In this case the bully won
Sunday, February 27, 2011
It’s Sunday afternoon Febuary 27th . I got up this morning feeling very similar feelings I felt in high school. I’m still dealing with struggles and challenges of harassment that started at a very age. I was teased,tormented, and harassment because of my weight. I thought I found the solution to the problem by adapting to a healthy active lifestyle. I made my inner beauty match my outer beauty to better my life. It’s been 7 years and somehow I’m still facing the same challenges. I walked out of my job today. It’s been a few hours and I’m still wearing my uniform. It’s strange because I always take off my uniform as soon as I get in the house. I can’t bring myself to change because, Im disappointed in myself for being so weak. It’s the last time I’ll be wearing this uniform and I’m sad. I just quit a job that I really enjoyed. I’ve been there for 11 months. I wasn’t planning on having a lifelong career with this company but this was a really good fit for me. Everyone was polite and nice to eachother. It was really going along so well. I celebrate living well everyday so I was thrilled to be apart of this company. That all changed in January. People magazine came out and I got to see first hand what a green eye monster looks. I was bullied for being the “fat girl”. I was jealous of pretty girls but there was nobody jealous of me. I thought my co workers would be happy for me. A once in a lifetime kind of chance. I’ve never had any problems at work. I don’t get involved in any of the gossip, I don’t hang out with coworkers. I was just there to do my job. I was so happy and exciting with emotion being on tv and in the magazine. Everyone around me was sending me so many well wishes and congradulations. The atmosphere at work started to change. Co workers were jealous of me. Comments like “you’re a nobody get over yourself” “Your fifthteen minutes of fame is up” Screaming in my face “I don’t want to hear about your life, nobody cares about you “Oh miss celebritiy thinks she’s something can’t scrape a plate now can she”. This doesn’t even scratch the surface of the additional comments I received. The team was ganging up on me. One day about 80% of the servers made a really rude/cruel comment to me. I even had a point with one of my managers change. I had a really good relationship with her. We could chat and she got really excited for me about People magazine. I really needed help getting my shifts covered to be on the Today Show. It was like a major dilemma. I couldn’t believe there weren’t more understand of this wonderful dream I was living. My manger was not speaking to me. Literally not even making eye contact with me. I started becoming increasingly more uncomfortable at work. I tried the kill em with kindess routine. I did the just let it go and be the better person. I tried and tried until now. The rumors are increasing. The newest one is that I’m sleeping with a co worker. I really wonder how they create these rumors when I’ve never seen or talked to that person outside of work. I don’t understand why they wont just leave me alone. I notified all the managers as soon as it started. I said I don’t want to make any big issues I’m hoping this will blow over. Well it didn’t and today my manger couldn’t find time for me to talk about it. If it 45 minutes till the restaurant was open she couldn’t spare a moment. She can see I’m starting to choke up and tear up as I’m trying to relay this problem I’m having. She just blows me off. I got my coat and quietly exited the building. The last 2 months, everytime I get out of my car and approach the building I get a sick feeling in my stomach. The exact same sick feeling I had when I was 240lbs. Walking in waiting to get picked on and just having to take it. I definitely needed the job and wanted the job. There goes my insurance and cell phone discount. I’m a strong person but I’m not strong enough to work in an environment where the whole staff that’s against me. One of the things I learned is that money will never mean more then RESPECT to me!