Sunday, February 20, 2011
314 pounds... that is my reality. I am crippling my spirit and my body. I find it difficult to move around, I have no energy, I just want to sit in front of the TV but mostly, I want to EAT and EAT and EAT and EAT some more.
Just five months ago, I was on top of the world, I was changing my life and taking control of my food addiction. I exercised nearly everyday for 9 months and ate healthy foods and counted calories. I went from 330 pounds to 268 pounds, I was winning the race. And look at me now, even quicker than I lost it, I am nearly back to my start race. I claimed that I would never do that again, and here I sit... 314 pounds. My feet hurt, my body is swollen, clothes do not fit me and I am miserable.
I have this deep rooted weed within myself that I am watering with food. Its as if there is nothing that can satisfies its hunger.
I tell myself, I can do it again but in reality, if you do nothing, nothing will happen. I can not continue down this path. I must regain control and get this weed out of me. It is killing me.
I remember at one point last year that I knew I'd win the race but today I ask myself how do I get back to the track. I feel so lost.
I sat down and looked at the differences between now and then and honestly, I am not doing anything but EATING. I stopped SPARKING and Blogging in roughly September last year and well, there went my accountability. Slowly but surely, I went a week without a workout, then two and well it was over a month, then I tried it and I was exhausted, I didn't cook so I bought fast food, and craved ice cream and brought that in the house and never stopped. All of my healthy choices were at wayside.
I can not stand here and watch everything go with the tide. I must stand up and fight for my health. This isn't just about weight, this is my life and my health on the line.
When I began my journey last year, I didn't have a plan other than blogging. Before you knew it, I was involved and committed to changing my life. So today, I commit again. Blogging was a great accountability factor for me. I know the things I need to do but I keep making excuses not to do them. Hopefully, as I blog, I can work some of these things out.
To a new Day one!