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I think I just ate my willpower

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Milling about yesterday thinking about the cheetos and cherry cream cake... I gave in. My excuse for buying them was the coupon price and how Henry deserved them. Knowing there was no way I wouldn't eat some. Yesterday I had read a great post about self image, visualization and using positive thinking for motivation. Lost 5 pounds last week and exercised everyday. Now I find myself trying to justify why I deserved this treat? Thinking portion control I grabbed one handful of cheetos, the love for food was rearing it's ugly head. I kept going back for a handful at a time till they were gone. Henry had some the night before and I gave some to the birds. Looking at the calories figuring I ate 2/3's of the bag its a whooping 1200 calories. Of course after dinner just one little sliver of the cake. WHAT? I knew I had already doubled my daily calories. About 8:00 I had pains in my stomach. Going to spare the details but in a nut shell I was in the restroom at 2:00 AM sicker then a dog. I thought I had the flu. When I got up this morning I feel 98% better. Could it be my body was rejecting all the fat, sugar, processed junk? Was it related to high blood sugar?

At times I really feel like I eat my willpower. I need to understand why I'd do something like that on a day I should be celebrating my weight loss instead of sabotaging my life. Getting a pedicure, buying a new shirt, planting some new flowers so many things I could have done instead of eating junk. This is a repeated behavior for me. During the BLC breaks for two weeks or a month I eat and gain weight. I hope having the Wii team I can stay focused. I do want to lose this weight and live a long healthy life. Funny how that sounds but when I look back it's a no brainer. Holding that thought and reaching for the tools to keep me moving in a positive way.

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”
- Winston Churchill

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD4592528
    Hey, you had an "Ah Ha!" moment -- too bad it came after hours of "UGH!" But the exercise of writing out what you care about was good for you -- probably something all of us should do more often! You have been doing so well - I like that you post your monthly losses on your Spark page, 'cause sometimes when I look at someone's page, I wonder how recent their losses are (is he/she continuing to move toward health, or is that something that happened months ago & now they've hit a plateau or rut?)

    Thought of you recently when I took a pretty cool sunset photo -- see my blog about Benefits of Outdoor Fitness! emoticon
    4032 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1511567
    I totally get this. It's like you try to reward yourself with food, but in the end you totally ar3e sabotaging all the good you just did :\ i do it all the time. Portion control is HARD sometimes, especially with super yummy things. But I find i do better if I actually just measure it out and allow myself the indulgence than just trying to fight it. When i fight it, i always end up eating more of it.
    4034 days ago
    This struggle is a funny thing. You can seem so clear about it but do exactly the opposite. Even after lots of success and months of being perfectly happy without all that! I'm convinced it's the high fructose corn syrup, couldn't possibly be me, LOL!! emoticon
    4036 days ago
    I sound like you. No, you sound like me. Not very positive confessions/thoughts, huh. I believe some of it has to do with food addictions (why we crave like we do..its compulsive, crazy sometimes) and some is conditioning that we have hid behind (things we have told ourselves so long in our mind, like...I dont care, I will just eat this whole thing blah blah). I get it. Im sure your list really helped too because I know when we start to write what our frailities are, we expose them and there is somehow a spiritual freeing in that...and when we expose them...we can change them! Afterall, we are wonderfully and fearfully made (and I know we believe it, we sometimes just gotta receive it)...You will make it, you are more than a conqueror ... and timing, well...it will be perfect (you know what I mean!) btw, I keep thinking about getting just a small delites pizza from papa murphy...but I think I better just eat a salad instead...if I had that pizza, I would eat more than a slice!

    Here are some positive "self talks" that Ive come up with...

    I will throw stones at myself, NO MORE! I will make the better choice and LIVE!

    I will READ the WORD, SAY the WORD, BELIEVE the WORD, and hide it in my HEART, so I can call on it at any time.

    I will CARE about how I take CARE of my body, eating right and exercising. I know GOD CARES and that's all that matters.

    I want to please GOD with the choices I make.

    I can overcome by running to GOD and standing firm whenever temptation tries to overcome me.

    I want my life to be Christ-centered so that I make choices pleasing to Him. He fills me up, recenters my priorities, and gives me strength for the challenges in my life.
    4037 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/15/2010 7:20:15 PM
    Eating your will power, love the image and will make it one of my own. How wonderful to have that image for when you think you really want the WHOLE milky way bar instead of a mini one! lol

    To avoid eating bad things most of the time, I try to incorporate foods I like all week long. Or making myself perform certain acts to get it, like 20 toe touches for one mini miky way. Or eating quaker cinnamn delights instead of a cinnamon roll. Donuts are my for sure down fall. Last time we ate them we took pictures to remember how good they were!!

