Exchanging One Type of Pain for Another
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Today marks the 7 years since my 23 year old niece passed from a heart attack. She was more my daughter than my niece I was there when she came into this world and I was there when God called her home. Some years are worse than others and this one was especially bad. I knew it would be as I haven't had a decent nights sleep in the past two weeks, and all I've been thinking about is losing loved ones or my own mortality.
I told myself that I would not spend the day crying but the tears started 15 mins after I got out of the bed this morning. Of course as her mother, friends and I exchanged stories there was much laughter through the tears but still my heart has remained heavy.
When I finally got myself together today I decided to I would go shop at her favorite store as I try to always do soemthing to pamper myself on the day of her passing and her birthday. That was always one our favorite things to do together. I left the store which takes me pass the gym and kept going . Mind you I was dressed for the gym but my mind or heart was not there.
But before I got out the parking lot I stopped and thought WTH are you doing? You are here, you are dressed, you have your water bottle and your towel just going in if its too much you can stop but at least make the effort today. Then I heard it, now Aunt Missey you know you are wrong get in there...
Well two hours later I've exchanged my emotional pain for pain in my backside and arms. Yes, I've cried a little more today, my behind hurts a little more since leaving the gym. But just as I always pushed and encouraged her, I felt her encouraging me me today to just do it and so I did!!!