bariatric surgeries. People think that is the easy road, but there are so many complications. A coworker asked a patient about the surgery and the patient wished she had never gone through with it. She has been so much sicker since the surgery than before. What you are doing is a healthy approach.

    You keep doing what you are doing. It's a long road, but you can do it. You've come so far already. I read your story, and see how long you've been working at this, and it inspires me through the difficult times, the plateaus. Please don't be embarrassed. You have accomplished so much!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4001 days ago
  • MSEVERLAST
    I'm so glad you are sharing your story. Many of us are too embarrassed and don't have the courage to open ourselves up making ourselves vulnerable. Heck... I won't even post pictures of before because I'm so incredibly embarrassed - how's that for no courage?!?! You know what though - I think I'm gonna do it one of these days within the next month or two. I'm finally getting to a place that I'm not so ashamed and I want to encourage others to do the same.

    Interestingly, I am ready, willing, and able to share every other weakness of mine brazenly - like anxiety - I'll talk to anyone who will listen and in that have found that a lot of people struggle with it too. It makes me understand it a whole lot more and helps to find new ways to deal with it. I have just started to open up about my weight as well - I'm on the right track because lately everyone around me is seeing me change and not just because of stress, but from doing it right this time.

    You inspire me in more ways than I think you know!
    4001 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7009225
    I didn't know that you were such a public person, in the media and all! So, while this is news to me, I can only say, how awesome! What a great opportunity to inspire others. You already inspire me. And I think you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are one of God's creatures, a loving and caring person. You have decided to take control of your life and are doing a terrific job of it! Don't hang your head here, or anywhere, because you have done a truly amazing thing with your life, and you will continue to do so!
    4001 days ago
  • CAROLANN27
    Oh Ryan,

    You have NOTHING to be ashamed about. The three comments on this blog say everything I feel so well, I can't think of anything else to say.

    During this bad spell I have been having, the one thing I do without fail every day is check your blog! I know no matter how badly I'm doing, I can go to your blog and see someone who is fighting the battle and winning every day---good days and bad.

    You have taken a brave step to share your journey with the world and the world loves you all the more for it. I really liked everything that BOOKS_CATS_TEA said, but her comment about loving you the way you are, not your potential, jumped off the page at me. That is SO true.

    You are like a lighthouse to many of us, and your sharing the truth out loud, transparent and vulnerable, is what enables me, and probably many others, to connect with you so easily.

    GO RYAN!!!



    4001 days ago
  • BOOKSCATSTEA
    Although it might be hard for you to believe, you have NO reason whatsoever for shame. You are a beautiful person NOW the way you are - right here and now - at this moment. Not 50 pounds less, or when you're a smaller size, or some day in the future when you don't "jiggle and bounce" as much. You are doing things to improve your health and that is something to BE PROUD OF. There are many people who love and respect you for who you are RIGHT NOW, because you are a good kindhearted person. They don't love you for your "potential" or how you will look some day in the future - they love you NOW. Therefore, you must be lovable and worth their time and attention!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4001 days ago
  • JAKEANDNELLIE
    You are an inspiration to many of us - you give us hope that we can be successful as we move forward on this journey to a healthier lifestyle!
    You are a "positive force in the universe" and should not feel embarrassed or anxious to share your travels - you are showing others that positive changes are possible, whatever problems they may be dealing with!
    Stay focused on your goals, determined to reach them, and positive that you will!
    Sheila
    4001 days ago
  • LIZZYP609
    You may never know what your decision to step out and make your journey public has inspired people. For me, you are a daily reminder that I have NO excuses!
    Thank you!
    4001 days ago
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