    I have given up french fried and most deep fried foods. Now when I eat them I get terrible heart burn which helps keep them off my list of not to eat foods. Besides oreida oven baked fries are just as good!!

    As you continue your journey you will find foods to celebrate with. I think it is a necessity as so many of life's celebrations center around food. We take "our" favorites with us to parties and if no one else eats them - we take it home!

    you have added another notch of things to do on your journey list and will make better choices for it!

    emoticon emoticon
    4037 days ago
    Thank you for all the support and suggestions. Love you gals.

    All day I've been thinking about one thing...I don't care. For some reason when it comes to me and my health I just don't care. Eating and having a treat now and again is a healthy idea. Eating the whole thing with a disregard for me screams, I don't care. I sat down and listed some of the things I care about. Making sure the pool is blue. Keeping the horses cool, with fresh water. Making sure hubby looks good with ironed cloths for work. Keeping my house clean. I came up with 20 different things that I care about.

    Then I listed things that fit under the "I don't care". It was a hard list to write out. They mostly related to me. I truly had a moment today. The cake in the frig doesn't look good anymore. You gotta know the next time I'm at the cross roads of good health (after all I am a diabetic) I'll be asking myself that question. Do I care about me?

    4037 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/15/2010 5:52:23 PM
    Donna - don't beat yourself up about your over-indulgence yesterday. You don't need to be "perfect" with your eating to achieve weight loss. But you do need moderation (that was your body trying to remind you of that last night!!!). So, pick yourself up. Today is a new day. You're being honest with yourself and your spark friends and that is a good thing. You need some room in your diet for treats - just make sure they're worth it to you!

    emoticon emoticon
    4037 days ago
    It's over and done with. You got the splurge out of your system and can continue on to lose.
    I find now when I don't watch my portion controls my body rebels. I can't overeat any more, it's just not worth being so uncomfortable and sick. emoticon It's sad that it's taken most of my life to realize this.
    4037 days ago
    Hey sweetie you are only human! We all do the same thing at one time or another. Just pat yourself on the back for recognizing what happened and move on. I think a little indulgence every once in a while is not going to hurt you unless you start doing it too often. A cheat day sometimes bumps up the weight loss.

    As far as not passing up a good coupon deal thinking the family will enjoy it I've been there. You need to look at those opportunities and think to yourself "if this is not good for me then it's also not good for Henry" and just not buy it. I really do try to use this motto but it's not as simple as it may seem but it does get easier.

    You've also been eating such a better diet that the junk food must have shocked your system. That kind of happened to me the other night when I indulged in a big piece of birthday cake. I should have stuck with a taste and I would have been happy and felt a lot better.

    You can do this Donna! I know you are one determined person!

    4037 days ago
    Hugs Donna I can totally relate I was real bad yesterday and felt the effects as well. We can do this we know we are going to have good and bad days. Hugs just move on.

    4037 days ago
    one moment of weakness is not enough to punish yourself. you realize what you did, and you can move forward. i have been mindlessly eating lately, and i am totally blaming it on stress. yeah, i was hungry every time i ate, but i chose bad foods. you know, studies show that will power takes a lot of energy. if you are using that energy on other things (like stressing out), you will not have enough left for will power. i tend to be a stress eater, but not as most people think about it. i don't eat because i am stressed; i just make bad decisions about what i am eating because i am stressed. you're doing really well with weight loss. we all make mistakes; you will continue doing well.
    4037 days ago
    OK my Hippie Friend....since you see it me posting ..you know I am going to give it to you straight.

    I cannot speak for you....but for me....and maybe you can apply it to yourself.

    You wanted it and you got it. A part of you felt you deserved it and didn't care. It tasted good and you wanted more. You thought that you had lost and you knew you would get back at it and would lose some more.

    You didn't think ahead..you thought of the moment. Now you have regret.

    Some foods you can do in moderation. Some you cannot. For those you cannot....try to think.....

    I don't want these cheetos..they are stale .....and dry. UGH! I will get them another time..but not today.

    I love chocolate. I get the Whitmans for weight watchers. They are so super expensive.....I can limit myself to one. If I were to buy m&m's or something else...I would eat the whole bag. It is a mind set.

    Soooooooo try subbing for something else you can have control over.

    Now..the other thing.....don't punish yourself because of yesterday. You can go forward. I am not saying...forget it.....just....don't stress over it and learn from it.

    I hope this helps!
    4037 days ago
    4037 days ago
    Take it one day at a time and don't beat yourself up over slips. I have more slips than positive moves forward. Good luck!
    4037 days ago
  • KRYSTAL234
    Don't beat yourself up...forgive yourself and try again. Never give up! You CAN do it!
    4037 days ago
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